


Book 1: Fire

by NoMoshing



Series: My Isekai Life In D&D [1]
Category: Dungeons & Dragons (Roleplaying Game)
Genre: F/M, Harems, Mild Kink, Multi, Original Fiction, Sibling Incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-06
Updated: 2020-01-17
Packaged: 2020-12-31 14:48:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 46
Words: 100,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21147488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoMoshing/pseuds/NoMoshing
Summary: A misanthropic gamer unexpectedly dies and winds up being reborn as an exiled prince in a world that is governed by the Advanced Dungeons & Dragons system. He then resolves to reclaim his lost throne and amass a harem of sexy adventurers along the way.





	1. Isekai Life & Puppy Angel

I woke up, sitting on a chair in a darkened room.

I groaned. My head was pounding at first, but the pain quickly faded. It wasn't unlike a migraine brought on by bad weather, only to be washed away with the rain as the storm broke.

I looked around me. I was sitting in a simple wooden chair, under a soft beam of light that came from somewhere up above. All around me was blackness, but in front and a short distance away was...

It was a beautiful woman.

Well, at least I think it was a woman. She had the usual womanly features- a pleasantly plump chest, round hips, delicate features- all wrapped up in a clingy white gown that was figure-hugging but somehow also virginal.

However, what was somewhat un-woman-like were the pair of floppy dog ears hanging down on either side of her head, and the frenetically waving tail behind her!

“Welcome, kind master, to heaven.”

What a welcome! I'm not sure if I'm ready to be someone's master!

“Uh, excuse me, perhaps there's some mistake....”

Wait, why am I here?  
Is this strange puppy girl a kidnapper?  
I don't know how valuable I am for ransom, so I hope she doesn't do anything weird....

“Do not worry, human. Everyone who is kind has value in the eyes of Dog.”

“Well, that's nice, but are you dyslexic? I think you have that backwards....”

Wait, did she just read my mind!?

“You have many questions, but be at peace. I can answer them all for you, and everything will be explained.

“I can read your mind. You have no need to speak around angels like myself, For we can sense both thought and intention.

“I also do not have that backwards, I did mean to say Dog.”

I had to interrupt just there. “Wait, so God, as in the Capital-G God, is a Dog?”

“Yes, of course. Dog loves all humans. It is why Dog sent almost all of his angels to accompany humans, help them, and be their companions.”

That is...

Actually, that makes a certain amount of sense.

“I am also not a kidnapper.”

Oh, that's a relief. If only I could be sure you're not crazy.

“As to why you are here... you are dead.”

WHAT!?

I demand to speak to the author!

This story has only just begun and I'm already deceased!?

“Unfortunately, yes. You had a brain aneurysm in your sleep. Snore, snore, pop! And now it's all over.”

I have a problem with you treating this so lightly, puppy/angel!

“Oh, I'm sorry... b-but it's not my fault.”

Exactly like a puppy, even raising my voice in my mind caused the angel to to whimper and took sad.

Exactly like a puppy, she was able to melt my anger in seconds by sheer force of cuteness.

I relented.

“I'm sorry, please continue...”

Exactly like a puppy, she bounced back immediately.

“Because you spent your life being kind to all animals, you will now pass on to a 'Heaven' of your own design. Yay! Thank you!”

The puppy angel clapped and a small amount of confetti dropped from above.

Was I really kind to all animals though?

Dogs and cats were scary, so I avoided them. I lived in the city, so livestock and larger animals were never the problem.

I was a homebody who stayed in his room all the time, so my opportunities were limited anyway.

I hated bugs, so I never wanted to touch them. Did I really go my entire life without squishing a single one?  
Also, when I thought of a “Heaven of my own design”, I immediately thought of a place where I was a total bastard and could capture a bunch of female slaves to fuck, so I think that kindness test fails in that regard. Sorry, Dog, I hope you are as forgiving as you are fluffy.

As a further question, what did the Jainists know that they so perfectly emulated this practice....

“In the past, people tended to chose to be great heroes, or even just kings and rulers, but these days many of the people I see just want to live in the same worlds as a video game, a fantasy novel or a television show....”

But I had already decided what I wanted to do.

You see, I had a special talent.

In terms of written rulesets for games, I was definitely not kind.

In fact, there was never a rules set I couldn't make my ballgagged bitch if I wanted to. Board games, tabletop games, RPGs... there was a reason I was a homebody shut-in, and it had a lot to do with the fact that even other nerds resented my powergaming prowess. 

But there was something I thought of in particular....

SenZar! No, wait, too potentially deadly. For all I know, this puppy angel knows the rules as well as I can and can use that dogforsaken system to brutalize me just as easily.

Then there is only one choice.

“I want to live in a world based on Dungeons and Dragons!”

“Oh, that was very determined! Are you sure? This has to be your final answer....”

Of course it was. Everyone plays D&D. I know the system like the back of my hand. Fighter, Cleric, Rogue... I've done them all and then some!

But first I needed some assurances.

“I would also like the standard isekai package! Cute girls everywhere, an inexplicable harem, and lots of typical fantasy elements!”

I was still a man after all.

“Not a problem! Are you ready yet? Is there any objection?”

None at all. Not a thing. Bring it on, standard fantasy world, I will make you mine!

There was a soft pulse of light and it was done.

Now, on a glass table before me, there were suddenly four d6s.

“Now, it's time to make your character! I hope you don't mind 4d6, drop lowest!”

I did mind somewhat. A point-buy scenario would have been better for my power-gamey purposes. With dice, the randomness could be a problem.

“Oh, you should have said so before I made your Heaven. I thought dice would be the most fun, so I just did it that way.”

Well, it's not like it's impossible to work with... let's give it a try.

Tentatively, I picked up the dice and gave them a roll.

Five, four, two, one. Eleven. Not a great start.

Hey! Five, six, six, two! Seventeen, which is at least something good to work with.

...Followed by crap. Four, three, one, one, for an exciting score of eight.

Then, miracle of miracles, two fives and two sixes. That's fantastic, another top-tier number!

Then, another okay one. Four, six, three, two, for a score of thirteen.

Finally, four, five, five, two. Fourteen.

I nodded in satisfaction. I lucked out and beat point-buy levels, and I have two strong stats to work with, so even though it's not six eighteens, I can work with this.

“So your Strength is 11...”

Wait, what?

“Your Dexterity is 17. Lucky!”

I don't get to assign my scores?

Why not?

“Aw, only 8 Constitution? Well, at least there isn't an HP penalty!”

Huh?

“Intelligence is 17, very good!”

Wait, you don't mean....

“Wisdom is 13 and Charisma is 14! Pretty good!”

I started screaming internally.

“Judging from these stat numbers, you can be a Fighter, Thief, Mage, or Cleric! It's too bad, you're just one Charisma point short of being a Druid or Bard!”

Why did it have to be ADVANCED Dungeons & Dragons!?

\-----------------------------------

Character Name: TBD  
Race: TBD Class: TBD  
Level: TBD

Ability Scores  
Strength 11  
Dexterity 17  
Constitution 8  
Intelligence 17  
Wisdom 13  
Charisma 14

All other stats: TBD


	2. Isekai Life & AD&D

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Having rolled his stats, our hero gets more into the nitty-gritty of the AD&D system and has a terrible turn of luck.

Advanced Dungeons and Dragons

It is legendary among RPG gamers, as the old-school RPG system that reigned for nearly a decade, until eventually being unseated by the likes of Shadowrun and Vampire: the Masquerade as point buy systems because more favoured in the 90's.

It is also hilariously broken.

Well, hilarious if you're sitting down at a table with friends and not about to enter an alleged “Heaven” courtesy of a servant of Dog

Nonhuman characters could almost never reach 20th level, except in a few race/class combinations. Druids were limited in level by their ability to be promoted within the druid hierarchy. Classes had vastly different EXP requirements to level, and a Thief would level up twice as often as a Mage. Fighters eventually only became good for swinging around magic swords, but Mages started out almost useless and eventually became all powerful demigods of magical might!

Not only that, but a game where even at first level you had to roll for your HP total. Where bardsong had to play for three rounds before granting any affect. Where enemy saving throws were fixed and could not be altered by the caster's stats. Where being polymorphed against your will carried with it a percent chance to die instantly of shock that could not go lower than 1%!

AD&D is one of the most brutal game systems out there. To succeed in it requires that a player be at their most cunning, carefully consider every option available to them, and be utterly ruthless when facing their enemies.

“Are we ready to proceed to the next step of character creation?”

The puppy angel interrupted my thoughts.

Clearly I found myself in a dangerous situation. Make the wrong choices, and I was doomed. 

Like a good student, I help up my hand.

“Yes? You have a question?”

“How much control over the rest of character creation will I have?”

“Well, first off, we'll use as many of these fun little charts as possible! Everything else that is a choice, I'll let you choose.”

Hmm, good so far. Using randomness for everything is somewhat annoying but I least I know what I can and can't choose.

More importantly, there is a lot of wiggle room there.

“So, if you're satisfied, we'll proceed with your race selection~”

Really, though, it was my class that was on my mind.

In AD&D, race and class selection are intimately tied. If you were to proceed how the Player's Handbook implies you should proceed and pick a race without thinking of your class, you might receive some nasty surprises. Dwarves can only be Fighters, Thieves and Clerics, for example. The nonhuman races were all very powerful, but were very limited in what they could become.

First, though, I reviewed my Ability Scores.

My Strength was mediocre. No bonus or penalty to hit chance or damage, my comfortable weight allowance was only 40 lbs., and at best I could lift 115lbs. above my head. I could force open stuck doors a little better than 25% of the time, and could bend iron bars or lift heavy gates only 2% of the time.

In contrast, my Dexterity was phenomenal. I had a +2 bonus to Initiative, +2 bonus to hitting with missile weapons, and a -3 bonus to my Armor Class. I certainly couldn't complain there.

Having only 8 Constitution was really troubling. There was no penalty to my HP, but I only had a 60% chance of surviving being petrified or polymorphed against my will, and more importantly, only a 65% chance of being resurrected if I died. If I died and failed that roll, it was all over for good, considering how often adventurers had to fight giant rats and the like I wasn't liable to end up back here with this adorable puppy girl.

My other power stat was Intelligence. I would start play as a polyglot with an impressive six languages under his belt. If I were a Mage, I could cast up to 8th level spells, and had a 75% to learn a given spell. My maximum number of spell per level was 14.

My Wisdom was comparable to my Strength, being similarly mediocre, granting me only a single additional 1st level spell per day if I was to become a Cleric. 

Of the AD&D Ability Scores, Charisma was the red-headed stepchild, always neglected except for the absurd scores needed to become a Bard or Paladin. At 14, I could have 6 hirelings, and all my followers would have +1 morale during large battles. I was likeable, at least, granting me a +2 bonus when determining other intelligent creature's initial disposition towards me.

I had two priorities when making this character to live in my Heaven.

One was to maximize my enjoyment. I wanted to be rich and powerful, have a lot of fun, and get laid a lot, all things I couldn't accomplish in my previous life.

Two, was to play the long game. AD&D had a variety of options that were strong at low levels, but weaker over time. This included races (who were limited my maximum level but had lots of starting abilities) and classes like Fighter. If I wanted to maximize my power level and thus my enjoyment, I had to go for the distance even if it put me in danger at low levels. 

I had briefly considered the possibility at this point that this was a dream or some kind of hallucination, but I dismissed that out of hand. Pascal had it right, and there were few consequences to buying into a dream while it happened. So I'd go all-in on his wager, especially because this seems more interesting than church on Sundays.

So with reckless abandon, I uttered the first of my choices.

“I'd like to be Human.”

The was another soft pulse of light. While the other races had great advantages- spell immunities, low light vision, the ability to sense secret doors and so on- they were all severely limited in how many levels they could attain. Even a Halfling Thief couldn't advance beyond level 15. Further, the limitation of the Human race were already things I was familiar with from my previous life, so there was a low learning curve and what few skills I had would carry over. 

This is where I bitterly wept over my lack of 15 Charisma. If I could have been a Half-Elf Bard, the only nonhuman race/class combination with no level cap, it would be awesome, but alas.

If you're wondering, while I owned the AD&D core books and memorized them off by heart, I never got around to expanding my collection beyond that. So if you're curious as to why I'm not a Bladesinger or whatever (other than my bad Strength and Consititution in that particular case), it's because I'd rather have perfect knowledge over something weaker than roll the dice on something big. 

Also, I assume that if I qualified for any different classes, this puppy angel would have told me.

Humans also possess the unique ability to “Dual-Class”, which is (sort of) the AD&D term for 3rd edition and higher multiclassing. At any level I may start over in a new class, keeping my old HP and class powers, but adding the HP and abilities of the new class to my own. There were two downsides- one, your THAC0 and Saving Throw progression also restarted from level 1, so I'd have to plan and compensate for that. Two, using any of my old abilities severely curtailed my EXP gain, but when you're capable of slaying dragons with a single word, no encounter EXP and only half adventure EXP to hit the low bar of a level one character is fine. But that was a problem for the future.

“I see, I see. So, do you have a class already in mind? You can be a Fighter, Thief....”

“I would like to be a Transmuter.”

When going to ultimate power, Mage was the only real choice.

Fighters got weapon specialization (+2 to to hit and damage? Too bad that dragon still has another 120 hp) and eventually gathered vast armies, but the only one of those two advantages I cared about I had a plan on how to emulate.

Thieves had their thief skills but a Mage eventually did all of those things better anyway with spells. The only really unique advantage was, again, attracting followers, but when the PHB warns you that a wise Thief doesn't trust their followers, that says something about their quality.

Clerics did catch my attention- slightly weaker spells in exchange for decent fighting ability, turning undead (particularly good in this edition as many undead are just outright immune to nonmagical damage) and most important, access to the only healing magic in the game. Even Bards didn't get healing until 3e. But, you also got tied to a religion, and this puppy angel hasn't said anything yet about the setting of my Heaven, so I don't know what gods (or dogs, for that matter) would be available. I might only find a crappy religion, that lets you use only lassos and mancatchers or something.

Also, having had the truth of Dog revealed to me, I don't know if I could honestly worship something else, and might have my powers taken away.

As for specializing in Transmutation, I got an extra spell slot per day per spell level that I could use for some of the most useful spells in the system. This would double my firepower at level one, and even at higher levels extra spell slots were important. Even a top level mage only received two level 9 spell slots, and I would get three. There were also a host of other advantages, chief among which was a +1 bonus to saving throws against spells of my school (including polymorph, which had a ~40% chance of being a death sentence), a -1 penalty for others being affected by spells of my school (including, say, polymorph which had a chance of being a death spell), a bonus of 15% when learning spells of my school (tempered only by a -15% penalty when learning spells from other schools), and a free spell from my school whenever I attain a new spell level. 

All this in exchange for being barred from Necromancy and Abjuration. Goodbye, Globe of Invulnerability. Since Dispel Magic was made Universal instead of Abjuration in an errata, I didn't miss anything else. Besides, I could always dual-class as a vanilla mage later, or commission a spell scroll.

The big disadvantage here was my mere 1d4 HP at level one. But if I survived that, and I think I could with my superior powergaming ability, not even the sky would be my limit.

“Ooh, very decisive! And your starting alignment?”

“Neutral Good.” In reality, my intentions were probably closer to Neutral Evil, but if puppy angel is asking I'd rather not attract unnecessary attention from Paladins.

“Okay, record your saving throws and THAC0... and time to roll for your HP!”

This was it.

This would determine if my gamble paid off.

A die appeared on the glass table before me, the soft light glinting off it's pyramidial edges.

Time to roll the dice!

One.

One. Single. Lousy. Hit Point.

For the second time in this process, despair overcame me like a wave.

\---------------------------------------------

Character Name: TBD  
Race: Human Class: Transmuter  
Level: 1 Hit Points: 1

Ability Scores  
Strength 11  
Dexterity 17  
Constitution 8  
Intelligence 17  
Wisdom 13  
Charisma 14

All other stats: TBD


	3. Isekai Life & Spell Selection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The next part of character creation, involving spell and equipment selection.

One HP.

My rosy life in another world, powered my immense magical abilities, to reward my life of (technically accurate) kindness and benevolence to animals of all kinds, was fading before my eyes.

My Heaven was looking more and more infernal by the second. Less like Final Fantasy and more like Dark Souls.

Technically, in AD&D a person of any class could wind up having abysmal HP. You'd have to roll at least a 15 Constitution to even get +1 HP at level one. Classes with better hit dice just gained improved chances.

If I was thinking as positively as possible, at least I wasn't a 1 HP Fighter.

But all the same, a one hit kill character was just not acceptable!

I raised my hand and looked towards the puppy angel, who was corkscrewing slowly in midair, one hand reaching for her own tail.

“Excuse me, miss... ah....”

“Oh, did I not introduce myself? I am the angel Corgiel.”

Corgiel. Of course. But then, if she's a corgi why does she have floppy ears!? Dog is truly an inconstant diety.

“Right, ah, Miss Corgiel. Is it possible for a do-over?”

“Of course not, silly! Your Heaven has already been created, and we're all waiting on you to finish!”

Ah, well.

Right.

Well, it's simple enough. I just cannot take damage at all. Ha ha ha....

Part of my strategy just became infinitely more important.

“So, next would be my movement rate of 12, right?”

“Yes! And now it's time to select your proficiencies!”

Ah, yes, proficiencies.

While future D&D games would have skills and skill ranks, humble AD&D simply allowed you to select a category of skill and master it completely.

While some of these skills could be of questionable use, many were downright essential, and there would be few opportunities to get more. Of course, if I survived being a one HP wonder, I would get all of them eventually on a long enough timeline, as Wizards gained new nonweapon proficiencies once every three levels, and weapon proficiencies once every six (but only have five weapons to choose from).

I had to decide carefully.

“For my weapon proficiency I choose... darts.”

Darts were the premier wizarding weapon in AD&D. Cheap and easily replaced, anyone with a proficiency for darts could toss three of them per turn, and they dealt 1d3 damage each. For a class that started with a THAC0 of 20, three opportunities to hit per round was fantastic, and the ability to potentially crank out 9 damage with a little bit of luck was great.

“As for nonweapon proficiencies....”

Wizards were lucky and started with four nonweapon proficiencies. First, the proficiencies essential for survival: Direction Sense, Swimming, and Reading/Writing. 

Monsters in AD&D did not have challenge levels- indeed, a DM's skill at encounter design was very much an art and not a science, and using the monster's hit dice as the equivalent of a PC level left a lot to be desired. So, straying from the path and hanging out in the wilderness would not be healthy for some time. Further, compasses were actually entirely absent from the equipment list due to some oversight by the developers. I couldn't count on being able to find one in-game. So, Direction Sense was essential.

Water was the great enemy of all Player Characters. No matter your level, the water did not care- it drowned all within it's cruel clutches equally, making it many a DM's preferred method of assassination. Being able to swim gave me a chance of surviving the deadly deeps, and meant I could board a ship or cross a stream with slightly less risk to my person.

Finally, the text of the Reading/Writing proficiency implies that all characters without it are illiterate.  
While only the most cruel of DMs would ever enforce such a practice, Dog was at least cruel enough to mock my request for an HP reroll with a small guilt trip about how long I was taking. I could not take that chance. Besides, according to the text of Reading/Writing, I now automatically know how to read any language I can understand.

As for my final slot... being able to ride a horse without breaking my neck wold be wonderful, but then visions of being fatally slapped by an upset noblewoman or punched by a surly drunk and dying instantly swam through my head. It would have to be Ettiquette, then.

“Yay! Time for equipment~”

Equipment was at least very simple. Wizards got their spellbook for free (a blessing, since new spellbooks cost 50 gold per page), and then 1d4+1 x 10 gold with which to buy additional equipment. With trepidation, I picked up the pyramidal d4 one more, and gave it a roll.

Well, fortune smiles on my financial success, at least. I have 50 gold to spend.

Twenty darts for self defense, two robes, belt, hat, boots. Backpack, three large belt pouches and four small ones, hand mirror, hooded lantern, some lamp oil, a small tent, and to top it off, a signet ring. I only had a gold and some change to spare, but the signet ring especially was key to my plans.

Moving on to the most important thing...

“So, when I select my spells, I'm to use the co-operative method, right?”

I can't afford to have the DM select my spells for me, and I doubt in this situation I'd be allowed to pick whatever I want. So, I have to control the situation by forcefully offering a compromise.

“Sure, that's fine~”

The “co-operative” method allows a player to roll 3d4, and select that many spells, rolling to see if they can learn them at level one. If they fail to learn a spell, the selection isn't wasted, and they can keep rolling and re-selecting until they have all the spells they have coming to them, or they've exhausted the entire list of first level spells.

I had been prioritizing the list of spells in my head since I selected my class, and I am prepared for anything. I have my essential spells down to three, in case of an abysmal roll. I have enough needs and wants that I should not be stuck thinking of what to chose.

The dice appear before me. Here goes nothing!

Eight! As if apologizing for their poor performance earlier, the dice grant me an entirely acceptable number of spells. That should be more than enough for my needs.

My first selection is...

“Read Magic!”

This is critical. As a Universal spell, I am able to learn this without bonus or penalty from my specialization. But, a Wizard without Read Magic is scarcely a Wizard at all. With no ability to study spellbooks or scrolls, I would be stuck having to rely on expensive tutelage for new spells. Luckily for me, I experience success- Read Magic becomes the first spell in my arsenal.

“Armor!”

Armor is a conjuration spell that lowers your Armor Class to 6, and stacks with the bonus from Dexterity. Supremely important for my one HP wonder of a character, this would grant me an AC of 3. Equivalent to a fighter in plate mail who has average Dexterity.

But, this is a Conjuration spell, so I only have a 60% chance of learning it.

I roll exactly a 60! I spend a moment panicking before realizing this part of the system, at least, is a meet-or-beat roll- a 60 is just enough

Next is Burning Hands. There are two good Alteration attack spells you can get at level one, but in my opinion Burning Hands is the better one. Shocking Grasp deals more damage, but you have to touch the other creature- something a Wizard is particularly bad at with their terrible THAC0. Some monsters can also harm you if you touch them, and besides, if you miss you do nothing. Burning Hands covers a small area, potentially hitting multiple targets, and it's up to them to dodge you, bringing my school specialty bonus into play, and it gains +2 damage per level compared to Shocking Grasp's +1. Besides, fire damage is more useful all around than electrical. A much better spell all around.

Beating a 90% chance to learn the spell is no problem, and Burning Hands enters my arsenal. Of course, I'll be dealing direct damage as little as possible, a true power gamer does not leave his success up to the vagaries of such things as dice. But, having some damage ready for when you need it is useful.

Finally, I turn my attention to Detect Magic. A useful spell indeed, but not the must-have that later editions make it out to be. However, this turns out to be my first failure- I roll a 78. No Detect Magic for me... which does sting a little. But it is common enough I should be able to learn it later, no problem.

Next is Sleep. As an enchantment spell, I'm learning it on a 60 or lower, but it is an extremely potent crowd control spell. I roll a 30... great! Sleep becomes the fourth spell in my book.

The last of the “super important but not must-have” spells is Charm Person. Capable of ensorcelling a person for days or weeks at a time, provided that person keeps failing their saving throw, it's duration is theoretically infinite. But, with a 92, I prove incapable of learning it. Damn.

“Watch your language, please~”

Next is Mending. Not useful for most adventurers, I'm sure, but considering that I'll probably experience normal hunger and have to eat in my Heaven, having a good back-up spell that can cast for money is important. As with all Alteration magic, it is easily learned.

Color Spray proves too difficult for my level one character to comprehend, which is too bad- it is another great incapacitation spell that knocks monsters unconscious with a great spray of light. Featherfall proves to be within my grasp, at least. I won't necessarily die of a fall now.

Enlarge is my next pick. We're starting to get into the weeds here- if there's room to take advantage of it, Enlarge is a great buff spell for Fighters as it adds a flat percentage damage buff in exchange for some minor penalties. Because it's a reversible spell, I can also choose to memorize it as "Reduce", doing essentially the opposite effect- debuffing enemies, shrinking objects, that kind of thing.

Unseen Servant proves outside my reach, as does Light. It seems I'll be stuck holding my own lantern like some kind of peasant. Even Cantrip fails. Whats up with this, Dog? Are your dice cursed?

I finally end up with Tenser's Floating Disc as my last pick. It has a variety of uses- carrying heavy objects a short distance to start, and then at higher levels when it's lifting force becomes stronger I can ride on it, use it to cross rivers, even have it be an impromptu gurney for wounded party members. It's definitely a long-term pick- lifting only 100 lbs at level one for around half an hour isn't going to help do more than amuse children- but it should come in handy. 

Finally done with that brutal culling of my spell choices, I prepare for the final step of my plan.

“So, Corgiel, do you want to hear my back story?”

\---------------------------------------------

Character Name: TBD  
Race: Human   
Class: Transmuter  
Level: 1   
Hit Points: 1

Ability Scores  
Strength 11  
Dexterity 17  
Constitution 8  
Intelligence 17  
Wisdom 13  
Charisma 14

Weapon Proficiencies: Darts

Nonweapon Proficiencies: Direction Sense, Etiquette, Reading/Writing, Swimming

Spells Per Day:  
1st Level- 2

Spellbook:  
(1st Level): Armor, Burning Hands, Enlarge, Featherfall, Mending, Read Magic, Reduce, Sleep

Equipment: Backpack, Belt, Belt Pouch (Large, 3), Belt Pouch (Small, 4), Boots, Darts (20), Hand Mirror, Hat, Hooded Lantern, Oil (Flask, 2), Robes (2), Signet Ring, Small Tent

Money: 1 g, 7 sp, 4 cp

All other stats: TBD


	4. Isekai Life & Social Engineering

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last step of character creation.

“Sure~! I'd love to hear your backstory!”

I had very carefully not selected any of my languages up until this point.

By doing so, I made sure that this interaction wouldn't end until I was ready to do so, but I could still play it off as a forgetful accident.

Now, Corgiel didn't realize it, but she was trapped, with no choice but to do the thing that all other gamers hate: listen to someone talk about their character's backstory.

Of course, in the real world, gamers gladly listen to each other drone on, because of an unspoken social contract: You listen to my story and I'll listen to yours. On and on the cycle goes, with resentment simmering, just waiting for the cathartic moment when every gamer has the spotlight.

I had no truck with that, though. Must be why so many fellow gamers seemed to hate me.

However, for the seasoned power gamer, character backstories were a potent tool. An insidious weapon, to wiggle into the game and open up cracks in it's defenses.

“You see, my character is from a fallen and disgraced noble house. He still remembers the day, when he was a child, that his father was arrested for treason and his mother had the servants hide the children away while the house burned. He carries his father's signet ring, and promised himself one day he would redeem his family name.”

They call it a redemption arc. I call it catnip for story-gamers. 

Nobility is a shortcut to respect and money in all fantasy universes. In most games, the DM is discouraged from having a character be descended from a noble because of all the doors that it opens. The Dungeon Masters' Guide even recommends against having noble characters from the start. 

Sometimes an adventurer can be awarded with a title, sometimes not. A backstory like this, though, almost certainly ensures that it will happen through the course of the story. The DM would have to be completely vindictive or a total noob to pass up that kind of background.

Plus, being noble puts sex with princesses on the radar, and that's very important in the long term.

But that was only the appetizer. Now for the main course.

“My character was then secreted away by an order of mages who owed my family a favour from generations ago, and took my character and his older sister in. While I was tutored in magic, my beautiful, red haired older sister proved to have no gift for it, and instead became a skilled fighter, who works hard to protect her frail little brother so he can become the future ruler of the house.”

A meatshield to protect me until I have more HP- check. A way to emulate the army-gathering advantage of being a fighter, by having her be loyal to my house- check. Maybe even an incestuous bedwarmer that I can do perverted things with- check.

“Oh, and she specializes in the longsword.”

I'm not cruel, after all. This way she has a greater chance of finding a great magic weapon (and wielding it in my name).

Oh, and finally, the piece de resistance.

“I also bear my family's heirloom greatsword. It's enchanted so a wizard can use it, but I don't mind leaving it's other magical properties up to you.”

The duck.

Every DM wants to maintain control of their game. But, also, most DMs don't want to be assholes. So you put an obvious problem in your background for your DM to nitpick over, so they still feel in control. They don't want to look bad, so they only remove or change one thing. But in reality, you don't care, they discard the thing you want them to discard and the parts of your character that they'd reject normally, get approved.

A stroke of genius if I do sa-

“Okay, sounds good~ It's your Heaven after all~”

Wait, what?

She didn't even take out the duck?

...What the fuck am I going to do with a greatsword I have to drag around!?

Further, she acceded to the sister NPC right away and without a single complaint. Does this mean Corgiel already knows how she will make my sister betray me? Hmm, I'll have to keep a close eye on her. Sorry, sister, but you're a meat shield, and if I can find another useful fighter minion you might have to have an accident.

Suddenly, another d4 appeared on the table before. I couldn't help it, I flinched.

“What's that for!?”

“Determining your starting age, silly! Come on, get going!”

I sigh. Yes, she really did mean ALL the charts, didn't she?

My character winds up starting at 19 years of age, but he has a maximum age of 104. He is 5' 5” (How did I wind up being even shorter in my alleged fantasy realm!) and 166 lbs.

So much for all that unimportant stuff.

For languages I end up choosing Elven, Dwarven, Goblin, Orc and Draconian- the five languages most likely to come up- and leave the final slot unassigned in case something comes up during play. If the DM is willing, I can just assign the last slot instantly at need, if not then I'll be able to learn the language over time.

Finally, my new name. I don't like overthinking this sort of thing, and I write down the first thing that comes to mind.

“I guess that's that, then, we're ready to go.”

“Wait a minute.”

I hold a warding hand to Corgiel so my desire is extra-clear.

“This is my Heaven, right? But I've already made a very flawed character. My stats are lower than I'd like them to be, I don't have the spells I want, but I have a deep sense of unease with how you reacted to my character background. So how do I know that I'm getting what I want?”

“Please remember that, as an angel assigned to creating your Heaven, I have a perfect recollection of your life, including all key decision points and factors present each step of the way. I can also sense your thoughts, as I've mentioned before. While I make no claim that there won't be individual parts of your new life in your Heaven that will leave you upset, angry or afraid, I can guarantee that you will, at minimum, be satisfied by the experience.”

Wait, what is with that legalese-like answer!? I know I've been a jerk in life, is this secret a stealth-hell? Is she straight-up lying to me face?

Just what is my “Heaven” going to be?

And doesn't that imply that my experience in my Heaven will come to an end one day!? That's unacceptable!

“However, I must warn you, there are two rules that you absolutely must obey.”

I perked up immediately. More rules?

“First of all, you cannot speak of anything that has to do with Dog or this space, especially how you got here. We can't have people committing suicide in droves to try and attempting to get here, we couldn't handle the influx of new clients~”

“Secondly, do not try to leave your Heaven. The world will have limits, and in the scenario you created it is possible to breach them. Doing so will inevitably result in the retraction of your Heaven and the abandonment of your soul to hell.”

Seems simple enough, depending on how easy it is to breach the walls of my Heaven....

“Good luck, and please enjoy yourself!”

The whole world pulsed white.

A life that was both mine and not my own flashed in front of my eyes.

A flood of memories assaulted me, overwhelming me. It did not hurt, but instead I was swept helplessly along, like I was sliding down a long water slide, and every twist and peak in the dark was a new element or emotional turning point.

I learned about the history of a brave and noble kingdom, a shining beacon for all the world to see.

I learned about a king who tried to control the gods and a star that fell from the sky, crushing that kingdom in an instant.

I learned about the people of that kingdom trying to rebuild, eking out a hardscrabble life, and eventually becoming a nation to be proud of again.

I saw my father, the latest king hundreds of years hence, being struck down by the noble peerage for the crime of gaining too much sorcerous power, although it was a naked political ploy, to take advantage of myth to overthrow the rightful king.

I saw my father slain in resistance. I saw my mother burned at the stake from the confines of the hooded robe that was my disguise, hoping in vain that some hero would stop the madness unfolding before me.

I knew hunger, starvation and pain. I knew strangers taking their time to feed a hungry child and his older sister. I knew loyalists giving us respite from the harsh weather, giving us supplies and a temporary home before me moved on. I knew a noble sister who refused to sell her dignity, and learned how to wield steel in order to buy medicine and food for her ailing brother.

I saw a great magical academy built into the side of a cliff, and a stern headmistresses listening to my sister with skepticism.

Then mountains of note pages. Hundreds of arcane formula. Thousands of hours spent in quiet study or at lecture. I knew the elation of my first successful spell. The happiness on a sister's face as she wept for joy.

I knew the sting of betrayal when my sister presented me with evidence of a certain faction seeking to use me as a bargaining chip in a bid for power. I knew the chill of night, of leaving safety under cover of darkness to once again seek some semblance of life in foreign lands, and maybe, just maybe, the faintest glimmer of a hope that my rightful throne might be restored.

And through all this, I was still somehow me- still somehow the kid always picked on, the teenager who sought some illusion of control in his life by learning how to twist the rules of a complex game to suit his whims, the man who eventually became a bitter recluse until he died of a brain aneurysm.

And it all happened in a moment that was somehow also a lifetime.

Then, as suddenly as it happened, I felt the tickle of grass on my neck and hands, felt the warmth of the sun on my face and the light invading my eyes.

“Wake up, my sleepy prince. You won't want to miss our destination, would you?”

\------------------

Character Name: Theodore Esche  
Race: Human  
Class: Transmuter  
Level: 1  
Hit Points: 1

Ability Scores  
Strength 11  
Dexterity 17  
Constitution 8  
Intelligence 17  
Wisdom 13  
Charisma 14

Weapon Proficiencies: Darts

Nonweapon Proficiencies: Direction Sense, Etiquette, Reading/Writing, Swimming

Spells Per Day:  
1st Level- 2

Spellbook:  
(1st Level): Armor, Burning Hands, Enlarge, Featherfall, Mending, Read Magic, Reduce, Sleep

Equipment: Backpack, Belt, Belt Pouch (Large, 3), Belt Pouch (Small, 4), Boots, Darts (20), Hand Mirror, Hat, Hooded Lantern, Oil (Flask, 2), Robes (2), Signet Ring, Small Tent

Money: 1 g, 7 sp, 4 cp

Languages: Common, Elven, Dwarven, Goblin, Orc, Draconian


	5. Isekai Life & Big Sister

I lay there a moment, getting used to the sensations of being two people at once.

So much information all in one moment was overwhelming, but I was able to rein it in, restrain it. Hopefully I could dig around for new bits of knowledge as they became necessary... 

“My prince? Little brother?”

Oh, yes. The reason why I “awakened”.

I cracked my eyes open against the glare, and peered upwards at a goddess.

Framed against the sun, her deep red hair seemed to glow, even though it was merely pulled back into a short ponytail. She looked down at me with bright blue eyes set in a delicate-featured face with a cute, upturned nose, and a fair but not quite pale complexion. Her expression was creased with worry, and her lips parted as if in mid-word. Her figure was thoroughly hidden by the armour she wore, but my memory immediately provided for what her protection hid- small handfuls of breast, a lithe and athletic frame with just the barest hint of muscle. All in all, a high-tier beauty.

To say I was at a loss for words would not be wrong.

“Prince? Are you still sleepy?”

I attempted to shake the cobwebs from my brain. We were waiting for a ferry, it seems, and I had reclined on a grassy hillside and ended up taking an impromptu afternoon nap.

“Nglphm”

So much for a good first impression, even if it wasn't a first impression.

I turned my head to one side, and spit the phlegm that had been clogging my throat.

“Excuse me. Sorry, Katriana. I know you don't like it when I do vulgar things.”

Katriana, that is, my older sister gave me a warm smile.

“Don't worry, my prince. I think I can overlook it after my little brother was so cutely drooling in his sleep.”

I flushed bright red. I was a little brother for less than a minute and already I was getting teased.

Katriana offered me a hand up, which I took. Dusting off my robes, I could see we were standing not far from a calm river bend. The river was broad and deep, and on the opposite bank, at the outside of the bend, was a large city, nestled between the river and the mountains.

The city of Tresens had survived for hundreds of years, well-fortified and in a very defensible position. The only way into the city was through a series of mountain passes overland, or by crossing the Islingquet River as we were. Tresens itself was ruled by a lord knight by the name of Gilfar, who was a proud devotee of the All-Father. This week, there was a tournament and games to be held in the All-Father's honour, and as a means for Gilfar to recruit for the Tresens military. Nobles and kings from many leagues around were supposed to be there, recruiting talent individuals as guards, warriors, agents or advisors. Mine and Katriana's intention was not to compete, but to get hired, both to augment our dwindling gold supply and to establish new allies for the day when we attempt to take back my throne.

It seems this world is full of many city-states like Tresens, but few countries. The presence of monsters makes it difficult for kings and others to control large swathes of land. The presence of small bands of independent mercenaries is a necessity brought on by trade- while large-scale transport of goods is impossible, merchants ranging from small-scale peddlers to caravans do exist, and make use of adventurers as guards. Adventurers also serve as messengers, bounty hunters, and all the usual stuff.

A fat, flat-bottomed ferry was making it's way over to our side of the shore, where, at a small dock, a handful of peddlers waited with their carts, with sundry guards and even a knight with a small retinue.

Suddenly, I felt a tap on my nose, and startled. But it was only Katriana, smiling kindly after poking my nose.

“It looked like I was losing you again. It wouldn't do to have you fall asleep on your feet.”

“Ah, I'm sorry, I'm just tired from our travels... please, don't worry so much.”

Why was my heart beating so fast suddenly?

“I worry for you, little brother. I know you're not healthy, so please, just put up with your big sister's doting.”

Anything for you! Is what I wanted to say. But instead I frantically searched my brain for something not weird and maybe kind of sweet to say.

“It's not something bothersome. I know you only worry because you care.”

That must have worked, because it made Katriana smile and little more brightly.

Score one for me! 

If I become as powerful as Suleiman, will you be my Roxelana, dear sister?

We walked down to the ferry, just as it was pulling up to the dock. Crossing for lightly-laden passengers was only a handful of copper each, but the horses in the knight's retinue were a silver per, and I saw gold change hands for the peddlers.

Soon enough, we were off. Katriana and I stayed seated on the bench towards the centre of the ferry. It was a little crowded, but I had the opportunity to take out my spellbook and actually give some thought as to what spells I should prepare for the day.

I opened up the book, and on the first page, right where I expected to see “Armor” or something, was instead a spell entitled “The Formula of Zher-Ah”.

What? Oh, custom spell names. Something so universally held as obnoxious nobody ever does it.

I continued flipping. “Incantation of Adamantine”. “Invocation of the Heatless Forge”. “The Sigil of the Burning Hands”, at least that one was straightforward.

At least I had the forethought to write down a basic description of the spell before going into the hand sigils, arcane words and whatnot. “Formula of Zher-Ah” apparently means “Reduce”. I guess “Zher-Ah” had something against things being too big if he applies his name proudly to such a basic spell.

But the hand gestures and arcane words were complex and very precise. On this syllable, make this gesture, and then make sure to stress this vowel... jeez, no wonder I can only memorize two of these things per day. The amount of practice in getting things just right would be enormous.

About an hour into the trip, I think I had managed to commit to memory the “Incantation of Adamantine”, a.k.a. the “Armor” spell, and “The Hex of Lotus and Willow”, a.k.a. the “Sleep” spell. I took the time to make sure the proper components were at the top of two of my pouches, and after all that we were only two-thirds of the way across the water.

Katriana had gotten up at some point to watch the water go by, so I carefully stowed my spell book and went to join her.

We didn't say anything at first, so I had time to look down at the river and examine my reflection for the first time.

Ugh!

Damn that puppy angel!

The traits that I had asked for in Katriana had been mutated into something unpleasant. Whereas Katriana was a beautiful red-haired valkryie, I was a short, pudgy ginger. I also noticed for the first time that my big sister wasn't just older, but also topped me by an inch or two.

I thought I was supposed to have Charisma 14, at least!? Jeez.

Well, at least she upgraded me in one way. For some reason, I was elevated from a fallen noble to a prince-in-exile, and my sister to a princess. I tried to think of why Corgiel would do such a thing- was it a sign that she didn't actually intend to let me benefit from either level of status at all?

Having nothing but idle time for now, I thought about what kind of a party I'd like to have. A cleric of some kind, preferably a cute girl who doesn't take a vow of chastity, would be a necessity once I get to level two. An elf, also preferably a cute girl, would be useful for having the elven ability to sense secret doors. I could see a ranger being useful for the mid-range support, or a paladin for the front line healing and general bullshit immunity. Maybe a bard...?

“I think this is going to be the start of something good.”

Katriana's words made me look up. We were finally pulling into the city docks, and riverboats of various sizes surrounded us.

Kariana, though, was looking at the buildings rising ahead with hope in her voice.

\----------------------

Character Name: Theodore Esche  
Race: Human  
Class: Transmuter  
Level: 1  
Hit Points: 1

Ability Scores  
Strength 11  
Dexterity 17  
Constitution 8  
Intelligence 17  
Wisdom 13  
Charisma 14

Weapon Proficiencies: Darts

Nonweapon Proficiencies: Direction Sense, Etiquette, Reading/Writing, Swimming

Spells Per Day:  
1st Level- 2

Spellbook:  
(1st Level): Armor, Burning Hands, Enlarge, Featherfall, Mending, Read Magic, Reduce, Sleep

Equipment: Backpack, Belt, Belt Pouch (Large, 3), Belt Pouch (Small, 4), Boots, Darts (20), Hand Mirror, Hat, Hooded Lantern, Oil (Flask, 2), Robes (2), Signet Ring, Small Tent

Money: 1 g, 7 sp, 4 cp

Languages: Common, Elven, Dwarven, Goblin, Orc, Draconian


	6. Isekai Life & Lazy Ox

The ferry docked with a clunk, and passengers were let off while the peddlers go their wagons ready. The docks were busy, as travellers departed riverboats, new arrivals asked for directions, longshoremen hustled about their work, and sailor meandered about.

“Aaaah!” Katriana sighed aloud while stretching her back, or at least as much as she could in her mail, once we were on shore. “Wooden benches don't work for me. I'd almost rather have had to swim.”

I glanced around the busy docks, only pausing to grab one of my belt pouches and glare at a street urchin who was fumbling furtively at the drawstring. “Maybe we should get out of the crowds before we decide what to do next? It's a little close down here.”

Katriana nodded, and lead the way onto one of the thoroughfares coming off the dock, and deeper into Tresens.

The city seemed to be shaped like a half-wheel, with the river as the hub, and large, wide streets radiating away like spokes. The cliffs of the mountains above hugged the sides of the city, including what seemed to be a large fortress built into one of the cliffs, and above on a series of escalating terraces crops were grown.

Opposite the fortress, there was a large, circular structure- the arena or hippodrome or whatever it is that the tournament itself would be held in, I presume. The streets were packed with merchants, visitors and citizens alike, making travel through the city to be something of a slog.

After my close call at the dock, I kept a careful eye on my belt pouches. I never realized just how easy a target you become if you keep your inventory this way.

“We'll need an inn to operate from, so we can leave our things in relative safety,” I mentioned to Katriana.

She nodded in agreement. “You could do with a bath before we go meeting prospective employers, as well.”

The streets were too busy to argue that last point. Having no local guide or even much idea of how the city was laid out, we wandered freely until we finally discovered an inn.

The buildings was on a side street, near what appeared to be an open market. The sign had no lettering, just the image of a farmer napping while leaning on a large horned animal, and below that the universal images of a keg, a bed, and a crossed knife and fork. It seemed a warm and welcoming place, and even now, just after midday, the sounds of friendly talk, laughter and music drifted out of the doorway.

As we entered, a boisterous and fat man in fine clothes and a fresh apron greeted us. “Welcome to the Lazy Ox Inn!” he said with a smile, “Two of you, eh? Well, I hope you don't have horses, because there's no room in the stables. But I'm sure we can cram you in somewhere. Will that be one room or two?”

“One room with two beds, if possible, please,” Katriana said returning the man's smile. “We'd also like a bath before dinner if we could.”

“Well, then! It'll be seven silvers for the night, and baths are five copper for hot water, though if you don't mind a cold bath we'll not charge.” The innkeeper nodded as if agreeing with himself. “Evening meal is extra but porridge and bread in the morning comes with.”

I felt my sadly flat and limp coin purse, did some mental math and sighed. Such extravagance would leave me with less than a single gold piece remaining.

By the time I came back to the conversation, though, Katriana was already counting coins out to the innkeeper. I hope she had saved more than I did. That splint mail wasn't cheap, and she had a longsword, warhammer and shortbow besides.

Satisfied, the innkeeper summoned a pair of serving girls in white and red livery, which I suppose was the official uniform for the inn. One was instructed to lead us upstairs to our room, while the other was to heat up the “boiler out back” and get the bath ready for guests who were bathing early.

As we heading up the stairs to the third level, I had opportunity to appreciate the cute, nubile serving girl in her frilly apron and knee-length skirt.

But that came with it a question. Had I actually dug myself into a hole with Katriana? A close, big sister character was fine for eventually giving me access to an army and keeping me safe, but if I H her, what opportunities would I then be squandering with other characters? Katriana, after all, would be a more or less permanent party member.

And then there was the question of my unappealing look. Perhaps a somewhat unsightly but magically impressive and accomplished wizard might end up a womanizer, but surely any harem situation would be off the table?

Katriana wanting to share a room was also an ambiguous sign. Did she want her brother to see her naked, or did she see him as such a sexual non-entity that it didn't matter?

Why was Heaven so difficult?

Our room was small, with two beds and just enough room between them to sit across from one another without our knees touching. A medium-sized chest with a flat top also served as a nightstand, with the only place to put a candle being the floor while you rummaged around at night. A single high-set window with shutters but no curtain let light into the room. As it turned out, the door could be barred to prevent entry at night, but the chest did not come with it's own lock- that we had to provide for ourselves.

Of course, I never realized it would be a problem, so I didn't buy one. Neither had Katriana. 

Still I had some idea at how to protect ourselves from theft.

With the majority of our belongings pack away (except for Katriana's armour and arsenal, which would not have fit, I crumbled the tip of the slightly used candle's wick between my fingers and rubbed a reasonable facsimile of a mystical sigil onto the chest.

“What are you doing?” Katriana asked, “The inn has guards on each floor, although I'm sure you missed seeing them with how spacey you've been today.”

“I don't know how much to trust the people of this city yet,” I replied, “So until we can get a decent lock, I want to protect our things. Besides, everything is precious right now. How much do you have remaining after paying for our bath, room and meal?”

Katriana grimaced. “Four silvers and a handful of copper.”

Ah, so she was beggaring herself.

She must have noticed the dismay on my face. “I will not stand for my brother to go around road-stained and smelling like a mule!” She then drew a little closer to me. “You're a prince, little brother. My prince,” There was a heavy emphasis on the 'My', “Please, it hurts my heart to see you dirty and ragged like some refugee.”

Well, I guess at least she was looking out for me. “I hope you know how to find work, fast, then,” I muttered, but left it at that.

The maid was waiting outside for us to finish getting settled, and lead us back downstairs to the bath. This time I noticed there were guards- on our floor, a heavy set, thuggish looking guy with a crooked nose, and the floor below had a younger, wiry man with a scowly face. Both had heavy looking cudgels on their waist and they wore that same red and white colours as the maids. I wanted nothing to do with either of them- the first looked like the kind of person who could have killed me with a single punch even before I ended up with one HP, and the second looked like he would pounce on you and bite your ear off or something crazy like that.

The serving girl must have noticed me staring, because she piped up. “Brandl and Mo look dangerous, but they're very dedicated to their jobs. They keep the inn safe, nobody will disturb you while they're here.”

I was somewhat skeptical of that considering the number of adventurers in town, but hopefully the security theatre and good intentions of the other guests would be enough.

The bathhouse was a sunken, stone-floored room with four large kettle-like baths. Two of the baths were already partway filled with steaming water, with a spare bucket of hot water standing by. The maid moved a cloth screen to separate the room in two before giving us a curtsy and leaving. The implication was clear: boys' side, girls' side.

I stripped and bathed in silence. It felt somewhat awkward, washing just a few feet away from a beautiful woman I was lusting after. 

In fact, by the time I finished scrubbing and settled into the tub, I was treated to an image of Katriana's silhouette through the screen, as she was leaning over for some reason.

Now, I enjoy porn on a pretty regular basis... well, I did, before I died the first time. But for some reason, the silhouetted suggestion of hip, leg and breast had a very powerful impact on me.

Well, when else would I enjoy this level of privacy?

“Are you alright? I hear a bit of splashing....”

“Oh, just scrubbing! Don't worry about a thing!”

Later, after cleaning myself again, drying and getting dressed in fresh clothes, Katriana and I were heading down to the common room for dinner.

I thought the Lazy Ox had been busy before- now it was positively packed with people. A dozen servers in white and red rushed around with trays of drinks and food, people talked ever louder over one another in an attempt to be heard, and a pair of musicians playing a flute and a fiddler respectively were completely lost in the din.

Katriana and I managed to snag a bench opposite another adventurer- a medium built man in mail with a sword on his back and a spear leaded up against the wall nearby. Nobody had the seat on the bench next to him- I guess he had come alone. While a serving girl plopped frothy mugs of ale in front of us without asking, the adventurer smiled- mainly at Katriana, of course. A little monster inside started to scream, but I patted it down. After all, I doubt this guy was a prince in disguise.

“I'm Voss!” He said over the noise, and gave us both a nod, “You look like adventurers, too! You here for the tournament?”

“No, just looking for work,” Katriana replied, “I'm Katriana and this is my brother Theodore.”

“My brother”, thanks, Katriana. Maybe I'm further off her radar than I thought. I guess it could be worse, I could have been “just my brother”.

“What about you?” Katriana continued.

“Same,” Voss replied, as a serving girl came by and put down dinner rolls before us.

Soon, a thick vegetable and mushroom stew arrived, though I noted with some jealousy that Voss had been able to spring for a version with meat in it. Oh well, less chance of food poisoning this way. I dipped my bread in the gooey meal, surprised by how hungry I was suddenly, and listened to my sister and this douchebag talk.

“Is it just you two?” the other fighter asked.

“For now,” Katriana said noncommittally. Smart girl, that implied we might be meeting up with someone later.

“Sorry for prying, it's just that a party always finds better work than a solo,” Voss continued, perhaps sensing my and (evidently) Katriana's unease at his probing.

“You worked with a party before? What happened to them?”

“No, actually. I was a soldier, part of the house guard for one of the nobles in this city. Figured if I was to get anywhere in this world, I ought to strike out on my own and try adventuring.”

That's why he had the same accent as everyone else, I suppose.

“So how about it? I wouldn't mind partying with a mage and a pretty one like you.”

I clutched my roll a little more tightly.

“We'll see. If we find work that could use an extra sword, we'll keep you in mind.”

I must have been very hungry. I guess I was used to snacking more in my previous life. My stew had disappeared in no time, and I was stuck forlornly running a finger through leftover gravy once my roll had vanished.

Suddenly, a hand poked my shoulder from behind.

I craned my neck around to see a slender, weedy-looking guy in blue and black livery looking down at me.

“Excuse me, you are a magic user, are you not?” he said with a self-important air, “My lord may have a use for your talents, if you'd care to hear him out.”

\-------------------------------------------

Character Name: Theodore  
Race: Human  
Class: Transmuter  
Level: 1  
Hit Points: 1

Ability Scores  
Strength 11  
Dexterity 17  
Constitution 8  
Intelligence 17  
Wisdom 13  
Charisma 14

Weapon Proficiencies: Darts

Nonweapon Proficiencies: Direction Sense, Etiquette, Reading/Writing, Swimming

Spells Per Day:  
1st Level- 2

Spellbook:  
(1st Level): Armor, Burning Hands, Enlarge, Featherfall, Mending, Read Magic, Sleep, Tenser's Floating Disc

Equipment: Backpack, Belt, Belt Pouch (Large, 3), Belt Pouch (Small, 4), Boots, Darts (20), Hand Mirror, Hat, Hooded Lantern, Oil (Flask, 2), Robes (2), Signet Ring, Small Tent

Money: 1 gp, 7 sp

Companions: Katriana (Level 1 Fighter)


	7. Isekai Life & Private Meeting

Following the servant, Katriana and I wove our way around serving girls and chattering guests eating dinner. He lead us to the back of the inn, where there were private dining rooms for more exclusive and richer guests. He opened one of the doors for us, holding it so we could duck into the intimate space.

A glowing fireplace lit the small room, which was dominated by a round table. Around the table were three other people- a pretty, silver-haired elf woman in white robes, a dwarf in brown with a big, bright red mohawk, and an older man in finely tailored silver and green clothing.

The servant brushed by me to stand next to the man. “May I present my lord, Ricard Parett, and his lifelong companions, Abbess Mariska of the Starlit Order and Lord Gogol the Giant-Slayer.”

The elf gave us a serene nod. The dwarf gave a brief grunt and went back to tearing apart the whole chicken he was in the middle of devouring. Only the human stood and greeted us with open arms.

“Welcome, welcome! Although I suppose it's not my room to welcome you to. All the same, I am glad you accepted my invitation. Ignore my servant, I'm no real lord. Please just call me Ricard. I am something of a vagabond and adventurer, you see.”

There was an awkward silence, and I eventually realized that Katriana was keeping quiet because I was the one the servant specifically asked for.

“Uh, right. I'm Theodore, and this is my sister Katriana. We're adventurers, although we're just starting out.”

Ugh, why am I so lame?

“Of course, of course, just the adventurers I need. You see, I'm in town for the tournament- one last hurrah for me with the old party before I settle down to run my vineyard and enjoy my time with my wife and children. However, during our travels, a very important item belonging to me went missing, and unfortunately, I am booked with appearances at parties and visiting old friends all the way up to the beginning of the tournament.

“What I'd like out of you and your sister, is to journey back into the mountain pass we traversed to get here, and find this item. Find it and bring it back to me, and you will be suitably rewarded.”

I gave him a skeptical look. “What kind of a reward?”

Ricard barked another laugh. “Straight to the point, eh? Well, my boy, I can offer you one hundred gold pieces if you find and return the item to me. It's extremely important that I have it back before the tournament begins in three day's time.”

Hmm, it must be a pretty important item, then, if he's offering that much.

“Alright, we can do that,” I replied, “What can you tell me about the item, and where you last saw it?”

“It's a magical ring, fit for a man's hand. I'm sure, as a magic-user, you can detect it's presence.”

I couldn't, but I held my tongue. Without that gold, Katriana and I had one more night's stay in the inn between us.

“I know I had it on my person before going to sleep the previous night. It had gotten dark on us before we could make it to Tresens, and rather than risk the descent with only lantern-light for me and my footman here, we chose to camp in the pass. When I awoke, the ring was gone.”

“A thief of some kind took it, then? It's hard to imagine a cat burglar in a mountain pass.”

This time the elf spoke up. “We were not foolish enough to rest without posting guards,” she said with some amount of disdain, which I guess I earned because of course they'd post a guard, being seasoned adventurers. “However, I believe I had sighted a pictsy following for some of the previous day. It may have invisibly snuck into our camp at night.”

The difference in pronunciation wasn't lost on me. I tried to “remember” what I already knew about pictsies, but I could come up with nothing other than they're flying, mischievous humanoid creatures of some kind.

The elf sighed, noting my puzzlement. “A pictsy is a small, mischievous type of fae creature. They can go invisible at will, usually know a bit of magic, and some can even inflict a kind of insanity. They're about one or two feet high, and have wings like a butterfly's or insect's, although some of them lack wings and have strong legs like a cricket.”

I nodded. At-will invisibility will make this difficult, but we don't need to kill the thing, just get the ring back.

“Alright, we'll return your ring by evening on the third day. You can trust us.”

We had a few more questions from there, concerning where they saw the pictsy and where they had camped for the night, but once we had the directions firmly in our minds, we departed the private room.

“Do you really think we can handle this on our own?” Katriana asked, once we were back in the noisy common room.

“Probably. At least I think so,” I replied, “A ring is very large for such a small creature. Imagine having a wheel made of a heavy metal like gold in your backpack... you couldn't move it very far all at once. I'd imagine the pictsy stashed the ring nearby where it was stolen as a prank, or that it has a lair in the area.”

“So, then, we're not really looking for the pictsy, but the pictsy's cache or lair. Got it. Still,” she said, chewing her lip, “I can't help but feel something is up.”

“What do you mean?”

“Did you notice the dwarf and the elf? Every time the ring was mentioned, they'd share a glance, and the elf lady was rolling her eyes sometimes.”

No, I hadn't noticed that.

“Well, I doubt that they're playing a trick just to be cruel.”

“I feel the same way, but still....” Katriana sighed, “I think we might need help.”

Immediately my mood soured. I bet I knew who she was going to ask about, too. “What do you mean?”

“Well, think about it. We might not be the only adventurers they spoke to about this, and we could use the extra help cornering the pictsy if it's going to be trouble. Besides, we don't know the area that well, and we could use a guide.”

Well, she wasn't wrong.

“Fine....”

We approached the table were Voss was sitting. He had been chatting with the group next to where we were sitting- a troupe of performers of some kind, I think- but smiled when we sat down in front of him.

“How'd your meeting go? Did you accept the job?”

We explained what had happened, the nature of the job, and that something fishy seemed to be going on behind the scenes. Then, Katriana asked him point-blank if he would consider joining us.

“Yeah, sure,” he said, waving for another mug of ale, “It does seem like you two could use someone to watch your back. So, we split everything three ways?”

I thought about it- one hundred gold doesn't divide evenly by three and I don't want to be making change. “No, we spend four gold on a bit of a feast to celebrate our first quest as adventurers, and discuss if we're going to work together in the future. Then, we divide what's left, which would be 32 gold pieces each.”

Voss barked a laugh. “I like how you think, magic man.” He extended his hand across the table. “Let's get to the bottom of this, get the man his ring back, and make a lot of money, right?”

We shook on it.

After making plans to meet up the next morning in front of the inn (Voss lived in the city nearby and only was there to enjoy a meal and make connections), Katriana and I headed upstairs for an early rest.

I had something on my mind and wanted to be blunt about it, so while Katriana barred the door, I sat down on my bed and started, “Katriana....”

“I know, I know,” she said, turning the face me, with a kindly smile. “My prince doesn't like anyone who flirts with his big sister. Well, you don't have to worry. I would never fall for a blunt commoner like that.”

I was dumbstruck. Did she see through me so easily? I guess we have lived together our whole lives. Meanwhile, she continued.

“I only mentioned Voss because we know nobody else around here and I didn't want to go walking up to complete strangers to talk about it. Hopefully he works out, maybe he won't, either way, the crown princess has better things to do than fool around with shabby adventurers.”

Well, then.

“Actually... there was something else.”

“Oh?” she said, sitting down across from me.

I decided to be as direct as she was being. “I've decided that if I can identify the ring, and if it's powerful enough, we're going to take it. We will have to flee the city, and will have to convince Voss to come with us or at least not to turn us in, but a magical item is precious and could help us regain our kingdom.”

Katriana gave me an unreadable look. “Well... whatever you think is best, my prince. But please try to keep in mind our reputations, as well, and the kind of enemies we'd be making.”

I had thought about that stuff, and it wasn't a perfect plan, but for a Ring of Free Action, a Ring of Mind Shielding, or a Ring of Spell Storing, I'd be willing to take the chance. I didn't mention what I was specifically looking for, though- considering what had happened with my spellbook, I had no idea if mentioning an item by it's generic, Dungeon Master's Guide name would break Corgiel's rules.

Things were kind of awkward after that, and Katriana and I curled up for sleep shortly after.

I was woken partway through the night by a squeaking sound.

I was sleepy and half-aware, as expected, but there was definitely something creaking in the room, but it seem too rhythmic and regular to be someone sneaking, or Katriana quietly struggling with a thief. Katriana...

I heard a very hushed whisper, “Please, you don't...” followed by something I couldn't quite make out, then a short, low moan.

Katriana was masturbating. Had to be.

Despite her previous words, jealousy inched into my mind. I could only hope she was thinking about me, and not Voss or even Ricard.

I uncomfortably lay in bed, with a growing boner, listening to my sister get off.

After the sweetest, most innocent orgasm I'd ever heard- the squeaking stopped as she had a sharp intake of breath, then she slowly moaned it out- I waited until she rolled over and tried to go back to sleep.

When her breathing became slow and regular again, I lifted up my blanket and, as quietly as I could, took care of myself in turn.

Tomorrow was going to be a long day, and I didn't want to be kept up by my horniness, right?

\-------------------------------------------

Character Name: Theodore  
Race: Human   
Class: Transmuter  
Level: 1   
Hit Points: 1

Ability Scores  
Strength 11  
Dexterity 17  
Constitution 8  
Intelligence 17  
Wisdom 13  
Charisma 14

Weapon Proficiencies: Darts

Nonweapon Proficiencies: Direction Sense, Etiquette, Reading/Writing, Swimming

Spells Per Day:  
1st Level- 2

Spellbook:  
(1st Level): Armor, Burning Hands, Enlarge, Featherfall, Mending, Read Magic, Sleep, Tenser's Floating Disc

Equipment: Backpack, Belt, Belt Pouch (Large, 3), Belt Pouch (Small, 4), Boots, Darts (20), Hand Mirror, Hat, Hooded Lantern, Oil (Flask, 2), Robes (2), Signet Ring, Small Tent

Money: 1 gp, 7 sp

Companions: Katriana (Level 1 Fighter), Voss (Level 1 Fighter)


	8. Isekai Life & Uphill Battle

Katriana woke up first, and had to shake me awake. I guess I did end up sleeping pretty poorly after all, despite my best efforts, but at least my older sister let me sleep until after she was out of bed and had a moment to stretch. After last night, it would have been a little awkward to have to watch her stretch anyway.

While Katriana started strapping her armour on, I cracked open my spellbook to memorize new spells for the day. My sister caught on before I did, though. “Why are you doing that? You didn't cast anything yesterday.”

Right. In AD&D, your spell slots don't free up until you use the magic you've memorized. I was stuck with Armor and Sleep until I used them. Crap, I was hoping to prepare Featherfall. We are clmibing into a mountain pass after all.

But, opening my spellbook did remind me of one thing. In AD&D, Armor lasted until you took a certain amount of damage. I took the little square of cured leather from one of my pouches, did the associated mudra with my hands, and cast the Armor spell.

I was now protected by the Armor spell literally until I died. Or took a cumulative 9 damage, at least. Or someone cast a dispel on me. Provided I got through today with just Sleep prepared, I could memorize a new spell tomorrow morning.

After a quick breakfast of porridge flavoured with honey and a couple hunks of bread each, we headed outside to wait for Voss. Neither of us spoke much... did she feel awkward after masturbating?

...Wait, did she realize I was listening, or heard me afterwards?

“Hey! Good morning!”

Voss' cheerful greeting startled me out of my thoughts. Katriana waved to him, and he jogged over, the weapons in his harness jingling with every step.

When he stopped, he seemed to notice whatever tension was in the air. “Uh, bad night?” He asked, glancing between us.

I interjected before Katriana could. “I always have a hard time sleeping on new beds. I guess maybe I kept Katriana awake last night with my tossing and turning.”

Katriana suddenly stood up straighter and looked away.

Crap, she did hear me.

Well, at least she wasn't accusing me of anything....

“Right....” Voss replied, “Well, we're off to the northeast pass, right? Judging from the directions you mentioned, it should only take us til about noon to get to where that party camped, so we may as well get going.”

With that, our not-quite-together party was off.

The ground elevation started to increase substantially before we even got out of the city. The actual city gate was at the top of a hill, then rolled down a short slope before ascending again. It was a stupid place to put a city gate, until you realized that any invaders would have to somehow get a catapult to the top of a mountain first before they knocked it down.

After half an hour, I was tired. Another hour later, I was gasping as I hauled my way up the mountain. But, hey, at least Katriana was talking to me again.

“Theodore, give me your pack.”

Greatfully, I handed it over. Just what do they make spellbooks out of, anyway!?

“Are you alright? Are you sure you can handle this climb? Your face is all red.”

I took a moment to just stand and pant before replying. “If I... haaa... can't climb a... haaa... damn hill... haaa... how am I going to... haaa... get our home back?”

That had an immediate effect on my sister. Her concerned frown bloomed into a beautiful smile, and she even rubbed my back for a brief moment.

“That's my pr... ah, that's my brother,” she said, before stepping back, “Take all the time that you need, I'll take care of your things for now.”

This stupid sister. You're supposed to be the one falling for me, not the other way around.

“Wow, you two are really... close, aren't you?” said Voss from a little further ahead.

Katriana had to shade the sun from her eyes before answering him. “I've taken care of him my whole life. When I was four years old, my mother took me over to his crib and made me swear a blood oath to protect him.”

“Hey, you two are nobles or something? I didn't realize....”

“Don't worry about it. Our circumstances have changed since then, and we're adventurers like you, now. But I'm never going to forget my oath.”

Voss chuckled.

“What about it?”

“Oh, I was just wishing that I had a sister like you....”

Katriana playfully threw a rock at Voss' thigh, impacting with an audible thump. Voss laughed it off, though, cheered by the teasing.

I also grinned, hoping that every adventure would start this way.

Well, maybe without Voss.

As expected, we arrived on top of a crest overlooking the city, where there was an obvious firepit, although a couple days old. While Katriana and Voss went to investigate the site, I was left on my own to catch my breath and rest a bit.

I ended up staring back down into the river valley. The view was incredible. Immediately at the foot of the slope, the city spread out over the valley, bustling with activity, only stopped by the natural border of the river, which wove through the valley like a green ribbon. I was momentarily shocked by the view. 

“Beautiful....”

At some point Katriana had stepped up beside me.

“Yeah,” I replied, looking back out at the valley, “Thanks for carrying my stuff all the way up here.”

“Of course I would. Don't worry about those kinds of things, I'm sure with all this travel we're doing, you'll get stronger someday soon. Come on, Voss has found something.”

Voss was on the far side of the campsite. He pointed to a crest off in the distance.

“See that weird, regular shape in the crestline?”

I had to squint, but I was able to pick out the shape. A regular, trapezoidal ridge, coloured to match the surroundings, jutted just about the crest. Likely, if you weren't more or less level with it, you wouldn't be able to see it- from below the mountains would obscure it, and from higher above it would be camouflaged.

“It's some kind of ruin,” Voss continued, “Never been there myself, but I've see it from here before. People say it's bad luck to approach, maybe even haunted. I don't know if anyone's ever explored it, but there's no place else for days around to hide, except for the city, box canyons and crevices.”

“That doesn't rule out the pictsy hiding in a natural setting,” I pointed out.

“Well, sure, but I figure it's worth rolling the dice on the only structure around that isn't guarded before searching ever nook and cranny on the whole damn range.”

I gave it some thought. He certainly had a point.... “Why didn't you tell us about this before?”

“I was hoping we'd find some more evidence up here. Tracks or something, but no dice.”

Ha, I guess not, considering he would've made a Wisdom check.

“Well, let's have a break first, shall we?” Katriana suggested, “It is almost midday.”

Unflavoured oat wafers and plain water was the menu. Considering that I had initially completely forgotten to buy food or a waterskin of any description, I was grateful for what Katriana handed me.

Making it to the ruin was a three-hour trek, first going all the way down a shallow defile (easy), then a two hour slog back up to the next crest (I had to give Katriana my pack again).

Finally, we were just below the structure. It appeared to be two stories high, roughly rectangular in shape, and sat at the top of a fifty (ish) foot tall cliff. The only path up to the dark entrance was a narrow switchback, barely four feet wide. We would have to approach in single file.

Luckily, I didn't have to volunteer to go last. Katriana, seeing the situation, suggested we all stash our packs at the bottom of the cliff. “I'll go up with my sword and shield out,” she continued, “Then Voss with that spear, to strike around me, then Theo.”

Feeling the ominous air surrounding the place, we nodded. This was it, our first real foray into the unknown.

We were unmolested as we entered the darkened ruin. The place smelled stale and dusty- a handful of high windows caught the afternoon sun, meaning the interior was only gloomy, and not truly dark. As we stepped inside, Katriana moved off to my left, with Voss spreading out to the right.

Once I crossed the threshold, we all froze, waiting for something to happen.

After a tense moment, Voss turned to me and said, “Guess it's empty.”

As if triggered by the noise, a scraping, shuffling step sounded from deeper within the tomb. We all tensed once more.

Creaking along with a shuddering limp, three yellowed, ancient skeletons with flickering, fiery eyes entered the room.

Voss, his voice high-pitched, screamed, “The dead walk!” Even Katriana took an involuntary step back, repulsed by the sudden appearance of the undead.

My mind whirled. Skeletons- absolutely normal skeletons, with numbers matching our party. A worthy encounter for three level one adventurers... is what I would have said if my life wasn't on the line.

Skeletons had a single hit die- a d8, common to all monsters, with no bonuses or penalties, so they could go down in a hit or two. With an Armor Class of 7, we could hit them fairly easily- a natural roll of 13 or higher would do it, not counting any to-hit bonuses from stats. But they could also hit back, and dealt 1d6 damage with each strike. More than enough to kill me. They also happened to be immune to Charm, Hold, Fear, and more pertinently, Sleep, the only other spell I had memorized.

Sudden, a thrill of fear ran down my spine, and I looked to Katriana. How had she rolled for Hit Points anyway? Did she also have one HP? It was possible. And while I was at it, how did she do for constitution? Damn..! I need a meat shield for my meat shield! Charge in there, Voss!

But, no, I had to remain calm and be very careful. We could survive, but only by being very lucky and very cautious.

I did some quick math. Even with the extra attacks from her favoured weapon, she had better average damage making only two attacks with her mace. Voss, I didn't know about, but his sword had a way better damage range than his spear. As for me, I only had one choice- spam darts.

“Katriana! Voss! We can do this! Switch weapons, mace and sword, now!”

Katriana easily tossed aside her sword and pulled the small mace from her belt. Voss shot me a doubtful look and dropped the spear to unsheath his longsword- something made a little awkward by the low ceiling.

“Okay, this is what I want you to do- both of you go straight through the skeletons, one at a time, from right to left. Attack the same one until it's no longer a threat, and then move on, okay? We need to get numbers on our side.”

“Right!” “Y-yeah, sure!”

“Right, go!”

By this time, the slow moving skeletons were halfway down the stubby entry corridor towards us. Katriana was already prepared for them, though. Springing forward with a shouted “Ya!”, she swept her mace upwards in a backhanded attack, smashing right through the skeleton's ribcage and splintering the skull to bits.

The skeleton on the far left staggered towards her with bony claws raised, but she easily shoved it away with her shield arm. The other skeleton seized the opportunity, raking at her neck and producing a flash of blood.

This is when Voss chose to storm in, coming up on Katriana's right and slashing from the side at the skeleton that had struck her. Bone chips flew.

What could I do? I only had one target, so I let loose.

Three attacks with my darts, all three directed at the skeleton Katriana had shoved away. All three flying true, right into the thing's skull. Zip, zip, zip, and it crumbled to dust. Even I was surprised. Half a d3 each and it still went down.

Katriana's wound must have affected her, because she swung wide at the skeleton, deflecting off Voss' shield but doing nothing more than startling him. As Voss turned away from the skeleton, it pounced, carving a deep scratch into one of his cheeks.

Voss was quick with the return, however, striking back with a backhanded blow that drove the skeleton back a step.

I clicked my tongue in annoyance. I couldn't even throw my darts, not with a 50% chance of nailing Voss right in the back.

Katriana jumped forward again, coming up on Voss' left side and slamming her mace into the skeleton's skull, putting it down for good.

For a second things were silent, as we all caught our breath. Then, there was a slow creak from deeper within the ruin.

We hastily retreated, heading back down the switchback to our packs.

My companions looked anxious, as they slapped clean rags to their bleeding wounds, but I was relatively happy. That could have gone a lot worse.

And even better, I now had a plan.

\-------------------------------------------

Character Name: Theodore  
Race: Human   
Class: Transmuter  
Level(XP): 1 (72/2500)  
Hit Points: 1

Ability Scores  
Strength 11  
Dexterity 17  
Constitution 8  
Intelligence 17  
Wisdom 13  
Charisma 14

Weapon Proficiencies: Darts

Nonweapon Proficiencies: Direction Sense, Etiquette, Reading/Writing, Swimming

Spells Per Day:  
1st Level- 2

Spellbook:  
(1st Level): Armor, Burning Hands, Enlarge, Featherfall, Mending, Read Magic, Sleep, Tenser's Floating Disc

Equipment: Backpack, Belt, Belt Pouch (Large, 3), Belt Pouch (Small, 4), Boots, Darts (20), Hand Mirror, Hat, Hooded Lantern, Oil (Flask, 2), Robes (2), Signet Ring, Small Tent

Money: 1 gp, 7 sp

Languages: Common, Elven, Dwarven, Orc, Goblin, Draconic, 1 additional.

Companions: Katriana (Level 1 Fighter), Voss (Level 1 Fighter)


	9. Isekai Life & Rope Trap

Chapter 9: Isekai Life & Rope Trap

“Hey, are you alright? Let me see that?”

Katriana allowed me to lift her makeshift bandage to look at her wound. Miraculously, the clawing attack missed her jugular and her windpipe, but the three slashes looked fairly deep. Not that I had Healing proficiency, something that was locked to Priest classes like Druid and Cleric, for some reason. Because the people who needed nigh-exclusive access to that sort of knowledge were the characters who had easy access to magical healing.

“What do you prescribe, lord physician?”

“Well, if you can joke, it can't be that bad.” I was mainly grateful that Katriana had at least two hit points. Maybe even three. Let's see....

“Your turn, Voss.”

He grimaced as I took a peek at his wound. It was only a glancing scratch from one of the claws, and definitely looked a lot less threatening than Katriana's wound.

So, in conclusion: Katriana had at least 3 HP, and Voss at least 2. Hopefully they both had a lot more, though.

“Alright, well, keep the pressure on, and when you've both stopped bleeding, I have a plan for dealing with the skeletons, using the best weapon in our arsenal.”

“Oh?” replied Voss, “And what would that be?”

“Well... one of you brought rope, right?”

It only took us twenty minutes for us to set up for my plan.

The switchback that lead up to the entrance of the ruin started from the bottom of the cliff, rising twenty-five feet to the right of the entrance, before turning 180 degrees and rising the rest of the way. I imagine that when whoever built this place was working, they probably had a pulley system outside the entrance for lifting materials... but that doesn't matter right now. What was important was that at the top of the path, you had to turn 90 degrees to actually see inside the building... or rather, I should say, if you left the ruin and walked in a straight line, you'd fall off a fifty-foot cliff.

Using a length of rope and some pitons that Voss had provided, we strung a tight rope across the entrance to the ruin about six inches off the ground. Anyone caught unawares would trip forward, either falling down on the narrow path with no room to manoeuvre, or go spilling over the edge for a nice, hearty 5d6 damage.

A sentient being might see the rope. Or be too wise to fall into an obvious trap. But for a dumb, Intelligence 0 skeleton, they'd fall for it every time. Maybe they'd get lucky and happen to step over the rope... and for that reason, Voss would be positioned on the path beyond the door, to fight skeletons that made it through with Katriana's mace, and also to smash the ones that fell but didn't clear all the way to the cliff.

There was a small chance that a skeleton with high HP might survive the fall. To counter that circumstance, Katriana would be positioned at the bottom of the climb to finish them off before they could rise again. She's be far enough away that they wouldn't fall directly onto her, of course.

As for the bait... unfortunately, it had to be me.

I don't know the character sheets or stats of Voss or Katriana, but I did know I had almost the highest Dexterity it was possible for a human being to start with. I also knew that my armor class was tied with Katriana's (probably, I still didn't know her Dexterity score) with the Armor spell, and that I had such a good score without being burdened by a shield or armour.

I also had a decent enough missile attack adjustment that I could just nail one with a dart if I needed it's attention.

There was also just enough room on the path outside the entrance, opposite the switchback, for me to dodge to the right and get out of the way... hopefully.

There existed a possibility that whoever animated the skeletons ordered them to “defend this ruin” instead of “kill all interlopers” or something similar, which means that the skeletons likely wouldn't attempt to leave the ruin. If that was the case I'd have to come up with some other idea.

It wasn't a perfect plan. There was a lot that could go wrong. But, in terms of defeating a bunch of skeletons with zero further damage to the party, it was the best that we got.

“And what if you find a monster that isn't a skeleton?” Katriana sensibly asked while I was explaining this plan.

“I regroup with you two, we destroy it if it followed me out of the tomb, or we formulate a new plan if it didn't.”

Like I said, not a perfect plan.

When I reentered the ruin, padding softly, trying not to attract more attention, the first thing I did was kneel at the site of the earlier battle, and try to recover my lost darts.

No good. The tips were all completely fouled by the force I struck with. Oh well, a small price for throwing darts like a motherfucking boss.

I straightened, took a deep breath, and yelled.

“YOUR MOTHER LOOKS LIKE A GORGON AND SMELLS LIKE A TROGLODYTE!”

Hopefully that would have been enough to attract at least one monster.

Instead, it attracted four. I guess these skeletons really cared about their mothers.

I turned and fled, only looking back to make sure the skeletons were following me at full tilt. Well, full tilt for the undead, at least.

I smoothly hopped over the rope and ducked to the right, putting one hand on the side of the ruin to steady myself.

...And exactly as planned, four skeletons stepped out of the ruin, caught the rope, and went tumbling ass over tea kettle down the cliff.  
My heartbeat pounded in my ears as I watched them go over, keeping an eye out for errant claws, grasping hands....

I didn't relax until I heard Katriana from below. “Worked like a charm! They're all done!”

Across me from, Voss shook his head in wonder. “Damn. I honestly didn't think that would work.”

I sighed. “I had some doubts, too, but we're okay so far. Check the tension in the rope, please, while I catch my breath.”

“You got it, boss.”

For the second round of the trap, yelling didn't work, so I ventured a little further into the ruin. Outside of that short entry hall, there was an archway with no door, that lead to a long, skinnier corridor with a handful of rooms branching off on either side, ending is what appeared to me a solid-look bronze door. This time, when I tried yelling, I could hear skeletons grinding to life in one of the side rooms. I stomped my feet, yelled again, and waiting until I could see the whites of their skulls.

Three skeletons came rushing after me as I hopped the rope and stepped to one side. This time, two of the things went straight over the cliff, but the last steeped over the rope like it was nothing, turned to face me... and was clobber from behind by Voss.

In a one-on-one situation like this, Voss fared much better. He kept his shield up, warded off all the skeleton's attacks, and bashed away at until it stopped moving. For my part, I stayed back and stayed quiet, not wanting to draw attention to myself. By the end of the encounter, there was another destroyed skeleton, and Voss was uninjured.

“I thought the point of this was to avoid situations like that,” he mentioned wryly.

I shrugged, running the numbers in my head. With 3D10 skeletons per encounter group.... “We might be done soon. Have a break while I check the rope.”

I mean, it was only fair since he was just fighting for his life.

To get the next set of skeleton's attention, I had to go so far as to use my mirror to peek into one of the side rooms and throw a rock at one of them. I guess there are even lazy undead.... Either way, that time it was only two skeletons, and the trap once again worked like a charm.

The next time, I found a single skeleton slouched in a corner or one of the rooms... I thought I might have to walk up and slap it to get it going, but once it was mobile it was just as fast as the others, and just as clumsy.  
This brought our kill count up to 13.

“Are their numbers dwindling or something?” Katriana yelled up.

I shouted down. “Let me make sure, I want to be absolutely certain before we move in.”

Three more skeletons, coming in singles, followed me out and took the plunge, one after another, easy as cake. There was one moment, where the tip of my toes caught on the rope, that I thought I was in real trouble, but I was able to recover decently enough, and get out of the skeleton's way when it fell.

I sat with my back to the outer wall of the ruin, resting, while Voss waved Katriana up.

When she arrived, she ignored Voss trying to hand her back her mace, and instead threw her arms around me.

“Aaah, you're alright! I was so worried down there!”

I patted her arm. “Yeah, I'm okay. A couple close calls, but otherwise, it all went beautifully.”

When she finally let me go, Voss handed over the weapon sheepishly, a little embarrassed by the display of affection.

I hoisted myself up. “Are we ready to continue our investigation?”

The side rooms were filled with little more than smashed pottery and niches carved into the walls. So, this was a tomb of some kind.

There was only one urn intact in the whole place, a fist sized jar glazed with a blue and gold flame designs and sealed with wax. It was the only thing that seemed remotely valuable, so I tossed it in my pack. It could be worth unsealing later.

Soon, we found ourselves at the bronze door. Katriana put her ear to it and gave it a listen, and we each took a chance it turn. Just silence.

“Well, here goes...” Katriana pulled the bolt, put her shoulder against the doors, and shoved.

The door opened slowly, ripping away from the wall as thousands of gossamer filaments tried to hold it close. Once those tore it slammed open, showing us a tall, cylindrical stairwell.

It had to rise at least thirty feet, socketed with windows here and there. A circular stairway curled around the outside of the room, but what immediately held my attention were the webs. Every surface was coated with them, and they crisscrossed the room freely. Above us, a dozen fat, cat-sized, yellow and black spiders lounged in their webs... and as we examined the room, some of the started to descend towards us, sensing new prey in their midst.

\-------------------------------------------

Character Name: Theodore  
Race: Human   
Class: Transmuter  
Level(XP): 1 (382/2500)  
Hit Points: 1

Ability Scores  
Strength 11  
Dexterity 17  
Constitution 8  
Intelligence 17  
Wisdom 13  
Charisma 14

Weapon Proficiencies: Darts

Nonweapon Proficiencies: Direction Sense, Etiquette, Reading/Writing, Swimming

Spells Per Day:  
1st Level- 2

Spellbook:  
(1st Level): Armor, Burning Hands, Enlarge, Featherfall, Mending, Read Magic, Sleep, Tenser's Floating Disc

Equipment: Backpack, Belt, Belt Pouch (Large, 3), Belt Pouch (Small, 4), Boots, Darts (17), Hand Mirror, Hat, Hooded Lantern, Oil (Flask, 2), Robes (2), Signet Ring, Small Tent

Money: 1 gp, 7 sp

Languages: Common, Elven, Dwarven, Orc, Goblin, Draconic, 1 additional.

Companions: Katriana (Level 1 Fighter), Voss (Level 1 Fighter)


	10. Isekai Life & Nighttime Thoughts

Chapter 10: Isekai Life & Nighttime Thoughts

Oh, how video game RPGs have desensitized people to the danger posed by spiders.

In video games, the spider is often an early game enemy. It's weak poison saps a handful of HP at a time, but out of a pool of hundreds if not thousands. That's if it poisons you- a very rare event.

However, Large Spiders were a deceptively deadly enemy in any AD&D game. Armed with a 1 damage bite, they seem harmless (Well, not to me, but to most people...) but their bite kills slowly and quietly, often without people knowing.

You see, fifteen minutes after the bite occurs, you roll a saving throw vs poison. With a +2 on the roll, to be fair. But such a bonus is often too little, too late, for when a failed save happens, the unlucky victim immediately takes 15 damage.

That's right, not, say 3d6 damage or something that might give you a chance. Fifteen. As in, even warriors with mediocre luck bite it at SECOND level. Clerics have to be extremely lucky to survive at second. Rogues have no chance until at least third level, and a Wizard is incapable of surviving until fourth. And, universally, for all first level characters, it is simply save or die.

“Move!” I yelled, fetching half a handful of sand from a pouch. Katriana stumbled back, letting me squeeze by. Once I was at the threshold, I tossed the fistful of sand into the air and canted the Hex of Lotus and Willow.

Thankfully, most of the spiders went dormant. Or torpid, or whatever. Four of them kept descending towards us, and I stepped back, letting Katriana forward again.

“Okay, I bought us a little time, about five minutes,” I said, “Voss, you need to go back to the packs, and grab my two flasks of lantern oil, a torch and a flint. Go!”

“Yeah, okay!”

As he ran off, one of the spiders lowered into view of the doorway, and Katriana slashed at it, leaving part of it's abdomen still hanging from a web , and the rest of it, trailing goo, to drag itself into the shadows of the tower to die.

“Why are you still here? You should have run!” yelled Katriana, as another spider tried to crawl into the corridor from along the wall and ate her sword for it's trouble.

Why was I still there? It's lot like I could still help. Sure, Voss was more likely to get to the packs and back up here quickly, but there's nothing stopping me from backing away.

And then I realized something odd. More strongly than ever, I loved Katriana. In one sense I had just met her yesterday- hell, I even remember thinking “Please die for me, meat shield” when I was making my character with Corgiel. But I could also remember how much she cried when her first pony had to be put down because of a broken leg. Challenging each other more and more, seeing who could garner more praise from the castle tutors that day. How proud she was when the Master of Arms had to call off her lesson because she was so strong, she was making his shield arm ache.

“I can't leave you here! Their poison can kill!” One of the spider feinted, darting away as her blade clanged off the stone doorframe, only for her to thrust and skewer it, the flick the corpse away on the backswing.

“I would never leave you to die alone!” I shouted, and, despite it seeming like a maudlin and empty statement to half my mind, I meant it.

Katriana smiled as she dispatched the last of the descending spiders, but didn't reply. Maybe it was kind of an awkward situation, but at the time I was just glad that none of the spiders could hit worth shit. 

All the same... the spider had d8+1 health. Even assuming that Katriana had a modest Strength bonus, she could only hit them half the time and even then, sooner or later one would have the HP to survive being one-shotted and be able to attack on a turn when she only had one attack. We had been lucky so far- extraordinarily lucky, considering how well I must have done on the roll to determine number of creatures affected by sleep. That would not keep up.

We kept an eye on the remaining spiders from where we were standing. They were just starting to become active as Voss came charging back towards us, with an armload of flasks and torches.

“Well, I don't know what the panic was, but I came as fast as I could.”

Really? What are you, a 0th-level Warrior?

“It's the venom. They're actually surprisingly dangerous,” Katriana replied, more kinder than I would have been.

I just wordlessly snatched up one of the clay flasks and launched it into the room. I badly overshot the centre of the room, and the flask exploded against the far wall. The second flask was more-or less on target, shattering in the floor of the room.

By that time, Voss was able to ignite one of the torches and toss it in the room. The lamp oil ignited immediately, the flames spreading quickly among the webs.

“Come on, let's get out of here,” I said, “This will take some time to burn out... we may as well make camp so I can memorize some new spells.”

“Yeah, I hear you. Well, not about the spells. But it's been an exciting day,” Voss replied.

We left the fire to burn.

Outside, the sun was beginning to set. It would have been foolish to attempt to make it back to the old campsite in the dark, and nobody had thought to bring firewood of our own, so we spent the night crouched against the side of the cliff, passing jerky and a wineskin back and forth in the dark while we watch the lights blink on in the city below.

“So, will you tell me about these circumstances yet?” Asked Voss.

Katriana looked at me for an answer, so I did. “Oh, uh, no, we'd rather not right now. We just met yesterday, after all.”

“Oh, well then.”

An awkward silence threatened to settle in, so I cleared my throat. “Uh, what about you? What was your life like?”

“Ah, nothing so exciting. My dad and mom were a butler and house guard respectively, so I followed my mom's example and learned the spear and the sword so that way I didn't have to spend time cleaning up after someone else. After awhile, I just felt stupid standing at attention all day while nothing happened, so I decided to make something happen in my life.”

“Your mom and dad supported you in this career change?”

“Mom did, she's the house guard quartermaster now. Dad didn't, said adventurers lived stupid and died young.”

“I see....”

Katriana and Voss started talking about something else, but almost immediately I started to doze. Having Constitution 8 is tough, I suppose, and I did a lot of climbing and running that day.

At some point, Katriana poked me awake, and pointed out at the city. “Look, Theo, part of the city is burning....” But I barely registered the bright spot in the distant town before I conked out again.

I suppose because of that, I was awake much earlier. 

I started awake sometime before dawn. I was still in a sitting position against the cliff, and I could feel someone warm leaning against me, their head on my shoulder. As I stirred, the head

“Hey, Theodore, is that you?” I could hear Voss whisper in the darkness way off to the side. Good, it was Katriana cuddling me....

“Yeah, ooooh....” All of a sudden I could feel how sore my back and butt were. 

“Not easy, is it? Too bad we couldn't pitch a tent in this rock.”

I was still sleepy enough that I had to think before I knew what kind of tent-pitching he meant.

“Anyway, now that you're up, I'm going to get some more shut-eye, okay?”

“Yeah, that's okay, I'll stay up.”

I heard shifting- maybe he was lying down? And I had nothing to do but sit there and wait for the sun to come up. 

Katriana leaning against me felt so good that I decided to put up with the pain of the rocks awhile longer. Besides, it would help me stay awake.

I spent a little time thinking about what Voss said, and what my life on Earth was like. Here was someone I've done nothing but vaguely resented since I met him, but when he was dissatisfied with life he decided to go out and actively try to change things in an attempt to make it better. When that happened in my previous life... well, I did a lot of nothing, stayed at home, and eventually died for no reason despite not taking any risks.

And now, by chance, I had been given another shot.

Suddenly I groaned and wanted to slap my face.

I set all those spiders on fire.

I was given another shot because, by accident, I had never harmed an animal, and on my second day in this new life I set a bunch of spiders on fire.

So, I guess this was it... I had one chance, maybe as many as seven if Katriana survived to rez me. Less if I failed my abysmal Resurrection Chance roll. And... somehow, knowing the chances and understanding the mechanics made these thing seem more apparent. Maybe I would have tried harder in my previous life if I knew exactly what the percentage chance of dying was....

I guess now, I knew I had to make it count.

When the sun was up high enough that I could read by, I slipped away from Katriana and opened my pack. Right on top was that odd little jar. Was it newer then all the other jars in the ruin? It certainly seemed more vibrant.

Aw, to hell with it. Hoping I didn't catch Mummy Rot, I broke the seal and looked inside.

Within was a scrap of paper with odd markings on it.

I puzzled over it a bit, but couldn't figure it out. Maybe some kind of runic script, or a substitution cypher? 6AM on a mountainside wasn't the time or place for solving this. I put it back in it's jar, and slipped it back into my bag.

Next, I grabbed my spellbook. For today's spells, the Hex of Lotus and Willow was obviously a top-tier lifesaver, and I also chose to go with Burning Hands. If that bastard pictsy tried going invisible, I still had a chance to toast him even if I couldn't see him.

When I was putting my book back, something in my bag caught my eye- my coin purse, which I had stowed while I was adventuring, was open instead of having the drawstring tied. I took a peek, sighed, and shook my head.

“What's wrong?” Katriana said with a sigh, and she blearily walked up behind me.

“That little bastard knows we're here,” I replied, “He took my signet ring.”

\-------------------------------------------

Character Name: Theodore  
Race: Human   
Class: Transmuter  
Level(XP): 1 (1143/2500)  
Hit Points: 1

Ability Scores  
Strength 11  
Dexterity 17  
Constitution 8  
Intelligence 17  
Wisdom 13  
Charisma 14

Weapon Proficiencies: Darts

Nonweapon Proficiencies: Direction Sense, Etiquette, Reading/Writing, Swimming

Spells Per Day:  
1st Level- 2

Spellbook:  
(1st Level): Armor, Burning Hands, Enlarge, Featherfall, Mending, Read Magic, Sleep, Tenser's Floating Disc

Equipment: Backpack, Belt, Belt Pouch (Large, 3), Belt Pouch (Small, 4), Boots, Darts (17), Hand Mirror, Hat, Hooded Lantern, Robes (2), Small Tent

Money: 1 gp, 7 sp

Languages: Common, Elven, Dwarven, Orc, Goblin, Draconic, 1 additional.

Companions: Katriana (Level 1 Fighter), Voss (Level 1 Fighter)


	11. Isekai Life & Two Rings

Chapter 11: Isekai Life & Two Rings

“It would have been easy- he wouldn't even have needed to become invisible, because it was so damn dark out.”

We were preparing for a another ascent into the ruin. Voss was sharpening his spear, while Katriana mended a popped rivet in her splint mail with a bit of twine. Having been awake the longest, I was already set to go.

Voss shrugged at me. “Well, at least we know he probably is still in there, and if not, he's close.”

“Either way, it's going to be a tough fight,” Katriana stated, “Invisibility at will? We're going to be relying on you, Theo.”

I sighed. “Yeah, I know. I'm hoping that when it seems us coming, it just runs away, leaving it's stash.” It would probably only have half a hit die, after all. 

“What if it follows us?”

“That's why we're going in the morning, so we can be in town by sunset. Even if it can go invisible, I think it's avoiding town for a reason. If there are no other obstacles and we're quick, we can get the honey before the bee even realizes what's going on.”

Katriana acquiesced at that point, and soon we were ascending the ramp to the ruins, then carefully stepping over our rope trap to get inside.

“Should we take it down?”

“There might be more skeletons upstairs....”

We had our packs on our back, this time, of course.

Voss lead the way, with Katriana coming up from behind and me in the middle. We all kept quiet, trying not a raise a stir, but of course Voss' chain mail rattled as he moved. We couldn't be completely silent.

When we approached the stairwell, it was full of the smell of smoke. Voss moved in cautiously, looking up, but the webs had all been burnt down and the floor was littered with the scorched husks of dead spiders.

He looked back at me, impressed. “100% effective, good job.”

I nodded. “The real challenge is going to be when we have to fight something smart, like orcs or robbers.”

“You have such pleasant thoughts.”

The bronze door wouldn't close anymore, as it was too warped by the heat, so we left it hanging open, and then proceeded to ascend the stairs.

Thankfully, the whole structure appeared to be made of mortar and stone, with no wood buried in the walls at all, so the stairs were still sound. At the top was another bronze door, even more badly warped then the open below. Voss handed me his spear when he got there.

“So much for being quiet... let me handle this.”

Bracing himself carefully on the landing, he shoved with all his might and slowly the door squeaked open.

The second level was a large space, littered with humanoid skeletons, although these ones were fragmented and didn't move. Near the back was a stone altar which had been smashed until it cracked in half at some point. So, this had been a temple at some point... but what had happened here?

“Oi, yew big jobbers! Yew stay awai frumme treasure!”

An arrow the size of a ballpoint pen shot out of nowhere and caromed off the stone doorway. Great, the pictsy can both go invisible and has a ranged attack.

Voss let out a big battlecry and ran into the room. The attack briefly made the pictsy visible- it was vaguely male, about a foot and a half tall, and crouched on the ruined altar on long, folded legs like a grasshopper's. It also had a pair of insect wings mounted somewhere on it's hip/butt area.

Voss aimed a swing at it, and it leapt back, dodging out of the way before vanishing again. I cautiously moved up beside Voss, while Katriana took up a defensive position between me and where the creature had vanished.

The pictsy appeared again, leaped wide of Voss, and unleashed another of it's arrows which penetrated all the way through Voss's forearm. He swore loudly, fumbling his spear a moment before he could retaliate, but it was all the pictsy needed to duck away.

I calmly stepped forward, canted a spell at the pictsy and made the Sigil of the Burning Hands. Fire arced towards the creature, which ignited immediately with a screech and fell limp to the ground, still burning.

“Well, that's that,” I said, dusting my hands.

“Nrrrgh! Easy for you to say!”

Voss was clutching his arm, which had the pictsy's arrow lodged in it, protruding about an inch on each side.

My first aid from high school almost failed me completely. “Well, it's better to keep the arrow in until it can be looked after....”

I got a glare for my efforts. Katriana came in then to smooth things over.

“Why don't you have a sit, Voss? We'll look for the stash, and when we go back down the mountain I'll carry your gear, okay?”

We proceeded to search the room carefully while Voss grumbled about his arm. While my searching was fruitless, eventually I noticed Katriana silently waving me over.

She was holding a small velvet bag that looked heavy with the objects inside, but more importantly, she gestured at me with a heavy-looking ring in her hand.

“I think you're right,” she said, “This is too precious to give back! You need to wear it at all times, and we should get as far away from this city as we can.”

I held up the ring so that I could look at it, and my eyes widened. Made out of heavy gold, the front of the ring had a flat, squarish plate into which were set eight stones, made to look like they were shooting stars falling from heaven. Seven of the stones were a dazzling array of colours... the last was dark and cracked.

Could it be... this was a Ring of Wishes!?

And they rolled the maximum amount of wishes, too! Somehow, the old fool had only used one wish! I could understand not having eight wishes all in a row, but to have this ring and only wish for one thing seemed....

With a shock, I realized what was going on, and popped the ring into one of my pouches.

Then I faced Katriana. “We're taking it back for the reward.”

“A-are you sure...?”

“Yes, absolutely. It's also very important that Voss never lays his eyes on the ring directly, okay?”

“Well... alright....”

Still giving me a doubtful look, she handed me to bag with the rest of the treasure. A few coins- including a surprising amount of what appeared to be platinum coins- and a pair of small vials, only containing a dark brown, viscous liquid, the other something watery and a pale lavender. And, of course, my signet ring.

I stowed the bit of treasure in my bag for later. “We'll sort this stuff out in town. Come on, we ought to get Voss to a healer.”

The trip down the mountain was easier than the trip up, by far, with the only added aggravation being Voss' complaining. Despite how long it took us getting up here, we were down and back to the city shortly after noon.

We dropped Voss off at a physician, paying the three gold for his fee out of the treasure bag.

As Katriana and I, tired from a day's worth of walking, slouched into the Lazy Ox, the innkeeper was there to greet us. “Back again, eh? Unfortunately, we've already sold your room to another couple, you're not going to be able to get it back.”

I waved it off. It's not like we could have afforded to rent it for a night we weren't going to use it, anyhow. “Do you have something available a little more upscale, then?” I asked, “If so, we'd like to rent it for a week.”

Katriana stared at me wide-eyed at that, and the innkeeper looked at me appraisingly. “You smell like smoke,” he said flatly.

“Oh, right, we'll need baths, too, and a private dining room for tonight with a feast for three.”

My sister and the innkeeper stared at me for awhile. Then he grunted and replied with, “Sixteen gold for all of that, meals included.”

As I counted out the coins from the treasure we found, Katriana gave me a look. I sighed, and said, “Don't worry, I'll pay it back out of my earnings from the quest.”

We had a seat for a bit while the room was being made up, and one of the serving girls brought out some wine with rolls and butter for us to enjoy while we waited. We were both pretty tired, so we snacked quietly and just waited.

That's when the city guard showed up.

To be fair, it was only three of them- two took up stations next to the door while an officer came and stood in front of out table.

We must have looked anxious, because the first thing that the officer did was hold up his hands in a placating gesture. “Please, relax. I'm investigating last night's arson, and you were reported as being suspicious. May I ask you a few questions?”

“That fucking innkeeper...” I muttered, while Katriana put her hand on my wrist to calm me.

The officer chuckled. “You're a sharp one. Well, let me assure you that smelling bad isn't a crime, at least not in this city. It's just that you disappeared overnight, and returned smelling of smoke, so of course I have to do my job and ask some questions, just like the innkeeper had to protect his inn and bring you to my attention, right?”

“Very well...” I replied, cautiously.

“So, where were you two last night?”

We explained to him the quest that we were hired for, and why we were smelling of smoke. I even took out my signet ring to “show him the ring we were asked to find”, although I wouldn't want to pull out the actual magic ring in front of him. Luckily, we were far enough from home that the officer didn't recognize our house sigil on the ring, or things might have gotten more complicated.

“So, can anyone vouch for this information?”

“I believe I can, Sir.”

The elf who was with the guy who hired us glided across the room to stand by our table. Smiling at the guardsman, she introduced herself. “I am Abbess Mariska, high priestess within the Starlit Order. These are the adventurers hired by my friend, Ricard Parett of Pendleton.”

“Ah, I see. My apologies, Abbess.” The guard straightened. “Now, I'll have to distribute your names to the city guards, as per my duty. Please try to stay out of trouble for the remainder of your stay, alright?”

Once the guards had left, Abbess Mariska smoothly sat down at our table. “Forgive my interruption. I hope that you were successful?” Noticing the crude bandage on Katriana's neck, she tsked. “Oh, poor dear. Please, allow me?”

She laid her hands on Katriana's shoulders, and prayed. There was a brief glow of silver light through the bandage, which Katriana removed, revealing only pink, fresh skin, without a scar or blemish.

“If you have Ricard's ring, I'll be happy to pay you and pass it on to him,” the Abbess said after.

Taking out the ring and carefully cupping it in my hands, I passed the ring on. Smiling the Abbess took it from me and had a quick peek before stowing it a sleeve.

“It still makes my heart ache a little to see it. Oh, well. I am impressed that you didn't run off with it, however. You're more potent than I initially thought.”

She opened up a small bag, and began pulling pouches from it. Soon, we had four small purses in front of us, with twenty-five gold in each.

“Now,” Abbess Mariska said once the counting was done, “I am wondering if you'd allow me to hire you, now that your duty to Ricard has been discharged?”

Katriana and I shared a glance. “Well, we'll hear you out at least.”

“As the guard mentioned, last night someone set fire to the temple of Yphion, the Goddess of Rivers, killing the high priest and some of his acolytes within.”

Katriana cut in. “Why is everyone so certain this is an arson?”

“Fire is forbidden from the temple grounds as it is offensive to Yphion. During the day the temple is lit by windows and cleverly placed bowls of water reflecting the light. At night, the priests occasionally pray for magical light, but mostly then conclude their prayers and supplications at sundown.

“Now, an arsonist is dangerous to any city, but the situation has me wondering- what were the acolytes and the high priest doing there after dark?”

I nodded. “You suspect assassination, or some kind of hate crime.”

The abbess giggled, a beautiful, musical tinkling. “Just so. Now, I have a reputation, as do my companions. We cannot look into this directly as the culprit would see people of our status coming from a mile away. However, if someone were to see to it on our behalf, they could be amply rewarded.”

“How amply?”

“Let's say, one hundred gold for coming to a conclusion on the cause of the fire, three hundred for capturing the culprit?”

I looked at Katriana again, who gave me a slight nod. “Well, we'll have to check with our third associate, but we can do this task for you.”

“Wonderful!” Mariska said, “Thank you! Please assume this task on the morrow, you two look like you could use a night off first.”

She stood and gave us a small bow, before heading upstairs to (presumably) where she came from.

Soon, a servant came and guided us up to the second floor and our new room. It was larger than the last, with a writing desk, couch, two chests, and a single large, four-post bed. Katriana kind of blushed when she saw it, and muttered something about sleeping on the couch.

We were packing away our things when she finally asked. “Okay, you have to tell me- why did you change your mind on the ring.”

I sat on the bed and gave it some thought. I couldn't say that it was suspicious that a DM would gave level one characters access to such a ring....

“When I saw it, I thought it was a ring that granted wishes, which doesn't make any sense,” I began, “It seemed to have one one wish missing. If that was the case, why hadn't at least one other wish been used? And why was the ring necessary for the tournament? Couldn't he just wish what he needed to wish for at home? And further, when you saw it, you told me I had to make use of it... but wouldn't you have your own wishes you'd want to ask for?”

Katriana caught on immediately. “Oh. I thought it was enchanted with some kind of powerful protection magic. I know you can't use armour, even if it didn't interfere with your spells, so I wanted you to have it.”

“Exactly. It isn't just a magical ring, it's a cursed ring, that makes whoever possesses it think that it's the kind of ring they most deeply desire. I'm guessing that, among Ricard's party, his dwarven buddy doesn't care about magical rings, and Abbess Mariska is strong enough of will that she sees through the enchantment.”

Katriana smiled, and ruffled my hair before sitting beside me. “That's my prince.”

I smiled back at her, then took a deep breath. “I've been thinking, Katriana, and I've decided something.”

“Oh, what's that?”

“I want to take our kingdom back.”

“Well, of course you do, so do I...”

“No, but I really want this. I don't just want to make a living as adventurers and dream of it, I want this to be our goal. Every decision we make has to be made in light of it. And, eventually, we'll have to set down plans and actually do it.

“I want to take back our home, and be king... and I want you to be one of my queens.”

\-------------------------------------------

Character Name: Theodore  
Race: Human   
Class: Transmuter  
Level(XP): 1 (1402/2500)  
Hit Points: 1

Ability Scores  
Strength 11  
Dexterity 17  
Constitution 8  
Intelligence 17  
Wisdom 13  
Charisma 14

Weapon Proficiencies: Darts

Nonweapon Proficiencies: Direction Sense, Etiquette, Reading/Writing, Swimming

Spells Per Day:  
1st Level- 2

Spellbook:  
(1st Level): Armor, Burning Hands, Enlarge, Featherfall, Mending, Read Magic, Sleep, Tenser's Floating Disc

Equipment: Backpack, Belt, Belt Pouch (Large, 3), Belt Pouch (Small, 4), Boots, Darts (17), Hand Mirror, Hat, Hooded Lantern, Robes (2), Small Tent

Money: 1 gp, 7 sp

Undistributed Treasure: 10 cp, 4 sp, 123 gp, 1 pp, two potions (viscous brown and watery lavender), four large belt pouches.

Languages: Common, Elven, Dwarven, Orc, Goblin, Draconic, 1 additional.

Companions: Katriana (Level 1 Fighter), Voss (Level 1 Fighter)


	12. Isekai Life & Cake Slicing

“What!?”

Katriana's eyes went wide and she just stared at me, so I repeated myself.

“I want to be king, and I want you to be one of my queens.”

There was another long pause.

“I don't even know where to begin with that statement,” she replied flatly.

I let another moment pass. “I notice you're not saying no....”

Katriana stood up, and started pacing the room rapidly. “I'm your sister. You know, I behaved! I saved myself! I knew that you might need to offer my hand in order to seal an alliance or something in order to get us the support we need!”

“I appreciate your dedication, but we will learn to do without. You're still not saying no.”

“I'm your sister. You're my brother. Incest is illegal practically everywhere.”

“Well, when I'm king, I'll get to make the laws, so I can allow us to get married. Hell, we can go and do it right now, if you wanted. Nobody around here knows who we are, so we can go to a temple and get it done right now... but I understand if you don't want to do this right this instant. Also, you're still not staying no.”

“Okay... but what did you mean by, 'queens'?”

I took a deep breath and gathered my thoughts. “Well, for one... I know I'm weak... and if we were to have a child, the chances of that child inheriting my weakness is more likely because we're family. If nothing else, another wife would mean we, collectively, are more likely to produce a good heir.”

“That's another good reason for us not to get married. You should save yourself for a wife you can get a good heir from.”

“My second point is... We're going to need a lot of strong allies, and if we work hard to make a loving family for other adventurers who are willing to fight for their husband....”

“If that's the case, why shouldn't I just have a whole pile of husbands?”

She was getting angry now, I guess because I was disarming her arguments so rapidly.

“Do you want that?”

I didn't want that. But I don't think she did either.

Katriana sighed. “No, no I don't.... I didn't mean that seriously....”

“I do, though. Well, wives, at least. I think... it's just the kind of person I am. I want to leave my heart open for other people who want to belong there, I guess.”

“And you want one of those people to be me.”

It was a statement, not a question.

“Yes, I do. You're more than my beloved sister... you're my sworn protector. You've fought so hard for our dream, and you've put your life on the line for me so often, and you've never given up hope. You've always looked out for me, and you're so courageous.... How could I not fall in love with that person?”

She blushed and broke eye contact, which had to be a good sign.

“...I need to think about it.”

“I understand, take your time.”

She turned towards the door. “I'm going to go for a bath now, and I think I should do that alone.”

“That's fine, go ahead.”

I tried to be nonchalant, but in reality I was disappointed that I wouldn't have another chance to see her in the bath. I suppose things were going well, overall, though.

Having nothing better to do for Katriana's bathtime, I lay on the bed and quietly contemplated the two potions we had gathered. Identifying items was a service that cost 1,000 gold. Even the Identify spell, which I didn't have, require components that cost 100 gold per casting- it was not cheap.

Potions could be identified by taking a small sample of them... but the core rules didn't have a mechanic for doing this, it was more of a vague allusion to allowing it. Worse still, there was such a thing as “potion miscibility”, which was the unpredictable effects of combining two potions. They might combine really well, having increased strength, or eve making one effect permanent. But then, they could combine to make a lethal toxin, or even produce an explosion. You had to let one potion digest completely before taking another.

Well... at least I could identify one?

Katriana returend to the room to find me retching over the chamberpot, spitting occasionally.

Immediately she ran over to me and laid a hand on my back. “Theodore! Are you okay? Did something happen!?”

I spat in the chamber pot one last time. “I identified one of the potions.”

“What!?”

“It's an oil that neutralizes acid.”

“Why did you do that by drinking it!?”

“Uh, well, it seemed like the thing to do....”

Katriana sighed at me. “But you're okay, right?”

“I think so... it just tasted nasty.”

“What a troublesome little brother... go have your bath, they're waiting for you downstairs.”

Leaving the two potions in Katriana's care, I went down to the bathing area and had a relaxing, if solitary bath. I enjoyed the hot water's ability to relax my tense muscles, and it wasn't until the wash water came away with threads of black and brown in it did I realize how I was covered in soot and grime.

Adventuring is dirty work, I guess.

My two robes were soiled, so before my bath I had to give a serving girl two gold to go buy me a clean robe and get my laundry done. She waited nervously on the other side of the screen for me to toss over my robe, so I had the excuse of waiting on fresh clothes while I luxuriated in the hot water.

I also took the time to enjoy myself, thinking of Katriana in a modern wedding gown the whole time. After all, privacy was a luxury for an adventurer.

When she returned, I had a nice, dark-blue dyed robe in contrast to my two brown “travel” robes. I gladly changed- I had long since started to turn pruney- and was informed my laundry would be ready on the morrow.

I returned back to the room, to find it empty. Katriana, the potions and the quest reward were both gone... so I assumed at some point the servants came to tell her the private dining room was ready.

So I went downstairs and had a serving girl direct me to the dining room.

When I entered, a sumptuous feast was laid out before me. A whole roast chicken, dripping with butter and gravy, dominated the table, but there was also a tureen of some kind of cloudy broth, a plate of steaming slices of ham, a plate of roast potatoes and a bowl of various fruits and cheeses. A steaming fresh loaf of bread accompanied everything, with a butter so finely whipped it spread like whipped cream. Katriana and Voss were there, already tucking in. The latter levelled a chicken leg at me with his unbandaged arm and smiled widely.

“There he is! We thought you had been in the bath so long you might have washed away.”

I smiled back as I lowered myself into the chair next to Katriana. “Well, I had to make myself presentable for my fellow adventurers, right?”

The feast was delicious. I ended up enjoying the ham especially, and I'm not afraid to say I ended up eating it with my hands. If you have ham that delicious (and no fork) you'd eat it that way, too.

It was not lost on me that, for a meal made up of dishes that would be considered relatively simple back in my original world, the fact that I had nothing to eat for the previous three days except bread, stew and beef jerky made it seem a tremendous luxury.

After most of the meal had been devoured, we cleared a space on the table started divvying up our treasure. First, I made three piles- two piles of 32 coins each, and one of 18, explaining about the expenses I paid for out of the treasure to Voss and Katriana. This was our quest reward, split up like we agreed.

Katriana ended up shaking her head and sliding six gold over to my pile. “If it's for our inn room, I don't mind paying half...”

Next was our looted treasure. Ten coppers, four silvers, 25 gold coins (I had used the former platinum coins to pay for the rooms, so the additional gold came from my quest reward supply), one platinum piece, a vial of oil of Acid Resistance and the other, unidentified potion.

I explained to Voss about how I identified the Oil of Acid Resistance, and he nodded that he understood. Then, before I could stop him, picked up the lavender potion, uncorked it, and took a tiny sip.

He nodded. “Tastes soapy... but the pain in my arm went away a little. Maybe some kind of healing potion?”

“Alright,” I said, taking the potion from him and returning it to the centre. “I have a method for dividing up this treasure so that it's fair. First, we need a volunteer, and since it's my method, I'd like it to be one of you two.”

“Sure, I'll do it, then,” said Voss.

“Okay, so here's what I want you to do- divide the treasure into three even piles, keeping in mind the special properties of the potions.”

Voss gave it a bit of thought, then ended up putting the healing potion with the one platinum piece, then dividing the rest of the coin evenly- 12 gold, 2 silver, 5 copper. One pile then received the Oil of Acid Resistance, and the other received an extra gold coin.

“Okay, now, Katriana, I want you to pick the two best piles from these options, then remove treasure from the #1 pile until it's equal with the #2 pile.”

“One platinum piece is the same as two gold, right? So I add it to the worst pile?”

“No, you're making a fourth pile.”

“Okay, here I go....”

She removed three gold from the Acid Resistance pile leaving our piles as:

#1- Platinum piece and healing potion  
#2- Oil of Acid Resistance, 9 gold, 2 silver, 5 copper  
#3- 13 gold, 2 silver, 5 copper

“Okay, so now, I get to pick which pile I want,” I said, reaching over and grabbing the second pile, with the Oil of Acid Resistance, and pushing it over to my already fat stack. The Oil would be a useful tool to have, just in case, and besides, with my singular hit point I definitely wanted one of the other two to have the healing potion.

“Next is Katriana's turn.”

Wisely, she choose to take the potion over cash, which left Voss with the big pile of coins.

“Hey, you want me to have all this extra money? No problem!”

“So, what do we do about the fourth pile?” Katriana asked.

“Well, normally, I'd divide it into three and then Voss would pick one and then you'd pick one, but since it's three coins that's pretty easy.”

We each added an extra gold to our respective stacks, and everyone was all the happier.

“So, what's next for us, then?” Voss asked, “Did you want to keep working together, or was this a one-off thing?”

“I think we want to keep working with you...” I said, giving a significant glance to Katriana.

Katriana gave me a nod. “We even have a new job already lined up, from the friend of the person who gave us that last one. She wants us to look into the arson of the temple that you may have heard about. You know, the one we saw burning from the mountainside.”

“That's not the only thing...” I added, putting the jar with the cipher rolled up inside on the table.

I explained the circumstances under with I discovered the cipher while they puzzled over it.

“That tomb has been outside this city so long that it's not common knowledge, according to you, Voss, why it's there or who built it. But this city plays host to adventurers once a year. The spiders reproducing every year makes a little sense, but the skeletons and any remotely useful treasure should have been cleaned out long ago. Only one explanation makes sense- the skeletons were raised only recently, and were protecting that area for this reason- to guard this dead drop.”

Voss looked surprised. “Dead drop? What's that?”

“It's where a message is left in hiding, for two people to exchange notes without having to physically meet. One person drops the message at a prearranged time, and someone else comes to pick it up.

I don't know who is doing this, and we don't have someone offering to pay us for this, but I'm sure there would be a reward from the city for finding smugglers or necromancers or something. Whoever is doing this is obviously engaged in something shady.”

“And you weren't able to decode the cipher at all if you're not telling us what it says...” Katriana said thoughtfully.

“Well, for my part, I'd rather get paid,” Voss said, “You already have a quest lined up for us, and they're offering coin, so....”

Katriana shook her head in response. “I don't know, this cipher could be big. And if they're raising skeletons right by a major road, that could be trouble for some people, right?”

Well, then. It looks like it was up to me, after all.

\-------------------------------------------

Character Name: Theodore Esche  
Race: Human   
Class: Transmuter  
Level (XP): 1 (1402/2500)  
Hit Points: 1

Ability Scores  
Strength 11  
Dexterity 17  
Constitution 8  
Intelligence 17  
Wisdom 13  
Charisma 14

Weapon Proficiencies: Darts

Nonweapon Proficiencies: Direction Sense, Etiquette, Reading/Writing, Swimming

Spells Per Day:  
1st Level- 2

Spellbook:  
(1st Level): Armor, Burning Hands, Enlarge, Featherfall, Mending, Read Magic, Sleep, Tenser's Floating Disc

Equipment: Backpack, Belt, Belt Pouch (Large, 3), Belt Pouch (Small, 4), Boots, Darts (17), Hand Mirror, Hat, Hooded Lantern, Oil of Acid Resistance, Robes (3), Signet Ring, Small Tent

Money: 33 gp, 9 sp, 5 cp

Languages: Common, Elven, Dwarven, Orc, Goblin, Draconic, 1 additional.

Companions: Katriana (Level 1 Fighter), Voss (Level 1 Fighter)


	13. Isekai Life & Morning Surprise

I sighed. “Voss is right. We already have a job with a paid backer. We owe it to her to stick with that... Sorry, Katriana. I guess I shouldn't have muddled the issue.”

Katriana shrugged it off, and peered over the coded message. “It's alright, there wasn't much of a better time to bring this up. Besides, there's nothing saying we can't work out the code while doing this other thing. Do you even have any idea what kind of cipher it even is?”

I was about to open my mouth to tell her I had no idea, but then realized I did have some. “It's not a rotational cipher nor is it a substitution cipher. The pattern of runes or characters doesn't work out. I think it might be a keyed cipher of some kind, in which case we're out of luck until we find someone who knows the key or a copy thereof.” I suppose that Reading/Writing proficiency came with some advantages.... 

The silence was deafening. “Yeah, that was a whole bunch of words you just said,” Voss replied after awhile, taking the opportunity to top up my goblet with some wine.

Things wound down after that point. We chatted some more, ate some more food, discussed briefly what Voss intended to do with his earnings- he didn't outright say it but I'm pretty sure he was headed to a brothel as soon as he was out of Katriana's sight- and just sort of chilled. Voss had finished off most of a pitcher of wine by himself, then bid his goodbyes and listed out of the room at a tilt, forgetting his spear and pack while he did so.

“Ah, well,” I said as I put his bag on the tabletop where we couldn't miss it, “I'm sure he'll be grateful for these in the morning.”

“There are three rules,” Katriana said.

“Wha...?” I replied, not comprehending either her suddenly serious tone or expression.

“Rule number one, you're not bringing anyone into this that I don't approve of.”

“Huh?”

“Rule number two, I get to marry you first. I know you're eventually going to have other wives you can be less careful about, who will be your official queen or what have you, but I want you first.”

“O-oh, I understand now.”

“Rule number three... don't forget about me, okay?” Her determination seemed to leave all at once. “I'm giving you everything for just a part of you, so... please make sure I can have that little bit, alright?”

I could hear my heartbeat in my ears. Who could hear that kind of a confession without their pulse quickening?

Gently, I took her hand, clasped it in both of my hands, and looked her in the eyes. “I could never forget about my beautiful, loving and intelligent sister. If these are your conditions, I agree. You're giving me your heart, so I promise to do whatever is in my power not to break it.”

Immediately, Katriana slid over to where I was sitting on the bench and straddled me, taking my face in her hands and kissing me deeply.

While I was momentarily distracted by the taste of wine on her tongue and the feeling of her lips, I did feel a little bad.

After all, as any power gamer would tell you, her three rules boiled down to 1) you have the extra step of passing an easy Charisma check to sleep with anyone, 2) marry her first with no mention of restriction on other fiancees or lovers, and 3) make time for her as the harem grows larger, which should be easy because why have a harem if you're just going to obsess over the latest acquisition? Just be a playboy if that's the case.

Katriana grinding into me brought me back to the present. I had the obvious reaction to having a beautiful woman straddling and kissing you, and her grinding hurt a little, but I didn't mind in this situation.

Eventually I broke free of of her kiss. “Hold on a moment,” I said, undoing the belt of my robe and unwrapped myself until my hard cock popped free.

Katriana bit her lip anxiously. “Here...?”

Without waiting for a response, she slipped out of her breeches, and went back to straddling me, using a free hand to guide my cock inside her.

There was no resistance, just the warm, moist feeling of her walls enveloping my cock. She sighed happily as she settled onto me. It felt like bliss itself.

Pleasure flooded into me. I couldn't handle it anymore, and I immediately lost control, clutching Katriana as the orgasm ripped through me. I shot my cum deep inside my sister, shuddering while Katriana held me close.

“Yes...” she sighed, “Thank you, my prince....”

“Are you sure that's okay? Did you even, you know, finish?”

“Mmmm...” She shifted thoughtfully, “We will figure it out. As for the other thing... You're not done yet, right?”

I barely managed to remember to grab Voss' stuff before we heading upstairs. It was a little awkward taking his spear upstairs- no question, I had no proficiency- but the promise of a second round with Katriana was a strong incentive to get it done quickly.

We deposited our things just inside the room, and I barely had time to slide the bar over the door before Katriana seized me for another long, sensuous kiss.

Before I knew it, we were both naked, and I was laying on the bed while Katriana rode my cock once again. Her creamy pussy felt even better, the extra lubricant easing my entrance into her. She decided to stay upright as she slid up and down on my cock, looking down at me sensually as I was treated to the bounce of her breasts, and the writhing of her body.

Our sex was... I don't want to say “pure”, that's probably the wrong term to use for any act that involves creaming your sister. But it was simple, and very, very good. I was fine with that- we'll have plenty of time to get weird.

This time, she came just before I did- the spectacle of her having a moaning, shuddering climax pushing me over the edge one more time. 

Once I finished filling her up with even more cum, she rolled onto her side, facing me. “Oh, god, that was-” then she moaned loudly as I slipped my fingers inside her.

I mean, I couldn't let our first night together as an engaged couple end on a 2-1 score, right?

We were pretty exhausted after that, so we didn't say much. Eventually, she curled up, using my arm as a pillow, and fell fast asleep.

A few things struck me as odd from our coupling. First of all, that puppy angel apparently made some concessions to my own... beauty standards, I guess? I hadn't really noticed before, having been busy dealing with skeletons and burning spiders and all that, but neither of us had much in the way of body hair. Bathing was also readily available. Hell, even though it was largely wine and ale on offer, I've seen people drinking just straight water- something that would have been a death sentence in certain parts of human history.

So, some of the dungiest parts of the dung ages were avoided entirely, and I wasn't going to complain.

At some point, I must have drifted off, because it seemed as though I blinked and there was sunlight filtering in through the windows, and Katriana was watching me with her head pillowed on my (numb) arm.

“Good morning, my prince,” she said with a loving tone, reaching out with one hand to stroke my cheek.

“Good morning,” I replied, smiling.

“I can't even comprehend what we did last night,” she said, quietly, “Everything just felt so right... why did I ever try to bottle up these feeling I had for you?”

“Well... it's not what other people consider 'okay' or 'proper',” I replied, “We're going to have to change the world to get them to accept us.”

“That's fine, I know you can do it.”

We rose out of the bed and tried to awkwardly wash the smell of sex off of us with the pitcher of water by the washbasin, then got dressed and ready for the day.

After a brief breakfast of plain oatmeal and fresh bread, we headed outside, Voss' stuff in tow, ready and equipped for a day of wandering around the city.

Voss was casually slouching against the inn, looking hung over as hell. He was happy to see his missing stuff, however. “Glad I don't have to go back to some of the other places I found myself last night.”

I didn't want to ask.

We were just getting ready to head off, when someone called my name.

Jogging up to us from down the street was a silver-haired woman in silver-trimmed white robes. She was beautiful, in that ageless could-be-twenty-could-be-forty kind of way that elves were, with fair skin and purple eyes. While it was hard to tell with her robes, she seemed soft and slender, but her chest was large enough that it swayed independent of her torso when she ran.

The girl (?) had to stop for a moment and catch her breath when she got to us, but afterwards (and seeing our suspicious looks, she managed a curtsy with her robes.

“Forgive me, I did not mean to startle you, Lord and Lady Esche. I am Ashryn Milaneth, an acolyte of the Starlit Order. High Priestess Mariska asked me to accompany you on your task.”

\-------------------------------------------

Character Name: Theodore Esche  
Race: Human   
Class: Transmuter  
Level (XP): 1 (1402/2500)  
Hit Points: 1

Ability Scores  
Strength 11  
Dexterity 17  
Constitution 8  
Intelligence 17  
Wisdom 13  
Charisma 14

Weapon Proficiencies: Darts

Nonweapon Proficiencies: Direction Sense, Etiquette, Reading/Writing, Swimming

Spells Per Day:  
1st Level- 2

Spellbook:  
(1st Level): Armor, Burning Hands, Enlarge, Featherfall, Mending, Read Magic, Sleep, Tenser's Floating Disc

Equipment: Backpack, Belt, Belt Pouch (Large, 3), Belt Pouch (Small, 4), Boots, Darts (17), Hand Mirror, Hat, Hooded Lantern, Oil of Acid Resistance, Robes (3), Signet Ring, Small Tent

Money: 33 gp, 9 sp, 5 cp

Languages: Common, Elven, Dwarven, Orc, Goblin, Draconic, 1 additional.

Companions: Katriana (Level 1 Fighter, fiancee), Voss (Level 1 Fighter), Ashryn (Level 1 Cleric)

Sexual Partners: 1


	14. Isekai Life & Rock Candy

Chapter 14: Isekai Life & Rock Candy

I flinched when Ashryn referred to me as “Lord Esche”, and from the corner of my eye, I could see Katriana glancing around the early morning street making sure that nobody was listening. The name probably didn't mean anything to Voss- being a former guard he probably wasn't educated in the geopolitical landscape of this world, and besides, was distracted by the elven cleric's holy fonts.

Ashryn immediately noted our discomfort, though. “Did I say something wrong? You are Lord and La-”

“Ashryn, right?!” Katriana said loudly, stepped forward to shake a confused Ashryn's hand, “It's so nice to meet you. Yes, you've found the right people. You can call me Katriana, and this is my little brother, Theo. The armoured man here is our friend, Voss, who's an adventurer just like you and I! Please, forget any formalities- treat us exactly like any other adventurers you'd meet anywhere.”

The elf smiled cheerily. “Of course, milady, I wouldn't think of doing anything else.”

She even attempted another curtsy before Katriana put a hand on her arm and physically prevented it. I must have winced, because the elf immediately looked alarmed again.

But then, Voss came to same the day.

He smoothly stepped forward, took Ashryn's hand and kissed it, before smiling up at her. Dropping his voice an octave, he said, “Greetings, sweet lady. I am Voss Durand, and worry not, I will be sure to protect you in our travels.”

Ashryn smiled brightly and said, “Oh! Thank you, but I'm okay! I left my shield and armour at the convent, but I made sure to bring my mace today, just in case!”

She unhooked a small, one-handed flanged mace from her belt and held it up to show everyone, before carefully tapping it on Voss' chest with an enthusiastic, “Boop!”

Voss' smile was frozen on his face, the rictus of a man who had taken a mortal wound to his pride.

Despite his wounded pride, Voss did manage to knock Ashryn off the topic of “his and her lordship”, and we were able to set off.

I did have some questions about Ashryn, but they were mostly a case of, if she was conning us, she'd just continue to lie, but if she was telling the truth she might end up calling me Lord Esche again. I could approach the subject of why Mariska had assigned her to us later, when we could explain our situation with some amount of privacy- for now, it seemed best to just distract her with the investigation.

We didn't really plan for a single-file marching order, but soon the streets filled up with enough people that it became a necessity. As the bulkiest one of us, Voss was in the front, breaking trail (so to speak), and Katriana followed, making sure his wake remained open enough for little old me.

Ashryn ended up behind me, which made a certain amount of sense as the cleric, but it didn't have to do with tactics or practicality. Instead, it was because she chattered on about everything and for some reason seemed to think I was interested in every little thought in her head.

“Wow! I can't believe I'm finally on my first adventure ever! And in such a big city, too!”

“Uh,” I replied, “Didn't you mention something about a convent before?”

“Yes! I was originally trained in a mountain convent somewhere to the northeast of here. We have to be in the mountains and away from the city, you see, because that's the only way we can see the stars. Astrology is important, you know? But it's very hard to do in a city unless it's very late in the night after all the fires have been doused. You can't be missing the fainter stars just because f a little light pollution drowning them out, you know?”

“You left your shield and armour at a convent way out in the boonies?”

“Oh, no, silly! High Priestess Mariska asked the convent in the city to loan me a cell while we were here. I can't afford a room at an inn like she does, and she also said it wouldn't do for a growing girl who's just an acolyte, like me, to be exposed to the temptations of the big city so soon. I'm only one hundred and eleven years old, you know?”

“Uh, right... well, at least that's handy....”

“So you're a mage, right? That's great, I've never met an arcane magic user before! I've only ever met other clerics. They're nice enough, I guess, but I wanted to meet someone who could conjure fireballs and stuff!”

“Well... I'm a Transmuter, specifically....”

“Oh, wow, that's great! I mean, I don't know what that means, but it sounds pretty cool! Don't worry, though, I won't get in your way! I mean, I made sure to memorize a cure spell on top of the usual stuff, you know? But I can't do lightning bolts or fireballs or anything, so we won't be stepping on each other's toes, right?”

Wait, if a cure spell is extra, what does “the usual” mean!?

“But it's so cool finally meeting a real wizard!” she continued, “And I guess some fighters, too? Well, the temple had some guards, but adventurer-fighters are pretty great as well. But they can't do spells. Anyway, I was hoping- IS THAT MAN MAKING MAGIC CRYSTALS!?”

Her shocked tone of voice brought me out of my agreeable stupor. While Voss was leading us to the temple district, he happened to pass right in front of a confectioner's shop window as we moved through the more upscale end of the shopping district. A pale-faced, chubby assistant was hanging strings of rock candy on a rack by the window, dyed pink, blue, yellow and purple.

I looked at Ashryn in stunned disbelief, but she was thoroughly entranced by the crystalline candy.

“Ashryn,” I said slowly, “How old did you say you were?”

“One hundred eleven....” she said absently.

“And how long were you in that convent for?”

“Almost my whole life, except for the occasional trip to the nearby farming village.”

How can someone spend nearly a century under complete lockdown!?

I sighed, and grabbed Ashryn by the wrist, pulling her inside the candy store.

The whole place was dazzling with all sorts of shapes and bright, cheery colours. There was very little chocolate, I noted, but a fair bit of fudge, some pastries, but mostly all sorts of decorative candy. Not just the rock candy crystals, but bags of glasslike chunks with different coloured designs, as well as jellies, toffees, a hundred other things.

It was a little embarrassing to be the only two adults in there who didn't work there nor were accompanied by children, but with Ashryn looking around in wonder, I just kind of hoped people thought people thought she was retarded and I was her keeper, or something.

Of course, once we approached the counter, Ashryn started peppering the confectioner with question after question about how it worked, how it was made, and so on that she didn't even noticed I bought two bags and a bit of rock candy on a stick. 

She was opening her mouth to ask another question, when I stuck the rock candy in her mouth, hoping I didn't scratch her tongue with it. If her eyes were wide before, they suddenly became saucerlike.

“It's sweet!” she said, in a tone that made me want to slap my forehead.

“Yeah, that's why people buy it,” I said, handing her one of the bags, “Here's for later, or if you just want to look at it or something.”

“Wow! Thank you!”

She suddenly hugged my arm in a very un-priest-like way, looking genuinely happy at this small gift. I flushed and looked away. Having finally confessed and bedded Katriana, I wasn't really aiming to put another notch in my belt right away... I was just aiming to sort of set things up.

When we left the confectioner's, we met Voss and Katriana waiting a short ways away. He appeared amused, but Katriana was pissed off. Even without the beautiful, buxom elf hanging on my arm, I would have been chastened. But I was ready for this.

“You can't ju-” was all she managed to get out before I slipped the toffee in her mouth.

High dexterity, natch. I wouldn't have much time before she finished chewing, though.

“I'm sorry, I should have said something before we headed in there. But Ashryn was really curious about the candy, and I just couldn't help buying her something. She hasn't been out of her convent for long, after all.”

Katriana swallowed, looked at Ashryn, and sighed. “You don't slow down, do you? Hey Ashryn, Voss here used to be the house guard for a noble family, I bet he's seen some really fancy parties.”

“Oh, really!?” Ashryn said, excited again, “With lords and ladies? Were there any masquerades!?”

As Voss chatted with the elf, we got moving again.

“You really couldn't help yourself?”

I ran a nervous hand through my hair. “Actually, what I really wanted was this,” I said, handing her the bag of toffees. “They're one of your favourites, right? I should make sure to buy my fiancee gifts to keep her happy.”

She still looked at me doubtfully, but popped another candy in her mouth regardless. “I don't know if you remember, but we never gave Mariska our last names.”

That stopped me cold.

“So....”

“So at the very least, the elf either knows more than she lets on. I wonder how much of the airhead act is real and how much is smokescreen.”

I shook my head. “But why would Mariska want to send us... what a saboteur? A spy?”

“It's just a hunch but... let's keep knowledge of that cipher away from her for now, okay?”

I nodded. “Right, okay.”

“And try not to be a complete slave to that cock of yours, alright?”

I sighed. “You know, it wasn't really like that....”

“Maybe... but... well, I wonder.”

At some point, the crowds had thinned out a lot, and the buskers and street vendors had disappeared all the while the buildings got bigger, more elaborate and imposing. 

We had entered the temple district.

\-------------------------------------------

Character Name: Theodore Esche  
Race: Human   
Class: Transmuter  
Level (XP): 1 (1402/2500)  
Hit Points: 1

Ability Scores  
Strength 11  
Dexterity 17  
Constitution 8  
Intelligence 17  
Wisdom 13  
Charisma 14

Weapon Proficiencies: Darts

Nonweapon Proficiencies: Direction Sense, Etiquette, Reading/Writing, Swimming

Spells Per Day:  
1st Level- 2

Spellbook:  
(1st Level): Armor, Burning Hands, Enlarge, Featherfall, Mending, Read Magic, Sleep, Tenser's Floating Disc

Equipment: Backpack, Belt, Belt Pouch (Large, 3), Belt Pouch (Small, 4), Boots, Darts (17), Hand Mirror, Hat, Hooded Lantern, Oil of Acid Resistance, Robes (3), Signet Ring, Small Tent

Money: 33 gp, 4 sp, 5 cp

Languages: Common, Elven, Dwarven, Orc, Goblin, Draconic, 1 additional.

Companions: Katriana (Level 1 Fighter, fiancee), Voss (Level 1 Fighter), Ashryn (Level 1 Cleric)

Sexual Partners: 1


	15. Isekai Life & Snake Dissection

From there it was easy to find the site of the temple dedicated to Yphion. It was the huge, burnt-out husk right next to the Islingquet, was a pair of morose-looking acolytes picking through the wreckage. Our quartet was just one of several lookie-loos peering over the husk of the temple, but a pair of city guards were on hand to prevent people from swarming the site.

“The two guards are men, I'll handle this,” Katriana said, and drifted away from the party, “Why don't you look for what evidence you can?”

Ashryn was still pestering Voss about something, so I was able to move around the whole structure and get a good look. While it seemed a lot of the outer shell was stonework, it had been placed around and supported by a wooden framework. Unlike that tomb at the edge of the city, a fire here had been a disaster and completely destroyed the building.

I had no idea what I was supposed to find, though, especially since the guard that Katriana wasn't talking to kept giving cut-eye every time I got a little too close to the rubble.

There was a loud curse and the sound of cracking timber as one of the acolytes hurried stepped back from a freshly collapsing section of wall. 

Once the dust had settled, I shouted over at the acolyte, “What are you looking for, anyway?”

Wiping his hands on his smudgy blue robes, the acolyte stepped over to me, close enough we wouldn't have to raise our voices too much. “We're trying to find remains.”

“Remains? Like human remains?”

“Well, mortal remains to be less specific. We were conducting a ritual to resurrect someone when the fire happened, and the new hierophant wants to find what's left of him so it can be properly buried.”

I blinked, confused until I remembered that in AD&D clerics could combine their powers, to give one of their number a boost to cast higher-level spells. “Uh, you don't know who that person was, who was going to be resurrected?”

The acolyte shrugged. “I didn't ask. I thought it was an adventurer. Some man in plate mail showed up with a big donation a few days before, asking about whether it'd be possible. But, although the Eternal Order of the All-Father was able to resurrect Hannah, one of the assistant priests and myself, the old hierophant and the other assistant were not released by the gods. Only the hierophant possessed enough faith and power to resurrect with help, the new one can't.”

So... the old hierophant was just high enough in level that he could cast Resurrection with the maximum bonus he could possibly attain from four other priests. Because he and one of the other mid-level clerics couldn't be resurrected because they failed their “resurrection chance” save, they can't resurrect that guy... which means the body was in a bad enough state that Raise Dead, which requires a mostly whole body, wouldn't cut it.

“Thank you for satisfying my curiosity,” I said, fishing a handful of gold out of one of my belt pouches. “I'd like to make a small donation to the effort to build a new temple.”

The acolyte jumped down from the wreckage, and accepted the donation with a deep bow. A gourd was produced, and a bit of fresh water was used to anoint my forehead as he blessed me. Not like, the spell Bless, but just a regular blessing. I think.

“Thank you for your kind donation, go forth and do kindness in the name of Yphion.”

I was ready to go forth, alright, but because Voss was discreetly trying to wave me over to where he and Ashryn were standing, not because of anything to do with that watery tart.

“Hey, look at this,” he said, tapping some smudges on the ground.

I was going to say something sarcastic about finding burn marks near the site of a building fire, when I saw what he was indicating- a blackened divot in the ground a half-inch deep, like something had burned away the stone itself, making a sinuous, halting trail away (or toward) the ruin and heading off (or coming from) across the street and down an alley. 

“What do you make of it?” I asked.

He shrugged. “I thought you were supposed to be the smart guy, smart guy. I just work here.”

“Oooh, we're following clues, just like real adventurers!” Ashryn annoucned to basically everyone in the immediate vicinity. “This is so exciting!”

Voss frowned at her. “Is she always going to be like this?”

I sighed. “Hey, Ashryn, are you always going to be like this?”

“Be like what?”

At that point, Katriana came over, scowling, and looked down at Voss. “Just a tip for your romantic endeavours, don't ever call a girl 'cupcake' until you know her really, really well.”

“Uh... I take it flirting with the guard went well?” I ventured.

“Yeah, apparently, one of the priests they resurrected said that a courier had dropped off a small crate for the Hierophant the day of the fire, but the Hierophant couldn't get it open so he left it in the rectory while they conducted some ritual. They don't know what was in the crate, but I suspect it would have been what started the fire.”

Voss and I looked at each other, then down at the trail. Ashryn clapped her hands together and squealed, “Yay! A breakthrough!”

The trail lead across the street, along one of the buildings, and down a narrow alley. Worryingly, the trail eventually met up with four others that had emerged from the wreckage at other points.

Eventually, a wooden hardwood door appeared in the lefthand wall of the alley. The trails congregated around it, and there was a fist-sized hole burned through the wood at ground level.

Voss tried the door, and shook his head. “Locked.”

I turned to look at Ashryn. “Could you give it a listen?”

She smiled at me, squeezed by, and carefully put her ear to the door. After a few heartbeats, she shook her head. “Nothing.”

“Do we bust it down, or...?” Voss began, but I was already incanting the Formula of Zher-ah.

The spell caused the wood of the door to tremble, then buckle, as the door shrank by 10% in all dimensions. The wooden snapped and shattered as the hinges ripped free, and of course the catch pulled away from the doorjamb. Soon, it was only being held up by the security bar that had been holding it closed in place of a lock.

Voss grinned and slipped his hand inside to release the bar. “Show off.”

I shrugged, grinning back “Someone bashing down a door would be noticed, a little splintering wood probably wouldn't make it out over the crowd.”

With Katriana's help, he managed to wrestle the shrunken door out of the doorway, and we ducked inside what seemed, in the dim light, to be the smithy at the back of a blacksmith's shop.

It looked perfectly in order, as if the shop had yet to open. The only things out of order were the notes drifting around the door, probably slipped underneath by worried apprentices and blown around by our entrance- and the two-day-old corpse lying on the ground by the actual forge in a pool of dried blood, a look of surprise permanently inscribed on it's face by rigor mortis.

Ashryn gasped, and was about to move forward to attend to the body, when Voss seized her arm and pointed at the writhing mass that rested on the still-smouldering coals.

A tangle of glowing red and black snakes twined against each other, barely registering our presence.

Fire snakes, I recognized them, but they weren't common enemies and I strained to remember what I could about them. Elemental-kin, the monster manual called them, but other than they were low-level enemies, I had nothing.

“Any genius plans there, smart guy?” Voss said, and the tinge of concerned in his voice said he was only partly sarcastic. It was then that I suddenly remembered something key about them, and decided we had to take them out.

I pointed to a bucket resting not far from the open doorway. “Fill that with water. Unfortunately, to properly kite them, we're going to have to piss them off first. Ashryn, stay as far away from the forge as possible and see if the front of the shop has a shield for you to use.”

“What's the call here, Theodore?” Katriana inquired, gaze locked on the snakes.

“If we just leave them here, they might cause other fires just by accident. Someone has to deal with them. Just be aware that they're not stupid- they're pack hunters in their natural habitat.”

She nodded wordlessly drew her longsword.

When Ashryn returned, armed with a shield and her mace in hand, and Voss came back with a bucketful of well water, I explained the plan to everyone.

“Voss tosses the bucket onto the coals. This will dampen the fire and royally tick off the fire snakes. When they come out of the forge, give them some space, and I'll put as many of them to sleep as I can. Then you three take them out, first the awake ones, then the sleeping ones one at a time. Ashryn, let Voss and Katriana hold their attention, and you only take the occasional strike if the opportunity to hit and back away presents itself.”

Everyone gave a verbal assent to this plan. Surprisingly, now that there was danger afoot, Ashryn was focused and calm- more than I would have credited her for.

Voss tossed the bucket into the forge, snatched up his spear, and the battle was on.

Glowing snakes immediately boiled out of the forge, and I incanted to now-familiar chant for the Hex of Willow and Lotus. I don't know what went wrong, either the snakes had a better than average spell save or I “rolled” really badly on the hit dice of monsters affected, but only one of the snakes blinked sleepily and curled up for a rest. The other four snakes went straight for Voss, who stabbed with his spear at one and missed.

“Dammit, Theo, this was some plan!”

I flung three of my darts, but the snakes were surprisingly poor targets, and all three darts got stuck in the wooden cabinet just behind. Katriana stepped up in front of Voss and swiftly sliced one of the snakes' head clean off, keeping her cool and settling into a defensive stance. Meanwhile, Ashryn came up from the direction of the shop lifting her mace to strike, but seemed to lose her balance with the unfamiliar shield, and chose to back off rather than risk the snake's attention.

The snakes then lunged forward, and Katriana hissed in pain and stepped back, her sword hand bleeding from a graze inflicted by the snakes. If the venom affected her at all, she gave no sign.

Voss continued to flail with his spear, but Katriana remained professional, cutting down another snake with a two-cut combo. Ashryn chose, instead of attacking, to incant some kind of blessing, and faint silver light enveloped the room in a wave.

Whatever that spell was, it must have had some distracting effect on the snakes, because they scored no further hits, although by the time I had to duck out of the room to give Katriana and Voss more space to fall back.

Voss finally manged to score a hit, scratching a long score down the body of the snake threatening head, as Katriana swiftly beheaded yet another one of the creatures. Voss' snake did managed to duck through and sink it's fangs deep into his ankle, though- I was concerned, until I remembered his lack of bandage this morning. He must have blown at least some of his earnings from the last quest on magical healing at a temple.

He had his revenge by skewering the beast on his spear, as it sat with it's fangs still deep within him.”Fuck! Balls of the All-Father, Theo, I thought you were going to cast a spell or something!”

“I did!” I protested, as I helped him pry to snake's jaws from his pant leg, “I just got... literally the second worst result possible!”

“Well... don't do that again! Damn!”

While he was swearing at me, Ashryn and Katriana dispatched the last of the snakes. Ashryn came back to cast a cure spell on Voss, while Katriana poked around the forge with a pair of tongs, and confirmed that all the snakes appeared to be dead.

“Are you going to be okay?” I asked Voss, who still seemed unsteady on his feet.

“I don't know, it still kind of burns... but I'm still on my feet. That's something.”

Nodding at him, I grabbed an unfinished dagger from a nearby rack, and borrowed the tongs from Katriana to lift one of the snakes onto the anvil. After a few quick slices, I found what I was looking for, and poked a trio of gore-soaked gemstones onto the anvil's surface.

“What...? Did you know about these, Theodore?” Katriana asked with wonder.

I shrugged. “I think they like to use them as gizzard stones...” By the time I finished hacking apart the rest of the snakes, we had thirteen smooth, sticky gems sitting out, in a myriad of colours.

Ashryn smiled. “Wow, you're sure resourceful, Lord Esche!”

I wasn't even taken back enough to shush her. The haul was better than I had expected.

Voss tried to whistle, but could only make a wet slurping sound as the paralytic venom took hold, and he slid to the floor in a pile. 

\-------------------------------------------

Character Name: Theodore Esche  
Race: Human  
Class: Transmuter  
Level (XP): 1 (1662/2500)  
Hit Points: 1

Ability Scores  
Strength 11  
Dexterity 17  
Constitution 8  
Intelligence 17  
Wisdom 13  
Charisma 14

Weapon Proficiencies: Darts

Nonweapon Proficiencies: Direction Sense, Etiquette, Reading/Writing, Swimming

Spells Per Day:  
1st Level- 2

Spellbook:  
(1st Level): Armor, Burning Hands, Enlarge, Featherfall, Mending, Read Magic, Sleep, Tenser's Floating Disc

Equipment: Backpack, Bag of 13 unappraised gems, Belt, Belt Pouch (Large, 3), Belt Pouch (Small, 4), Boots, Darts (16), Hand Mirror, Hat, Hooded Lantern, Oil of Acid Resistance, Robes (3), Signet Ring, Small Tent

Money: 28 gp, 4 sp, 5 cp

Languages: Common, Elven, Dwarven, Orc, Goblin, Draconic, 1 additional.

Companions: Katriana (Level 1 Fighter, fiancee), Voss (Level 1 Fighter), Ashryn (Level 1 Cleric)

Sexual Partners: 1


	16. Isekai Life & "The Talk"

Chapter 16: Isekai Life & “The Talk”

First, Ashryn and I put Voss in a comfortable position- paralytic venom only lasted for 2d4 minutes, so he'd come around pretty quick. Then Ashryn used her last spell- which turned out to be Detect Magic, or rather, “The Starlit Eyes of the Arcane”, to scan around the room and check for any other fire snakes. I had no idea if “animals from an elemental plane who were otherwise totally normal in the context of that plane” counted as “magical” for the purposes of that spell, but it was worth a shot. Other than excitedly pointing out that our potions were, in fact, magic, she reported there were no magical objects in our vicinity. 

So we had some time to kill while Voss regained voluntarily control of his body and the numbness in Katriana's sword hand went away. We used the time to get our facts straight. Well, Katriana and I got out facts straight, though Ashryn was just happy to be a part of the process.

“A few days” before the night of the arson, someone in plate mail came to the Temple of Yphion and arranged for a Resurrection spell to be cast on someone in exchange for a large donation. This meant that a) the body was in such a terrible state that it couldn't be raised by a simpler Raise Dead spell, b) the person being resurrected would need to do strenuous activity right after regaining life, or c) both. The remains of this guy, whoever it is, are still missing.

The day of the ritual, a package arrived containing five fire snakes, presumably they were drugged or sleeping from magic or something. The package was made of wood- described as a “crate”- but was sealed in such a way the Hierophant couldn't open it, so he ignored it for now, presumably to be addressed later.

That night the five priests- the Hierophant who was at least level ten but not higher than level fourteen, two assistant priests who were probably levels four to six based on nothing but my assumptions on local level distribution, and two acolytes who were at levels one to two- gathered together to conduct the Combine ritual and cast the Resurrection spell. At some point during this ritual, the fire snakes woke up/got hungry/got bored and burned their way out of the crate, setting the Hierophant's study or office on fire, which then spread to the rest of the temple. The priests didn't notice what was going on, trancing out in their little ritual, until it was too late.

The day after the fire subsided, the Eternal Order of the All-Father, either out of the goodness of their hearts or as part of a PR stunt, resurrected the priests, but only managed to get one of the assistant priests and the two acolytes. At around this time, once the temple's ruins got cold enough, the five fire snakes relocated to the next-warmest thing in the area- a tamped forge that was waiting to be reactivated the following morning. This next day, the blacksmith would open up his forge for a day's hard work, only to startle the snakes and have his jugular ripped out as thanks. He bled to death on the floor of his forge, and while his apprentices and family knew he was missing, none of them got around to breaking into the guy's workshop to find him just yet, and was undiscovered until our party was investigating, two days after the fire.

We also concurred that, despite not murdering the poor guy, the situation was just suspicious enough that it was in our best interests to let the apprentices/family/whatever discover the body for themselves in a day or two, rather than have to two people that the city guard already had flagged as suspicious make an official report. Hopefully the feral cats wouldn't chew on him too badly.

That last bit about the guards made Ashryn look upset, so I figured it was as good a time as any to have “the talk”.

“We are, technically, Prince Theodore and Princess Katriana of the House of Esche, rightful heirs to the throne of a city-state known as Chalcia, which is about two hundred leagues to the west of here,” Katriana explained, “The use of arcane magic is severely sanctioned, but in spite of that, every king of Chalcia for sixteen generations was secretly a wizard, using their powers to aid the country and protect themselves in secret. Our father happened to be caught by a political rival, who then engineered a coup against him.”

I continued, “We got away, with the help of some retainers, and escaped to the Thaumaturgical Academy at Brustania. I was able to complete my education as a magic user there, but Katriana discovered a plot by the headmaster to use me as a puppet, overthrow the current ruler, and seize control of Chalcia for himself. Normally, I'd be ecstatic at the possibility of having help from a huge organization of magic users in taking back my throne, but I don't want to be anyone's disposable puppet. We high-tailed it from the Academy before I could formally graduate, and we've been on the road every since.”

“Our basic plan is to gather resources and allies as adventurers, before returning to Chalcia to take back Theodore's rightful throne,” Katriana finished, “But we don't want work of who exactly we are from getting out in case someone tries to make use of us again. We're not really worried about one of you two hiking that far to sell us out to some people who are half a continent away, but we don't know the nobility of Tresens too well and it's possible that we might get wrapped up in some scheme or worse, kept as trophies.”

With that, I looked to our two companions. “Any questions?”

Ashryn raised her hand.

“Yes?”

“I already knew all that stuff.”

I nodded. “Yeah, I figured Mariska might have done some basic divination about us when she decided to hire us.”

“No, I mean, I knew about you before that,” Ashrynsaid while fidgeting some and flushing with embarassment, “We're not supposed to play around with the powers granted to us by the Siphine, but one night some of us acolytes got into the sacramental wine and one of the older girls started casting auguries about... stuff.” She fidgeted some more. “My augury said that... the two most important people to me were the Prince and Princess of Esche, and I think I got a vision of what you two may have looked like at the time. High Priestess Mariska didn't tell me anything, she just said there were two adventurers I was to help, but I recognized you on sight.”

Katriana and I exchanged glances, and she shrugged with a small, bemused smile. “Uh, okay,” was my only reply.

Voss's hand went up, his hand still at something of a limp angle.

“Yes?”

“If I help you guys out, will I get to become a badass knight and carry a title, build a keep and all that?”

“Sure. When I get my throne back, you can have whatever is in my power to give you.”

“Alright, fuck it, I'm in.”

And thus, under these circumstances the Chalcian Revolutionary Army was formed. Not the most auspicious beginning, but there are worst places to plan a conspiracy to overthrow a king. Could have done without the corpse, though.

Once Voss was mobile again, it was agreed that our meeting be moved back to the Lazy Ox for now, to discuss our options and next steps. And to ask the proprietor about trustworthy jewellers.

By the time we got back, it was mid-afternoon, and the place was being cleaned in preparation for the inevitable crowd of tourney-goers and competitors who would flood the place later that night. The innkeeper's attitude about Katriana and I had improved significantly after the town guard decided we weren't criminals, especially since we were springing for a fancy room and once again asked for a private dining room for dinner. We didn't strictly need to discuss things over dinner, but seeing as how Katriana was still injured, Ashryn and I were out of spells, and only Voss was really in fighting form, we decided it was best to take a night and compare notes. Katriana paid up this time, but as it turned out the dining rooms were still being cleaned.

Concerned about the mess that Katriana must have left last time, I immediately went about inquiring about a jeweller who might be in the business of buying gemstones from adventurers. The innkeeper, of course, knew about such a place- hell, he was probably even getting a finder's fee, seeing how many adventurers came through his door. More importantly, we were out the door and off before any of the serving girls could start asking questions about how to get semen out of seat cushions in front of everyone.

The jeweller wasn't that far away, and before long he was examining our little pile of uncut but smooth gems. I managed to find some time to rinse them out in a mug of water the innkeeper had thoughtfully provided, but they were still a little sticky. All the same, the jeweller wasn't examining them for long when he asked one of his assistants to “Go fetch Naron and tell him to bring his kit.”

I assumed Naron would be another jeweller, but instead Naron was a scribe, whose “kit” consisted of a small portable writing desk, a candle, and a series of things that looked like stamps.

The jeweller looked at me and said, “They're uncut so that affects their value somewhat, and at least one of them has been ground down to the point where it wont be able to be cut into it's usual size, but I can offer you three thousand golden crowns for them.”

I heard a pair of gasps from either side of me, and Voss whistled. My own eyes must have been bugging from my skull because the moneychanger actually had a chuckle at our reaction.

You see, gemstones in AD&D were pretty close to the best kind of treasure a monster could drop, other than magic items, of course. For every gemstone that a monster dropped, the DM rolled on a chart to determine it's value, from a 25% chance of it being worth 10 gold to a 1% chance of it being worth 5000 gold. On top of that, there was a 1 in 10 chance that a gem would turn out to be exceptional in some way, which involved using another chart that a roughly equal chance of moving the gemstone to the next value tier, doubling it's value, increasing it by up to 140%, and then the opposite of those things.

As soon as I remembered that fire snakes were probably the lowest-level enemies that dropped gems, I knew I had to take the chance, and it had paid off incredibly well. So well, in fact, that it defied even my lofty expectations.

Soon, we had been given each a promissory note from the Guilders' Bank of Tresens for 750 gold pieces, signified and sealed by a bank notary. And they worked, too- Voss didn't trust the bit of paper very much and stopped at a moneychanger to withdraw the full amount before going back to the inn, which left him with a jangling backpack for most of the trip.

For my part, I carefully folded up the promissory note and slipped it inside my spellbook. I had some ideas on what to do with it, but they would have to wait until I was second level.

By the time we got back to the Lazy Ox, we could settle down in a private dining room, have some ale and bread, and wait for the rest of dinner to show up.

Katriana started the conversation with, “So, the way I see it, we have three....”

“Hold up, hold up,” Voss replied, “First and most important, why are we still working this quest when we just got a huge payout?”

I replied to him with, “What, you don't want more?”

He thought about it, then sighed. “Yeah, okay, but after this quest we're taking a break to actually spend some of this money.”

Now, something to realize about Voss: He wore chainmail armour. Perfectly serviceable, but chain mail and a shield got your Armor Class down to 4, whereas for five gold more you could get Splint Mail like Katriana did, and with a matching shield that would get you down to a 3. And given how much Voss seemed to like drinking and wenching, I could guess where that five gold pieces he saved ended up, ultimately. He was the kind of adventurer who would end up in a infinite loop, adventuring in order to pay for hookers and booze, then adventuring again when the bartender called in the tab.

“Only if you buy some proper plate mail.”

He gave me a glare, and I shrugged. “You don't want to keep ending up as a pincushion after every battle, right? Get some proper plate mail and I swear I will help you paint the town red.”

“Jeez, fine, dad....”

“Anyway,” Katriana continued, “We have three things to investigate- where the fire snakes came from, who delivered them and who it was that asked for the resurrection in the first place.”

“Wait, what does the resurrection have to do with anything?” Ashryn asked.

“C'mon, clearly the fire had something to do with the out-of-place resurrection,” Voss replied, “Nobody burns down a temple in a busy city like this just because they're mean.”

“Oh,” Ashryn pouted, “Well, you could have put that in a nicer way....”

“I think I know where we can track those fire snakes,” Voss continued, “I'm familiar with the captain of the pleasure yacht kept by the house I used to work for, and he knows the docks pretty well. Maybe he could point us toward the kind of people who would smuggle in dangerous, exotic animals.”

“Sure,” I replied, “Then we'll check that out in the morning.”

Right around then, food started to get delivered- just the usual, stew, more bread and a pitcher of wine. We dug in, as usual, though Ashryn ended up picking some of the larger chunks of meat out of her food.

“So, about what you said earlier,” Voss said over dinner, “You two are really royalty?”

Katriana grimaced. “Well, not really. Not since we were kids. But royalty-in-exile, yes.”

“So, if you haven't been there since you were little, why do you want to go back?”

“We have our reasons,” I said, simply, when Katriana blushed a little, “Most important of which is, we want to go back to our home, we don't trust the man who overthrew our father, and, well, we want to make the world a better place. The best way we can achieve that is by having the power of our own country to help us.”

Well, that wasn't technically lying, I would consider a world where I'm free to bang Katriana as I please an improvement.

“They're destined to do great things,” Ashryn said to Voss, “I don't know if they'll ever reclaim their throne, but they will leave a lasting impact on the world.”

Voss shrugged. “I don't know if I believe in destiny. I've heard plenty of stories about people who had a member of the Starlit Order hanging around that ended up with a sword in them, so I wonder exactly how much your goddesses do know about how the world is.”

Just as Ashryn was looking ticked off, I decided to intercept. “So, Ashryn, tomorrow we'll need you to memorize at least two healing spells, and bring your armour and shield this time, okay?”

“Okay~”

\-------------------------------------------

Character Name: Theodore Esche  
Race: Human   
Class: Transmuter  
Level (XP): 1 (1662/2500)  
Hit Points: 1

Ability Scores  
Strength 11  
Dexterity 17  
Constitution 8  
Intelligence 17  
Wisdom 13  
Charisma 14

Weapon Proficiencies: Darts

Nonweapon Proficiencies: Direction Sense, Etiquette, Reading/Writing, Swimming

Spells Per Day:  
1st Level- 2

Spellbook:  
(1st Level): Armor, Burning Hands, Enlarge, Featherfall, Mending, Read Magic, Sleep, Tenser's Floating Disc

Equipment: Backpack, Belt, Belt Pouch (Large, 3), Belt Pouch (Small, 4), Boots, Darts (16), Hand Mirror, Hat, Hooded Lantern, Promissory Note worth 750gp, Oil of Acid Resistance, Robes (3), Signet Ring, Small Tent

Money: 28 gp, 4 sp, 5 cp

Languages: Common, Elven, Dwarven, Orc, Goblin, Draconic, 1 additional.

Companions: Katriana (Level 1 Fighter, fiancee), Voss (Level 1 Fighter), Ashryn (Level 1 Cleric)

Sexual Partners: 1


	17. Isekai Life & Princely Command

Chapter 17: Isekai Life & Princely Command

Soon after all that, conversation wound down. Ashryn excused herself in order to get to the convent before it got too dark, and Voss decided that he'd better drop by his tenement at some point since he hasn't spent more than hour there that wasn't sleeping in the last four days, and at least he ought to keep his landlord from renting the place out from under him.

That was fine, as it left me and Katriana all by ourselves.

However, once everyone left, she seemed to hesitate, playing with a knot in the table rather than saying anything.

“Is something wrong?” I asked, daring to put a hand on her thigh.

She startled a little. “N-no, not really.... “

There was a long pause, then, “You want to bed Ashryn, don't you?”

So, there was a problem.

I sat back on the bench and leaned against the wall. “Well... she is very beautiful... and she seems interested in me....”

She smiled a little. “Well, give it a bit... I don't want you sticking that thing into just anyone.”

I gestured expansively. “As you can see, I'm here with you, not following her to her convent.”

She rolled her eyes. “Yeah, there are few places that can kindle lust like a convent....”

Well, okay, you say that, but....

“I'm just saying, let's make sure we both like her before you... consummate, okay?”

“I understand completely.”

“Great. Now, as for where you can stick that thing....”

We didn't have sex right there in the dining room again, though we barely managed to keep it together long enough to get to our room. Unfortunately, once I barred the door, I turned around and found Katriana struggling to get out her cuirass, being unwilling or unable to use her bandaged hand. 

I came up beside her, gently took the shoulders of her armour in hand and lifted it away carefully.

Standing close to a person, the smell of sweat, and undressing someone out of armour... they don't sound very erotic, but in that situation, I ended up rock hard.

We kissed each other deeply, as she helped me out of my robes on our way to bed. Because of her wounded hand, she was unable to act aggressively, like she did last time, so it was up to me this time.

I tried to be mindful of my low Constitution score- if this was going to be good, I couldn't just sprint ahead. Instead, I planned on taking it slow.

When I gently lay Katriana down on the bed, with her arms above her head and her body exposed, she blushed furiously. Looking away, she muttered, “I still can't bear you staring at me like that...”, but how could I not? Her smallish, yet perky breasts, and the glistening slit between her legs, I wanted a moment to drink it all in.

That's when I knelt between her legs and gently pushed inside. She was wet enough that it was easy to get all the way in, and she moaned while her body accepted all of my cock. Her face momentarily looked pained, but I think that was the discomfort of having her pussy spread open by my cock. She would get used to it, in time.

Making sure my arms and legs were in a comfortable position, I began to slide most of the way out of her, then pushed forward, burying myself to the hilt again. I kept things at a painstaking pace, and soon Katriana was squirming under me, clutching the bed and writhing as I ever so slowly fucked her.

I was so enthralled, watching her enjoy herself, that I was surprised when she wrapped her arms around my shoulders, suddenly, pulled me close, and started moaning desperately in my ear. I was able to figure out what was going on pretty quick, and thrust quite a bit faster in order to get through that last sprint to the finish line.

When Katriana's orgasm had finished, she put a hand on my chest and pressed firmly. “We should figure something else for you...” he said as she panted, “If you keep finishing inside me, we're going to have a problem....”

I nodded, and managed to resist disregarding her entirely, and slipped my still very hard cock out of her pussy. “Well... what about a blow job?”

“A what!?” Katriana gave me a very weird look, like she had never heard the term before.

“Alright...” I sighed, thinking, “It's where you put my cock in your mouth... tighten your lips around my shaft, and sort of rub it like that, with a lot of spit and using your tongue a little, too. It's supposed to feel really good.”

I mean, how would I know? I died a virgin in my previous life. Snore, snore, pop, after all.

“That sounds disgusting.”

Her face matched her words. I needed to think fast, to salvage the situation, both because I wanted to finish, and because I didn't want her looking at me that way.

She came really easily with me on top compared to yesterday. Could she be...?

“Your prince is commanding you to do it.”

First, she went visibly pale, then flushed red. “What do you think you-”

I probed at her sex with my still hard cock, which made her gasp. “Well, if you'd prefer I take my liberties here...”

“Fine! Fine... just... I hope you're happy....”

I removed over to the couch and sat back, my legs wide, and tried my best to look regal. When Katriana followed, I pointed on the floor in front of me. “Kneel.”

She gave me a glare, but, obediently, she knelt in front of me. Also, it seemed, she was blushing and, judging from the rise and fall of her chest, was breathing heavily.

“Go on, satisfy your prince,” I said, as imperiously as I could manage.

Her eyes lowered to my stiff rod, and, carefully, she took my cock into her mouth.

The sensation was different, but still good. Especially when her mouth filled with saliva, giving an even more moist feeling than her pussy did. I don't know if it's possible to have a natural talent for this sort of thing, but Katriana was taking the time and care to try and make me feel good.

Soon, the sight of her head bobbing up and down on my cock, with the sensations on my dick, finally got me to come to a climax. It came on so suddenly that I couldn't control it, and so Katriana had no warning as I proceeded to empty my balls into her mouth.

She immediately choked, coughing a good splurt of cum and spit onto her chest in the process, her running eyes and cum-streaked lips and breasts made her look even more sexy, somehow.

I smiled down at her, and admonished her. “Is that any way to treat your prince's gift? You should swallow it like a good girl.”

She cut me another glare, but obediently shut her lips and swallowed. “Thank you, my Prince,” she said with a thick voice.

Then, something amazing happened.

Seeing my sister in this state and behaving in this way was having an effect on me, and my cock was maintaining attention, staying stiff in spite of just coming.

Katriana looked down at it, and quietly said, “Forgive me, my Prince, I seem to have left this task unfinished,” before taking my cock in her mouth again.

The second time around, it was just as good, although it took longer this time, of course... but this time, I was prepared, and warned Katriana when I was about to cum. 

Because of that, she was able to swallow it all, gulping after every few jets. This time, when she pulled back, there was no coughing. She wiped her chin with her uninjured hand, paused, and then licked her hand clean.

“Was that satisfactory, my Prince?” she asked, in a much more sultry voice than I expected.

“Of course, that was amazing,” I settled back, perfectly relaxed, “Thank you, my Princess.”

Surprisingly she settled her cheek on my thigh for a moment, tenderly, before standing and trying to get cleaned up for bed.

That night, when we finally fell asleep, she pressed up against me once again, without reservation.

It was very peaceful, until the following day when I was woken rather abruptly by Katriana shooting out of bed, cursing me as her chest was now covered in the milky, flaky film of dried semen.

As she ran to find a serving girl and have an early bath, wearing a tunic to held hide the stain, I was given plenty of time to relax, saunter downstairs and study my spellbook over breakfast.

Sleep, of course, was my top priority spell, despite it's poor performance against the fire snakes. For my second spell, and for my second spell, I took Reduce again. Useful for debuffing enemies, making objects you need to haul away more manageable, and breaking and entering, how could I go wrong?

Katriana was still running around getting ready, when I went outside to meet with the others. I felt a little bad, but what was I going to do? Scrub her chest for her?

Voss was waiting outside like usual, snacking on some kind of pastry as I exited. He gave me a glance, and then brushes crumbs off his hands. “Morning. Where's your sister? Still getting ready? Women, right?”

I didn't say anything, knowing full well exactly why she was late.

“So, we're going to meet your friend by the docks?”

“Yeah,” he replied with a shrug, “Hopefully we can get a line on this investigation. I'd love to get a little time off to enjoy the joust.”

“Hi, everyone~!”

Ashryn cheerfully greeted everyone as she hurried down the street towards us, and our jaws dropped.

Ashryn's “armour” consisted of a splint mail cuirass, much like Katriana's, but unlike my sister's more conservative, overlapping armour, Ashryn's armour left her arms bare except for armoured bracers, and her legs... her cuirass ended in an armoured skirt to protect her thighs, that really only went mid-thigh, and she had greaves and boots to protect her shins and feets. Otherwise, her legs were bare, and they were nice legs- smooth and athletic without being overly muscled. 

I guess the whole ensemble was meant to help her made use of that Elven Dexterity bonus, but it had the side effect of looking pretty sexy. Other than Katriana, this was the least-dressed I've ever seen anyone since coming to this world. She was going to turn heads around us all day.

So much for subtlety.

A sharp prod in the back made me stumble forward a little. I turned to see Katriana standing behind me, her hair wet from her bath from brushed back, giving me an unreadable expression. Was she still mad?

There was no time to tell as she cleared her throat. “So, we're going down to the docks, right?”

“Yeah, it's a pretty short walk, so let's go,” Voss replied.

The way Tresens was built, everything was a short walk from the docks, but apparently the specific part of the docks we wanted wasn't far from the Lazy Ox, and roughly adjacent to where the ferry had unloaded us when Katriana and I had arrived.

For all that Voss was just kind of... some guy we picked up to adventure with, and as such was totally superfluous to both my harem-obtaining plan as well as usurper-overthrowing plan, he sure did know how to work his contacts. After a brief, glad-handing reunion with the captain of the riverboat he knew, we were directed to one of the harbourmasters' assistants. There, some brief words were discussed, a little gold changed hands, and we were directly a nearby tavern to talk to the bosun of a trading vessel that was waiting for its' quartermaster to finish wheeling and dealing at the marketplace.

The bosun was surly, until Voss freshened his drink and offered a few coins more beside. They had a hushed discussion, and eventually to bosun had a laugh, pointed deeper into the city and clapped Voss on the shoulder.

Voss was grimacing when he came back to us, but Ashryn was chipper like always. “What's wrong, Voss,” she said, sadness creeping into her tone, “That man was just laughing... was it not good? Did we hit a dead end?”

“Worse, maybe,” Voss replied with a sigh, “We'd better get moving, I want to be out of there before dark.”

“Out of where?” Katriana asked, concern in her voice.

“A district called Shafttown,” he said, looking miserable, “The client that ordered the fire snakes was a member of the Dwarven mafia.”

\-------------------------------------------

Character Name: Theodore Esche  
Race: Human   
Class: Transmuter  
Level (XP): 1 (1662/2500)  
Hit Points: 1

Ability Scores  
Strength 11  
Dexterity 17  
Constitution 8  
Intelligence 17  
Wisdom 13  
Charisma 14

Weapon Proficiencies: Darts

Nonweapon Proficiencies: Direction Sense, Etiquette, Reading/Writing, Swimming

Spells Per Day:  
1st Level- 2

Spellbook:  
(1st Level): Armor, Burning Hands, Enlarge, Featherfall, Mending, Read Magic, Sleep, Tenser's Floating Disc

Equipment: Backpack, Belt, Belt Pouch (Large, 3), Belt Pouch (Small, 4), Boots, Darts (16), Hand Mirror, Hat, Hooded Lantern, Promissory Note worth 750gp, Oil of Acid Resistance, Robes (3), Signet Ring, Small Tent

Money: 28 gp, 4 sp, 5 cp

Languages: Common, Elven, Dwarven, Orc, Goblin, Draconic, 1 additional.

Companions: Katriana (Level 1 Fighter, fiancee), Voss (Level 1 Fighter), Ashryn (Level 1 Cleric)

Sexual Partners: 1


	18. Isekai Life & Dwarfseye

Tresens, like many cities that depend on mining, had, over time, attracted a sizable minority of dwarves, who came looking for work, mineral wealth, or came with their families. And, also over time, apathy and distrust fomented between the culture of the dwarves and the human rulers of Tresens, as dwarves occasionally consider things like filial loyalty, ancient codes and personal honour paramount over trifling human laws, and human lords often prefer that their laws and decrees be followed. And so, as often happened, crime began to get organized among the dwarves, initially as a sort of militia to police dwarves dealing with dwarven problems and, eventually, this and that happens and now they're a full blow mafia, right down to the racketeering, smuggling, turf wars (the docks had their own, thriving human-based thieves' guild), and all.

Voss explained the situation fairly basically as we walked, but it wasn't difficult to fill in the blanks with my previous life's knowledge of how the Italian mafia got started.

As for what Shafttown was... apparently, mountain dwarves in particular often have difficulty with sunlight allergies, something that doesn't quite affect a third of their race. Of course, anyone with a minimum of sense would posit that maybe moving overland to a human surface city would be a bad idea for such afflicted individuals, but the dwarves eventually accommodated this problem by buying up a bunch of spent mining shafts and literally cutting out an entire district from the inside of a mountain. The dwarves called it home, and the humans called it Shafttown.

And so, our objective of the moment: go to Shafttown, try and find a member of a ruthless and semi-racist mafia, and maybe find out that we'd be fighting an entire thieves' guild on their home turf that most assuredly was not designed to accommodate humans and elves. 

When I pointed it out, Katriana asked, “Well, do you have any better ideas?”

But, I did not. Give me a dungeon or a trap or a rules situation and I bet I could outthink it or at least come up with a solution to try. But a lot of this investigation nonsense was mostly new to me.

“Don't worry, Theodore!” Ashryn said in an attempt to cheer me up, “I checked out astrological forecast last night, and it predicted that we'd have good fortune!”

Somehow that didn't cheer me.

But still, we walked on, only taking a small break for Voss to grab some more snacks off a street vendor and for Ashryn to cast Cure Light Wounds and heal Katriana's hand the rest of the way.

We were drawing closer to the entrance to Shafttown when an armoured man fell in beside me, slowing his pace to match.

“Good morning, sir Theodore, how are you today?”

I looked to the side to see the smiling face of a familiar guardsman. 

“Headed into Shafttown for any particular reason? Meeting someone, perhaps?”

I grimaced. It was the same man who questioned us at the Lazy Ox three days ago. 

Katriana was immediately on guard, and Ashryn didn't seem to happy either. Voss seemed to be trying to fade into the background, though.

“What do you want?” Katriana asked, scornfully.

“Ah, nothing, really,” the guard replied, keeping pace with us, “Did you know that there's a bounty, now, for the arrest of the arsonist?”

My frown deepened. Was this guy thinking of turning us in for the reward?

“Well, that's good! We're on the trail of the arsonist right now!”

I could have groaned. Thank you for your contribution, Ashryn.

“Oh, are you?”

“Yeah! We found out it has to do with a dwarven thieves' guild, so we're checking that out right now!”

The guardsman spun me a little bit so I could look at him better. His eyes went to Ashryn briefly, the looked back at me. “Is she serious?”

I gave him a brief nod.

He paused and thought for a bit. “Come with me,” he said, leading us into Shafttown.

I glanced at Katriana, who shrugged. “It's not like we have any other leads right now....”

The guard took us to a pawn shop right near one of the entrances to Shafttown. I noticed Voss keeping his distance, shadowing up a few meters back in the crowd, which was probably wise. Who knows what this guy would so?

The guard led the way into the pawn shop, Ashryn and I followed. Katriana decided to hang back, maybe keep on eye from outside? Either way, we walked right into a shakedown. As in, the guard had to the proprietor of the shop, the skinniest dwarf I've ever seen, lifted a foot into the hair and was shaking him.

“I thought you told me that your people weren't involved in the arson, eh, Bandek? You said that burning down temples wasn't in the best interests of the guild, didn't you?”

“Aye, Captain Hawkins, aye! Word is, the Guildmaster doesn't want no temples burned in case 'e ever needs a rezzie 'imself!”

“So what's this I hear about these fine young adventurers investigating your guild for the arson?”

The dwarf looked at Ashryn and I in a panic. I can't imagine a short, chubby wizard and a half-dressed elf were very threatening, but he was scared all the same.

“Alright! Alright. We smuggled in the fire snakes, but when the guildmaster 'eard what they were meant to be used for, he put the kibosh on the whole deal.”

The captain slammed the dwarf into the wall of his own shop. Wait, was he doing it to be threatening or because his arms were tired? Either way, Ashryn gripped my arm in worry, and I kind of felt bad for the dwarf. Clearly, police brutality was just fine in this city.

“But the temple burned anyway, didn't it?”

“Aye! W-we think they got an unlicensed thief to do it!”

Captain Hawkins unceremoniously dropped the dwarf, who collapsed in a relieved heap on the ground. Then, he pointed at me.

“A guard can't walk into Shafttown without making trouble, but if you and your party capture this thief, we'll split the reward money five ways. That's fifty gold a pop for you all.”

I thought about it. “Yeah... alright, but we'll need a name and where to find this thief.”

Captain Hawkins reared a foot as if to kick the pawnbroker on the ground, who raised his hands defensively and began babbling again.

“Smokey Enna is 'er name! Lives in the back end of Dull Corner! But you'll have to be quick, the guildmaster sent a brute squad to take care of her for disobeyin' the guild and stirrin' up this kind of trouble!”

Great, I just agreed to maybe go toe to toe with a bunch of dwarven hitmen. But, if we do make it... that's five hundred gold to split, and that's not nothing.

I've got a kingdom to take over, after all.

We left the pawnshop, to where Voss and Katriana were waiting. Captain Hawkins gave them a nod, and pointed back up the street. “I'll be in the East Docks Guardhouse with your reward, come meet me there when you're done.”

And with that, he walked off.

“See? I told you we'd have good luck!” exclaimed Ashryn.

I explained the situation as it stood to Voss and Katriana. Turned out, it was Katriana's turn to voice concerns.

“Are we really obligated to do this?” she asked, “We've just come into a lot of money, and I don't want you tangling with a bunch of hardbitten criminals. These aren't spiders or mindless skeletons, I don't think you can outwit them with a clever plan.”

I thought about it. “Well... that depends, doesn't it?”

“Are we going to do a crazy plan!?” Ashryn asked, excitedly, “Wow! I've been looking forward to doing a crazy plan!”

So, I tried to come up with a crazy plan.

It was impossible to enter Shafttown without being noticed, our only hope was for the dwarves there to not realize what a bunch of armed humans (and an elf) were intending. So, we went to a nearby blacksmith, paid five gold for the privilege of seeing their scrap heap, and pulled out a handful of rusty swords and holey bits of chain mail. We couldn't hide that we were adventurers... but we could make everyone think we were looking for one of those legendary dwarven blacksmiths to repair our old equipment.

I sketched out two quick ideas, one for use if we managed to make it to Dull Corner ahead of the hit squad, that was effectively, “put the thief to sleep, wrap them in a blanket and run.” If the brute squad had beat us there and were free and clear, we'd cut our losses and complete the quest with the information we had, but the second plan was if we ran into the brute squad, and was a bit more involved. And for that, we had to hit a scribe's shop. 

Once we had out materials, we finally descended into Shafttown.

It was actually a lot more spacious than I had thought, The roads were just as wide, only there was a ceiling about eight feet up. Plenty of clearance for us tall folk. There were glass windows cut into the walls of the shaft itself, where dwarven shops would display their goods. There was no room for street vendors and I wouldn't want to ride a horse in here, but it was nice.

Dull Corner didn't take long to find. There were street names cut into the walls in Dwarven runes at every corner, and , helpfully, adjacent streets written in smaller script under each. Dull Corner was pretty deep in the residential area, but locating it wasn't a problem.

Katriana was the first around the corner, acting as our guide because Voss didn't understand Dwarven, and when she looked down the street she held out a warning hand and immediately backed up.

“They're here,” she said, simply.

“How can you tell?” Voss asked, his voice low.

“Well, they have a wizard with them, for one.”

Unlike later editions, AD&D restricted wizards to Elves, Humans, and a few other speciality races, although Gnomes could specifically be Illusionists. Meaning, the wizard would be easy to pick out among the locals.

“We've got about thirty feet of street before the wizard, no cover to speak of past the corner. The door he's guarding look like it was kicked in, so the other locals are either out or locked up while the guild does their work.”

That's a lot of open ground to cover, particularly if he has magic missile, which was perfectly capable of killing me or any of my companions if they have low HP. I couldn't even do anything about it- magic missile hits with perfect accuracy, every time, and if that wizard had even two brain cells to rub together he'd immediately go for the enemy mage. And even if I got my Sleep spell off first, he would still have a 35% chance of making his saving throw... if we was level 4 or lower, that is.

“I can do it. I'll take him out.” Ashryn interjected suddenly.

We all looked at her, but she suddenly looked fiercely determined.

“I want to prove that I can help! So let me do it.”

She went into a belt pouch and produced a scrap of fabric and two smooth, round lead bullets.

The others were dumbfounded but I nodded. “That might just do it. Go ahead, I'll back you up.”

We stacked up on the corner, while Ashryn got her sling rotating (and I stayed the hell away from it's arc). Then in one smooth, fluid movement the elf rounded it and pitched(?) her sling bullet.

The lead bullet impacted the wizard's temple with a deafening crack, leaving him reeling. I came around to her side and tossed a dart just after. It was a bit far, and I had to hope to arc the dart a bit, but it struck home. I wasn't certain if the bullet had done it or the dart had to finish him off, but either way her collapsed in a heap on the floor.

“Now!” I said as I lead Voss and Katriana in a charge.

At this point, I wanted the brute squad to hear me- better for us that they meet us in the doorway where we can control their numbers. Indeed one, one thug poked his head outside, saw us, and I immediately incanted the Hex of Willow and Lotus, flicking sand in his direction and praying to Dog that this time it would work. The dwarven thug's eyes rolled up in his head and he immediately keeled over on top of the wizard.

We weren't so lucky with the next thug, who came leaping over his companions, armed with a short sword and a crowbill. From behind me, I heard Ashryn warn us with “Magic weapon!” as Katriana and Voss came up on either side of me, shields out, and I prepared my next missile weapon.

The second thug took a defensive stance,and seemed to tense as if getting ready to bolt. That's when my bag of fine scribe's sand hit him right between the eyes, getting power all over his face and making him cry out in pain.

The thug was good, I'll grant him that. He couldn't quite blindfight, but he knew to keep his distance from Voss and Katriana, and put his weapons between him and them. He made a few successful blocks before Voss' spear took him in the thigh, and then Katriana came in with a thrust to the chest, finishing it.

They were too absorbed in their fight to notice the third dwarf who had knelt behind a barrier of his peers and sighted at me with a crossbow. For a second, my heart stopped... but then a lead bullet sailed through the air and smashed the crossbowman right in the face.

“Bull- uh, Dwarfseye!” Ashryn called to us, with a girlish giggle.

And just like that, the fight was over.

\-------------------------------------------

Character Name: Theodore Esche  
Race: Human   
Class: Transmuter  
Level (XP): 1 (1732/2500)  
Hit Points: 1

Ability Scores  
Strength 11  
Dexterity 17  
Constitution 8  
Intelligence 17  
Wisdom 13  
Charisma 14

Weapon Proficiencies: Darts

Nonweapon Proficiencies: Direction Sense, Etiquette, Reading/Writing, Swimming

Spells Per Day:  
1st Level- 2

Spellbook:  
(1st Level): Armor, Burning Hands, Enlarge, Featherfall, Mending, Read Magic, Sleep, Tenser's Floating Disc

Equipment: Backpack, Belt, Belt Pouch (Large, 3), Belt Pouch (Small, 4), Boots, Darts (16), Hand Mirror, Hat, Hooded Lantern, Promissory Note worth 750gp, Oil of Acid Resistance, Robes (3), Signet Ring, Small Tent 

Money: 20 gp, 4 sp, 5 cp

Languages: Common, Elven, Dwarven, Orc, Goblin, Draconic, 1 additional.

Companions: Katriana (Level 1 Fighter, fiancee), Voss (Level 1 Fighter), Ashryn (Level 1 Cleric)

Sexual Partners: 1


	19. Isekai Life & Double Dipping

“Oh, gods! Theodore, are you alright!?”

Katriana came racing over to me, sheathing her sword as she went. She stopped to feel my chest and look me over, and after confirming my state of good health pulled me into a tight hug.

“Oh, I'm so sorry! I didn't even see that crossbowman until it was almost too late! You're okay, right? Please say you're okay!?”

I stroked her back a little while I was hugged, though it was a little hard to breathe. “I'm all right, Katriana, I'm just fine. Ashryn killed the crossbow guy before he could shoot me.”

Ashryn approached, grinning massively. Katriana released me, only to turn and pull Ashryn in for a warm hug. “Oh, thank you so much... Theodore means the world to me, and you kept him safe. Thank you.”

Ashryn beams at Katriana, and replied with, “I know how important he is to you, don't worry, he's important to me, too.”

When Voss coughed, we all turned to face him. In front of him was a somewhat short (not enough for a dwarf, but well short of an average human), compactly built woman with pale skin, dark eyes, and her hair done in a dark blue, faded mohawk. She was dressed in a simple jerkin and breeches, and had her hands bound behind her back.

“Well, pardon for interruptin',” she said, motioning behind her with her head, “But I'm Smokey Enna, an' this fella back 'ere says you've been lookin' for me?”

“Yeah, you could say that,” I replied, and there was nothing to do but explain the situation while Voss and Katriana went and searched the bodies.

“Ah, so you're on the lookout for the one who done burnt that temple down, I see,” Smokey Enna said somberly, “Well, you done found 'er, and just in time, too. Rats and ashes, I was hopin' to be on the first riverboat outta 'ere afore that grump's goons got ahold of me.”

“Well, sorry...?” I ventured, not sure what to say about that.

Meanwhile, over to the side, Voss held up a two foot long crowbill and a foot and a half shortsword to Ashryn and asked, “Which one?”

“Oh! The one on the left.”

Voss grimaced, nodded and tosses away the shortsword.

“Well, I guess I owe ye my thanks. Those gents were plannin' to do something very untoward with me before they gave me the slitty, ye know?”

“Uh....”

“Well, yer friend found that they 'ad bent me over me own kitchen table, and it wasn't to feed me no pancakes, sir. That's why the nerd was guardin' the door, 'e was the only one who could resist the temptation to 'elp themselves to my feminine wiles.”

“Right... Hey, you're not angry that we're taking you in to be arrested?”

“Well, it weren't my first choice, but I've done a spin in the clink afore. I could probably break outta there half drunk and with six broken fingers. You figure that th' guildmaster's probably got the docks on watch by now, and has folks ready to hunt me overland if I go the mountain route, probably good for me to enjoy the protection of the city watch for a month or two while this whole mess blows over.”

“So, you'll come quietly, then.”

“Well now, don't tell me yer such a fool as to take my word for it? But aye, I'll go peaceable like as long as you don't insult me by taking your eyes off, yeah?”

Voss came back with a little sack that jingled. “We're ready to go here, boss.”

“One second,” I said, motioning for Voss to stop, and looked back at Smokey Enna. “So what's all this about, anyway?”

Enna sighed. “Ye 'ave about as much clue as I. Word came down the grapevine about his job the old boss said was proscribed, and I assumed it 'ad to do with some fool notion of 'onour that 'e 'ad. So I talked to the gent, and figured that large payout 'ad to do with the timeliness of it all. Pick up this package at precisely this time and deliver it by this time, do not look in it and don't shake it around. Shows what I know, now I'm an accomplice in the murder of some decent folks. Now I'll rob a guy, and if ye come at me I'll stick you right back, but killin' some innocent folks an' burning' down their temple is beyond what I'd call a good job.”

“So who was it that hired you, then?” Voss asked.

Enna shrugged. “Some ordinary lookin' dwarf. Probably too ordinary, to be 'onest, but I figure if you want some magical getup when you go to do some clandestine business, you're probably smarter than most folks.”

I sighed. “Dead end, again.”

Voss shrugged, “Well, hopefully Mariska is satisfied.”

“Right, well, let's get out of here. That sleeping guy should be coming around soon.”

“So what would be ye plan for gettin' me- oh!”

Voss tossed one of my spare robes over Enna, cinching the belt. It wasn't pretty, but it would at least conceal her identity.

“Come on, the dockside guardhouse isn't far.”

Getting Enna out of Shafttown was pretty easy, with nobody willing to molest three armed adventurers and their pair(?) of wizards. After that, it was just a stroll to where we were to meet Captain Hawkins, who was fairly glad to see us.. and Enna, oddly enough.

“Ah, well, if it isn't my favourite Mul,” he said upon seeing her, “I thought you might have ended up wrapped in all of this.”

“Aye, couldn't deprive th' city guard of their favourite prisoner for long now, could I?” she replied with a grin, “Thanks for sendin' these fine folk to go an' save little ol' me.”

As Hawkins helped Enna into a cell and then cut the ropes binding her, he explained, “You lot managed to help me connect some dots in my investigation. I knew from some of my sources that both the master of the Docks Guild and the master of the Shafttown Guild turned down the job to burn down the temple, but I didn't realize that the Shafters had brought in... what were they, fire snakes he said? ...To do it with. Some of the other guards had been keeping an eye on you for me, and when they said you had been in the Temple District then the very next day you visited the docks then were headed to the heart of Shafttown, I figured you had some proof of their involvement that I didn't.”

“Okay, well, what was that thing with the pawnbroker about?” I asked.

“Who, Bandek? He runs the Shafters' pickpocketing ring, and beats the orphans he recruits when they don't get enough take. The man's a weasel, but the Commander of the Watch says that as long as he's a useful informant I can't arrest him for anything. So, having an excuse to rough him up a little was icing for me.”

He counted out the coins we were due as a reward- and we stuck waiting around long enough in the guardhouse to see the posters confirming the amount- and with that, we were done.

“By the way... keep in mind that you just came on the radar of a powerful Guildmaster,” Captain Hawkins said as we were getting ready to leave, “Step carefully the next few days, alright?”

“Aye!” Enna shouted from the cell at the back of the room, “The ol' man won't be best pleased you went and offed one of 'is lieutenants and 'is third-best sparky!”

“Sparky?” Ashryn asked.

“She means wizard,” Hawkins explained, to which Ashryn responded with a giggle and an exclamation of “Oh, I get it!”

I guess I could look forward to getting called sparky in the future.

“So, back to the inn to find Abbess Mariska?” I suggested.

“Nope,” Voss said lifting the bag of loot he had acquired earlier, “We got gems. Let's go see that jeweller.”

So, with that, we headed over to the jeweller, to sell our gems. He was pretty excited to see us, too, grinning as soon as we came into the store and letting an assistant take care of the customer he was serving while he waved us over to a separate part of the counter.

“More goodies for me, I hope?” he said, rubbing his hands together, “Well, let's see what we can see.”

But when he saw the selection of gems on offer, his smile faded.

“Well, alright. Most of these are ornamental stones, with little actual value, though I suppose it'll be something for new apprentices to practice on. Some of of middling quality... but, I do like you, and I've already made money on the gems you brought yesterday. I can offer you two hundred sixty for this lot.”

Still a decent amount of money, if it wasn't the ridiculous amount we were offered yesterday.

I put my finger on a pearl among the lot. “Would you say, sir, that this pearl is about average quality?”

“Why, yes, unremarkable, though rare in these parts.”

I nodded, and rolled it over to Voss. “Keep this one, I'll want it when we go to divvy.”

“Right, so that will come to two hundred gold pieces then for what's left.”

Voss gave me a doubtful glance. “Well, you'd better be willing to pay for that, then....”

And I was. Just because I didn't have Identify now, didn't mean I didn't want to get it at some point.

By the time we got to the Lazy Ox, it was midafternoon. According to the proprietor, Abbess Mariska was out at the moment, so we decided to neglect the private dining room and divvy out our loot there. After all, there was nobody else around.

“So, our take, not counting quest rewards,” Voss said as he dumped the bags of coins on the table, then placed the enchanted crowbill where everyone could see it.

We counted up the coins, and ended up with 37 copper pieces, 27 platinum coins, 210 gold coins. And, of course, the pearl.

“So, Theodore wanted this pearl, which the jeweller offered to buy for sixty gold,” Voss said, sending the pearl my way, “So that means before anything else, we ought to get sixty gold apiece.

After a brief argument over how much a platinum piece was worth, sixty gold worth of coins was given to each of my companions, leaving us with 84 gold and the copper remaining.

Voss grinned. “So it seems pretty simple to me, twenty gold pieces each and a 4 gold, 37 copper feast tonight!”

“If we keep feasting like this every few days, we're going to get fat in a hurry...” Katriana complained, but didn't say no.

“Wow, I have so much money!” Ashryn exclaimed, “I don't even know what to do with it all!”

“Well, honey, we should probably get you new armour,” Katriana offered, “I can go with you tomorrow and we'll figure it all out. Until then, please stop talking so loudly about how much money you have.”

“Speaking of that,” I said, “We really ought to, you know, circle the wagons. With a whole thieves' guild out to get us, you two should probably think about moving into the Lazy Ox.”

Voss didn't took too pleased, though Ashryn was excited as always.

“Well, you were going to come with us to help me on my personal quest, weren't you?” I reminded Voss.

“Yeah, well, I was hoping to at least say goodbye to my folks. And sell some of my stuff, though I guess money isn't going to be an issue for awhile.”

I shrugged. “Maybe you will. We're going to be in town at least long enough to get some platemail sized. But all in all... we've made plenty of cash, made some contacts with more experienced adventurers, and recruited some new allies,” I looked at Katriana, “Maybe it's time to start thinking about our next destination?”

Katriana frowned. “Start thinking about it, sure. But... if we're upgrading to three sets of plate, we're not going to have a fortune left over. I think we ought to stick around and pick up some other work. At least while the platemail gets done.”

“What do we do about the magical weapon, though?” Ashryn asked, “Nobody got to take it as a prize.”

I lifted the weapon and considered it. It certainly looked the part- the handle was covered in burned-on runes and the blade had some kind of flowing, decorative scrimshaw work. I shrugged. “I don't think any of us knows how to use it, I'll hold onto it for now... first person to learn how to use it can keep it, I suppose.”

“No complicated loot-sharing strategy this time?” Katriana asked.

“No... but a magical weapon that nobody knows how to use is equally useless to everyone, so we can just hold on to it for now, until the situation changes.”

By this time, Voss had successfully waved over the innkeeper. After explaining our needs to the rotund innkeeper, Voss got a shake of the head in return. “We can do the private dining room and big meal, that's fine, but we're packed to the rafters in terms of rooms. I don't know why you need it though, you two friends there have one of the largest rooms in here.”

“I guess that's true... we should be fine then,” I said, chagrined. Well, I suppose I don't need sex every night... I just want it every night.

Satisfied that we were satisfied, the innkeeper walked away with some of our coin.

We killed time waiting for Abbess Mariska by going to Voss' room on the fringes of the market district so he could pack a chest of his personal stuff- spare clothes, personal items, that sort of thing. I don't know how he expected to haul this thing around without at least a horse, but maybe he was planning on getting one? He had time to address the issue, I suppose.

By the time we returned, we found Mariska and Ricard sitting in the common room, sipping wine and waiting.

When they noticed us, Ricard rose with a florish, and shook Katriana's and my hands gladly. “Madam Katriana and Sir Theodore! I hadn't had a chance yet to thank you for finding my ring, and I just wanted to say how grateful I am for your efficiency and honesty in helping me out. I hope your reward was received in good order?”

“Uh, yes, sir. Abbess Mariska took care of all that on your behalf,” Katriana replied.

“Excellent, excellent! I understand Mariska needs to talk with you, so I will let you get to it, I just wanted to make sure I gave you my personal thanks.”

And with that, he headed upstairs, presumeably to his room.

The four of us went and sat with the Abbess, who smiled at us. “Well, welcome back. How did your task go?”

“We were able to find out most of what happened with the arson, and brought the arsonist to justice...” Katriana began, and went into the whole story what had happened.

“Well, it sounds like you have had quite an adventure, but justice has been done,” she replied with a nod, and pushed a large bag of coins onto the table. “This is money well spent, thank you for your service.”

Once she had departed for a private dining room, Voss beam at us all. “You were right, Theo, I did want to get paid again.”

\-------------------------------------------

Character Name: Theodore Esche  
Race: Human   
Class: Transmuter  
Level (XP): 1 (1897/2500)  
Hit Points: 1

Ability Scores  
Strength 11  
Dexterity 17  
Constitution 8  
Intelligence 17  
Wisdom 13  
Charisma 14

Weapon Proficiencies: Darts

Nonweapon Proficiencies: Direction Sense, Etiquette, Reading/Writing, Swimming

Spells Per Day:  
1st Level- 2

Spellbook:  
(1st Level): Armor, Burning Hands, Enlarge, Featherfall, Mending, Read Magic, Sleep, Tenser's Floating Disc

Equipment: Backpack, Belt, Belt Pouch (Large, 3), Belt Pouch (Small, 4), Boots, Darts (16), Hand Mirror, Hat, Hooded Lantern, Oil of Acid Resistance, Pearl (worth 100gp), Robes (3), Signet Ring, Small Tent

Money: 165 gp, 4 sp, 5 cp

Languages: Common, Elven, Dwarven, Orc, Goblin, Draconic, 1 additional.

Companions: Katriana (Level 2 Fighter, fiancee), Voss (Level 1 Fighter), Ashryn (Level 1 Cleric)

Sexual Partners: 1


	20. Isekai Life & Awkward Meeting

Chapter 20: Isekai Life & Awkward Meeting

Ashryn and Katriana elected to stay downstairs while I took Voss up to the room to let him drop off his chest. He managed to handle the thing all by himself, I just needed to make sure the guard recognized me and unlock the door. Which he did, acknowledging me with a nod, and I did, using the big brass key. 

Voss put his chest just inside the the room, just out of the way so that people wouldn't trip over it, and look around whistling at the luxury of the place. “Wow, this is nice! I didn't expect an inn like this to-” He frowned suddenly. “There's only one bed.”

“Uh, yeah....”

Voss gave me an aside glance, and then asked, “Listen, we're both men here, right? There are certain things we can discuss in private, yeah?”

“Yeah, I suppose...” Voss! I don't care if you're gay, just please don't turn out to be gay for me!

“You're nailing your sister, aren't you?”

Oh, good. Well, I think that's good. Better, at least.

“Y-yeah, that's kind of the situation....”

He sighed. “Well, that's fine, but... that elf girl's been making eyes at you since she met you, plus there's that whole 'most important person' spiel.”

“Yeah, kind of....”

“So... what's the situation here?”

Well, the situation is that this is a personal Heaven put together for me by an angel with dog ears and a stubby tail as a reward for being such a pathetic shut-in I had not even swatted a fly during my whole life back home, but I can't tell you that.

“Katriana and I have started a romantic relationship recently, and I asked for her to give me room to have other lovers and wives, though she can't, or at least she hasn't expressed any interest in doing that. I don't know what Ashryn's whole deal is, but I wouldn't turn her down.”

Voss gave me an odd look.

“Jeez, you are a wizard, aren't you? A deal like that has got to be sorcery.”

“U-um....”

“Relax, Prince Sparky, you do what you do. You are a prince, after all. I'll sleep on the couch, just don't fuck while I'm trying to rest, okay?”

“Uh... yeah! Totally! No problem with that at all!”

After that awkward but kind of positive exchange, we headed back down the private dining room. Ashryn and Katriana were chatting over wine, though they quieted when we came in. “All set upstairs?” Ashryn asked.

“Yeah, we also sorted out the sleeping arrangements,” I replied, “Ashryn, you can either hare the bed with me and Katriana or sleep on the floor if you chose.”

Ashryn beamed, but Katriana looked surprised. “Oh,” she said as if she had a sudden realization, “Oh... okay. Good.”

“Anyway,” she continued, “Ashryn and I are going to get find someone who specializes in armour for women, so you boys go party or whatever, just make sure you stick together, alright?”

Huh. I've never had Katriana say she doesn't want to be around. I turned to look at Voss, “Well, I guess she's accepted you, if you're being trusted with my care and attention.”

Voss frowned. “Are you a wizard or a gerbil? Jeez,” he said with a shake of the head, “Well, we're going to see the joust. Damned if this tournament if going to be in town and I don't end up seeing any of it. That okay with you?”

“As long as you're getting your own plate mail done, that's fine with me.”

“Fiiiiine.”

Dinner was great as usual, but this time when the plates started to get cleared up, Voss produced a game board and some chips, and he and Katriana began playing something called Nine Men's Morris.

“So, Ashryn,” I asked, “What's your story anyway? I know you had some kind of prophecy about me read to you, but what was your life like in the convent?”

“You want to know about me?” she said with a smile, “Let's see... I was raised in the convent at a really young age. My father is an elf-knight in service to the queen of Tir na Ceo, and my mother is the captain of a merchant ship that does trade between the Tir kingdoms and the sea folk. Neither of them had the personal time to raise me, so I was given over to the Starlit Order to be raised as a priestess.”

“That seems kind of sad. Aren't you upset at your parents giving you up?”

“Should I be? They gave be to the Order so I would have the best life they could possibly give me. Is it better to have half the attention of one parent, or the full-time care of people you're not related to?”

I guess that made a certain amount of sense. “So... your parents aren't married?”

“No... elves don't often get married,” she mused, “Being together with only one person for potentially a whole millennium... well, it's rare even for someone to have only one partner in a human lifetime, right?”

Was that a jab at me? What were Katriana and her talking about?

She took one of my hands in hers and softly said, “You know, we could go elsewhere and have a more... detailed discussion about Elven relationships.”

I stiffened, and glanced to the side. Katriana and Voss' game must have been heating up because they had stopped moving pieces around on the game board and started to remove them as each took a turn.

I was very interested, but, Katriana....

I gently gave Ashryn's hand back. “I'm sorry, not right now. I'm very interested in exploring these things with you, but I haven't had a clear signal that's it's okay to go ahead yet from someone else I care about, so....”

Ashryn's hand flew up to her mouth in surprise, then, to my own astonishment, she grinned. “Aw, you're so sweet!” She came around to my side of the table to throw her arms around me and give me a kiss on the cheek. “I knew you were kind. I'm happy to be proven right.”

“...So you're not mad?”

“Well, I'm a little disappointed, but... you tell me when you're ready, okay? I mean, I think I like you ever better, now!”

That's something, at least.

We while the evening away with board games- Voss ended up teaching us all the game in time, but I was pretty wiped and hardly remember it. It sucks being the lowest Constitution score in the party.... No, wait, it sucks having low Constitution, period.

Either way, I ended up being the first to excuse themselves, and went upstairs to rest in preparation for Voss's vacation day.

Before going to sleep, I decided to sit for a bit and cast Reduce on my shoes. They weren't shrunk forever- at my level, the spell would only last five minutes- but it got the spell out of my system so I could go to sleep.

Sleep proved elusive, though. I tossed and turned for a bit, but I couldn't get thoughts of Ashryn out of my head. I resisted the urge to jerk off- things were going to be awkward enough in this room for the next little while without me adding additional semen for nobody's pleasure but my own- but face down, face up or sideways all my attention was on my erection. Somehow, I managed to get to sleep before anyone came upstairs, but it wasn't easy.

My eventual wake up was very pleasant, however.

Under my left arm, curled against my side, was Ashryn. Clinging to my right arm, also sound asleep, was Katriana. It was a warm, nice, soft feeling.

On the couch, Voss was snoring, but I'll take what I can get. I wonder if he knew I got a blowjob over there the night previous?

I resisted the urge to just fall back asleep. But I did take my time getting out of bed. It took an effort, but I eventually forced myself up out of the pile of cute girls because one- I didn't feel sleepy and two- I realized that I've been in two fights and one sex session and haven't had a bath in all that time.

However, bathing in the morning presented some challenges over the afternoon. For instance, I had to wait my turn, but at least that gave been a chance to memorize my spells for the day.

Sleep, of course, was my first pick, then I went with Mending for my second. I wasn't expecting a fight, and I might have a chance to look over my equipment for anything that needs a quick repair.

Thus prepared, I had awhile to enjoy a quick breakfast before a serving maid summoned me for my turn in the baths.

In order to keep from pissing anyone off, I kept it quick, and soon I was freshly dressed, spells memorized and belly full so I could meet the challenges of the day.

By the time I got back to the room, however, half my party had already vanished, leaving only Voss who was slowly coming around.

“Hey,” he said groggily, “The girls said they didn't know where you disappeared to, and said they're going to check with one of the servers and ask.”

“Well, they must have gotten an answer, because they weren't downstairs anywhere,” I said, sitting on the bed. “Ready for our big shopping trip and jousting day?”

“Yeah, sure...” he said with a yawn.

Voss then proceeded to completely destroy my attempts at an efficient start to the day by taking his time doing literally everything. It wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't just had to kill time for half an hour waiting for the bath.

He must have noticed my boredom, because at once point, between mouthfuls of oatmeal, he said, “Hey, man, you can go on without if you have things to do.”

Which would have been great if we didn't maybe have a criminal syndicate after us and I had more than one dog-damn hit point!

Eventually, he was ready to go, too, at which point I had to drag his complaining ass all the way to an armourer's so he could get fitted for plate mail.

Why on earth did I agree to go with him instead of a pair of beautiful and willing women?

Luckily the armourer was eager to hammer out a new breastplate, after days and days of nothing but repair work. One of his apprentices measure Voss up, and the armourer even knocked a little off the price because Voss had “a perfectly good hauberk” in his chain mail, something I hadn't counted on. Apparently the whole process would take three days, which was a bargain. I hope the girls' armour would take so little time.

“Alright,” I said, “Now we can attend the joust.”

“Great!” Voss said with a sigh, “Now we can enjoy ourselves properly.”

It was one gold to get seated in the stands for the next round of jousting, and on the way Voss bought us a couple flagons of dark, yeasty ale from a vendor. I eyes the drink suspiciously- it was somehow simultaneously too fizzy and not fizzy enough, like there was a soap scum on top or something- but I was already kind of pissy and irritated, I may as well add drunk and surly to that list.

But did I ever underestimate that joust.

Back in my previous world, whenever football, baseball, whatever-ball came up, my eyes sort of glazed over and I would pretend that I was literally anywhere else. I never understood the fascination, especially not those people who could watch game after game after game as if it was the most engrossing thing in the world.

I kind of feel bad now, for how I acted towards those people. I guess I just hadn't found my sport.

In this world, as Voss explained to me, jousting took place with nine lances. A rider in full plate sat on his horse (also with plate barding) and would tilt down the list at his opponent, aiming for a reinforced plate on his opponent's left shoulder or his opponent's shield. The goal was to break the lance on the opponent, which was kind of like scoring a point. Unhorsing your opponent- knocking them off- also counted as a victory, but was considered a less honourable way of winning than simply outperforming your opponent. Whoever broke the most lances, in most cases, would win, and in the case of a tie after the nine rounds (even a lance that missed it's target would still be discarded, a small concession to safety) there were judges to render a decision.

And it was intense. The moment of quiet right before the charge, the sound of the cracking lances, the cheering of the crowd, even the weird-tasting but well-fortified beer all mixed together to make something spellbinding.

At least, to me. No doubt somewhere a football bro is rolling his eyes as we speak.

Soon enough, I was cheering on with Voss. I didn't care who won, really- I'd pick someone in each match based on the colours of their armour, or if I liked their emblem- but it was great fun. I didn't even complain as Voss kept filling my hands with ale that kept tasting better the more of it I drank.

It was too soon when the day's matches were called off, and the herald proclaimed that on the morrow would be the archery tourney, followed the next day by the fourth round of joust. But he was almost drowned out by the sounds of the crowd scraping and moving on out of the stands. 

Voss and I were laughing and loudly talking about the matches as we were on our way out, discussing one brutal unhorsing, or the match that pit two brothers in almost identical armour against one another, or how surprised I was by the number of female knights (I suppose it was still D&D, after all, I should have expected a degree of modern egalitarianism). The dark cloud that hung over us getting to the match was gone, replaced by a warm feeling.

Is this what it means to have a “bro”?

But that feeling quickly turned to ice in my stomach when got out to the street. We were discussing whether to meet up with the girls for dinner or to find some food on our own, with Voss loudly extolling the benefits of a good streetside meat pie, when a half-familiar voice asked, “Theodore, is that you?”

I turned to see a pretty, young, brown-haired woman in a sky-blue robe staring at me with an incredulous expression.

I don't know if it was the beer, or maybe just my whole double-memory situation, but it took me an awkward second before realizing who she was.

“Oh, uh... hi, Calliope.”

Half-drunk, sweaty, and reeling around with my equally sweaty, equally drunk buddy- that was how I got reacquainted with my magic school crush.

\-------------------------------------------

Character Name: Theodore Esche  
Race: Human   
Class: Transmuter  
Level (XP): 1 (1897/2500)  
Hit Points: 1

Ability Scores  
Strength 11  
Dexterity 17  
Constitution 8  
Intelligence 17  
Wisdom 13  
Charisma 14

Weapon Proficiencies: Darts

Nonweapon Proficiencies: Direction Sense, Etiquette, Reading/Writing, Swimming

Spells Per Day:  
1st Level- 2

Spellbook:  
(1st Level): Armor, Burning Hands, Enlarge, Featherfall, Mending, Read Magic, Sleep, Tenser's Floating Disc

Equipment: Backpack, Belt, Belt Pouch (Large, 3), Belt Pouch (Small, 4), Boots, Darts (16), Hand Mirror, Hat, Hooded Lantern, Oil of Acid Resistance, Pearl (worth 100gp), Robes (3), Signet Ring, Small Tent

Money: 165 gp, 4 sp, 5 cp

Languages: Common, Elven, Dwarven, Orc, Goblin, Draconic, 1 additional.

Companions: Katriana (Level 2 Fighter, fiancee), Voss (Level 1 Fighter), Ashryn (Level 1 Cleric)

Sexual Partners: 1


	21. Isekai Life & Eating Platemail

Now that I had had a name to go on, memories of Calliope came flooding back.

I had been enamoured with her ever since I noticed her two week into basic lessons. She was smart, attractive, kind... if a little too serious and standoffish. But that didn't matter, what are little things like human flaws to get in the way of a good infatuation? 

The best part is, she seemed to warm up to me in time. We didn't flirt, precisely, but she would blush whenever our eyes met, and she was really embarrassed the one time she bumped into me by accident. We also competed, vying for the top of the class, but she would overtake me pretty regularly, and I didn't really mind.

Eventually we went into different streams. I apprenticed under a Transmuter, of course, while Calliope seemed determined to become a war mage for some reason.

Hey, just because you crush on a girl, doesn't mean you know all that much about her.

Either way, now she was there before me, and I kind of felt like a mess.

But, surprisingly, she stepped forward and gave me a hug. “Oh, Theodore! They didn't tell anyone what happened to you when you disappeared! Jeez, everyone assumed some kind of terrible accident happened!” Then she stepped back and gave me a light push away. “Sorry... you breath kind of smells like a brewery.”

“Oh, uh, sorry,” I said, clamping my mouth shut after.

“What happened to you? Where have you been?”

“Well... it's kind of a long story, but Katriana and I had to leave the Academy....”

“Katriana? That's your sister, right?”

“Uh, yeah.... Anyway, my education was basically done, so we just took to the road as adventurers, and we've been working pretty steadily since we got here. You found me on my first day off in awhile, actually.”

“Oh, I see....” She fidgeted a moment. “You really couldn't have said goodbye, at least?”

“I didn't know where you were. They keep the different Schools pretty separate, you know? And it's not like I could have just walked into the women's dorm.”

“You could have at least sent your sister, though!” she accused.

Which was true, and had genuinely not occurred to Theodore before I was in the driver's seat.

“Sorry....”

She sighed. “I guess Katriana's still around somewhere, taking care of you? The Gods know that you need it.”

“Yeah... what about you? What's your situation?”

She bit her lip. “A few of us from the graduating class came here together, to look for work as adventurers... what we didn't expect was that adding a bunch of young Invokers to the mix here was basically going to crash the economy for magical talent.”

That kind of makes sense.

“Anyway, as it turns out, “ she continued, “A lot of people make some pretty strange assumptions about women war mages. I've had it about up to here with jokes like, 'we can't have you fireballing the camp once a month.' I'm an Academy graduate! I shouldn't have to prove anything!”

“Wait, you don't have a job?”

As far as I knew, Calliope came from common folk, who got into the Academy based on her talent. She couldn't have a ton of money.

I gave her a concerned look. “Are you okay? How is your situation?”

“I have a job, as a matter of fact,” she replied haughtily, “It's just not one that happens to use my magical talents. Which I would prefer, by the way.”

“Right. Well....”

I gave it some thought. Calliope was clearly angling to a spot in our party, but splitting reward money five ways would start to cut things a little fine. Especially if a perfectly good bard or ranger or paladin or something else showed up a little later on.

But having an Invoker would be pretty great. She could focus on blowing stuff up while I focused on solving problems. She could be an excellent addition.

“You know what...? Why don't you come along and meet the other members of my party,” I finally replied, “Then we could have a discussion about whether we have a place for you.”

She smiled at me. “Really? That would be fantastic! Thank you so much!”

I turned and located Voss, standing by a street vendor and munching on a meat pie. Bringing Calliope over, I made the introductions. “This is Voss, he's one of our front line warriors. Voss, this is Calliope, a friend from the magical academy I studied at.”

“Charmed,” he said around a mouthful of pastry and unidentifiable meat. Calliope shook his hand with more than a little trepidation.

“Hey, Theodore, can we discuss something in private for a moment?” he asked after finishing his mouthful and wiping crumbs off his chest.

“Uh... sure. I guess we'll be right back?”

“Well... alright, don't take too long.”

Voss pulled me aside, around the corner of a building and just out of sight. Then, he clapped his hands flat against each other, as if praying.

“Promise me that if a cute girl ever expresses any interest in me, you won't talk to her. In fact, don't even be in the same room as her. Please!”

“Uh... okay....”

“And teach me whatever sorcery you know that has all these girls flocking to you!”

“Calliope hasn't flocked anywhere!”

“Come on, man, she hugged you right away like that. If you're not banging her, too, by the end of the week, I'll eat my brand new plate mail.”

“Well... now you're just trying to get out of having new armour again.”

Voss couldn't help himself and barked a laugh at me.

We returned to Calliope, and Voss gestured expansively. “Sorry about having my mouth full earlier. I'm Voss, like he said, and I'm just a dumb thug with a spear so you needn't worry too much about me. My job is mainly to keep the squishy ones like you and our genius leader here safe.”

I blanched. A little thick, don't you think, Voss?

Calliope nodded. “Well, I hope to be joining your party. Thanks for trying to keep Theodore safe.”

We agreed to head back to the Lazy Ox, in hopes of intercepting Ashryn and Katriana. By this time, with both the shock of seeing Calliope and the simple passage of time, I managed to shake off the buzz granted by the cheap, swilly beer. 

Most of the way back, Calliope spent detailing her exploits in Tresens. And by exploits, I mean it was mostly a deluge of complaints about being passed up by this or that party, or being neglected in favour of one of her academy friends. Was she always this prickly about things? Or are my memories tinted by previous!Theodore's infatuation?

Suddenly, something in a shop window caught my eye and I reached out to put on a hand on Voss's sleeve. “Hey, what is that?”

“It's my boob, you asshole! Why are you trying to grope me all of a sudden!”

I flushed, and took my hand back. We were walking in a triangle formation, me and Voss in the front and Calliope a little behind and in the middle... I didn't realize she must have drifted up between us over time.

“Uh, sorry, but... Voss! Look!”

“What? What am I seeing?”

“There!”

I pointed. Beside us was a potter's shop, it's window filled with shelf after shelf of small pots and jars. And at the top-left of the display, almost hidden behind another large pot, was a clay jar about the size of a large man's fist, glazed blue and gold with a flame-like pattern.

“Remember that cypher we found? That's exactly the kind of jar the cypher was sealed in!”

“Oh shit, really!?” He took a careful look. “You think this guy might know something about it?”

“What cypher?” Calliope asked.

“We found a jar just like this one in a ruin outside of town, with a note written in cypher sealed inside. Theodore thinks it was a- what did you call it?”

“A dead drop,” I finished, “Come on, let's go talk to the guy.”

The three of us piled into the potter's shop, where we must have made an imposing group from the shopkeeper suddenly looked nervous.

“Can I help you, gentlemen and lady?”

“Uh, yes. I'd more information on jars that look just like this,” I said, pulling the jar we found out of my pack and placing it on the counter. “Specifically, if you know who might have bought these or ordered them made. We'd be willing to pay for this information.”

“I see... if I may ask, why do you need to know, sir?”

My mind raced. “Um, we found something valuable in one of these pots, and we want to try and return it to it's owner.”

“Of course, of course,” he said nodding. “My records are in the back room, so if you don't mind...?”

“Yes, of course. Thank you for making the effort.”

The man disappeared into the back room, and we were left waiting in the potter's shop.

We took the time to catch Calliope up on what as going on with the jar, the circumstances we had found it in, and all of that. She followed along, absorbing this information, and then-

“So you're investigating the pot you found, mainly because you're curious about that message, but it's not actually part of a paid quest?”

“Uh... yeah. That's basically it.”

She sighed. “Great....”

“What? You said you were fine for money, and this is something we want to look into....”

“No, it's fine. I'm fine. It's all fine,” she said hurried, then started tapping her foot. “Where is this guy, anyway, he's been in the back room for a long time.”

As if on cue, the bell of the front door rang, and a person in a long, red, hooded cloak and chain mail stepped into the shop. At the same time, three similarly dressed men stepped out of the back room, and into the (now crowded) shop.

“You've been asking too many questions, meat,” the one from the front door growled in a gravelly voice, as he drew a short sword.

\-------------------------------------------

Character Name: Theodore Esche  
Race: Human   
Class: Transmuter  
Level (XP): 1 (1897/2500)  
Hit Points: 1

Ability Scores  
Strength 11  
Dexterity 17  
Constitution 8  
Intelligence 17  
Wisdom 13  
Charisma 14

Weapon Proficiencies: Darts

Nonweapon Proficiencies: Direction Sense, Etiquette, Reading/Writing, Swimming

Spells Per Day:  
1st Level- 2

Spellbook:  
(1st Level): Armor, Burning Hands, Enlarge, Featherfall, Mending, Read Magic, Sleep, Tenser's Floating Disc

Equipment: Backpack, Belt, Belt Pouch (Large, 3), Belt Pouch (Small, 4), Boots, Darts (16), Hand Mirror, Hat, Hooded Lantern, Oil of Acid Resistance, Pearl (worth 100gp), Robes (3), Signet Ring, Small Tent

Money: 165 gp, 4 sp, 5 cp

Languages: Common, Elven, Dwarven, Orc, Goblin, Draconic, 1 additional.

Companions: Voss (Level 1 Fighter), Calliope (Level 1 Invoker)  
Elsewhere: Katriana (Level 2 Fighter, fiancee), Ashryn (Level 1 Cleric),

Sexual Partners: 1


	22. Isekai Life & How I Spent My Vacation

Immediately as the cloaked figures drew steel, Voss had his longsword in hand and his shield at the ready. Surprisingly, Calliope drew her own weapon- an ornate dagger from a sheath just inside her sleeve. 

The cloaked figure chuckled. “Little girl, you don't thin-”

So I threw a trio of darts at him to shut him up.

Calliope chanted and gestured, just barely casting a Shield spell in time to deflect the enraged stranger's counterattack. Meanwhile behind me I heard Voss and the other three strangers clash, steel striking off of steel, and the fleshy sound of someone's blow striking home.

I turned- hopefully Calliope could finish off that guy somehow, I certainly didn't want to be the guy who made ranged attacks into melee. Voss was holding off two of the strangers in the narrow confines of the shop, while a four was trying to scramble over the counter to get me and Calliope. Instead, I threw darts in his face, and he fell backwards screaming, smashing into a shelf of fine porcelain teapots on the way down.

Behind me, I heard again the now-familiar sound of a blade striking home, and the gurgling of someone choking on their own blood. Voss also began fighting back, hard, smashing one of the strangers with his shield and slashing the other across the belly with his longsword, the follow-through of his blow smashing into a shelf full of pots and bowls.

I hesitated, not sure what to do, only to heard a feminine voice behind me chant, and a glowing magical bolt sail between Voss and I, curve in midair and strike the stranger right under his hood, distracting him long enough for Voss to run him through.

And just like that, it was over.

We were all puffing, taking a moment to let the rush of battle wear off, when Calliope complained, “Oh, damn it, I'm just covered in blood!”

She was drenched pretty thoroughly. Hell, the talking stranger was still writhing weakly on the floor as his neck shot little spurts of blood into the air with every failing heartbeat.

Frowning and cursing, she pull her dagger free from his neck and wiped it clean on a sleeve before returning it to it's sheath.

“Well, next time, don't go for the throat?” Voss offered.

Calliope gave him a dirty look. “I've never had to go for the throat before! Why are we getting attacked by people suddenly? Why are you going through their pockets?”

Voss shrugged. “Clues. Also, money. It's not like they can spend it now.”

“This is what adventuring is all about, Calliope,” I added, “Sometimes you get ambushed.”

“And sometimes you get hurt, too,” Voss shot me a glare of his own. “Why didn't you put these guys to sleep with the Hex of Something-Or-Other?”

“Uh, sorry,” I shrugged, “It all happened so fast... but at least, I've got it for later if there are more of them.”

“Huh... okay. Yeah, there might be more of them. Look.”

Voss pulled back the hood on one of the dead and/or dying strangers, revealing the orange-tinted skin, pointed ears and snoutlike nose of a hobgoblin.

“Whoever they are, they're paying for hobgoblin enforcers. That's not cheap.”

I rubbed my chin in thought. “And it's not one of the established Thieves' Guilds, they're cut along racial lines, wouldn't make sense for either of them to... outsource.”

“Got it!” Calliope shouted.

During my exchange with Voss, she had slipped behind the counter, and then was standing there triumphantly with a bound leather ledger in her hands.

“What's that?” Voss inquired.

“'The books', as it were,” she replied, “Or at least one book. Might provide us with a clue about who is ordering those distinctive clay jars you're so obsessed with.”

Voss nodded and rose. “Good job,” I replied to Calliope.

“What's our play here, Theo?” Voss asked, “Do we wait for the guards, or bolt? They've got to be on their way.”

I glanced out the front window of the shop. It was clear- the talkative hobgoblin had crashed into the window display on the way down- and I could see that our fight was loud enough that the street had cleared out, though I could also make out a trio of hooded figures in an alley across the road.

“We don't know who these guys are working for. Hell, the city guard could be in on it, too,” I said after a moment, “There's three more hobgoblins keeping an eye out in front of the shop. Let's slip out the back and try to make it back to the Lazy Ox.”

“There's probably going to be more of them, and I'm out of spells,” Calliopse said, frowning, “You sure we shouldn't just... wait for the city guard and take it from there?”

I wasn't eager to maybe become a cop-killer. “Calliope, if you want to be an adventurer so bad, you'll have to get used to operating on the fringes of the law,” I replied, “Anyway, just keep your dagger handy and your head down, and we'll try to make it through.”

Voss straightened with a groan. “Well, just make sure you've got that spell handy. I can't take too many more hits like this before we meet up with Ashryn.”

We headed through the back of the shop- a small workshop for painting and glazing the pottery that was manufactured elsewhere, I think- and stacked up on the rear exit.  
“Hold on,” I said, drawing out my hand mirror. I lowered myself to the floor, angled the mirror, and tried to peer out under the gap between the threshold and the door.

I cursed. “Four more,” I said in a strained whisper, “Much more heavily armed, too. I see a morningstar, the end of some kind of polearm, and a belt sheath for a longsword. Might also be a sharpshooter up on one of the roofs.”

Voss sighed, “You sure don't like to make things easy on me....”

I got up and dusted off my hands. “There's a pretty good chance I'll be able to knock all them out, so hopefully it'll just be one or two at most.”

He rolled his eyes in response, “Okay, I can handle one or two psychotic mercenary hobgoblins for you, sure.”

“Boys!” Calliope hissed, “Can we get moving? There's three more around front that might be getting suspicious!”

Voss looked at me, I nodded to him.

He opened the door, revealing four more strangers with various armaments waiting to ambush us in the back courtyard of the building.

I canted, gestured and cast the Hex of Lotus and Willow.

One of the hobgoblins slumped forward and fell to the ground.

Voss glared at me. “Dammit, Theo!” and lunged forward.

“Shit, wait, bottle neck them in the door!” I yelled helplessly, but he was already outside and swinging.

“Wow, what a well coordinated party you have here!” Calliope remarked, voice thick with sarcasm.

I cut her a glare, then walked out into the fray.

It was a dumb idea. I knew, deep down, it was a dumb idea. But it was the second time in a row that the Sleep spell failed me, and Calliope was sufficiently getting on my nerves that I decided on impulse I'd rather die with Voss at that very moment.

He was facing down three hobgoblins, one with a morningstar, one with a longsword, and one, oddly enough, dual-wielding both weapons. He bashed at one with his shield, flinging him out of the scrimmage enough that I was able to nail him with a dart, though it didn't seem to do much damage.

Voss struck hard with his longsword then, half-beheading the dual-wielding hobgoblin, and not letting up on the remaining two.  
I patted my pockets, for something, anything I could use to help, but then my hand fell on a carefully inscribed handle sticking out of the top of my backpack.

Calliope brushed past me, jostling my back so the handle fell firmly into my hand. For all that Calliope was beginning to grate on me, I had to hand it to her, she charged into battle bravely, slashing with her dagger.

I couldn't let them fight alone. I drew the crowbill from my pack, circled around so I was behind the morningstar-wielder, and in one smooth movement sunk the blade handle-deep in his skull.

Nobody was more surprised than I was, I assure you.

Voss was able to make use of the break in the fight to strike at the remaining hobgoblin, carving a deep furrow into his cheek. But that one had other ideas, juked left, dropped his sword and sprinted for the alley to the street.

“Damn it!” Voss shouted, slashing at the fleeing hobgoblin's shoulder and earned a spray of blood. I drew and tossed a dart at him, too- the last thing we needed was for him to report back to his employer and say that we were probably out of spells now- and struck true, but if anything the hobgoblin managed to speed up. He ducked down the alley and was gone.

“Shit!” Voss cursed, clutching at a fresh wound in his thigh. I went over to him, but he waved me off. “I'm fine, I can keep going. We've got to get you and the girl back to the Lazy Ox.”

Still, I snatched up the discarded halberd and handed it to him. “Could you use this as a walking stick, maybe?”

He grinned at me and slammed the blade straight down into the back of the still-sleeping hobgoblin with an brutal-sounding snap. “Among other things. Let's get moving.”

This time is was Calliope's turn to toss me the back of earnings. I guess someone decided to get used to robbing corpses in a hurry.

We went down the alley opposite where the hobgoblin had departed, and tried our best to find a crowded street.

\-------------------------------------------

Character Name: Theodore Esche  
Race: Human  
Class: Transmuter  
Level (XP): 1 (2045/2500)  
Hit Points: 1

Ability Scores  
Strength 11  
Dexterity 17  
Constitution 8  
Intelligence 17  
Wisdom 13  
Charisma 14

Weapon Proficiencies: Darts

Nonweapon Proficiencies: Direction Sense, Etiquette, Reading/Writing, Swimming

Spells Per Day:  
1st Level- 2

Spellbook:  
(1st Level): Armor, Burning Hands, Enlarge, Featherfall, Mending, Read Magic, Sleep, Tenser's Floating Disc

Equipment: Backpack, Bags of Fine Sand (2), Belt, Belt Pouch (Large, 3), Belt Pouch (Small, 4), Boots, Darts (12), Hand Mirror, Hat, Hooded Lantern, Magical Crowbill (Held in Trust), Oil of Acid Resistance, Pearl (worth 100gp), Robes (3), Signet Ring, Small Tent

Money: 164 gp, 4 sp, 5 cp

Languages: Common, Elven, Dwarven, Orc, Goblin, Draconic, 1 additional.

Companions: Voss (Level 2 Fighter), Calliope (Level 1 Invoker)  
Elsewhere: Katriana (Level 2 Fighter, fiancee), Ashryn (Level 1 Cleric)

Sexual Partners: 1


	23. Isekai Life & Speculation Intensifies

We stuck to crowded streets and, if not that, deserted alleys. Even though a gap opened up around us as we traveled through crowds, we'd still rather be around witnesses than not. We saw no more of the hooded hobgoblins- presumably, the one that survived convinced the others to fall back and regroup. After awhile, we began to relax, as it didn't look like we were being followed.  
I finally began to breath a sigh of relief as we finally entered into the Lazy Ox, exhausted from the constant tension and limping.

When the innkeeper saw the state of us, he clapped at one of the serving girls and bellowed for hot towels, basins of water and needle and thread. Guess by now he was used to us showing up out of nowhere looking like dirty, bleeding wrecks.

The serving girls didn't want to be around us, but we didn't mind as we got cleaned up. The innkeeper dutifully sewed up all the various holes in Voss, let us wash the blood off of our faces and hands, and then pointed. “You're getting a private dining room tonight, too.” It wasn't a question, and I fished the gold out of my purse to pay for it.

After our clean-up, we filed into the private dining room to wait for Ashryn and Katriana.

“You know, for a prince, you're pretty free with that cash.”

Voss looked a little unsteady on his feet, so I grabbed his elbow to help lower him down onto a bench. “Yeah, I guess... How are your wounds?”

Voss shrugged. ”Doesn't matter too much, I'm sure Ashryn will be able to patch me up when she gets back.”

”Who's Ashryn?” Calliope inquired.

Vos replied before I could. “Theodore's elf girlfriend. Kind of like how you're his mage girlfriend, I guess.”

Calliope seemed offended. “I'm not his girlfriend!”

“Well, for now.”

Why was I the one getting glared at!?

Soon, we heard the familiar sounds of the dining room filling up with patrons through the door, meanwhile a serving girl dropped off wine and cups for us while we waited.

“...Could those hobgoblins have gotten your friends, too?” Calliope asked, suddenly seeming anxious.

“I doubt it,” I responded, “How would they know that Katriana and Ashryn have anything to do with us?”

There was a bit of a pause from Calliope.

“So... you and your sister are an item, then? I see.”

I realized how she was able to put two and two together and glared at Voss who gave me a helpless, good-natured kind of shrug. 

While we waited, Voss divvied out the loot be scored off the hobgoblins. It was a relative pittance- a few copper pieces and a handful of gold each- but Calliope seemed pretty happy with it.

Eventually, Katriana burst in through the door to the private dining room.

“Theodore, are you alright? The innkeeper said that someone was injured....” She paused and took in the scene, then composed herself. “Hello, Calliope,” she said in an icy voice.

“Katriana,” was Calliope's only reply.

That's when the ever-bubbly Ashryn bounced into the room.

“Hello, Theo! Hello, Voss! Hello, new friend! I'm Ashryn Milaneth,” she introduced herself while enthusiastically shaking Calliope's hand.

“Uh, hello... My name is Calliope Brevins, I used to be Theodore's classmate.”

“Oh, that's wonderful! So you're a Wizard, too?”

“Yes... an Invoker to be specific.”

“That's wonderful! We could always use another mage on the team!”

At that pointed, Katriana took Ashryn by the shoulders and pointed her at Voss.

“Oh, Voss are you injured? Don't worry, I've been following Theo's advice and prepared lots of healing spells today!”

While Ashryn doted over Voss, a serving girl came in with fresh bread and bowls of stew. I guess we were spending so much money, the innkeeper was making the effort to look out for us.

“So, tell me what happened,” Katriana demanded.

We explained, taking turns speaking and filling in details each other had missed. There were a few times that Katriana seemed to want to slap herself in the forehead, but she nodded at the important parts and took it all in.

“Well, now, you're being hunted by someone who employs hobgoblin thugs and has something to do with that cipher we found, but you didn't come away with any other information, don't have any clue what's going on, and you dragged Calliope into this?”

“Well, that's a bit unfair to say...” Calliope replied.

I was a little surprised to hear this from the Crown Princess of Criticizing Other People Today, but Calliope produced the leather-bound ledger she uncovered at the pottery shop.

“I'll bet if I we cross-referenced any large deliveries marked down in this ledger with places large enough to house mercenaries within ten minutes' walk or so of the pottery shop, we'll find out where the hobgoblins came from.”

“That's a bit of a stretch,” Katriana replied

“Maybe, but it's a start. Sure, it's possible that the hobgoblins were nearby or some other reason than they're barracked with whoever is in charge of this... conspiracy or whatever... but remember that they had no idea that we were going to come investigating.”

Ashryn interjected. “What about checking the pottery shop again? The owner could have gone back.”

I shook my head in reply. “They've been careful enough, I think we can mostly assume they'd get rid of the pottery shop owner somehow. Hide him, or worse. We'll check, of course, but not make it our only line of investigation.”

Ashryn nodded, and let the subject drop. There was an awkward silence, and then Katriana spoke up.

“Calliope, Voss... could you give us a moment? There's something I want to say to Theodore.”

“Should I leave, too?” Ashryn asked.

“No, I want you here for this.”

Voss shrugged, grabbed his new halberd from where he left it leaning and lead Calliope outside. For her part, Calliope gave me an amused smirk. I didn't know how to respond, so I kept my eyes on Katriana.

“So, uh, how was your day?” I asked awkwardly.

“Well, we got our platemail ordered, which was fine,” Katriana replied, “But then I cornered Ashryn and had a bit of a talk with her.”

Ashryn pouted. “Katri was a little mean.”

Katri, now, huh?

“First of all, you can be with her,” Katrian continued, “I give you permission. She's okay by me.”

I felt a moment of mixed relief and elation. Katriana noticed that and gave me a look. “This isn't a huge room, and you made poor Voss sit here through your little flirting session. Be a little more mindful of where you are next time, okay?”

“Well, okay, but....”

“But what?”

“You were able to use the distraction in order to win, right?”

Katriana frowned for a second, leaned over then flicked me, hard, right between the eyes.

“Ow! Hey!”

Settling back in her seat, Katriana turned to Ashryn. 

“Tell him what you told me. Everything, from the top.”

Ashryn took a deep breath.

“So, I said that one of my fellow acolytes did an augury for me, and said that you two were going to be the most important people to me... well, that wasn't entirely true.

“She began casting the augury like normal. We were all a little tipsy, and were doing the auguries to find out if such and such boy liked us or not, silly things like there. There were quite a few handsome humans studying to be paladins in the temple with us, and... well, that doesn't have anything to do with anything, now does it?

“I didn't like anyone in particular, so I just asked what my first boyfriend would be like. But when the older girl cast the augury, the room kind of got darker, and her eyes went milky white. It was... it was the telling signs of a prophecy, straight from the Ysiphine themselves.”

I nodded, following along. Such a dramatic event... no wonder she remembers all this by heart.

“'On the first day that is not the first day, the Uncrowned King awakens. He will bear the book of power in his left hand, and the sword of wisdom in his right, and the ground will quake at his passing. He is the ruiner of ways, the breaker of kingdoms, the ethereal prince who will master the world and build an empire that is both old and new.

“'Seven will be the trials he much pass to earn his crown. Fire and Storm, Sea and Ice. Light, Shadow and Doom Itself will scatter before him, to make his way to the comet-shattered throne.

“'Twelve will be his Queens. At his right hand, the Sword of Blood. At his left, the Speaker of the Stars.

“'Fox Princess, Dragon's Daughter, and The Queen of Twilight will bow before him.

“'Behind him shall stand the Maiden of Battles, the Black Huntress, and Silence's Song.

“'At his side, the Crimson Tiger, Laughing Flower, the Bride Veiled in Steel and the Herald of Dead Kingdoms.

“'Neither the crown nor the twelfth bridal bed shall end his journey. The wheel shall turn, and the raven will fall from heaven. The Eternal King shall die, and the All-Father's Eye will be put out. He will guard the Last Flame, and ignite the new age.'

“That's kind of it. Nobody really felt like playing with more auguries after that.”

I was stunned into silence as I processed all this.

“And this is all supposed to be about me?”

“Yes... and no,” Katriana replied, “I eventually got out of her that prophesy and telling the future is a tricky business.”

“Very tricky!” Ashryn nodded, “Even for a prophecy, things aren't set in stone... take the Fox Princess bit. She could be a literal princess who is a fox, or a princess whose sigil is a fox, or...”

“...Or a girl who can shapeshift into a fox and acts like a princess, or any number of things. I think I get it,” I replied.

“Apparently Ashryn, as the recipient of the prophecy, has kind of a sixth sense for when bits of it get fulfilled.,” Katriana went on, “For instance, she knew right away I was the Sword of Blood. Which is why she zeroed in on both of us as the 'most important' instead of just you.”

Ashryn nodded again. “I won't know the details until they're much more set. For example, like when one of your wives agrees to marry you, then I'll have an idea.”

“So to use the example from before,” I said, following the logic here, “If I married all three, we'd then find out that the first girl's parents died and she's the literal queen of a kingdom called Twilight, and that the last girl can also shapeshift into a red tiger.”

“Something like that, maybe! It's all really vague, but I'll know it when it happens.”

A super-helpful prophecy, then. Cool.

“So then... if I marry you....”

Ashryn perked up immediately.

“You'll for certain be this 'Speaker of the Stars', which was already foretold to you, but you won't become it until I ask, so....”

“Please let me marry you!”

She forwardness kind of took me by surprise a little.

“I mean, even if this prophecy is a bother, I'm pretty good with healing magic and all, and I can cook (I think) and maybe also clean, a little bit? Anyway, I'll be a good wife and Katri already said yes, so please...!”

“Alright, alright! Calm down. I'd love to have you as my second wife, Ashryn. And you don't have to cook or clean if you don't want to.”

The elf giggled and clapped her hands with joy, jumped up and hugged Katriana, who couldn't help but smile and hug her back.

And just like that I had two fiancees.

\-------------------------------------------

Character Name: Theodore Esche  
Race: Human  
Class: Transmuter  
Level (XP): 1 (2100/2500)  
Hit Points: 1

Ability Scores  
Strength 11  
Dexterity 17  
Constitution 8  
Intelligence 17  
Wisdom 13  
Charisma 14

Weapon Proficiencies: Darts

Nonweapon Proficiencies: Direction Sense, Etiquette, Reading/Writing, Swimming

Spells Per Day:  
1st Level- 2

Spellbook:  
(1st Level): Armor, Burning Hands, Enlarge, Featherfall, Mending, Read Magic, Sleep, Tenser's Floating Disc

Equipment: Backpack, Bags of Fine Sand (2), Belt, Belt Pouch (Large, 3), Belt Pouch (Small, 4), Boots, Darts (12), Hand Mirror, Hat, Hooded Lantern, Magical Crowbill (Held in Trust), Oil of Acid Resistance, Pearl (worth 100gp), Robes (3), Signet Ring, Small Tent

Money: 177 gp, 4 sp, 39 cp

Languages: Common, Elven, Dwarven, Orc, Goblin, Draconic, 1 additional.

Companions: Katriana (Level 2 Fighter, fiancee), Ashryn (Level 1 Cleric, fiancee), Voss (Level 2 Fighter), Calliope (Level 1 Invoker)

Sexual Partners: 1


	24. Isekai Life & Ape Beatings

“So what do we do about the rest of that stuff, then?” I asked then, “I don't mind speculating about what girls I'm going to marry, but what's all that stuff about fire and doom and breaking chains and stuff?”

“I think it's kind of like a timeline,” Katriana replied, “Before we'll have the resources to get our kingdom back, we'll need to do seven quests like that. Or something. I mean, we might have already done the fire one, if the temple arson counts.”

That kind of bothered me. A two-day quest like that was probably way too short to get mentioned in some kind of crazy prophecy.

“Well, I guess that's all fine, but our goals stay the same,” I said, “How long until-”

There was knocking on the door, and Calliope's annoyed voice filtered through the wood. “Are you guys done with your secret meeting or whatever? I've got to get to work and Voss doesn't want to escort me on his own.”

I was going to ask about how long Ashryn and Katriana's platemail would take, but I guess it could wait.

Katriana let Calliope and Voss back into the room. “Where do you work that you're starting a shift so late at night?” she asked.

Calliope blushed. “N-nowhere important! But I don't want to go there on my own, and Voss says that if those hobgoblins catch us again, he wants one of you two around,” she said, indicated Ashryn and Katriana.

The two other girls exchanged glances. “Well, I guess after the day you've had, it would pay to stay together,” Katriana allowed, “I'll go, too.”

“I want to go, too!” Ashryn said, clapping her hands together, “If we're all going to allies and party members, I want to get to know you, Calliope!”

...Which would leave me alone at the inn. 

I sighed, “I guess we may as well all go, I don't want to disappoint Ashryn, and I certainly don't want to be left behind alone.”

With that, it was decided. Wandering around at night with a band of hobgoblins hunting us, yay.

The common room of the inn was crowded as always, so much so that I felt kind of bad for asking Voss and Calliope to wait out here for so long. Even Ricard, Mariska and their dwarf buddy were shoved along with Ricard's serving man into a table by the front window, though they seemed cheerful enough, with Mariska seeing us and raising a glass of wine in salute as we passed.

The night was cool, just on the comfortable side of chilly, and in addition to lights from windows and open doorways, the street were lit with some kind of primitive gas-lamp. The streets were largely empty, but most of the people who were still about walked confidently, unafraid of the night. Guards patrolled in groups of four here and there,keeping an eye on things nonetheless.

We were heading towards the Docks district- I had been there enough by now that I recognized the route. It made me somewhat uneasy. To get there, we had to pass through a manufactory district that was bustling during the day, but at this time of night would be deserted. 

While we walked, I fetched the crowbill out of my pack, and clutched it in my off hand. It just seemed like a sensible precaution.

We were walking through the manufactory district only a short distance we we heard a chilling scream from a side street. The side street turned a short way down, so we couldn't see where the scream was coming from.

“It's a trap,” I said, bluntly.

Katriana gave me a glare. “If it's a trap, then someone is getting tortured because of us!”

Alright... fair point. But... “We don't have any spells left. Or rather, useful ones.”

“That's not true! I still have the Starlit Eyes of the Ysiphine,” Ashryn chimed in.

Thanks for that input, but I don't think Detect Magic will save anyone's life.

“I'm sorry, Theodore, but I can't let someone suffer because of us.”

I sighed. “Well, yeah, I didn't say we weren't going in there, just... let's be careful, alright? Voss, you and Katriana are doing the heavy lifting, are you going to be okay?”

The other fighter chuckled. “Yeah, they ought to look out. I didn't have my spear then.”

I guess he must have grabbed it while Calliope and him were waiting.

We cautiously advanced down the street. Partway down, the screaming started up again, panicky and pained. Katriana drew her sword, but, to their credit, nobody ran forward.

The screaming died off, is a low, trailing wail. We rounded a haycart, and entered into a broad market square.

This late, all the stalls and carts were long packed away. Instead, at the centre of the square, was a large stake and pyre, with a burning human corpse (I hope) flickering away. As we entered, we heard someone behind us shoving the haycart into place, blocking the road before setting the cart on fire- matching flames sprang up on each of the roads leading out of the square.

“Well, this is great,” I said, bitterly.

The new flames illuminated our would-be opponents- two of the hooded hobgoblins... and two massive apes, clad in iron collars with chain leashes. Upon seeing us, the larger of the two apes pounded his chest and hooted at us. The other, a more slender and deadly-looking ape, simply slinked forward silently.

Carnivorous apes. Five hit dice, a THAC0 of 15, three attacks per round.... They were often kept as war beasts and guardians by hobgoblins, and clearly these hobgoblins thought that they were some kind of trump card against us.

One of the hooded hobgoblins cracked a whip, driving one of the ape forward, laughing. “Come on, then! We've got your flesh to snack on and your bones to eat, eh? Five lives for eight is a poor trade, so give us some sport to even things up a little, won't you?”

I'm really starting to hate the enemy having the initiative all the time.

“Hey, Voss,” I said, slowly, “Think you can distract that one on the left? The rest of us, go hard on the one on the right.”

“Gotcha,” Voss replied, and faced the larger of the two apes, circling wide of the other half of the fight. This only made the two hobgoblins crack up even more. Hopefully Voss wouldn't take too hard of a beating, but we really needed to do this lopsidedly, overcoming one threat completely then focusing down on another.

Voss charged forward suddenly, getting right up in the ape's face as he thrust with his spear. The ape dodged backwards and growled a warning, but so far the plan was working- Voss had the beast's attention.

Turning to the ape we were supposed to be taking on, I drew and flung my darts, being careful to keep the crowbill out of the arc of my arm. Two struck home, causing that ape to finally make a sound, roaring with pain and fury. Another object flew at the creature, but fell short- Calliope had found a loose brick and launched it at the creature while she still could.

Katrian and Ashryn closed in, swinging weapons but not able to strike home as the ape fell back, then pounced suddenly, a meaty fist striking a glancing blow of Katriana.

The hobgoblins kept taunting us, but I was focused on the battle. I saw Voss warding off his ape with wide swings of the spear, sacrificing accuracy and damage for space and time. I took the opportunity and launched darts towards it, all three striking home and one sinking deep into the beasts' eye. Hopefully that would slow it down some for Voss. Meanwhile, while Katriana and Ashryn were the focus of our ape's attacks, Calliope managed to slip forward with her dagger and cut deeply into it's arm.

Voss struck hard with his spear, thrusting into his ape's belly deep enough he had to follow up with a punch from his shield to pull the weapon free, but earned himself a close-quarters punch in return. Meanwhile, the girls kept their ape surrounded, it's attention divided, even though Katriana took another backhanded blow from it. The hobgoblin with the whip, behind the ape, cursed and jeered, cracking at the beast and keeping it pressed forward.

We were scoring our hits, but Katriana and Voss would break long before the apes did if things kept up like this. I circled to the right, keeping the whip-wielding hobgoblin in my sights, hoping and waiting.

But then, all at once the tide turned. Katriana finally managed to hit home, thrusting her sword deep into the ape's chest as Ashryn cracked her mace over the ape's back, driving the sword deeper into the beast's body. Katriana manged to back off and yank her weapon free as the ape thrashed, dying.

Before he could get any ideas, I threw three darts at the hobgoblin with the whip, wounding him. He cracked the whips at me, but missed cleanly as I was too far out of range. I launched a second volley, straight into his gut, and he curled up on himself, dropping his weapon in agony, blood from pierced arteries spilling onto the ground. His sword, made of some kind of black, iridescent metal that glittered in the firelight, clattered to the ground, and on instinct I snatched it up.

The girls had gotten the picture, and ambushed the other hobgoblin, with Katriana's blade hitting home and earning a pained scream from him. Voss dashed forward and sank his spear into the ape's heart in a mortal wound, while Calliope came from the hobgoblin's blind spot and stabbed into his neck, turning to get clear as blood sprayed.

Just like that, it was over. We were intact, though wounded, and surrounded by the smell of burning human flesh and ape blood.

I sighed wearily and ran a hand through my hair before regarding the poor soul tied at the stake. “Well, so much for our rescue effort...”

Katriana sheathed her sword with a similar noise of discontent. “I guess we couldn't have done anything, then,” she said bitterly, “Next time I'll try to stand by and let them be burned.”

I didn't know what to say to that.

“Come on, everyone,” Katriana said, “Let's get moving. Whoever set those wagons alight can't have gone far, and I want to be safely away before they can organize a proper counterattack.”

\-------------------------------------------

Character Name: Theodore Esche  
Race: Human   
Class: Transmuter  
Level (XP): 1 (2192/2500)  
Hit Points: 1

Ability Scores  
Strength 11  
Dexterity 17  
Constitution 8  
Intelligence 17  
Wisdom 13  
Charisma 14

Weapon Proficiencies: Darts

Nonweapon Proficiencies: Direction Sense, Etiquette, Reading/Writing, Swimming

Spells Per Day:  
1st Level- 2

Spellbook:  
(1st Level): Armor, Burning Hands, Enlarge, Featherfall, Mending, Read Magic, Sleep, Tenser's Floating Disc

Equipment: Backpack, Bags of Fine Sand (2), Belt, Belt Pouch (Large, 3), Belt Pouch (Small, 4), Boots, Darts (5), Hand Mirror, Hat, Hooded Lantern, Magical Crowbill (Held in Trust), Oil of Acid Resistance, Pearl (worth 100gp), Robes (3), Signet Ring, Small Tent, Unidentified Broadsword

Money: 177 gp, 4 sp, 39 cp

Languages: Common, Elven, Dwarven, Orc, Goblin, Draconic, 1 additional.

Companions: Katriana (Level 2 Fighter, fiancee), Ashryn (Level 1 Cleric, fiancee), Voss (Level 2 Fighter), Calliope (Level 1 Invoker)

Sexual Partners: 1


	25. Isekai Life & Dancing at the Mouse

With the haycarts still burning, we had no other choice but to make a way out through one of the manufactories. We chose one that lead in the direction we wanted to go, and Katriana smashed the chains open with her warhammer. I felt a little bad, so I cast Mending on the padlock while we made our way though- at least this way the owner wouldn't be out an expensive, precision-made device, and besides that, the square was probably going to be crawling with guards as soon as they could access it.

The manufactory was dark and silent, and we were able to make our way through with a minimum of fuss. At the far end, what seemed to be past the burning barrier, we unlatched a window, and Voss held it up while we each slipped through. I held it open for him from the outside so he could also escape. We then hurried through the night, finishing the trip to the docks.

Calliope took the lead there, and lead us to a dockside inn. The inn's sign was a mouse-man in clothing, hands on hips and beaming with pride over the bulge in his pants. Below that, a hand-letter wooden sign named the place, “The Big Mouse Inn”.

“This is where you work?” Katriana asks, with a sardonic tone, “A dockside inn? You have to know the reputation of places like these.”

“Sh-shut up!” Calliope replied, red-faced, “Let's just... get this over with.”

When we entered into the inn, the innkeeper, a scrawny, stick-like man with an eyepatch, laughed to see her. “Three hours late, and then you show up looking and smelling like you've rolled around in a slaughterhouse? You're done, princess. I replaced you already, two hours by.”

The innkeeper pointed over his shoulder with a thumb, to the centre of the busy inn. There, four girls in multicoloured outfits with short, frilly skirts and bare bellies danced in whirling, teasing steps as a fiddler and drummer played in the background. One of the girls was obviously more clumsy that the others, tripping over her own feet and stumbling after her partners.

Katriana chuckled, and Calliope somehow became even more flushed. “W-well, I'm just here to get my things! Just let me back to the dancer's room and I'll be on my way!”

The innkeeper scowled, but nonetheless grabbed one of his serving girls, to lead Calliope to the back. Katriana kept silently giggling, to the point where Ashryn prodded her and admonished, “You have to be nice! Calliope's a good person.”

“Sorry, sorry,” Katriana said, shaking her head, “But you didn't know her before, a common village girl who acted like she was better than others just because she knew a little magic. It's just funny to me, to see that she's so bad at finding a party for herself to adventure with that she had to become a dancing girl in a dockside tavern to make ends meet.”

That made me wonder a little bit about Katriana. Did she mislike Calliope for the Invoker's attitude, or...?

My thoughts were interrupted by the reappearance of Calliope, carrying two big bags with her. They were large and bulky, but she didn't seem to have any trouble carrying them both with her.

“Well... sorry about all this,” she said to everyone as we filed out of the Big Mouse Inn. “This ended up being mostly a waste of time... and worse, we ended up in a fight, and some of us got hurt,” She shook her head, “Well... I hope you let me pay you all back for this.”

Voss shrugged. “We walked into a trap and got out alive, and now there are two less hobbos' and two less of their apes, if they even have more.”

Ashryn nodded. “You're one of us, now,” she said insistently, “This trip was the least we could do.”

Katriana didn't say anything, but I stepped forward. “It's you who's wrapped up with us in this plot, not the other way around,” I said, “If you want to apologize for the walk out here, then I ought to apologize for bringing you into that potter's shop in the first place.”

Calliope gave me a bit of a smile, and nodded. “It's late enough, we ought to get back.”

The walk back was quiet, which I had expected. Whoever was after us, they had all afternoon and evening to plan their ambush, and we walked right into it and dealt with it directly with no casualties. Their next logical step would be to hang back, keep an eye on us, and either prepare another trap or wait for a weakness to exploit.

It was late enough when we arrived at the Lazy Ox that the musicians had been cleared away, and the only people left in the common room were a handful of groups still talking low and laughing over drinks. There were only a few serving girls around, but still, I handed over a few coins for wine and goblets to be brought upstairs for us to enjoy in private, and we headed up to our room.

Voss volunteered to sleep on the floor, giving Callipoe the couch, but she would have none of that. “You need to be comfortable or else you'll shift and pop your stitches,” she said, “Ashryn can heal you in the morning, and we'll figure out what to do then.”

“About that,” I said, “I think tomorrow should be all about recovering. Nobody leaves the inn, unless three of us go, and we don't leave at all during the night. Our fighters heal with help from Ashryn, while we try and figure out who is hunting us and why.”

At the very least, everyone was too tired to argue.

I shuffled over to Ashryn, and gave her a nudge. She startled a little bit, but then smiled up at me. “Yes, Theo?”

“You still have that spell memorized, right?” I asked as I drew the black steel broadsword, “Can you analyze this for me?”

Ashryn muttered her prayer, then examined the blade. “Yes, it's magical, alright,” she confirmed, “It was from one of those hobgoblins, right?”

I nodded. “It's alchemical steel, I think,” I told her, “It holds a weak natural enchantment, but it can't compete with a proper enchanted blade.” I knew that bit of lore from Theodore's memory of magic school. I guess it's for +1 weapons, to help explain why they are way more common than others.

I offered the sword, handle-first, to Katriana. “It's not quite like your longsword, but it could be handy to have a magic weapon around,” I mentioned.

She took the blade and hefted it experimentally, and nodded. With her “related weapon” non-proficiency penalty, she would be at a +0 to hit and a +1 to damage compared with the +1 to hit and +2 damage for her longsword speciality... but the magical weapon would be able to damage certain enemies immune to the effects of mundane steel. And, if she spent to proficiency slots on it, it would eventually rise to +1 / +1 and then +2 / +3 if she also specialized in the broadsword... but a magical longsword might turn up by the time she hit level 6, having earned an additional proficiency slot every three levels. Still, it was good to have.

I got into bed, and immediately Ashryn hopped in next to me and snuggled up to me, earning a derisive snort out of Calliope. Katriana also eventually climbed into bed, but started out with a bit of space between us... until the last candle was out and she felt comfortable enough to turn towards me for a cuddle.

For all that we almost never left the building, the next few days went by in a blur. 

First thing in the morning, Ashryn started her all-healing all-the-time spell plan, healing the majority of Voss and Katriana's wounds, enough that they could move around with worrying about stitches and even spend part of the day down in the stables practising with their new weapons- Katriana with the magical broadsword, Voss with the halberd. We also had a round of baths as soon as the bathing room was free (not alone, unfortunately, nor co-ed- Voss and I shared the room and then the three girls all bathed together) and sent our laundry away with one of the maids. 

That afternoon, Calliope and I spent discussing spell strategy. She was mostly pretty gung-ho about smiting and blasting with magic power, but I was able to convince her that on the whole something like Wall of Fog was generally more useful for a first-level wizard, especially considering how handy she was with that dagger. As an Invoker, Calliope was barred from my most useful spells like Sleep and Armor, but I did manage to teach her the intricacies of The Sigil of the Burning Hands and the Floating Disc of Tenser.

When I cracked open her spellbook for myself, though.... Either there's something wrong with her notes or I am just an unlucky guy because most of her spells I wasn't able to learn. Sure, she had a selection of Abjuration and Necromancy powers I couldn't avail myself of, but of her remaining spells I couldn't wrap my mind around most of them. I did manage to learn the Fiery Bolts of Arcane Light (aka the dreaded-ish Magic Missile), but after that it was just a failure after failure until eventually I had to settle for the Awareness of the Black Enchantment (aka Detect Undead). I could try again after I got to second level, but for now Identify, Shield and Wall of Fog were denied to me, all spells I would rather have that wasting a spell slot just to find out if there were a few zombies knocking about.

We also spent a great deal of time hunting through the potter's ledger to try and figure out who might have sent the hobgoblins after us, and there were a few possibilities. Most of the client list didn't have street addresses or anything listed, but there was a Lord Ghyran Gauthi that had ordered some five hundred gold pieces of glazed jars and gallon-sized earthenware pots that seemed likely. The only thing that was left to determine was if “Highcroft Manor” was really within ten minutes' jogging distance of the pottery shop.

We then whiled the night away with Nine Men's Morris (having only one game to play was a little more interesting when you had your choice of four opponents) and enjoying the music and crowds down in the common room. That night, the innkeeper had hired a bard to recount tales of comedy and adventure to the sound of his harp, and in general it was a pretty enjoyable night.

Midway through the second day, partway through our spell sharing study session, Calliope paused and asked, “Hey, Theodore? Do you mind if I look at this cipher you were talking about? No insult to your intelligence meant, but a fresh pair of eyes might help.”

I assented and fished out the little slip of paper, and Calliope was looking at it for about ten minutes when she said, “No wonder you couldn't figure it out, it's written in Ignan.”

Ignan, the language of fire elements from third edition on up. Of course, how could I expect to have to learn a language that I didn't even know existed in AD&D?

“So what does it say?” I asked in response.

Underlining each line with a finger, Calliope recited, “I am acting tomorrow. Once the helper has been disposed of, we can proceed with the ceremony on the appointed day.” She shook her head, “It's signed, but Ignan is a very context-sensitive language. If the writer was speaking to a stranger, they'd jot down a little pronunciation key, but it seems the person they wrote to is someone familiar.”

“Still, sounds pretty bad,” I mused, “Any ceremony put on by someone who acts so secretively and raises the dead just to protect their dead drop can't be a good thing.”

“Well, finding whoever is sending the hobgoblins after you will probably net you whoever wrote this,” she added, “Besides, you stole their message. This miscommunication probably delayed their plans, at least a little.”

Well, I could accept that.

By evening, we were all starting to get a little of the cabin fever, so we all struck out on a mission to locate Highcroft Manor and it's relationship to the pottery shop.

After asking a few questions, we managed to locate the manor just a few blocks from the potter's shop, but it didn't look good at first- it was at least a twenty-minute jog as the shortest distance between the two involved circumnavigating part of the neighborhood, as the streets were laid in parallel and you couldn't cut through anywhere.

But Voss wasn't having any of that.

We were sensibly behind a another manor's hedge, taking quick peeks at Highcroft Manor- really just a larger-than-average townhouse- but not allowing ourselves to get seen in the open, as we discussed the possible route the hobgoblins could have taken. Voss was on lookout, when he shook his head at the rest of us. “You're overthinking it,” he said nodding towards the Manor, “Those are the hobgoblins for sure.”

Frowning with confusion, I helped myself to another peek, just in time to see a pair of guards in full field plate- including visored greathelms- conclude a patrol and enter in through the front doors of the manor.

I sighed. “Yeah, those are probably hobgoblins. I know for sure I couldn't see their faces. Perhaps they have a secret passage that let them move as the crow flies or something.”

“Yeah, okay, so now what?” Calliope asked, “We break in there, and try to find evidence of a hobgoblin platoon and undead raising?”

“Yeah, something like that.”

“Sorry, but that's kind of stupid. Don't you have a better idea?”

“Actually, it's okay, because we happen to have an expert on breaking and entering.”

”We do?” Ashryn asked, confused.

I shrugged. “Well, we will once we break her out of jail.”

\-------------------------------------------

Character Name: Theodore Esche  
Race: Human   
Class: Transmuter  
Level (XP): 1 (2302/2500)  
Hit Points: 1

Ability Scores  
Strength 11  
Dexterity 17  
Constitution 8  
Intelligence 17  
Wisdom 13  
Charisma 14

Weapon Proficiencies: Darts

Nonweapon Proficiencies: Direction Sense, Etiquette, Reading/Writing, Swimming

Spells Per Day:  
1st Level- 2

Spellbook:  
(1st Level): Armor, Burning Hands, Detect Undead, Enlarge, Featherfall, Magic Missile, Mending, Read Magic, Sleep, Tenser's Floating Disc

Equipment: Backpack, Bags of Fine Sand (2), Belt, Belt Pouch (Large, 3), Belt Pouch (Small, 4), Boots, Darts (5), Hand Mirror, Hat, Hooded Lantern, Magical Crowbill (Held in Trust), Oil of Acid Resistance, Pearl (worth 100gp), Robes (3), Signet Ring, Small Tent

Money: 171 gp, 2 sp, 39 cp

Languages: Common, Elven, Dwarven, Orc, Goblin, Draconic, 1 additional.

Companions: Katriana (Level 2 Fighter, fiancee), Ashryn (Level 1 Cleric, fiancee), Voss (Level 2 Fighter), Calliope (Level 1 Invoker)

Sexual Partners: 1


	26. Isekai Life & Eye Contact

“So, uh, is that girl, Smokey Enna still here?”

Captain Hawkins gave me an odd expression. “Why do you ask? We don't normally allow people to visit prisoners, least of all the adventurers who turn them in.”

I floundered momentarily. “We have questions related to the investigation that lead to her arrest, and figured she might be willing to help.”

Captain Hawkins gave me a long, studious look. “Well, even if I was willing to grant your request, she was moved a day ago. She is going to be held in Whitewater Keep until a magistrate becomes available to oversee her trial.”

“Whitewater Keep....” I mused, hoping that Hawkins would fill in the blank.

He didn't fall for it. “You're not thinking about doing something stupid, are you?”

I shook my head. “No, just disappointed. Sorry for taking up so much of your time.”

He still gave me a skeptical look as I left, but didn't try to stop me.

Katriana fell in with me as soon as I left, and we walked in silence for a few blocks until we met up with the rest of the group.

“Well?” Calliope asked.

I shook my head. “She's been moved to someplace called 'Whitewater Keep'.”

Voss whistled. “I'm not completely sure where that is, but it's somewhere downstream of here- a tower house on a triangle-shaped island, where the river cuts between two cliffs. Whitewater rapids on two sides, the only calm spot is on the side that faces upstream, and it takes strong rowers to escape the pull of the water.”

I sighed. “So, how do we make this work?”

“Uh, Theodore...” Katriana said, “That sounds the next thing to impregnable. Well, at least for our purposes.”

I thought about it carefully. “Well, we can't be looking at too many guards. A completely geographically isolated place like that would have to run on a skeleton crew. If we borrow a boat, find the tower, and arrive at night, it shouldn't be hard to, functionally, take the keep.”

“Yeah, but you're not considering the boat,” Voss said. “Six in a rowboat? We're going to have to travel light. No armour, minimal weaponry, maybe shields. If there are more than two guards at a time, or if we wake up the rest of the garrison....”

“You'd prefer to do a frontal assault on Gauthi's manor?”

Voss sighed. “Fair point but... you're asking a lot this time, Theo. Going light on equipment, possibly killing lawful guards....”

“Yeah....” I bit my lip, before replying. “Well... I mean, Enna was as much of a victim as anything....”

“Yeah, but she was still a thief,” Voss replied, “Sorry, Theodore, but this is a bridge too far for me.”

“Sorry, Theodore,” Calliope replied, sounding sad but still reluctant.

I looked at my hands. I sighed. “Okay.”

Captain Hawkins was a little surprised to see me enter the guard house again and march straight up to the counter.

“I'd like to post bail for Smokey Enna. Is that a thing in this city?”

Hawkins sighed with resigned exasperation.

Sometime later, he led me into the area of the cells, where a drunkard was snoring loudly in one cell, and a certain stout woman perked up in the other.

“'Ey! It's you! That mage! Erm... Theodore, right?”

I turned to Hawkins. “You lied to me.”

“I am sworn to justice, not truth,” he said candidly, “And in my defence, that was before you handed me a scrap of paper worth seven hundred gold.”

Seven hundred fifty, I corrected in my head. I felt keenly the loss of my promissory note, but it was (hopefully) for a good cause. Besides, as Hawkins had explained, I'd (hopefully) be getting it back.

He went over the rules of this little arrangement again for Enna's benefit.

“I expect her back here in a week- that's before nightfall on the seventh day,” he said as he hunted through a large keyring, “If you disappear, you and her both become wanted criminals and I keep your money. If she gives you the slip and you report her missing right away, maybe we don't arrest you, but I still keep your money. If you or her commit a crime, I'll arrest you both and keep your money. The only way this works out well for you is if you return her before the appointed hour, committing no crimes. Then you'll get your money back. Clear?”

“Yeah, we get it,” Enna replied, “I'll be jus' the sweetest lil' angel, I promise you that.”

Hawkins grunted, and unlocked the cell door. “Well, she's your problem now. Good luck, or rather, bad luck, because if you screw up then I'll wind up richer.”

“That's nice of you,” I nodded to Enna, “Come on, you're with me for the next little while.”

Outside the guard station, Enna stretched. “Wow, 'at was nice of ya. So when're we hoppin' a boat? Tonight, I hope.”

I shook my head as we walked over to where Katriana was waiting. “We're not leaving, and you better behave because I do want my money back.”

Enna blinked. “Don't tell me that promise-sorry-note 'Awkins was talkin' about was the real deal.”

“Real as a letter like that can be, I suppose,” I answered, “Come on, my companions and I need your help for a job.”

We gathered up the whole party, found a deserted stretch of alleyway next to a blacksmith's shop- work was in full swing and we could safely whisper under the sounds of multiple clanging hammers and the hiss of quenching.

I explained the whole situation- the hobgoblins, the mysterious cipher, the “Purification”, and all that.

“So here's the deal,” I said, under the clamour of the shop, “You help us stage a robbery of Lord Gauthi's manor, so we can look for the evidence we need to accuse him of consorting with hobgoblins and whatever this Purification thing is. You get a fair cut of the loot, which we can arrange with a banker for it to be held in trust until your release, and I think we can promise that there will be plenty of loot to go around.”

Enna whistled. “That's a fine thing you asked for. A sixth of the treasure in some bigwigs' mansion? Well, sure, I'm piqued. Let's do this.”

I breathed a sigh of relief, which proved to be only momentary. Calliope stepped forward. “Excuse me, but how can we know that we can trust her? She's just some... gutter rat who was involved in that arson, yes?”

Enna barked a laugh. “Well, a gutter rate is the kindest thing anyone's called me all week. Tell you something, girlie, I'm Smokey Enna. My mam was a human whore and me da was a dwarf customer who liked 'em tall. The dwarfs call me a half-human and the humans call me a Mul, kinda like the animal. Dad couldn't acknowledge me, and I didn't want to go into me mam's line o' work, so I became a scapegrace and cutpurse. I know me way aroun' a scrap, I know me way aroun' a set of picklocks, and considerin' that these folks know no less'n two groups of people who'd love to have me in a cell or headless, I'd say I've more reason to question your loyalty than you have to questions mine.”

Calliope flushed. “Well... I guess you're right. Sorry, it's just been a hard few days.”

Enna grinned at her crookedly. “Think nothin' of it. It's natural to distrust others when discussin' clandestine acitivities, 'specially new people. But these folks saved my bacon once, so I can take their word on ya.”

A Mul, I mused. Originally from the Dark Sun setting, a half-human, half-dwarf race who come with decent bonuses to Strength and Constitution, penalties to Intelligence and Charisma, and a special racial ability that they never receive penalties from physical exertion. Sleep is another factor, but when it comes to marching, working, or anything else, they can literally go from sunup to sundown.

I frowned. A race that can literally go all night long

I had one HP and got out of breath climbing hills.

I leave this one to you, Voss. I have no desire to be fucked to death just yet. Dogspeed.

“Alright, so,” Smokey Enna said, clapping her hands for everyone's attention. “I've got a thing or two to check into before figurin' out out approach, an' it sounds like you can't be spotted by this bloke's guards anyway, so why don't I meet up with yas later tonight so we can set down a firm plan?”

I nodded. “Sure. Just don't think you can give us the slip, okay?”

She laughed her full-bodied laugh again. “Why would I want to give Captain 'Awkins such trouble? It suits my purposes if he gets all sentimental and trustin' of me.”

So with that, Smokey Enna headed off, easily blending in with the crowds, while the rest of us headed back to the Lazy Ox.

“You know, this could end up going really badly if we get caught, right?” Katriana asked.

“Yeah, well,” I answered, “We just have to not screw up.”

And to think just a week ago I was so cautious.... But, with my most powerful tools at the moment being my pair of warrior companions, and against a thinking opponent I may not be able to deceive or entrap, there was little incentive to be anything but bold.

Back at the Lazy Ox, Katriana paid out for our usual private dining room, and we were asked to sit and wait for the place to be cleaned up.

Voss was talking about how excited he was to pick up his new armour tomorrow, while Calliope and Katriana were bent over his game board. Suddenly, a soft hand touched my elbow, and I turned to see Ashryn standing there, smiling at me.

“Theodore... Could you come with me for a moment? I want your opinion on something.”

“Okay....”

I slipped away from the table and followed her as she led me down a hall and into the bowels of the inn. She turned down a familiar hallway, and, giggling, pulled me into the bathing room. The place was warm with steam, and a freshly-filled tub was waiting.

But before I could really process that, Ashryn jumped into my arms and kissed me, a quick peck on the lips.

She giggled. “That's how humans do it, don't they? I've never kissed anyone before....”

“Not quite....” I pulled her lips back up to mine, and kissed her more deeply, gently slipping my tongue in to glide playfully against hers. She moaned into my mouth.

“That felt good...” she said softly when I eased off, “I can't believe elves don't do that....”

“What's this all about, Ashryn?” I asked.

“Um, well...” She planted a small, soft kiss on my neck, “I figured you've been reluctant about having sex in our room where everyone else sleeps, too, and it's still another two days until the finals of the joust, but... I didn't want to wait anymore. So when we got back, I paid for a bath, then chased off the serving girl, so....”

She shrugged out of her robe, and was naked in front of me. Her silver hair cascaded onto her shoulders, violet eyes flickering with mischievous lust, and her soft breasts pushed against me as she leaned in for another kiss. Soon, she had me naked, too, and looked me over, appraising. I flush and looked away with embarrassment, but she gently cupped her hand on my cheek and turned my gaze back to hers.

“Don't be ashamed, Theodore.”

“B-but....”

She kissed me again, slower that time. “Everyone looks into a mirror and sees only flaws, but I don't want you to feel ashamed to show me who you really are.”

“I'm chubby and weak, though....”

She kissed my chest. “You're not chubby, you're cuddly. There's a reason why I love sleeping so close to you. And you're not weak, you're clever and intelligent, strong of will and determined. You need a little more taking care of, but you're far from weak, my prince.

“I used to be the same way,” she said, running a nervous hand through her hair, “I thought I was so colourless. Everything about me seemed so pale and grey. I'm still a little jealous of your bright hair and freckles... but after a hundred years, I've learned a few things. Like how you're never really as flawed as you feel.” She took my hand in hers, and kissed my palm with her feather-soft lips, “My prince... please, won't you let me show you what I really think of you?”

I nodded, and she lead me by the hand to the tub. I settled into the hot water, feeling the ache of the day start to dissolve as the heat soothed my aching muscles. Ashryn slid in on top of me, gave my cock a few strokes to make sure she had my full attention, and slid herself onto my hard rod.

She made a soft sigh, and sat there a moment. Noticing me watching her, she giggled. “Sorry, it's my first time, Katri said I might need a moment... and, well, we're finally connected, you and I.”

“You don't have to be sorry about anything,” I replied softly, “And, uh, even if you think you're made of nothing but grey... I don't think anyone who talks to you can miss how bright and bubbly you are.”

Ashryn smiled softly. “I'm going to start now... so don't look away, alright?”

Keeping her eyes locked on mine, Ashryn began riding me, wet breasts gleaming tantalizingly with every bounce. Her pussy felt slightly different than Katriana's, a little less yielding, but what was lost in the softness was more than made up by the pleasing tightness. She wouldn't let me look away for long, even as her eyes became hooded with pleasure and her breath quickened, gently guiding me back with a soft hand on my cheek.

Even though I was reclining in the warm waters, I could feel my pulse race, and could feel Ashryn' grip on my shoulder tighten as she got closer and closer. Her chest swayed with the increased pace of our lovemaking, and I could feel the rising sensation of my own orgasm coming on.

We climaxed together, staring deep into each other's eyes. It was an effort not to close my eyes, and I was rewarded by the way that Ashryn's eyes seem to sparkle as she came. I shot stream after stream of my seed deep into her, and then all at once the strength left us both. I collapsed back from an upright position I didn't remember taking, and the elf girl collapsed onto me.

“Thank you... my prince....” she whispered, out of breath.

“You're welcome, Was the only thing I could think to say.

We shared a hot, close moment in the bath, when Ashryn giggled.

“Katri said it might be messy... but it doesn't seem that way,” she sighed happily, “It's part of why I chose to do it in the bath.”

I enjoyed my own chuckle. “Well, maybe next time I'll show you what Katriana and I did that was so messy.”

I was rewarded with another kiss on my neck. “I'm looking forward to it.”

\-------------------------------------------

Character Name: Theodore Esche  
Race: Human   
Class: Transmuter  
Level (XP): 1 (2302/2500)  
Hit Points: 1

Ability Scores  
Strength 11  
Dexterity 17  
Constitution 8  
Intelligence 17  
Wisdom 13  
Charisma 14

Weapon Proficiencies: Darts

Nonweapon Proficiencies: Direction Sense, Etiquette, Reading/Writing, Swimming

Spells Per Day:  
1st Level- 2

Spellbook:  
(1st Level): Armor, Burning Hands, Detect Undead, Enlarge, Featherfall, Magic Missile, Mending, Read Magic, Sleep, Tenser's Floating Disc

Equipment: Backpack, Bags of Fine Sand (2), Belt, Belt Pouch (Large, 3), Belt Pouch (Small, 4), Boots, Darts (5), Hand Mirror, Hat, Hooded Lantern, Magical Crowbill (Held in Trust), Oil of Acid Resistance, Pearl (worth 100gp), Robes (3), Signet Ring, Small Tent

Money: 171 gp, 2 sp, 39 cp

Languages: Common, Elven, Dwarven, Orc, Goblin, Draconic, 1 additional.

Companions: Katriana (Level 2 Fighter, fiancee), Ashryn (Level 1 Cleric, fiancee), Voss (Level 2 Fighter), Calliope (Level 1 Invoker), Smokey Enna (Level 1 Fighter/Level 1 Thief)

Sexual Partners: 2


	27. Isekai Life & The Descent

Enna was already waiting for us by the time Ashryn and I got back to the dining room. Everyone but Katriana stared at us when we entered the room, Voss and Enna having near-identical wry smiles.

“Did you have fun, kids?” Voss asked. I must have blushed, because Calliope huffed.

“Anyway,” Enna remarked, “I found what I was lookin' for. We can get into the catacombs 'bout five blocks from the manor, and it shouldn't take long to figure out if the catacombs meet up with the manor's cellar.”

“Wait, there are catacombs?” Voss asked, sounding surprised.

Enna grinned. “Aye. The whole of the old city is shot through with 'em, put 'ere by the folks who first built th' city. They pop up in all kinds of odd places, and a big fancy buildin' like yonder manor probably 'as a hidden entrance in th' basement. We skip the guards, jus' 'ave to worry about the servants and folks on the inside.”

I thought about her proposed plan. It sounded like a good way to get around the guarded entrance and keep the city watch out of it, except....

“We're going to have to lure the guards into the basement and take care of them there, one at a time,” I said, “We can't afford to fight all of them in close quarters, or for any of them to run and get help.”

I tried to recall the Monstrous Manual. This Lord Gauthi, whoever he is, is probably a “gentry” class Human, meaning that he's accompanied by up to three Human Fighters as personal bodyguards, which could be anywhere from level 1 to level 6- potentially very dangerous opponents that would require a all-on-one beatdown from all of us in order to overcome. If we had to fight them all at once and they were all the maximum possible level, it would be safe to assume we'd take casualties, at least.

There were also the hobgoblins to consider. The carnivorous apes were a little bit of a surprise- they're usually found only with hobgoblin tribes who have managed to build an underground fortress. While it might be possible that these catacombs lead to a massive subterranean community of hundreds of hobgoblins, there would be more evidence of that in the local population because of how much food they'd eat and all, so I think it's more likely that Lord Gauthi hired a small warband as mercenaries. Which would mean, with numbers generated by a 2d10, we have at most 10 more hobgoblins to deal with, if we account for the ones who have already been killed.

Up to fourteen more opponents, three of them being very dangerous, none of them being stupid and all of them having the potential for magical arms and armour. Yes, we had to take them out one at a time, if possible.

“I know it doesn't sound like the most honourable way of fighting,” I continued, “But we'll be outnumbered and out-resourced. That means we have to fight smart.”

Enna laughed, “I hope none of you mind playin' a bit dirty, 'cause those catacombs, they ain't been cleaned.”

Voss snorted. “Yeah I'd rather be smart and alive than honourable and dead.”

Calliope shrugged. “They've tried to ambush and trap us, so I have no problem giving as good as we got.”

“Good, it's decided,” Katriana nodded, “Let's figure out our plans, then.”

Voss, of course, wanted to wear his new plate- which I deemed a sound plan. It was odd to see him excited by something he was so sour over just a few days ago, but I supposed he was excited at the possibility of getting out of a battle unscathed for once. We could have Voss lead the way through early encounters, tanking out damage for the rest of the party. I didn't say as much out loud, of course, but nonetheless.

Katriana would be our primary damage-dealer, and so had to be kept in the second line until we needed her to move forward. In practice, I could only tell Voss to take the vanguard and couldn't with a clear conscience prevent Katriana from helping him out. Hopefully Voss would keep enemy focus on him.

Enna would be our scout and specialist. I hope she would backstab and fight sparingly- we needed her to open locks, lead the way and keep us all out of trouble. For that reason, I encouraged her to travel light, and she agreed. She would be going without armour and only her tools and a shortsword.

Calliope and I consulted over our spells, and it was decided I would bring Sleep and Reduce, and she would bring Shield and Wall of Fog. She fussed a little over not bringing a “real spell”, but I had convinced her that the strategic value of Wall of Fog over the meagre damage provided by Magic Missile or Burning Hands.

Taking up as our rear guard would be Ashryn. Again, I had to convince her to take useful spells over her tendency to take every divination spells possible regardless of it's use. She was invested enough in everyone's good health that I was able to convince her to memorize two healing spells, but it took a little more argument to get her to agree to Protection from Evil. With that spell buffing him, Voss might be able to tank out the entirety of the remaining hobgoblins, so I wanted to make sure we had it on hand.

Our eventual sleep was restful- or as restful as we could be. The room we had was intended to be luxurious for two, and comfortable for three if they had a footman or handmaid. For six, it was just a hair ahead of intolerable. Because of our fighters needing to be limber, I offered up my spot on the big bed. This lead to a small argument, as Katriana and Ashryn both worried for my health, and then there was a brief debate over who would sleep where, but it was eventually allowed that Enna (who, apparently, hates featherbeds anyway, saying “they make you soft”) and I camped out on the floor, Voss on the couch, and Calliope taking my spot on the big bed. 

My sleep on the floor, on a pile of cloaks, was fitful. I kept waking up now and then, shifting and regretting my choices. I eventually drifted off, but woke drowsy and sore enough that Katriana bundled me back into bed with promises that she would oversee the preparations and provisioning for the adventure.

I awoke probably well past noon to an empty room. That suited me well- it gave me time to open up my spellbook in peace and re-memorize the Formula of Zer-ah.

I moved downstairs after, seeking breakfast and my party and found that it was later than I realized and everyone was waiting for me.

Katriana smiles when she saw me and gave my nose a playful poke. “Good afternoon, sleepy. Feel a little better now?”

“Yeah,” I said, embarrassed, “Sorry, everyone, but thanks for holding off for me.”

Ashryn pushed a bowl of oatmeal in front of me. “Well, come on then, there's no use waiting further.”

Soon enough, we were ready, armed and rested, and headed out to where Enna said we could access the catacombs.

It was a filthy grating set into the ground in an unassuming alleyway, somewhere between the manor and the jousting arena, locked only with an iron peg. Enna got to work pulling out the stubborn peg while Voss handed out torches to Calliope and I. The grate eventually opened, after a liberal application of oil, with a grinding shriek. Enna tied off a rope on the hinges of the grill, drew her short sword to hold into her teeth, and descended into the fetid darkness of the catacomb.

After a moment, her voice could be heard, “Hey, it's clear! Toss me down that spear!” Voss shouted back, “Get clear!” before lowering his spear shaft-first into the hole, then let go. Then, he took my torch, seated it firmly in his teeth, and descended himself, the knot creaking with his weight.

Katriana descended next, then Calliope, gripping her torch in her teeth as she halting descended, hand under hand.

I clambered down fairly easily myself, although it was really just a controlled fall- I didn't seem to have the strength to grip the rope but I managed to keep my hands moving fast enough to slow my decent enough that I didn't land too roughly.

The catacomb reeked. It was clear that people had been using the grate to dispose of filth, waste and offal, and the ground was slick with it. I gratefully accepted the torch from Voss, the smoke of the oil-drenched rags cutting into the stink. I got clear, giving Ashryn the space to make her own descent. 

The room we were in was some kind of locus in the catacombs, a roughly rectangular room with corridors branching off from each of the four walls. I could see dim shapes moving in the darkness, heading towards us, and when I opened my mouth to warn everyone, skeletons boiled forth from the dark.

Enna was the first to react, whooping as she slashed out with her sword at the skeletons, and Calliope drew her dagger and followed. It was Ashryn, however, that scored the first major strike, holding forward her necklace- with it's crystals set in the shape of a constellation- and commanding some of the skeletons back into the darkness.

Voss struck out with his spear, clattering against bone, while Katriana drew and smashed with her warhammer, crushing a skull in one easy blow. But by then, I couldn't be distracted any more, as one of the skeletons-- mouldering and reeking- came clawing for me. It's grasping claws skittered on the aura of protective magic surrounding me, and I scrambled backwards. 

The darts flew into my hands and were launched straight into the skeleton's mossy skull, two of which stuck there and hung garishly. Then, the skull exploded into fragments as Ashryn's mace collided into it from behind. She gave me a brief smile and a slight curtsy before turning back into the fray.

I was freed up in time to see Voss and Katriana strike true, felling another of the skeletal enemy. A second skeleton struck Katriana from behind, claws digging furrows in her cheek. Perhaps sensing the blood, the remaining skeletons moved in around the two fighters. I threw my darts into one of the skeletons, but I failed to change their course.

Calliope, bleeding from a cut into her sleeve, also came up from behind the skeletons, stabbing with her dagger, but inflicting minimal damage, but Voss was able to turn and skewer the skeleton she had attacked, lifting it's skull off it's shoulders and dashing it against the stony floor. Katriana struck a glancing blow against one of the skeletons, but wasn't able to stop the reaching bony arms from scratching at Calliope and Voss.

Enna leapt into the battle with a laugh, slashing and beheading two of the skeletons. Voss and Katriana rallied, striking together and bashing the last skeleton to bony bits.

We stood in the gloom, catching our breath after the battle. Then, from behind me, I heard Ashryn squeal, “Oh no, you poor thing!” and she stepped forward, saying a prayer and healing the terrible gashes all over Calliope's face.

I knelt and tried to retrieve my darts... and found that I only had three left whose tips had not been fouled on some enemy or another. That's wonderful.

“So I guess that settles it,” Voss said amicably, “Whoever was trying to protect that dead drop, probably also raised these skeletons.”

I nodded grimly. “Alright, let's continue. Enna, which way to the manor?”

She smiled. “Ah, good, glad that little scrap didn't scare you off. Lemme check the next room.”

While she disappeared down the hall, I went to Calliope. “Are you alright?”

“I am now, thank you,” she said softly, and I noticed that by the streaks of blood on her cheeks that one of her eyes had been pierced by the attack that struck her, but thankfully the injury had been healed away by Ashryn's magic. “Ashryn took care of me... guess I should be a bit more careful about joining battle, hmm?”

Enna came back, peering into the room and blinking in the light of the torches. “Hey, don't rest too much, we've got more problems coming.”

Motioning for me to follow her, she lead me down the corridor some thirty feet, and pointed into the room. There was a wet ripping and gulping sound, and I could see something large squirming about in the dark.

“Carrion crawlers, two of them,” she hissed in my ear. I nodded, and we backed away. 

Back in the first room, I looked at everyone. “Well, we have a problem. The next room contains a pair of carrion crawlers, which are pretty formidable enemies.”

“Can we go around them?” Katriana asked.

I shook my head. “I don't want to get twisted around down here, and we definitely don't want to run into them if we have to retreat from the manor. Now, they're dangerous not because they have deadly attacks, but because they excrete a paralyzing slime... so if you keep your shields up and your wits about you, you should be fine. We'll use the corridor to keep them from flanking us, and if more than two of us end up paralyzed, we retreat, and wait for the slime to wear off before making another push.

“Enna will get their attention and kite them back, and Voss and Katriana will engage them in the corridor. The rest of us are on standby to rescue anyone who succumbs to their slime. Got it?”

I was early in our adventure, so spirits were still high. We all nodded with determination, and slowly moved down the corridor. We stacked up on the archway, and waiting while Enna snuck into the room.

A few moments later, there was the sound of ripping flesh and an inhuman shriek, and soon after, Enna came running into the corridor, sword arm soaked up to the elbow with green gore.

“I must've hit somethin' important, because 'at first one went down easy,” Enna said in a panic, “But th' other is coming on fast.

It did some on fast, squirming into the corridor, tentacles flailing. Katriana and Voss were prepared, though, spear and blade striking home in the foul abomination's insectile flesh. The beast flailed with it's slimy tentacles, but Katriana shoved them away with her shield, stabbing deep into the creature's face.

The creature went still, and she yanked her sword out of it's corpse. “Well, that went easier than I expected,” she said, turning to me, and concerned suddenly bloomed on her face. “Theodore, are you alright?”

I felt a tug, and something yanked me away. The light and the corridor raced into the distance, and suddenly I was once again floating, bodiless, beneath a starry sky.

“Well, you've been having a lot of fun, haven't you? Welcome back!”

\-------------------------------------------

Character Name: Theodore Esche  
Race: Human   
Class: Transmuter  
Level (XP): 2 (2611/5000)  
Hit Points: TBD

Ability Scores  
Strength 11  
Dexterity 17  
Constitution 8  
Intelligence 17  
Wisdom 13  
Charisma 14

Weapon Proficiencies: Darts

Nonweapon Proficiencies: Direction Sense, Etiquette, Reading/Writing, Swimming

Spells Per Day:  
1st Level- 2

Spellbook:  
(1st Level): Armor, Burning Hands, Detect Undead, Enlarge, Featherfall, Magic Missile, Mending, Read Magic, Sleep, Tenser's Floating Disc

Equipment: Backpack, Bags of Fine Sand (2), Belt, Belt Pouch (Large, 3), Belt Pouch (Small, 4), Boots, Darts (3), Hand Mirror, Hat, Hooded Lantern, Magical Crowbill (Held in Trust), Oil of Acid Resistance, Pearl (worth 100gp), Robes (3), Signet Ring, Small Tent

Money: 171 gp, 2 sp, 39 cp

Languages: Common, Elven, Dwarven, Orc, Goblin, Draconic, 1 additional.

Companions: Katriana (Level 2 Fighter, fiancee), Ashryn (Level 1 Cleric, fiancee), Voss (Level 2 Fighter), Calliope (Level 1 Invoker), Smokey Enna (Level 1 Fighter/Level 1 Thief)

Sexual Partners: 2


	28. Isekai Life & Level Up

Corgiel, that puppy-eared angel, floated down into my viewpoint. My gut went cold.

“Did I... did I die?”

“No, silly! You levelled up! Congratulations!”

Sparkly confetti rained down from above, and Corgiel did a cute little dance.

“Okay... so why am I here?”

“Oh, you'd prefer a seamless experience? I thought you might prefer to roll for your HP gain! Although, maybe I should have waiting for when you go to sleep rather than just the end of the encounter....”

I looked down at the small, three-sided pyramidal die on the tabletop, floating in the void. It gleamed.

My old nemesis.

I held up a hand. “Uh, while I'm here, can I ask some questions? There are things about this experience that have been bothering me.”

“Sure, go ahead.”

“Okay. Where's my greatsword?”

That had been bothering me for quite awhile.

“Oh, so that wasn't just a means of testing my limits at character generation, hmm?”

Well, about that....

“Don't worry! I'm just kidding. The sword exists, and someday you'll find it, but that day isn't now.”

“Hmm... okay... can I still makes requests of you for the game world?”

“I suppose~ but I might not listen! The time for that to be guaranteed has past.”

“Are there any house rules in effect?”

“Well, the rules for conception and such aren't exactly in the base game, although maybe I ought to adjust them a little. You've been knocking up every girl first try so far!”

I've been what? Whoa, okay... that's... interesting.

“Uh, so... are me and Dog still cool after I burned all those spiders?”

“Spiders? Oh, of course, silly! That wasn't really real, you goof!”

“Really? Uh... okay... then, exactly how real is this, then?”

“I wouldn't recommend dwelling on the metaphysics of this~ For Katriana, Ashryn, and your friends, it's a very real experience, even if they're predisposed to like, respect, and love you. It's a universe centred on you, and it exists to give you happiness, fulfilment and pleasure... but I think you'll enjoy it more if you play along and consider people's feelings~”

“So... Katriana was always going to fall in love with me, before I requested it?”

“Nope! Well, she didn't exist until she told you to wake up... and then, once that happened, she always existed. This is your Heaven, right?”

“I think I get it. Well... what happens if I die?”

“Well~ if you friends like you enough, you'll probably get revived! But still, be careful, you don't want to have the world leave you behind like that~”

“But what if I fail my resurrection chance roll?”

“Hmm, I wonder~”

Or, at least you don't want to say.

“Speaking of survival, do you want to roll your hit die please?”

“Not yet, I have a few more questions.”

“Hmm~ Okay~”

“Was the line about me being an 'ethereal prince' a cheap shot at my having only one HP?”

“Well, if you roll the die you'll have at least one more, right?”

“You know what I mean....”

“It was a reference to you have magical powers, if you must know~”

“Could you tell me a little bit more about the setting?”

“There's not much to say~ If you want to know more about it, explore more of it~”

“Why is the water safe to drink, and all that? There seems to be certain... conveniences and plays to my personal tastes and such.”

“Well, it's mean to be a Heaven, and not a 1:1 simulation, you know~ So yes, you haven't needed to poop either, although is you want to experiment with that I can add it~”

“N-no, that's okay.... But wait, why do I still need to eat and bathe, then?”

“Because you enjoy those things, silly!”

“R-right, I see.”

“Please feel free to drink more, you don't have to worry about hangovers, either. Or gaining weight. Or...”

“I get the picture, thank you.”

“Anything else? Or....”

“Is there any way I can contact you?”

“Sure! You just have to level up again~”

Ahahaha... thanks.

“You're welcome!”

“Well, here goes....”

With a trembling hand, I picked up the die. 

I couldn't even bear to look as I rolled.

“Congratulations!”

“Huh?”

I opened my eyes, and then wanted to jump up and cheer.

“Four! I rolled a four! I have five HP now! Yesyesyesyes...!”

“Alright, it's been fun, but it's time for you to go back~”

“Wait! One more question!”

“Oho...?”

“When do we get to have sex?”

I don't know what possessed me to ask that question, but I did. I mean, it wasn't like there were cute winged puppy girls in game.

She blushed and looked surprised. “You want to have sex with me...?”

“Well, yes! You're interesting and cute, and, well....”

“I'm flattered, but I'm supposed to stay pure....”

“Ah, that's too bad, then....”

“Sorry... but I'll see you soon, right? Be good and earn those experience points!”

And just like that, I was back to being Theodore.

“Are you alright, Theodore?” Katriana said as she started towards me, then saw her goop-slick sword and hesitated.

The shock of snapping back into my body made me stumble, and I grabbed the wall to steady myself... and instantly regretted it, as my fingers sunk a quarter inch into some unidentifiable slime.

I grimaced, and nodded. “Sorry, just a dizzy spell. Guess I still needed a bit more sleep,” I said as I wiped my hand off on my robes. “Come on, let's go.”

\-------------------------------------------

Character Name: Theodore Esche  
Race: Human   
Class: Transmuter  
Level (XP): 2 (2611/5000)  
Hit Points: 5

Ability Scores  
Strength 11  
Dexterity 17  
Constitution 8  
Intelligence 17  
Wisdom 13  
Charisma 14

Weapon Proficiencies: Darts

Nonweapon Proficiencies: Direction Sense, Etiquette, Reading/Writing, Swimming

Spells Per Day:  
1st Level- 2

Spellbook:  
(1st Level): Armor, Burning Hands, Detect Undead, Enlarge, Featherfall, Magic Missile, Mending, Read Magic, Sleep, Tenser's Floating Disc

Equipment: Backpack, Bags of Fine Sand (2), Belt, Belt Pouch (Large, 3), Belt Pouch (Small, 4), Boots, Darts (3), Hand Mirror, Hat, Hooded Lantern, Magical Crowbill (Held in Trust), Oil of Acid Resistance, Pearl (worth 100gp), Robes (3), Signet Ring, Small Tent

Money: 171 gp, 2 sp, 39 cp

Languages: Common, Elven, Dwarven, Orc, Goblin, Draconic, 1 additional.

Companions: Katriana (Level 2 Fighter, fiancee), Ashryn (Level 1 Cleric, fiancee), Voss (Level 2 Fighter), Calliope (Level 1 Invoker), Smokey Enna (Level 1 Fighter/Level 1 Thief)

Sexual Partners: 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The questions Theodore poses to Corgiel in this chapter were suggested by followers of My Isekai Life in D&D during the original posting run of the story. In the even that Theodore levels up again after this site has been caught up, I'll hold another question drive.


	29. Isekai Life & Butler Revelation

We filed into the room the carrion crawlers had occupied, gagging at the stench, and saw what they were feasting on- a small pile of bodies, stacked like cordwood, charred and burned but still quite raw on the inside. They just barely identifiable as humanoid, and since we were unable to do anything for them now, we moved on.

“Am I beginning to sense a theme here?” Voss said after a tense silence, “The fire pattern on the jar, the guy they burned at the stake, the arson of that temple....”

“Yeah, I noticed that, too,” I replied, “That's part of why we're collecting evidence. We just need to know how this all ties together.”

“There are a number of gods and goddesses that require burnt offerings,” Ashryn added, “Could be that Lord Gauthi is a worshipper gone mad.”

“Could be that he's just a run of the mill firebug, though....”

There was a hissing voice from the shadows up ahead. “Would you keep it down! 'S bad enough we had all them skeletons on top o' us right off, jeez!”

We continued in glum silence.

Of course I already knew that it wasn't a “run of the mill” anything. Ashryn's prophecy was pretty clear. “Fire and storm,” it said, then “Sea and ice. Light, shadow, and doom itself.” If “Fire” was some madman who literally set people on fire, what could the rest of them mean? A wizard who specialized in lightning for storm? A pirate for sea? A viking for ice?

While we walked, I glanced over at Katriana. She had her own scrapes from the fight with the skeletons, although I wondered about what Corgiel said. Was Katriana really carrying my baby right now? 

And, if so... should I be letting her fight like this? But, I couldn't protest without breaking one of Corgiel's rules. How would I be able to explain how I knew she was pregnant before she herself knew?

I was going to be a father twice over before I've been playing this game for a year. That's... that's a lot to process.

Eventually we caught up to Enna, who was waiting at the mouth to another larger room. She pointed a thumb at it. “Centipede infestation. Shouldn't be too much of a trouble to pass, but keep your wits about you and don't let 'em get close.”

Indeed, the next room was positively crawling with 6 inch long centipedes, who immediately sensed out presence and started closing in. I don't know what they hoped to accomplish- I guess a group of beggars or whatever else ended up down here would be easier prey- but we immediately set to work squishing bugs.

The “fight” didn't last long, but it ended with an unfortunate bang- something fell on Calliope from above, and she screamed “Get it off, get it off!” while flailing her arms. Katriana jumped in, grabbing the centipede and flinging it against a wall where it impacted with a dull splat, but the damage was done. All at once Calliope collapsed, with Katriana barely having time to grab the girl before she fell to the floor.

Katriana tsked with annoyance. “Yeah, she was bitten. But it's okay, she'll be fine once the venom wears off in a few hours.”

I nodded. “Once we make the basement, we'll have a rest and wait for her to come around. Until then, can you carry her?”

Katriana sighed and nodded. “She's not light, but I think I can manage.”

Finally we came into an adjacent room where Enna stopped us, and pointed up at the ceiling. “I think we've found our spot.”

Above us was a grate, and beyond that the rough-beamed ceiling of an interior room, dark but with an oil lamp set into the wall. Judging by the ooze that clung to the grating, this was where wastewater and other miserable things were poured down... but, there were also casks of some kind sitting on top of the grate, which could be bad. No way we could move them if they were actually heavy.

Enna motioned to Voss. “C'mere, Vossy boy, and give me a lift.”

Grimacing, nonetheless Voss kitted his hands together and lifted Enna up to stand on his shoulders as she examined the grate. Filth from Enna's booth dripped over his shiny new armour.

“Welp, good news is that this grating 'as been used recently,” Enna said as she slipped her picklocks from a pouch on her belt. I could just make out her wiggling a padlock so it's keyhole sat over a hole in the grating. A few minutes later, she cursed. “Well, so much for 'at. Brace yerself, Vossy boy.”

She drew her shortsword and slipped the blade in between where the side of the grate met the floor. She slammed her palm against the pommel of the sword, causing the grate to lift and fall with a loud clatter. She cursed, and tried again, this time opening the padlock with a loud snap.

“Well, so much for bein' quiet, but we're in,” she said as she bounced down off of Voss' shoulders, “Why don't you give that spear a workout and see if'n you can prod 'ose barrels off the grate.”

“Yes ma'am,” Voss said, extending his spear up butt-first and pushing aside the barrels with a loud, hollow clatter. He winced, but Enna shrugged.

A moment later she was hefted back up into the air and throwing the grate open. She tied off a rope for the rest of us, and climbed on out, sword drawn.

Getting Calliope out proved something of a challenge, so we eventually settled for Voss climbing out first, then Enna and him hauling her out by her arms while Katriana lifted her up. Thankfully, the ceiling in this chamber was relatively low, only seven or eight feet up, compared to the longer drop we had coming in from the street. 

Poor Calliope probably got a number of new bruises and scratches from the experience, but hopefully it wouldn't be too bad.

With help form Katriana and Voss, I was able to scramble out out myself. Ashryn was getting ready for her own ascent when Enna hissed at us from where she stood beside the door to the upper room. “Douse 'em torches!”

I heard the sizzling sound of Ashryn and Katriana dousing their torches in the mud below, but my eyes were focused on the door. What happened next was almost too fast to follow, but luckily Enna and Voss were both on point.

The door opened, a blond teenager in scale mail- he couldn't have been older than fifteen- opened the door and walking into the room, talking over his shoulder. “I swear, old man, if we have rats- urk!” He was cut off as Enna slapped a hand over his mouth, pulled him to the side, and slammed her shortsword into the side of his neck. While the... squire, I guess? Was busy dying in Enna's arms, Voss grabbed the person he was speaking to- a sixtyish year old man in servant's livery, and yanked him into the room, clamping his own hand over the surprised man's mouth.

I was kind of stuck by how brutal Enna was. But then again, “backstab” seems innocuous on paper, but I guess what it really means is exactly this kind of brutality.

Enna dropped the body and was advancing on the servant when I interposed myself. “Hey, he's just an old man, let's at least see if he's willing to keep quiet and be a good hostage for us, okay?”

Enna sheathed her sword, but I couldn't make out her expression in the dim light. “S'alright, you're the boss.”

Voss kept ahold of the old man while Enna lit in the oil lamp in the small room. It seemed a simple basement storage room, with crates and empty wine casks stacked in the back. When Ashryn clambered up the rope, she and Enna lifted up poor Calliope to lay across a few of the crates- hardly comfortable but at least she was off the floor. 

I went over and patted her hand. “Sorry about this, Calliope. I know you're probably going to give us hell later for being so rough with you, but, well, you know our situation. I guess I don't really blame you... but I'm glad it wasn't deadly poison. I kind of like having you around, even though you can be kind of bitter.”

She rolled her eyes at me, but of course didn't say anything. 

Katriana was the last one out of the catacombs, and once she was gone, Enna checked the pockets on the squire's body then unceremoniously dumped him down the hole. “He's probably gonna attract more of 'em crawlers, and I'd sooner they be down 'ere rather 'an up 'ere,” she said as she passed me a small purse. 

I couldn't argue with that logic, really.

Finally I was able to turn to the servant. “Okay, you know what will happen to you if you yell for help, alright?”

The servant, eyes as big as dinner plates, nodded.

“Great. Voss, you can take your hand off his mouth.”

“About time, I'm all spitty now.”

The servant breathed a big sigh. “Please, sir, don't hurt me.”

I gave him a nod. “If you cooperate and don't try to hinder us, we won't. We only killed the boy because he was obviously an armed combatant. We don't want to harm anyone who we don't have to.”

“Poor lad. He shouldn't have gotten wrapped up in... but, I get ahead of myself. What's your purpose here, sir?”

I thought for a moment before giving my response. “We're adventurers, hired to find evidence that Lord Gauthi is involved in criminal activity.”

The old man visibly relaxed. “Oh, thank the All-Father, finally someone came!”

I gave him a skeptical look. “What do you mean?”

“I'm one of two remaining staff members, sir. Nobody was safe. Not even the lady of the house, nor the old lord! It is only myself and Miss Jerla left of the old guard, sir, not counting Sir Bragin, Sir Hewin, and, ah....” His eyes rolled to the side, to the hole where we unceremoniously dumped the squire.

I thought about what he said. “Voss, let him go, he's not really a threat.” Voss did so, and the I asked, “Please, tell me your story.”

The old man took a deep breath. “Lord Gauthi, well, the current Lord Gauthi, became interested in some kind of occult society a few years ago. It seemed fairly benign, at first, although his lady wife complained about him spending too much time at his secret meetings and not enough at home.

But then, about eight months ago, the old Lord Gauthi disappeared, vanished in the night. The young lady did some sleuthing, it seems, because a few weeks after she accused the young lord of murdering his own father, and as thanks, he pushed her into the grand old fireplace, and held her there while she burned. Oh, the screaming, it was horrible....”

“Why didn't anyone go to seek help?”

“The household knights, sir, and young Thonric. They were wrapped up in this occult business too, it seemed, and helped the young lord keep us in line. Beating us, and cutting up anyone who acting disrespectful. But it got worse. First, the lady's handmaidens vanished, and the rest of us were too afraid to say anything. But we disappeared one by one regardless, the young and strong going first. Eventually, Lord Gauthi stopped with the pretenses, and began conducting rituals in the dining hall, burning people alive in the fireplace.”

I nodded. “And the cook isn't a part of this?”

“No, sir. At least... I don't think so.”

“Alright, mister...”

“Bekker, sir. Bekker Woodward.”

“Bekker. If your story is true, and you're not complicit in this, we'll make sure you get out of here alive, but we're going to have to tie you up as a precaution, alright?”

“Yes, sir. I understand. Just, not too tight. My circulation isn't so good these days.”

We settled for tying him with his back to one of the heavy casks. He was too weak to get up, but relatively comfortable.

Katriana knelt by him. “Bekker, how do the hobgoblins figure into all this?”

“They were hired a few weeks ago, my lady. For additional security, I suppose. They're housed in the old servant rooms, now that they're... gone.”

She shook her head, and rose. “I'm going to enjoy getting my hands on this guy.”

“You're not the only one,” Voss replied.

So, there was nothing to do, for a time, other than sit quietly and wait for Calliope's paralysis to wear off.

\-------------------------------------------

Character Name: Theodore Esche  
Race: Human   
Class: Transmuter  
Level (XP): 2 (2693/5000)  
Hit Points: 5

Ability Scores  
Strength 11  
Dexterity 17  
Constitution 8  
Intelligence 17  
Wisdom 13  
Charisma 14

Weapon Proficiencies: Darts

Nonweapon Proficiencies: Direction Sense, Etiquette, Reading/Writing, Swimming

Spells Per Day:  
1st Level- 2

Spellbook:  
(1st Level): Armor, Burning Hands, Detect Undead, Enlarge, Featherfall, Magic Missile, Mending, Read Magic, Sleep, Tenser's Floating Disc

Equipment: Backpack, Bags of Fine Sand (2), Belt, Belt Pouch (Large, 3), Belt Pouch (Small, 4), Boots, Darts (3), Hand Mirror, Hat, Hooded Lantern, Magical Crowbill (Held in Trust), Oil of Acid Resistance, Pearl (worth 100gp), Robes (3), Signet Ring, Small Tent

Money: 171 gp, 2 sp, 39 cp

Languages: Common, Elven, Dwarven, Orc, Goblin, Draconic, 1 additional.

Companions: Katriana (Level 2 Fighter, fiancee), Ashryn (Level 1 Cleric, fiancee), Voss (Level 2 Fighter), Calliope (Level 1 Invoker), Smokey Enna (Level 1 Fighter/Level 1 Thief)

Sexual Partners: 2


	30. Isekai Life & Stolen Landscape

It was extremely boring.

Sitting there, talking as little as possible, waiting for hours.

Or at least what seemed like hours.

Finally, there was a sharp rapping on the door, one that got all of us (except Calliope and Bekker) scrambling up to our feet as quietly as possible.

“Hey, old man! Is Thronric in there with you? How long does it take to check for some stupid rats?”

All our eyes (except Calliope's) descended on the old butler.

He cleared his throat. “Some of these casks are quite heavy, sir! Young Thronric is just helping move them about so we can check for ratholes!”

“Ratholes? He ought to have better things to do than-!”

The door opened, revealing a greasy, twentysomething man in mail, with a broadsword strapped to his waist. I'm not sure what he was expecting, but it wasn't three armed people with sword, spear and mace pointed at him.

This time, though, the man was too canny for Enna's surprise attack. When she leapt at him from behind one of the crates, he was able to dodge back and draw his weapon.

“Intruders! Intruders in the basement!”

Enna cursed. “Well, a'right, looks like we're goin' loud!”

She leapt forward with another stab, this time catching the knight in the armpit with a shallow cut. Katriana was quick to follow suit, but the man parried with a clang that was deafening in these close quarters. Voss came it with his spear them, and the knight sidestepped... straight into a full, two-handed mace swing from Ashryn. Her mace collided with his head with a gut-wrenching crunch, but to his credit the man did not fall.

The knight's counterswipe was clumsy and ineffective, and he overextended himself such that Enna was able to get another quick poke at him in the same weak point. Voss then lunged forward, gruesomely impaling the man's throat on his spearpoint, dropping him to the floor in a gurgling heap.

“Well, so much for stealth,” I muttered bitterly.

Enna shrugged. “You did pick me up outta prison, you know? No guarantee I was a good thief.”

She had me there.

“Hey, Voss, stay and guard the door,” I asked, Someone's got to keep Calliope and the butler safe.”

He gave me a little salute with his spear. “You got it.”

For the rest of- Enna, Katriana, Ashryn and myself- we scrambled upstairs. There was a stubby little hallways outside the storage room with only a pair of other doors branching off from it, but we could check those later. Our real prizes were above.

Enna was in the front of the pack, while I carried up the rear. A confused looking hobgoblin peered at us as we were coming up the stairs, but Enna cut him down easily with a shouted battle cry.

We emerged into a grand hall, lined with portraits and what appeared to be the front doors at one end, with a wrought iron spiral staircase twisting yet upwards, and a half-dozen openings branching off from it. Seemingly guided by instinct, Enna took us through one of the archways and into a finely appointed dining room, where a squad of five hobgoblins in full plate were already hustling to intercept us.

I kind of shrugged to myself. With only eleven combatants left, this would appear to be my best opportunity. I dug in my pouches for a pinch of sand and intoned the Hex of Lotus and Willow. Three of the hobgoblins blinked blearily and fell sleep, startling the remaining two, who were suddenly not so certain about how to proceed.

Enna launcher herself in as usual, her strike being blocked by one of the hobgoblin's halberds. It was enough to distract him so that Katriana could stab him through the visor on his helmet, and he collapsed in a twitching him on top of his sleeping fellows.

The other one made a clumsy swipe with a morningstar at Ashryn, but she blocked him out with her shield, and struck back, only to have her mace bounce off his armour. It was enough, still, for Katriana to come up from behind him and run him through the back, just beneath the breastplate.

While Enna settled in to the grim task of robbing the dead and giving the sleeping hobgoblins “the ol' slitty” as she put it, we scanned the room for valuables and clues. There was a closed door heading off to what was probably the kitchen, but other than some gold candlesticks set with crystal that I stowed away for pawning later, nothing seemed too valuable. 

That is, until I came to something that looked like a liquor cabinet. Popping it open, the first thing I noticed was a glass bottle filled with some kind of syrup, multicoloured substance that look positively garish, but seemed magical in some way, so I popped it into my bag, along with a a bottle of amber liquid called “Slanting Soldier Special Reserve” and marked with a date from about a century earlier.

Ashryn was rather taken by one of the paintings in the room. It was just under an armspan long and perhaps two feet wide, depicting a verdant landscape and waterfall and set in a finely carved frame with images of animals frolicking about.

“You like that one?” I asked.

She nodded. “There's something soothing about it.”

I nodded back and reached up to take it off the wall.

Ashryn seemed shocked. “Oh, you don't have to do that! It'll be a huge hassle carrying out a big painting!”

I shrugged at her. “If it does prove to be a hassle, we can sell it and at least be satisfied that it's no longer in the hands of evil. If it isn't... well, I have to make sure I keep my second wife happy, right?”

Ashryn beamed a bright smile at me. “Okay, then! Let me help.”

“No, sorry, let me handle it, your hands have a bit of fresh blood on them.”

Not that my sewer-stained hands were bunch better, but at least they were dry.

I carried that painting out and leaned it against the wall by the basement stairs. Hopefully we would be able to grab it during our escape, and it wouldn't get too dirty going out through the catacombs.

When I turned around to go back to the dining room, the front door opened and hobgoblins in that identity-concealing plate mail began to file in. I quickly dashed to the side, waving at my companions to be quiet. 

The quintet came tromping up the hall, complaining loudly to one another about not getting relieved at the end of their shift and shouting, “Idrok, where are you you bastard?” Judging by the sound, the got halfway up the hall when they stopped abruptly.

“What is it, boss?”

“I smell blood. And that picture's out of place.”

A deadly silence fell. Enna got up, motioned for us all to be still, and moved to circle around come up behind the armoured hobgoblins... and almost immediately found a loose board that squeaked under her, which was deafening in the silence.

The hobgoblins shouted a battlecry and charged into the dining room. The first in was a larger hobgoblin around with a rune-inscribed greatsword, and immediately as soon as I saw himI began chanting the Formula of Zher-ah. A greatsword was no joke- 1d12 damage per hit, plus it was magical- but now that I was level two the efficacy of my Reduce spell changed, letting me apply a -20% damage debuff. Provided he didn't save, however.

I suppose he didn't, because the big hobgoblin immediately lost about a foot and a half of height and had his battlecry rise in pitch by a half-octave.

He expressed momentary surprise at what, to him, must have looked like a suddenly enlargening and expanding world, surprise that Katriana immediately took advantage of, brutally chopping him in the gut with a backhanded strike that sent the chain links of his hauberk flying.

Next, I heard Ashryn praying, and a silvery glow began to appear around Katriana. Smart girl- that Protection from Evil spell would certainly come in handy with our reduced numbers. The bonus to Katriana's AC should give the hobgoblins a hit rate of 15% at best.

The lead hobgoblin made an awkward cut with his greatsword that Katriana ducked under easily, but she was not so lucky with the hobgoblin to approach her, making a full-bodied swing with his halberd. He collided with her full on and I winced- but there was a flash of silvery light, and when I looked Katriana had only a small, bleeding scratch from where the blow would have landed.

Two of the hobgoblins tried to flank Katriana, but Enna intercepted them, threatening with her shortsword. The threat was short lived though, as halberd and spear both zeroed in on the young Mul, who dashed back with deep, weeping cuts from the weapons.

Enna was in deep trouble without her armor. I took up my last, precious darts and tossed- striking home with one clean through the halberdier's visor, causing him to go down with a scream.

With the shriek of metal on metal, Katriana slammed her blade clear through the lead hobgoblin's gorget, sending him to the ground is a spray of blood. Meanwhile, Ashryn charged, moving to support Enna, flailing wildly with her mace. She didn't connect, but instead startled the hobgoblin backwards, to where Enna was able to get in close and stab deep into the small of his back with her sword.

From one of the remaining two hobgoblins, Katriana took a full on bash with a morningstar, and I could see her grit her teeth and shakily maintain her footing. She couldn't keep up with that for much longer, and I couldn't just stand by and watch helplessly. I dove for the fallen halberdier, groping wildly for my darts.

Ashryn leapt into the fray, aiming for the one halberdier who was holding himself in reserve and viciously striking him with her mace, pulling his attention form Katriana's fight. I couldn't see the rest of the fight from where I was kneeling, but the crash of steel on steel made me hurry, scrambling in my search.

By the time I snatched up my three darts- tips miraculously intact, even the one that was embedded three inches deep in a hobgoblin skull- I arose in time to Katriana finish running the last hobgoblin through and letting his corpse drop to the ground.

Well, at least I tried.

Ashryn approach Katriana and began to mutter a healing prayer, but my sister shook her head and gestured at Enna. “She doesn't have armour.” Ashryn switched targets, and laid on hands on the young Mul.

I couldn't help but note that we were now out of healing, our only mage who still had spells was still paralyzed, and one of our core fighters was barely standing on her feet.

If there were any big threats coming up, we would be in serious trouble.

\-------------------------------------------

Character Name: Theodore Esche  
Race: Human   
Class: Transmuter  
Level (XP): 2 (2904/5000)  
Hit Points: 5

Ability Scores  
Strength 11  
Dexterity 17  
Constitution 8  
Intelligence 17  
Wisdom 13  
Charisma 14

Weapon Proficiencies: Darts

Nonweapon Proficiencies: Direction Sense, Etiquette, Reading/Writing, Swimming

Spells Per Day:  
1st Level- 2

Spellbook:  
(1st Level): Armor, Burning Hands, Detect Undead, Enlarge, Featherfall, Magic Missile, Mending, Read Magic, Sleep, Tenser's Floating Disc

Equipment: Backpack, Bags of Fine Sand (2), Belt, Belt Pouch (Large, 3), Belt Pouch (Small, 4), Boots, Darts (3), Hand Mirror, Hat, Hooded Lantern, Magical Crowbill (Held in Trust), Oil of Acid Resistance, Pearl (worth 100gp), Robes (3), Signet Ring, Small Tent

Money: 171 gp, 2 sp, 39 cp

Languages: Common, Elven, Dwarven, Orc, Goblin, Draconic, 1 additional.

Companions: Katriana (Level 2 Fighter, fiancee), Ashryn (Level 1 Cleric, fiancee), Voss (Level 2 Fighter), Calliope (Level 1 Invoker), Smokey Enna (Level 1 Fighter/Level 1 Thief)

Sexual Partners: 2


	31. Isekai Life & Sweet Loot

I put a soft hand on Katriana's shoulder. “Sister... take this, and go trade with Voss. You can secure our escape route while we continue on with him.”

I handed her the runic greatsword that the lead hobgoblin had, safely sheathed now that Enna had cut the scabbard free of his back. Chances are it was some kind of magic- these hobgoblins didn't seem to be fond of embellishments or artistry in their weapons, so I'm guessing the runes were there for a purpose, The leader also had a small vial of sapphire blue liquid on him, also probably a potion, but I kept that with me- if we had to face down a level 6 knight in full plate we might be pushed to the point that blindly sampling potions starts to become a good idea. 

Katriana breathed in to protest, but the sharp intake caused her to wince. She reluctant accepted the sword. “Don't go any further until he catches up with you, alright?” she asked in a pained tone, “I don't need you to run into any more trouble.”

Other than the possibility of the level six knight, I wasn't too worried about clearing the rest of the manor. If the cook proved hostile, they would be a level zero warrior, and if Lord Gauthi was a Gentry (which the presence of the bodyguards and the excessive amounts of treasure almost confirmed) he wouldn't be much more of a threat. I was confident leaving that up to my companions.

But the knight was another issue. We lucked out with the other two- one was a very low-level squire and the other wasn't tough enough to hold his own against five mildly seasoned adventurers. Someone with a potential sixty HP and probably better equipment to boot? It would be dangerous,

The enchanted crowbill weighed on my mind. Of course, my chances for maximum benefits would be to deliver my meagre dart-based fire support and retreat, and make good my escape if my companions were overcome. But... I couldn't bring myself to do that. 

For one, even though she was very obviously more in love with me than I was with her, I was warming up to Ashryn a lot. The sweet elf girl was genuinely a joy to be around, and while her tactical instincts left a lot to be desired, her eagerness for new experiences was endearing. And, as I found out when I levelled up, she was already bearing my child... an idea I was still getting used to.

There was also Calliope. She was acting oddly enough at times, that I was left to wonder if she was still carrying a torch for me. Theodore was still carrying a bit of a torch for her up until the point I took over. And if I was being honest, as much as I was exasperated before, I really enjoyed her sarcastic wit. I was interested in seeing how things would go, not just for another “conquest” or whatever, but because all the sweetness from my relationships with Katriana and Ashryn kind of left me craving a little bit of sour.

And then there were Voss and Enna. Voss was a good guy, and I had really meant it when I offered to make him a knight for helping to support me. As much as I was hoping for him to sacrifice himself for Katriana, more and more I was looking forward to having a friend like him around, someone I could trust with the garrison of my home castle or whatever. As for Enna... she had her own turn of wit, but more than that, I would feel pretty awful dragging her into all this and then abandoning her. And she was a hell of a fighter, maybe not quite punching at Katriana's level but able to ambush enemies with a terrible brutality. As much as I poo-poo'ed thieves before, that backstab was pretty effective, even if she proved to be more mediocre the longer a fight went on.

So, even though I had my darts ready, I took out the crowbill and slipped it into my belt, just in case.

While waiting for Voss, Enna and Ashryn went around to finish clearing the ground floor. There was a brief scream, and a short while after they returned to say that while the rest of the room were very finely appointed, “Furniture and huntin' trophies ain't good lootin'” according to Enna, so they were empty handed. They found the cook blubbering in the pantry, but when Ashryn tried to get close to calm him down, he just screamed at her, so they left him alone.

Which meant that our true foes were above.

Enna, as usual, led the way up the stairs, with Voss and Ashryn following after and me in the back. The middle proved to be living space, privy and bathing rooms, a sector for servants, and a few nicer rooms for guests or lesser members of the family. Ashryn said she thought she could hear someone upstairs, but that this floor was silent, so her and Enna ventured out again while Voss and I held the landing. This adventure proved more fruitful- Enna was carrying a sack that contained a gold-inlaid mandolin with silver strings, a ornate wooden box filled with gold and silver jewellery, and a quiver of arrows from the servant's quarters that were carved with an intricate pattern and fletched with some unidentifiable, iridescent green feathers that shimmered in the light. “Figgered that they coulda been magic, since those hobbo bastards 'ad a coupla magic swords.” And, well, they may be, and they didn't take up much sack room.

Finally, we crept up to the top floor.

We made the landing, weapons ready. The house was silent.

“I don't like it,” Enna hissed, “You'd think that a lord wouldn't know to keep quiet.”

“Well,” I said loudly, “We just have to hold position here and wait for Calliope to recover. Once we have an Invoker with all her spells still, clearing this floor is going to be easy.”

Voss gave me an odd look, but Enna caught on pretty quick and grinned at me. The best part was, I didn't even have to lie... just imply some stuff that's not actually true.

It had the desired effect. Soon, a tall, dark haired man in platemail, wielding an alchemical steel bastard sword with his other hand the drawstring of a sack flopped over one shoulder, edged out of a side room and into the one of the halls coming off the landing. He kept the tip of the blade up in a guarded position, but he smiled when he saw us. There was blood on his blade.

“Hello, friends,” he said, “I don't know your cause or issue with the Lord Gauthi, but he's dead now. I'm wondering if we could come to some kind of agreement, to let me pass without trouble.”

He unlimbered the sack, and spilled it on the ground, revealing a mass of platinum coins.

The only problem with that, though, was we technically weren't here for Lord Gauthi.

“What do you have to do with the cult that the lord joined?” I asked.

The knight gestured expansively. “Nothing, nothing! I assure you, my friend, I wanted nothing to do with Malgarath....”

There was a sharp gasp from Ashryn, “Malgarath the Firelord...!”

The knight smirked. “Perhaps you don't know as much as I assumed. Well, then.” He lifted his sword so he was sighting down the blade at us. “What will it be? There's three hundred platinum in that sack, and I pass without a fight.”

I considered it. At the very least, I strongly suspected this man heard us fighting the hobgoblins and murdered and robbed his lord, before attempting an escape. According to the butler, who I was more inclined to believe based on the previous suspicion, this man was complicit in terrorizing and murdering the staff. He was, at minimum, neutral evil.

As much as Corgiel was implying that the people in this world weren't “real”, I would still feel bad inflicting a desperate villain on the populace. And who knows when he would feel compelled to get rid of potential witnesses.

I drew the crowbill. “Don't get distracted, he's just as bad as the rest of them,” I said bitterly, “Maybe even worse.”

Voss and Ashryn murmured their assent, while Enna quietly went wide. She wouldn't be able to properly backstab, but making room for the rest of us to engage him made sense.

I reached to my belt, grabbed and tossed one of my bags of fine scribe's sand, which exploded right in the knight's face.

He shouted in surprise while Enna came in from the and stabbed him deep in the side. Voss struck out with his spear, sparking off the knight's shoulder pad, but Ashryn was unable to get close as the knight flailed in Enna's direction, striking her in the forehead hard enough to send her stumbling back. 

I slipped in on the knight's other side slashed with the crowbill, scratching deep into the man's face, while Enna stabbed the man again in the exact same spot, twisting her shortsword this time. Voss still wasn't able to penetrate with his spear, but Ashryn piled on with her mace, smashing the man in his bicep.

The knight slashed wide, which Enna and Ashryn had to backstep out of the way from, but the blow deflected off Voss's armor to bite into my left shoulder. I yelped- it was, after all, the first time I'd been wounded in this world, give me a break- and while I wasn't dying, I still backed off. Bastard swords dealt 2d4 damage when wielded in two hands like that, at minimum that was almost half my hp.

The situation was looking pretty good for us, so I didn't feel bad about backing away, although Enna seemed to have the same idea. Voss was still unable to score a solid hit on the man, and his vision must have been clearing, because he successfully parried a blow from Ashryn. He took aim at Voss, but Voss evaded the knight's clumsy riposte.

Voss finally managed to strike, his spearhead biting deep into the man's gut, and Ashryn followed through with a brutal strike to the man's temple, caving in the man's head with a sicking crack. He finally collapsed in a heap on the landing.

Voss looked at my arm and cursed. “Katriana isn't going to let me hear the end of this. I promise I'd take care of her little brother and that's when that dumbass decides to come in swinging with his magic pick that he's supposed to be holding in trust.” 

I flushed. It's true that it was kind of a dumb thing to do....

“It's okay, we just need a few days to get patched up, right?” Ashryn said with a smile, “If Katriana has a problem, I'll just make sure Theodore gets healed first!” 

Enna made an impressed whistle, and held out a folded piece of paper to me from where she was kneeling to rifle through the dead knight's pockets. I took the paper and whistled myself.

“What is it?” Voss asked.

“A promissory note worth three thousand gold to it's bearer,” I said, “No wonder he didn't mind bribing us with a sackful of platinum.”

“Yeah, well, we oughta make sure 'at 'is boss is proper shuffled,” Enna, rising and wiping some blood off on her trousers. “Besides, might be more valuables.”

We found the late Lord Gauthi cut down inside his own study. Small loss, from our perspective. Going through his study, we came up with two loose gems and a another, much smaller promissory note for a mere 200 gold, stuffed away in the very back of one of the lord's writing desk drawers. We also found journals, ledgers, all sorts of possible evidence.

For some reason, though, Ashryn seemed entranced by a floor length tapestry on the wall, depicting a fairly mundane hunting scene. I had inquired with our semi-expert about that and a few other tapestries displayed here and there within the manor. Enna had just shook her head and shrugged, explaining that they were usually not worth enough when balanced out with how much they weighed. All the same, thinking of the landscape she had found downstairs, I went up beside her.

“You like this one too?”

“No, it's not that... I just get the oddest sense of... I don't know...”

She reached out, grasped the tapestry and pulled, ripping the whole thing downs, and revealing an open archway into a dark alcove. In that alcove was a small table, upon which rested a goblet full of ashes, and a red stone statue in the shape of a dragon, menancing with two pairs of wings unfurled. Ashryn gasped.

“That's...”

“That's what?”

“That's Malgarath the Firelord!”

I shook my head. “Who? That's the second time you've mentioned him.”

“Malgarath the Firelord, god of destruction... and father of the red dragons.”

\-------------------------------------------

Character Name: Theodore Esche  
Race: Human   
Class: Transmuter  
Level (XP): 2 (2981/5000)  
Hit Points: 2/5

Ability Scores  
Strength 11  
Dexterity 17  
Constitution 8  
Intelligence 17  
Wisdom 13  
Charisma 14

Weapon Proficiencies: Darts

Nonweapon Proficiencies: Direction Sense, Etiquette, Reading/Writing, Swimming

Spells Per Day:  
1st Level- 2

Spellbook:  
(1st Level): Armor, Burning Hands, Detect Undead, Enlarge, Featherfall, Magic Missile, Mending, Read Magic, Sleep, Tenser's Floating Disc

Equipment: Backpack, Bag of Fine Sand, Belt, Belt Pouch (Large, 3), Belt Pouch (Small, 4), Boots, Darts (3), Hand Mirror, Hat, Hooded Lantern, Magical Crowbill (Held in Trust), Oil of Acid Resistance, Pearl (worth 100gp), Robes (3), Signet Ring, Small Tent

Money: 171 gp, 2 sp, 39 cp

Languages: Common, Elven, Dwarven, Orc, Goblin, Draconic, 1 additional.

Companions: Katriana (Level 2 Fighter, fiancee), Ashryn (Level 2 Cleric, fiancee), Voss (Level 2 Fighter), Calliope (Level 1 Invoker), Smokey Enna (Level 1 Fighter/Level 1 Thief)

Sexual Partners: 2


	32. Isekai Life & Dragon Myth

I looked around at my other party members. Voss just gave a helpless shrug. Enna was mopping her her scalp wound with a bit of fabric ripped off the lord's satin cape. I looked back to Ashryn.

“Sorry, you're going to have to back up. God of destruction sounds bad, but is it kinda bad or is it very bad?”

Ashryn looked pouty for a moment- was she annoyed with me?- before taking a deep breath. “The All-Fathered created the earth-goddess Cyona after Lathlys, the celestial goddess, proved too cold and distant, and Asanke the ocean goddess proved too tumultuous and willful. One of his first children with Cyona was Vaeus, the god of the forest.

“For a time the All-Father was proud of his third family, but Vaeus eventually fell in love with his mother, Cyona. He waited until the All-Father was away, settling a feud between Lathlys and Asanke, and forced himself on Cyona, covering her body with his. When the All-Father returned to Cyona and saw what was going on, he uttered a curse that was so powerful, Malgarath was born from it. Malgarath attacked Vaeus and Cyona both, scorching them, and the entire earth scorched and suffered.

“Eventually the All-Father felt that Cyona and Vaeus were punished enough for their transgressions against him, and empowered his servant, the First Knight Reyneid, to crush Malgarath and rid the world of his ruinous influence. Reyneid took up the holy sword Avenger, and struck down Malgarath. But because Malgarath was created from the All-Father's curse, he was still technically born of the divine, and could not be destroyed by mortal man. Instead, while the God of Destruction was weakened, Reyneid uttered a prayer to Cyona, who gladly took her revenge on the marauding god and sealed him away.”

“While Malgarath has been sealed for thousands of years, his children, the red dragons born from where his blood was spilled by Reyneid, have remained, creating desolation and chaos wherever they fly.”

The tale was simple enough, if a little weird.

“So... the All-Father is kind of a douchebag then?”

Ashryn grinned a little at that. “Yes, that's why most people find worship of his children much more palatable.”

“So there's a cult to this Malgarath guy in this city?” Voss asked tentatively.

I shrugged. “Seems that way. Though we might have just wiped out it's real power... we should examine these journals and such in more detail later.”

“Yeah, sure, are we gettin' outta 'ere yet?” Enna asked, “Ain't you tired of bleedin'?”

To be honest, I had totally forgotten about my arm, despite having been cut nearly to the bone... another convenience of my Heaven, I suppose.

We heading back downstairs after one last sweep of the top floor- there was nothing else that seemed to be valuable that wouldn't be too awkward or heavy to carry. I did grab a sheet from a linen closet, though, and when we reached the main floor, I conscientiously wrapped up Ashryn's landscape for it's trip through the catacombs.

“We're really takin' that big ol' thing?” Enna asked.

I shrugged. “It's light enough for me to carry, and we have ropes to lower and lift the sacks of treasure anyway.”

As we filed downstairs, Katriana dashed out of the storage room to give me a hug, but stopped short. Her face went wan, and she gently touched my wounded shoulder. “Oh, Gods... are you alright, Theodore? Th-this looks bad....”

“I'm fine,” I said, momentarily putting down the painting to rest against my leg, “Ashryn says she can take care of it in the morning. Come on, we have to go.”

Immediately, she rounded on Voss. “You promised you'd take care of him!”

“He's the one who decided the best use for a wizard was to grab a fucking crowbill and come in swinging!” Voss growled back, “I promised I'd take care of him, but I'm not responsible if he puts himself into danger like an idiot!”

She looked back at me with a cutting glare. “Is that true!? How stupid can you be? You're lucky to be alive! You know, I swore to protect you! I sworn on your damn cradle, and this is how you thank me!?”

I winced. “Yeah, it was stupid... but what's done is done. I was able to help everyone out, and I survived, okay? If you're still mad later, you can take it out on me then.”

She silently seethed at me for awhile, before turning on her heel and marching back into the storeroom. There was the sound of snapping fabric, and she pushed the butler out of the room in front of her. “Make yourself useful and carry that painting! My brother needs to conserve his strength.”

Bekker gave me a bow and gently took the painting from me. “Please excuse me, sir. Yes, that's a nasty wound, and if you'll pardon the offer, sir, I am a deft hand with a needle. Once we're to safety I'll be only too happy to close that up, sir, so you'll be somewhat more comfortable until the elven miss can heal you magically.”

“Uh, right,” I said, uncertain that a 60-something old man would be much better at hauling a painting around than I would be.

We headed together back into the storeroom, and lit another series of torches and distributed the sacks of loot around. We had four of Enna's big bags heavy with gold, jewels, and all sorts of other valuables.

Enna went down into the catacombs first, and after declaring the area clear, Voss went down with a lit torch in his teeth. Disturbingly, the body of the squire we had dropped down there was gone, something unspeakable having dragged it into the shadows at some point during our manor invasion.

Next, we sent down our loot bags, which Enna carefully stacked to one side while Voss kept his spear pointed at the shadows. Then Katriana tied the end of the rope into a loop, and one by one myself, Bekker, and Calliope (who was, at this point, about as mobile as a stumbling drunk and with a similar slurred speech pattern) were lowered down. Next came the painting, lowered to Bekker lengthwise. Finally came Ashryn and then Katriana, shimmying down the rope like normal.

The last step was to douse the rope in oil and ignite it. It probably wouldn't burn the manor down- Voss used his spear to hook the grating and pull it closed first. And there was nothing burnable near where the rope was tied- and it might hide the signs of our coming enough for us to avoid investigation.

We moved cautiously but deliberately through the catacombs, following our previous tracks in the mud. Enna took us on a brief detour at one point- two other carrion crawlers had arrived to devour the corpses of their fallen brethren- but be managed to make the grating to street level uninterrupted.

Thankfully, the grating was left open and our rope was still there. Voss was the first to clamber up the rope, followed again by Enna, and then we began the arduous process of hauling our treasure and our weaker party members up one at a time.

When finally we were all up and out of there (and Enna had recovered her rope, she had good instincts as an adventurer), we proceed to then limp our way back to the Lazy Ox.

We were just down the block from the place, when I gently pulled Ashryn into the mouth of an alley.

“Wha...?” she asked, but when I dipped my hand into the sack she was carrying and withdrew a handful of our platinum bribery coins, she seemed to understand. I then hustled to the front of our little line, and was the first one through the door to the inn.

Our trip through the filthy catacombs did not prove to do us any favours, and several of the early patrons visibly shied away from our general miasma when we were all through the door. But I was bent on finding the innkeeper. Before he could speak, I slapped the fistful of coins in his hand and hissed, “Privacy, baths and clean needle and thread.”

He seemed to get the picture, stared at the coins a brief moment, then hustled us off to the back rooms of the inn.

A few guests were chivvied out of the sitting room, a cozy little space with a fireplace, a few books and upholstered furniture for idle guests to while away the time. More important for our purposes, it was larger than the dining room and more open. 

Serving girls cleared aside the upholstered furniture, rolled up the rug, and brought in nice, sturdy, easy-to-clean hardwood chairs for us all though. The innkeeper idly played with the small stack of platinum coins in his hand while this happened, and when I gratefully collapsed into a chair he addressed me. “Wine and cheese will be on it's way shortly, and clean linen for bandages. Dinner will come in due time. The ladies will have the opportunity to bathe first, followed by the men.”

Bekker, true to his word, busied himself patching us each up once clean thread and needles were provided. At my direction, he started in on Katriana and Enna first- Katriana began to raise a fuss when I told her, “You're bathing first, so it only make sense to get sewn up first, unless you want dirty bathwater in all your wounds.”

Once they were done (and we all had some very nice mulled wine to share, the equivalent of alcoholic comfort food), Katriana directed Bekker over to help me with my arm. Meanwhile, the newly sewn up Enna took the sheet off the painting, spread it on the ground, and began dumping out the sacks of treasure on the ground and pawing through them.

“Excuse me, sir,” he said softly as he look a wine-soaked rag and dabbed it onto the wound, making me hiss. Okay, maybe Heaven wasn't 100% nice about pain....

“Where did you learn to do this?” I asked as I conscientiously tried not to look directly at his work, “I wouldn't have thought first aid would have been a part of a butler's duty.”

“You'd be surprised, sir,” he replied as he worked, “A butler's duty is the convenience of his or her lord, to handle all matter of mundane tasks for the lord to focus on more important things, like overseeing an estate, planning a military campaign, negotiations, infrastructure... well, you get the idea, sir.”

“So what was Lord Gauthi doing that you'd have to learn to set stitches?” I asked, “I mean, the previous Lord Gauthi, not the dickhead who got murdered by his own bodyguard.”

“The previous Lord Gauthi made his fortune as a questing knight, sir. Born of noble blood and decided to take up arms and armour and be something of an adventurer, only one focused on helping others and not so much... material reward,” he finished, giving our sacks of loot some side-eye.

I sighed. “Sorry, but adventuring is hard work, and we need the money. If there's some memento of Lord Gauthi you want to keep, though....”

“Nonsense, sir,” Bekker sniffed, “As far as I am concerned, my previous employer died when the elder Gauthi disappeared. No trinket or shiny bit will bring back so fine a person, so my only hope is that he rests peacefully, sir. I was merely intimidated into serving his unworthy scion for a blessedly short time, sir.”

“I can respect that,” I replied.

The old butler gave me a curt nod, and snipped the end of the thread. “If you'll excuse me, sir, I'll finish seeing to your companions.”

Having finally been freed from the butler's attention, I pulled by chair over to Katriana's.

“Sorry,” was all I said.

She frowned in my direction, then sighed. “Please, Theodore... you need to take better care of yourself. Without you, I don't think I can do this on my own. You're got a cleverness that I lack.”

“I don't think you'd make a bad queen....”

“Yes, I'd be terrible. I'd be fussing over oaths and promises and not breaking my word, so much that I wouldn't do what's best for the kingdom. Sometimes a ruler has be cunning and clever, be willing to make use of someone like Enna, for example. Or be willing to recruit someone that makes other retainers uncomfortable, like you did with Calliope,” she sighed, “I'd be too obsessed with keeping promises and making people happy, that I wouldn't be able to make the hard decisions like you can.”

“Well....”

She smiled at me. “Just take care of yourself a little better, okay?”

I nodded, feeling guilty. I was absorbed in my own thoughts for moment- think about whether we'd have enough gold yet to pay for a Raise Dead- when Katriana poked my nose.

I looked up at her, somewhat surprised. She nodded to the rest of the room. “Not that you don't deserve time to think, but maybe you ought to go check in with the rest of your retainers, my prince.”

I looked around the room of wounded and gloomy people. Getting out of that manor was a hard fight, and everyone seemed to have been affected by it.

“Alright,” I said, rising out of my chair, “Let's check in with the troops.”

\-------------------------------------------

Character Name: Theodore Esche  
Race: Human   
Class: Transmuter  
Level (XP): 2 (3146/5000)  
Hit Points: 1/5

Ability Scores  
Strength 11  
Dexterity 17  
Constitution 8  
Intelligence 17  
Wisdom 13  
Charisma 14

Weapon Proficiencies: Darts

Nonweapon Proficiencies: Direction Sense, Etiquette, Reading/Writing, Swimming

Spells Per Day:  
1st Level- 2

Spellbook:  
(1st Level): Armor, Burning Hands, Detect Undead, Enlarge, Featherfall, Magic Missile, Mending, Read Magic, Sleep, Tenser's Floating Disc

Equipment: Backpack, Bag of Fine Sand, Belt, Belt Pouch (Large, 3), Belt Pouch (Small, 4), Boots, Darts (3), Hand Mirror, Hat, Hooded Lantern, Magical Crowbill (Held in Trust), Oil of Acid Resistance, Pearl (worth 100gp), Robes (3), Signet Ring, Small Tent

Money: 171 gp, 2 sp, 39 cp

Languages: Common, Elven, Dwarven, Orc, Goblin, Draconic, 1 additional.

Companions: Katriana (Level 2 Fighter, fiancee), Ashryn (Level 2 Cleric, fiancee), Voss (Level 2 Fighter), Calliope (Level 1 Invoker), Smokey Enna (Level 1 Fighter/Level 1 Thief)

Sexual Partners: 2


	33. Isekai Life & Knights of Esche

I knelt in front of Calliope, who was despondently flipping through her spellbook. She glanced at me momentarily, before looking back to the pages, chin in her other hand.

I shifted to a sitting position and sighed. “Yeah, I'd be pretty disappointed in myself if that happened to me, too.”

“Well, it didn't,” she replied, “So you don't have to worry about it. You're not a burden on anyone.”

“Except that it could've happened to any one of us, you just got unlucky. I'm sure you'll have plenty of times to prove your worth, in the future.”

Calliope closed her eyes and sat up straight. She took a deep breath, and then, “I know I'm not easy to get along with. I don't know why, but I have a hard time hiding my disappointment if someone else screws up, and because of that, I have a hard time making friends. I always figured that if I couldn't win people over as friends, I could at least earn their respect. And, well, you can't do that if you're paralysed for three hours because you were bitten by a centipede.”

“If you're worried about that, why don't you just... be honest with people, and tell them how you feel? I know opening up like that can be difficult, but it might earn you some sympathy.”

“That's just what I need, people being nice to me because I'm over here pouting like a child,” she said bitterly.

I decided to take a gamble, so I reached out and took her chin in my hand and made her look into my eyes. She glared at me defiantly, but didn't stop me.

“I like you because you're intelligent, competent, and brave. Walking into a fight with nothing but a dagger and fighting hobgoblins when you're out of spells? I wish I had that kind of nerve.”

She flushed, and pushed my hand away, so she could look back at her spellbook.

“Please consider opening up. You might be surprised at the reaction you get.”

“Sure,” she said, softly, “Maybe.”

That seemed the end of that, so I scanned around the room. Ashryn was, somehow, entirely unhurt and happily playing with one of the Lazy Ox's mousing cats, and I'd have plenty of time to speak with Voss when the girls went for their bath, so I walked over and plunked myself down beside Enna and she sorted the looted into piles. 

“How's the count going?” I asked, picking up the sheathed bastard sword to examine the stamped artwork on the leather.

“Pretty damn good, if'n I do say so meself,” the Mul replied cheerily, “Just under twelve hunnert gold in mixed coin, thirty-two hunnert in bank notes, and prolly around four grand in miscellaneous loot. S'kind of haul that you could retire on, if you live modest like.”

I blinked, impressed. That was a damn fine haul, especially for a low-level party.

“So, are you all going to be aroun' while I finish my sentence?” Enna asked cautiously, “I mean, if'n this is the kind of business you get up to regularly, I wouldn't mind taggin' along, if you'll 'ave me.”

“Maybe. I'm sure we wouldn't mind having you along, but we don't know where are plans will take us after this,” I replied, “You'd have more than enough gold to follow us to our next destination, if you really want to join us, so even if we have to leave it isn't the end of the world.”

She barked a kind of nervous laugh at that. “Uh, I've never really left Tresens before, least not any further than Whitewater Tower,” she said, “So, uh, Idunno if I'd be able to find you all without a lil' help.”

I smiled at her. “Well, we don't have to decide just this moment. You're really good in a fight, and handy with those picklocks, so I think we'd all be willing to accommodate you.”

She smiled back, then nodded at the sword in my hand. “What's with them black bladed swords, anyhow?”

“They're magical,” I replied, drawing a half-foot of blade, to watch the light make iridescent patterns on the metal, “Alchemical steel, not a true enchantment, but made from magically-treated metal. It's too bad that, so far, out of all the magical weapons we've found, we don't have a single one anyone really knows how to use. Katriana is practising with that broadsword, but who knows when she'll be good enough to use it properly.”

“Well, if'n you don't mind, I'd be interested in taking that there pick off your hands and doin' the same,” she said, “Might even keep you out of trouble and in your sister's good graces if I do.”

I drew the crowbill and ran a finger along the carvings in it's handle, then passed it over. “Use it in good health.”

She grinned, and gently set the weapon onto the sheet. “Yeah, well, I can get a tiny bit o' practice in, then you'll be takin' care of it for me once more, right?”

“Sure, of course.”

We were interrupted then by a knock at the door. It was a serving maid, here to collect the women for their turn in the baths. She also came over to me, and dropped a curtsy.

“Master Braedon wanted you to know that a room on the third floor has opened up,” she said, “Two beds and a couch, similar to your current room but with a pair of like-sized beds. If it suits your party's needs, it's yours.”

Thinking about the cramped quarters of our current sleeping arrangements, I nodded, picking a few more platinum out of the treasure pile for the room. At least, even though we still wouldn't quite have the privacy for sex, everyone could have something resembling a bed.

The girls cleared out and it was just Bekker, Voss and I.

It was Voss that started the conversation. “So I guess you're going to want me, Enna and the butler to take the new room, so you can be alone with your girlfriends?”

“Uh, sure, if that's what you're offering,” I glanced over at Bekker. “You know, you don't have to stay with us if you don't want to, right? We just need you to testify about Lord Gauthi. If you have family or something to stay with....”

“Thank you, sir, but my home was Highcroft Manor,” he replied, “I have small desire to stay there. If it's alright, I will impose myself on your hospitality, sir.”

“Fine by me.”

Voss and I busied ourselves with a game or two while Bekker helped himself to one of the inn's books. Voss was in the middle of giving me a very sound thrashing (the man wasn't a genius but he had plenty of skill at his game) when the ladies returned, wearing fresh clothes and with wet hair. 

As soon as the door swung close behind Ashryn, Enna clapped me hard on the back. “You're a for-real prince!? Who woulda thought? A real-life prince robbin' folks an' stuff!”

I winced, and look to Katriana for an explanation. She just shrugged. “Calliope was talking about how she felt useless, and trying to make her feel better, Ashryn blabbed about you having so many wives and needing other wizards to take back your throne and all.”

Ashryn pouted. “All I knew was Calliope knew you guys from before! I didn't think that you would've kept something like that as a secret from her!”

“Then why'd you go saying all that stuff around Enna?” Calliope asked wryly.

To that, Ashryn could only look bashful, and played with the rolled-up carpet with a toe.

“So, how much did you tell them?” I asked Katriana.

“Pretty much just the basics,” she replied, “We got distracted by another topic soon after. If you want to give them 'the talk', then go ahead.”

“Not now, a serving girl will be here any minute now to let us boys into the bath.”

“But is it true that you're gonna make us all knights?” Enna asked.

“If you want to take the oath, sure,” I replied, “But if that's the case, you're in it until the end of the ride. I'm going to hold you to that oath.”

“Alright, let's do it then!”

I blinked. “Right now?”

Enna put her hands on her hips. “I may not be much'a one for 'onourable conduct, but 'is mornin' I woke up a thief expectin' to be a thief right up til the day I died. Seems t'me 'at wakin' up a knight wit' a quest to see m'lord Theodore, a smart guy who actually cares about rightin' wrongs, stoppin' cults and protectin' his people, back on 'is rightful throne, well, 'at'd be a damn sight better way t' live my life.”

It took me a second to parse out her odd speech pattern, and in the time Calliope raised her hand like an obedient schoolgirl. “Me, too. My so-called 'friends' abandoned me to be a dancing girl in a seedy dockside tavern when they had better options, and, well, none of them ever really tried to make me feel better when I was feeling down. So many people will just tell you to cheer up and get annoyed when you don't. So... I want to help, too.”

I ran a hair through my hair nervously, when there was a knock at the door. “We'll finish this discussion later, when we're all cleaned up,” I said, and got up for my bath.

Even though it was still somewhat awkward to bathe with other dudes around, it was still relaxing. It took no less than three rounds of scrubbing and rinsing to get all the filth off my body, but once I did the soak in the hot water felt like a just reward. I have never been more grateful for a bath within sight of other men in my life.

By the time we returned, the hardwood chairs had been joined by a small table loaded with all sorts of food and wine, and the ladies were digging right in, laughing over some joke they made 

We joined the ladies, and for a time, everything was good. It was the first time for the six of us had all gotten together and just enjoyed each other's company, without the paranoia of the hobgoblins to worry about. Sure, there was a cult's plans to figure out and maybe a dark god to foil, but right at that moment they seemed far away concerns. For now, we were wealthy, relaxed, clean and without many other cares.

When the dinner began to wind down, Voss went to the treasure pile, fished out the greatsword and pointed it's handle at me. “Hey, if we're going to actually do this, we may as well have a proper magical sword.”

“Do what?” I asked, momentarily confused, but as he offered the sword he sunk down to one knee, and sensing the moment, Enna and Calliope went to join him.

I gulped nervously, covering up my sudden anxiety with a sip of wine. I searched my memory for what a knighting ceremony would entail, but nothing came to mind, so I seized upon the only thing my other half knew, half-remembered from a fantasy book I read a lifetime ago.

Gently, I eased the magical greatsword from it's sheath, taking it unsteadily in two hands. I idly wondered if this was meant to be “the” greatsword- I was hoping for a clearer sign and maybe a bit more ceremony that it being wielded by a hobgoblin captain.

“Voss Durand,” I said, in a tone I hope portrayed confidence worthy of a prince, “Do you swear before the eyes of gods and men to defend those who cannot defend themselves, to protect all children and the weak, to obey your king, to fight bravely when needed and do other such tasks as are laid upon you, however hard or humble or dangerous as they may be?”

“I do,” he said.

As gently as I could lifting a twelve-pound hunk of metal, I tapped him on each of his shoulders. “Then I dub you Sir Voss Durand, Sworn Knight of House Esche.”

I then stepped in front of Enna, and posed the same vow with a bit more steadiness this time. She replied, “I do”, without any of her usual embellishment, perhaps acknowledging the seriousness of the oath she had just taken.

“Then I dub you Lady Enna of Shafttown, Sworn Knight of House Esche.”

When I stepped in front of Calliope, I hesitated. If I dubbed her a knight, could I still marry her, if she was willing? But then I gave my head a shake. If I could marry by own sister, I could marry a sworn knight.

She sealed her vow with an “I do”, and so, “Then I dub you Lady Calliope Brevins, Sworn Knight of House Esche.”

Once it was done, she smiled. “I'm impressed, you remembered my family name from school?”

I shrugged. “You have to know these things to be prince,” I retorted with another favourite quote.

“Right, well, I need anudder drink,” Enna said, her usual cadence returning as if a spell had been broken, “I can't wait to tell my mum that I'm a lady!”

“Well, maybe not right away okay?” Katriana cautioned, “We're still trying to travel in secret, Ashryn's big mouth aside....”

Enna laughed. “Fair 'nough, but still this lady has a lady's thirst. Let's drink!”

\-------------------------------------------

Character Name: Theodore Esche  
Race: Human   
Class: Transmuter  
Level (XP): 2 (3146/5000)  
Hit Points: 1/5

Ability Scores  
Strength 11  
Dexterity 17  
Constitution 8  
Intelligence 17  
Wisdom 13  
Charisma 14

Weapon Proficiencies: Darts

Nonweapon Proficiencies: Direction Sense, Etiquette, Reading/Writing, Swimming

Spells Per Day:  
1st Level- 3

Spellbook:  
(1st Level): Armor, Burning Hands, Detect Undead, Enlarge, Featherfall, Magic Missile, Mending, Read Magic, Sleep, Tenser's Floating Disc

Equipment: Backpack, Bag of Fine Sand, Belt, Belt Pouch (Large, 3), Belt Pouch (Small, 4), Boots, Darts (3), Hand Mirror, Hat, Hooded Lantern, Oil of Acid Resistance, Pearl (worth 100gp), Robes (3), Signet Ring, Small Tent

Money: 171 gp, 2 sp, 39 cp

Languages: Common, Elven, Dwarven, Orc, Goblin, Draconic, 1 additional.

Companions: Katriana (Level 2 Fighter, fiancee), Ashryn (Level 2 Cleric, fiancee), Voss (Level 2 Fighter), Calliope (Level 1 Invoker), Smokey Enna (Level 1 Fighter/Level 1 Thief)

Sexual Partners: 2


	34. Isekai Life & Calliope Compromise

While we enjoyed the food and good company, I kept glancing over at the treasure pile. Voss noticed and asked, “So, that's the plan for that? We could probably pawn most of the jewellery off on that one guy we know.”

“Sell, we will sell it to him,” I corrected, “Pawning is something different.”

“Sell, then.”

“If we're lucky, he will know someone who might be interested in some of this other stuff,” I continued, “Can't imagine he'd be into a gold-inlaid mandolin, or a bottle of fine liquor.”

“Or a landscape painting....” I glanced over at Ashryn who smiled apologetically. “I'm sorry, Theo, while the painting is very pretty, I don't think we can carry it around with us. I think I'd rather you sell that,” she said, fidgeting, “And, maybe, get me a present with some of the money left over?”

“Alright, if that's what you want.” She was right, but I was still a little disappointed. I really wouldn't have minded having that landscape in our castle, eventually. “But we're going to have to reorganize how we do the money division from here on out.”

That made everyone pause somewhat nervously. Obviously, everyone wanted a share of the big haul. And now I was suddenly changing the rules on them all, now that I was the central authority in the room.

“We need to start getting serious about saving money for our quest,” I said, “We're going to need lots of resources to overthrow a king... and, now that all of you are sworn to me in one way or another, I need to take responsibility for providing for all your needs. Tomorrow, we'll turn all this loot into liquid cash, and then I'll pay you each a stipend. The rest will go into a lockbox, which I'll need to purchase along with a sturdy lock. It'll provide a secure place for our unused magic items, too.”

I gestured at everyone. “You'll receive less than you would otherwise, but I'll worry about your needs- clothing, armour, weapons, accommodations. Is that agreeable to everyone?”

Voss and Enna looked a little skeptical, but what could they do? They just swore themselves to my service.

We continued chatting long into the night. Or, rather, they continued chatting- I was content to let my mind drift on a warm sea of wine and laughter, just enjoying this thing I had started. Katriana and Voss caught everyone up on what had passed to date- our adventure in the mountains, hunting for Enna, and our early encounter with the hobgoblins.

All these people had sworn to help me on my quest, but what did I really know about my home? I thought back, scanning Theodore' thoughts like a catalogue. It was a vast, oceanside city, which had once been split by the arrival of the Gods' Arrow, the comet that had punished the old kings for their use of forbidden magic. Thus, the oldest parts of the city occupied a thin strip of land between a massive lagoon where the heart of the old city used to be, and the ocean. But as the city had grown, it has spread outwards, and had surrounded much of the lagoon. The new castle sat at one end of the lagoon like a shining crown, four walls facing the lands and it's own harbour jutting out into the sparkling waters of the lagoon.

“It's okay, if he's too tired, w-we don't have to do this now.”

“Nonsense~! You've said too much, now we're determined.”

A hand gently rocked my shoulder, and my eyes fluttered open. I must have fall asleep in my chair- the fire on the hearth has burned low, the food had all been whisked away, and Voss, Enna and Bekker must have retired to their own room. Katriana smiled, bent at the waist and shaking me, while Calliope and Ashryn watched from afar, Calliope with an embarrassed blush, Ashryn with a mischievous grin.

“What's happening?” I said with a yawn, “Everyone else went to bed?”

“Mmm-hmm,” Katriana said, kneeling in front of me. That got me to wake up a little more. I blinked at her, wondering, when she finally spoke. “My prince, you have your comeliest knight and your two brides-to-be before you, isn't there anything you'd like to do for you? Any royal commands?”

My heart thudded in my chest. My older sister was suggesting that we have sex, with Ashryn, even Calliope, involved? I had thought that she was barely on board with this harem thing, and now she was lining up a sex party for me?

Then it struck me.

Corgiel had said this was my Heaven, that all the women in it were predisposed to like and love me, to make me happy, satisfied and fulfilled. And on top of that, what seemed like months ago, I had asking for the “the full isekai treatment, including an inexplicable harem”.

Of course these girls were going to line up, eager to please and satisfy my every desire. They were made to be that way. They had been carefully crafted just to please me.

Of course, Corgiel also implied that I should be nice to my creations... well, at least, I should take care not to torture them or made them unhappy. But, I could help myself to them... and get exactly the kinds of sex that I want.

Roughly, I seized my sister by her curly red hair, and forced her head to tilt to the side. Katriana's eyes went wide, not expecting this, and neither did the other two, judging by their gasps. I looked down at her imperiously and asked, “What happened to make my beloved sister such a cock-hungry slut? I thought you were better than this.”

“I-I'm not...” she squeaked, but I interrupted her.

“You're here on your knees in front of me while my maiden knight and a priestess of the Silver Order look on, looking at me with these slutty, shameless eyes. Don't lie to me.”

She swallowed. “I'm not a... a....”

“Oh? Aren't you?” I released her hair, “Suck my cock, slut. Let's see if you can even bother resisting the urge.”

Face flushed with humiliation and arousal, Katriana undid my belt and pulled back my robes to reveal my rapidly-hardening cock. Calliope gave another gasp as Katriana lowered her head and took the head of my rod into her mouth, running her tongue over it.

Katriana wasn't that great at giving blowjobs... yet. I'd have plenty of time to train her. So I wasn't completely lost in the sensation, at least not right away. I gestured to the other two girls. “Come and serve your prince.”

As if waiting for permission, Ashryn grinned and took Calliope's hand, leading her forward. Calliope was a little hesitant, “Th-this wasn't what I had in mind when I said...” but Ashryn shushed her, before kneeling beside Katriana, and pulling Calliope down with her.

After a moment, I seized Katriana by the hair again, and slowly pulled her away from my cock. She had been liberal with her spit, just as I taught her, and a string of it connected us as she pulled away.

I looked down at Ashryn. “You want to show your prince just how much you love him?”

She nodded eagerly, and gave my shaft a long lick, her tongue mingling with Katriana's saliva. It sent a pleasant shiver up my spine, and Katriana noticed. 

“Where did you learn to do that, Ashryn?” she asked.

“Oh, uh...” Ashryn gave a nervous giggle, “I was thinking of the rock candy on a stick from that shop, and just...tried it.”

She bent down again and licked up the underside of my cock once more, only this time Katriana joined her, pressing her tongue against the side. Calliope shook her head, muttered “How am I even doing this?” and then extended her tongue licked up the other side of my cock. 

I leaned as far back as my chair would let me. The feeling was heavenly. Three soft, moist tongues lapping at my manhood, exciting my most sensitive parts.... I could feel the difference in them, Ashryn's enthusiastic laps, Calliope's reluctant, dainty licks, and Katriana's confident and eager strokes....

I lost my concentration before too long, and my cock exploded, jets of cum flying into the air to a chorus of surprised harem girls.

I opened my eyes. Ashryn had gotten the brunt of it, two big lines of semen climbed her face, onto her forehead and up into her hair. But the other two were not spared.

Calliope grimaced with the saltiness of it on her tongue, Katraian was more used to it, though, having swallowed two cumshots a few days earlier. Ashryn seemed pretty happy with it.

“Ooh, I guess we did okay? What's all this stuff?” She asked.

“It's your prince's seed,” Katriana answered, “You can wipe it off, if you want, but it doesn't taste too bad, once you get used to the texture.”

“It's safe to eat...?” Calliope asked, experimentally licking her lips.

“Yes. Well, I ate a lot of it the other day, and it didn't hurt me at all....”

This truly was a Heaven.

I looked at Katriana. “So, I take it you're okay with Calliope...?”

She smiled. “Yes, my prince, although I can't say for certain whether she wants to marry you.”

Calliope fidgeted. “Well, that wouldn't be terrible, being a... crown princess, I suppose?”

“I suppose,” I said, “But if you want to join us as part of our little family, you're going to have to wait a little bit. Katriana and Ashryn have dibs.”

Ashryn started using her fingers to scoop up my cum and suck it off her fingers. “About that,” she said when her fingers weren't in her mouth, “I'm going to marry you, right? You'll let me? Perform the ceremony, I mean.”

“Of course,” Katriana said with a happy giggle, “I suppose I'll have to find a dress, though. And I would like enough space for our wedding night to be private....”

“If you're going to discuss this,” Calliope broke in, “Do you mind if Theodore and I go upstairs? I'm feeling kind of weird, and I still haven't had my first time, unlike you two.”

All this talk was going on without consulting me, but somehow I didn't mind.

“I also want Theo to... attend me,” Ashryn said, biting her lip.

“Yes, aren't I supposed to be the head wife, the high queen?” Katriana said.

“Well, queens are supposed to be magnanimous!” Ashryn countered.

“Should it be even?” Calliope said, “Obviously it should go me, then Ashryn, then me again before we even consider you!”

...Maybe this harem stuff has a bad side.

“H-hang on...” I said, doing up my robe, “I think I have an idea how we all might go to sleep happy....”

Before too long, we were back upstairs. I knelt on the bed, with three beautiful, totally naked girls on all fours before me, facing away. Their soft asses hung tantalizingly in the air- Calliope in the centre and Ashryn and Katriana on either side.

“A-are you going to admire us all day?” Calliope said nervously, “Or are you going to h-hurry up?”

“I'm just taking my time admiring you,” I replied, “I have three incredibly beautiful women in front of me, I want to savour this.”

Indeed, the thug that acted as security on this floor have me a grin and a thumbs up when he saw us all and where we were headed. It made Katriana and Calliope both blush bright red.

“Alright, are you ready, Calliope?” I asked, as I took her gently be the hips.

“Give me one moment,” she said, then took a deep breath, and slowly released it. “Okay. Go ahead.”

Holding her hips firmly in place, I placed my cockhead at her moist entrance, and, with excruciating slowness, penetrated into her, causing her to gasp and a small rivulet of blood appear around my cock.

“Are you alright?” I asked, gently.

“I-I'm okay, I just need a minute.” Quietly, at one side, Katriana placed her hand atop Calliope's.

“Okay,” I said calmly, even though it was hard to take my time now that I was deep in the wizard's pussy, “You need to get low and really brace yourself. I'm not going to have a lot of leverage, so you'll have to make up for that by pushing back, okay?”

“Y-yes, my prince,” she said, “I'll do my best.”

I took my hands off her hips, and lightly touched Katriana and Ashryn. I gently nudged Ashryn a little closer, and when I had everything lined up in what I thought was the most comfortable way, I let my hands drift lower.

“This feels really indulgent somehow,” I said, idly.

“Of course it is!” Calliope snapped back, “You've got three girls all in a row and your cock is inside me, waiting for the starting whistle! Do you want me to beg for it or something?”

“Yeah, come on, Theo,” Ashryn said, wiggling her butt at me, “I can't wait any more.”

Katriana just quietly pushed her pussy back towards my hand.

“Maybe I do want you to beg for it....” I said, grinning to myself. When I saw Calliope look back to reply, I thrust forward into her, causing her to gasp.

I kept thrusting, waiting for her to recover and start pushing back enough for it to feel really good, before I opened up Ashryn and Katriana's pussy and fit two fingers in each of them, making sure that my bent ring finger was rubbing up against the hard nubbin of their clits. Soon, I had each of the girls moaning in time with one another, as I thrust into Calliope, my latest fiancee, while I finger-fucked the other two.

“Ah... you all turned out... to be such big sluts,” I said as I fucked all three, “So desperate for my attention that you get all in a row like this,”

“Ah... it's you who made me like this... You made me into... my little brother's sluuuuuut...” Katriana moaned.

“Oh, ah... I've wanted this for forever,” Ashryn replied, “I had no idea being with you all would be so....” She never finished the thought, instead getting lost in the sensation of her approaching orgasm.

“I-I'm not a slut,” Calliope panted, “I just... wanted to do everything... to get what I want...” She looked back at me with lust-filled eyes. “I've loved you since school... I'll give you my love, my dignity, whatever it takes....”

Ashryn was the first to go off, her body losing control and stiffening with a powerful sudden, orgasm. It was over quickly, but she slumped onto the bed, completely exhausted.

Katriana went next. At some point she reached down and started rubbing her clit on her own, letting me focus on ramming my finger into her. Working together, we brought her to a quiet, shuddering but powerful orgasm that seemed to last a really long time. I wanted to play with her more- see if I could coax a second orgasm like that out of her, but I had to focus on Calliope.

Calliope proved a challenge. She responded well, but you couldn't go too fast or too slow, it seemed. She also responded better to strong, deep thrusts than shallow, quick ones. I really had to concentrate and work to bring her off, not that she minded being fucked as I split my attention, but getting her over that threshold took focus. Once I had my hands free- still slick with the juices of my other two fiancees- I was able to pin Calliope in place and give her the hard, deliberate fuck that she ached for.

When she finally came, it was in response to my own orgasm. I tied to stay balanced and wait her own, but with how tight and slick her virginal pussy felt, I found my self-control slipping and soon was cumming what felt like buckets into her. But that rush of cum must have finally set her off, because she had a loud, tense orgasm that roused the other two out of their stupor and ripped the sheet from the top of the bed, revealing bare mattress.

I was too exhausted to even think after that, and settled in between Calliope and Katriana. The two women wrapped their arms around me- Calliope took my chest with Katriana, my neck and shoulders. It was a good feeling. I felt something wet on my cock, and took down to see Ashryn diligently cleaning me off, but that's when I finally spaced out and fell asleep.

\-------------------------------------------

Character Name: Theodore Esche  
Race: Human   
Class: Transmuter  
Level (XP): 2 (3146/5000)  
Hit Points: 1/5

Ability Scores  
Strength 11  
Dexterity 17  
Constitution 8  
Intelligence 17  
Wisdom 13  
Charisma 14

Weapon Proficiencies: Darts

Nonweapon Proficiencies: Direction Sense, Etiquette, Reading/Writing, Swimming

Spells Per Day:  
1st Level- 3

Spellbook:  
(1st Level): Armor, Burning Hands, Detect Undead, Enlarge, Featherfall, Magic Missile, Mending, Read Magic, Sleep, Tenser's Floating Disc

Equipment: Backpack, Bag of Fine Sand, Belt, Belt Pouch (Large, 3), Belt Pouch (Small, 4), Boots, Darts (3), Hand Mirror, Hat, Hooded Lantern, Oil of Acid Resistance, Pearl (worth 100gp), Robes (3), Signet Ring, Small Tent

Money: 171 gp, 2 sp, 39 cp

Languages: Common, Elven, Dwarven, Orc, Goblin, Draconic, 1 additional.

Companions: Katriana (Level 2 Fighter, fiancee), Ashryn (Level 2 Cleric, fiancee), Calliope (Level 1 Invoker, fiancee), Voss (Level 2 Fighter), Smokey Enna (Level 4 Fighter/Level 4 Thief)

Sexual Partners: 3


	35. Isekai Life & Princely Embezzlement

I awoke to the sounds of someone shuffling around in our room. I squinted, eyes hazy with sleep, to see a figure standing over by the couch.

“Excuse me, your grace, I did not mean to wake you.”

“Oh, Bekker,” I said, sitting up and rubbing the sleep from my eyes. At some point someone pulled the blanket up over me, which I was grateful for.

“Yes, your grace. I assumed you're not adventuring today, so I picked out the blue robe for you, your grace.”

I blinked. Your grace...? Oh. The man was in the room the whole time for all that talk of princes and thrones and knighting. I haven't even considered that, he was just so good at fading into the background.

“Where is everyone?”

It finally occurred to me that I was alone in bed, and not safely ensconced in a triple-woman cuddle pile.

“Lady Calliope is below, in the reading room, your grace,” Bekker answered, “However, Sir Voss and Lady Enna departed some time ago to see about liquidating your captured treasures, and Acolyte Ashryn and Princess Katriana had an appointment to keep concerning some armour they had ordered.”

I noticed a problem right away.

“Bekker, please don't refer to me as 'your grace' and everyone else like that....”

“Of course, your grace, I fully understand the need for secrecy while within mixed company. However, please, I insist on adhering to proper etiquette when in private.”

“You know, I didn't actually ask you to be my butler,” I said flatly.

“Of course not, your grace. But if you must know, I am sixty-one years of age. Since we were both young men, I had served Lord Evander Gauthi, helping him create a legacy, to build a home and a family. Now that great lord I once proudly served is likely naught but ashes, having been murdered by his own legacy, who received in time his just desserts. But despite that great example of a knight, when time came for me to stand alone, I failed both the young Lady Gauthi, and many of the servants who looked up to me. And now, they, too, are ash.

“So I beg that you forgive my presumption, your grace, but I am near the end of my life. If I am truly lucky, I will have but a dozen or a score more years ahead of me. I cannot go beyond the Shadow and face my Lord again in death with such a tarnished record. However, it seems that the man responsible for earning some measure of justice for Lord and young Lady Gauthi has a cause of his own, a cause that seems, in my mind, to be worthy. 

“While I disagree with how you have chosen to fund this quest, your grace, you have saved my life and avenged my lord, and are in need of great assistance to conduct your own campaign. I happen to have a great deal of experience is providing assistance to travelling adventurers. So, if it it pleases your grace, allow me to attend to the small details of your life so you can attend to your larger goal. That way, if you are successful and prove a fair ruler, as I suspect you may, I make go to my grave satisfied that my old friend and master will not find me wanting.”

That was quite the filibuster. I didn't know how to respond to that. It was quite a heavy topic for first thing since getting up, after all.

Eventually, it was Bekker who broke the silence. Offering a small bow, he simply said, “By your leave, your grace,” and left.

Still hazy with sleepiness, I got up and got dressed in the robes provided, then sat down with my spellbook. Sleep, of course, was high on my list, and it was hard to beat the utility of Reduce. Finally having a third spell slot to my name, I decided to take Burning Hands as my third. It was a handy little attack spell,and, well, after the previous day's battles with those knights, I found myself wishing that I was a little more dangerous, myself. I could have saved my friends a lot of grief if I was able to deliver a lot of damage more reliably.

While I was studying my spellbook, Bekker returned with a some bread, honey, butter and porridge. I hadn't even thought of asking for honey to flavour the bland-but-filling breakfast I've have almost every day since becoming Theodore. Maybe having Bekker around would be so bad.

After enjoying my meal, I checked on the treasures we had gathered. All the stuff earmarked for selling was gone, leaving only the two unknown potions, the quiver of magical arrows, and the three magical swords- the alchemical steel broadsword I had given Katriana earlier, the alchemical steel bastard sword, and the runed greatsword. Also with it were the sack of coins. I guess, once we have the strongbox, I'll need to keep a ledger....

I counted out some coins from the sack, and passed about 100 gold pieces worth of platinum on to Bekker. “Please, could you get me a small ledger, some ink for writing, a pen, and also about forty or so darts?”

Bekker gave me a small bow and accepted the coin. “Of course, your grace. I'll return before supper.”

Once he was gone, I noticed what was missing I cursed. Voss and Enna had taken Ashryn's painting! I had no idea where they were, either, to stop them. I groaned and shook my head. I hope she wouldn't be too mad....

I noticed, then, the two promissory notes sticking out of a pocket on my backpack. I took them, slipped on my shoes and headed out into the world, alone, for once.

I don't know why I went like that, in retrospect. I guess I just felt like a bad ass, ready to set on fire anyone who dared give me trouble.

First off, I found a banker, and had my promissory notes changed into coin. This proved to be a little bit more challenging than I though, not because the banker gave me any sort of trouble at all, but rather that sixty-four pounds of gold is a lot to carry. 

Knowing that leaving a bank with a big sack of money was an invitation for trouble, I kept an eye out, but managed to get to my next destination unmolested, and with no unfortunate holes in my pack.

The jeweler who we had been selling gems to so frequently greeted me warmly when I entered his shop. “Ah, good morning sir. You just missed your companion and his lady friend. They asked for a recommendation of a pawnbroker who might be interested in some treasure they acquired.”

For a second I considered asking after them and running, but I probably wouldn't be able to keep up. “Hello, good morning,” I greeted him in return, “That's good to hear, but I'm actually here as a customer today.”

“Excellent, of course, sir. What can I do for you?”

I explained to him what I wanted and what I expected to spend, and he showed me what I wanted to see. In the end, I ended up spending quite a bit of the cash I had, almost all of it, in fact. But I ended up with what I wanted. I secreted my little prizes on my person, and headed back to the Lazy Ox.

I was the first person back, apparently- not even Bekker had yet returned- so I went and deposited the leftover coin I had with the rest of the treasure. After a moment's thought, I emptied by own purses in there, too. At least that would help offset what I had, basically, embezzled. But then again, I was the prince, the other swore to obey me, not the other way around.

Not having anything better to do at that very moment, I chose to head downstairs and see what Calliope was up to.

She was still in the reading room by the time I got down there, idly petting one of the mousers and reading a novel. When she noticed me come in, she cut me a quick, angry glare, then went back to her book.

I was a little shocked by that. “What did I do?”

Fuming, she closed the book with a snap and placed very deliberately on a side table before looking at me with crossed arms.

Still she was silent. “Seriously, what did I do? Why are you so angry?”

“You were rough with me last night.”

“...Oh,” I said, recalling last night, “Uh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize you'd have a problem with that. I was kind of... caught up in the moment.”

“I see,” she said simply, still glaring.

“Um, Katriana likes that sort of thing...”

“I'm not Katriana, Theodore.”

“I know... but you didn't seem to mind at the time.”

“Well, you had your cock...!” she stopped, realizing what she was able to shout about, and lowered her voice. “Your cock was inside me! I wasn't going to stop everything just because you said something weird.”

I sighed, and felt inside one of my pockets. “Here, let me make it up to you....”

Her eyes followed me a short while as I came around behind the chair she was sitting in. I took out the small bit of jewelry and lowered it in front of her- a black satin choker, inlaid with golden falling stars, and bearing a shimmering, fingernail-sized aquamarine.

Her gasp was audible. “Oh, Theodore... it's lovely. Is it really for me?” she asked, as she looked over her shoulder at me.

I smiled, relieved. “Yes, it's for you. I picked out the gem to match your eyes. And, uh,” I shifted nervously, “I'm glad you like it. I've never given a gift to a lover before.”

“Not even Katriana!?” she exclaimed incredulously. I nodded. “Oh, wow, thank you Theodore,|” she said as she lifted up her hair so I could fasten the tiny clasp around her neck.

Once it was on, she bounded up out of her seat and threw hers arms around me, kissing me deeply. Idly, I wondered if she'd be hurt knowing that there were two other similar chokers waiting to be given to their new owners....

She broke off the kiss and looked at me. “Do you know where Bekker is?”

“Yes, I sent him off to run some errands for me about an hour ago.”

Calliope took me by the hands. “Come on, then, we don't have a lot of time.”

Soon enough, we were both back upstairs and naked.

Well, I was naked. She still wore the choker.

First she had me lie back, so she could run her tongue along my cock, much like she had last night. She gave a giggle. “I have you all to myself, this time,” she said sweetly, before trying her hand (er... mouth) at giving a blowjob. She was a bit more suited for it than Katriana, making sure she had a good mouthful of saliva so the act was wonderfully wet and sloppy.

Once I was good and hard, it was her turn to lie back. “I want to look into your eyes, this time,” she said as she pulled apart her pink lips to invite me in. Steadying myself above her, I eased my cock into her recently-broken-in pussy, the slickness of her blowjob lubricating my entry.

Wrapping her arms around my neck, Calliope held me close as I slowly but firmly pumped my rod into her. I could feel her lips on my nape and upper chest as she peppered me with kisses. Her wall were moist and welcoming, and until the fiery passion of the previous night, I took my time and enjoyed the simple pleasure of a woman holding me close and intimately.

Calliope's eventually orgasm was heralded by her breath hot on my neck as she gasped her way to a climax, moaning luxuriously. I wasn't ready yet, but I quickened my pace once she was done, and after I had spilled all my semen inside her I opened my eyes to find her studying me carefully.

“By all the gods, Theodore,” she swore softly, “I've never loved anything as much as I love you.”

I responded by kissing her, exploring her mouth with my tongue. Did I love her? I guess part of me did. I was certainly in lust with her, if nothing else.

Our kiss was interrupted by a soft knocking at the door. Calliope sighed dejectedly, and I shook my head. But we knew that we didn't have a lot of time to begin with, and got dressed without complaint.

Outside was not only Bekker, but Voss and Enna, too. Bekker's face was schooled and dignified, but Voss and Enna gave me knowing, dirty little smiles.

“Sir, I've retrieved the things you asked for,” Bekker said simply, “And Enna and Voss have finished their errands.”

“Great, thank you,” I said, holding open the door, “Come in, we've got a lot of counting to do.”

\-------------------------------------------

Character Name: Theodore Esche  
Race: Human   
Class: Transmuter  
Level (XP): 2 (3146/5000)  
Hit Points: 4/5

Ability Scores  
Strength 11  
Dexterity 17  
Constitution 8  
Intelligence 17  
Wisdom 13  
Charisma 14

Weapon Proficiencies: Darts

Nonweapon Proficiencies: Direction Sense, Etiquette, Reading/Writing, Swimming

Spells Per Day:  
1st Level- 2

Spellbook:  
(1st Level): Armor, Burning Hands, Detect Undead, Enlarge, Featherfall, Magic Missile, Mending, Read Magic, Sleep, Tenser's Floating Disc

Spells Prepared:  
(1st Level): Burning Hands, Reduce, Sleep

Equipment: Backpack, Bag of Fine Sand, Belt, Belt Pouch (Large, 3), Belt Pouch (Small, 4), Boots, Darts (3), Hand Mirror, Hat, Hooded Lantern, Oil of Acid Resistance, Pearl (worth 100gp), Robes (3), Signet Ring, Small Tent

Money: 171 gp, 2 sp, 39 cp

Languages: Common, Elven, Dwarven, Orc, Goblin, Draconic, 1 additional.

Companions: Katriana (Level 2 Fighter, fiancee), Ashryn (Level 2 Cleric, fiancee), Calliope (Level 1 Invoker, fiancee), Voss (Level 2 Fighter), Smokey Enna (Level 4 Fighter/Level 4 Thief)

Sexual Partners: 3


	36. Isekai Life & Well-Laid Plans

On top of the things that I asked Bekker to pick up, it turns out he had reminded Voss and Enna of my wish for a strongbox and padlock. They had found a hardwood, rectangular chest banded with iron and longer than a child was tall. Enna promised that she picked out a padlock which would prove challenging to open without the key, which was great, although it only had to hold out for another level or so until I got my hands on Wizard Lock.

The first thing I did was place the greatsword inside, and there was just enough room for it to fit diagonally. The other magical blades could sit lengthwise. So, we packed up the weapons, and then I took out the stash of potions. At some point, Katriana had returned the lavender potion, probably at the same time she dropped off the broadsword. I guess, for now, her point was clear- no point carrying these things around if she had no use for them. 

“Alright, the first person to demonstrate some level of mastery with these weapons gets to keep them,” I said, indicating the pile of magical-but-so-far-useless swords, “But those arrows belong to Katriana, she's pretty handy with a shortbow.”

“Well, that's fair,” Voss said, “Turns out this one is a real quick study, and already mastered that crowbill.”

Enna smiled. “It ain't a crow anything, it's a dwarven war pick,” then she shrugged, “I guess it's my dwarven heritage showing. Trounced this guy thrice in a row in practice this mornin', when we were still waitin' for the pile of comely maidens to finish warmin' up your bed.

Well, that worked for me. “Now the fun part,” I said, picking up the two as yet unsampled potions, “Any volunteers?”

It turns out, no, people don't generally line up to sample unidentified liquids. So I took it one myself. The minty green liquid was some kind of healing potion- at least, it eased the ache in my so-recently-used penis. Which was good to know. The next potion was the rainbow-hued draught that I had gotten out of Lord Gauthi's liquor cabinet. I already suspected what it was, and the way everyone giggled at me when I drank it- even Bekker smiled and glanced away- confirmed it. It was a Potion of Rainbow Hues, which would temporarily render your skin a selected colour after quaffing a portion- apparently after my brief sample I flashed purple as a blueberry for a second. While it sounds like a neat party trick and little else, you never know when you might need your entire party to pass as half-orcs, and I retained my 21st-century understanding of camouflage. 

The potions were packed into their own little bag and tucked away in the side of the chest. We would need dividers of some kind, in time, I noted.

Finally, it came time to tally up the coin. Voss and Enna were given the gold coins to split between them, I had the big bag of platinum, and Bekker had all the miscellaneous other coins to tabulate before moving on to help Voss and Enna. Calliope was there to sum everything up in the ledger. 

As it turned out, we had a huge amount of money between us. Two-hundred and ninety-nine platinum coins, four electrum, fifteen silver, fifty copper, and a whopping five thousand, five hundred and thirty-seven gold.

Having noticed that hungry looks on Voss and Enna's faces, plus the fact that they also noted Calliope's new jewellery, I then counted out three hundred gold for them and Calliope, and another fifty for Bekker. “Here are your wages for the next month,” I said, “Including danger pay.” When Voss looked disappointed, I added, “Remember, I'm paying for all your necessities from here on out, so you just have to worry about fun money and saving up for your own estate and things.”

That seemed to mollify him.

“So, if we're done fussing over gold and such,” Calliope went on, “I wasn't just pleasure reading all morning. I went through that guy's ledgers and journal. I think his cult was- or is- planning something big, and I really don't think we wiped them out when he killed all his guards and such.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Well, okay,” she look a deep breath, “On top of the big pots, he order pitch- gallons of it- lumber, tinder, and paper, too. Way more than he'd need to burning a few human sacrifices, too. His journal repeated mentions some kind of big sacrificial ritual, and that he was only waiting on word from a 'mistress' before he set everything in motion.”

That gave me chills. I thought we had taken care of everything- after all, Lord Gauthi was well guarded. I knew there was the rest of the cult somewhere but he struck me as the leadership guy. Now, with what Calliope was saying, he sounded like he was the resources guy- doing all the purchasing and logistical arrangements for someone else.

“Hey, Voss,” I asked, “What day is the joust supposed to end?”

“Uh... tomorrow,” he replied, “It always wraps up the day before the All-Father's holy day, so the award ceremony happens on the holy day itself. You think they could be planning something at the joust?”

I nodded. “Think about it. The arena is going to be packed, there's plenty of room for all this flammable material under the seats, and this 'mistress' he was waiting for is probably coming from out of town with all the crowds. They're going to sacrifice the arena crowd in this 'Purification' that was mentioned in the cyphered note. The mistress is going to preside over things, so the plan is probably already in motion.”

Calliope frowned. “Great, and we've just committed a break-and-enter, robbed the place blind, and even if we get off the hook for all that by bringing this cult to justice, nobody is going to be light on poor Enna getting involved in all this.”

“Well, if'n it means we can put away these folks-” Enna began, before I interrupted.

“As your liege, I cannot allow that to happen,” I said, “I'm not going to sell you out now just because it makes things easier. No, we need to come up with a plan here.”

I think I had everything figured out. I knew what pieces I had and didn't have, and I could guess at what our enemy had on their side. I took a deep breath and started yo explain my conclusions and plan.

Eventually, Katriana and Ashryn joined us, resplendent looking in their new suits of platemail. I didn't mind having to start from the top, though, as everyone seemed to have an idea and we incorporated them into our plans as we went, so it helped having a break to refresh everyone on our main goals and objectives. Ashryn had a little trouble swallowing our conclusions, but once everything was broken down, she seemed to understand, though her bubbly optimism had wilted somewhat.

Bekker at some point excused himself to make arrangements for dinner, and I realized with a shock just how hungry I was. I guess I was so into reorganizing everything and discussing this plan that I had skipped lunch. Still, that gave us something of a deadline, to stop discussing the what-ifs and small inconsistencies and just commit to something.

Of course, our first objective was gaining access to the arena, and I knew just who to ask about that.

Ashryn, Katriana, Voss and I headed downstairs to the common room, and, not spotting them immediately, I went to rap on the door to the private dining room Mariska, Ricard and Gogol used.

Ricard's servant was the one to answer the door. “Can I help you, sir?”

“Yes, can we borrow Ricard's attention for a short while?” I asked, “We've reached some disturbing conclusions about the joust tomorrow and we could use his help.”

The servant closed the door and conferred with the people within, then allowed us in. With use standing in the little space available, it was quite crowded, but Ricard greeted us warmly.

“My young friends, I am glad to see you're in good health!” he said, giving me a pat on the shoulder and shaking Katriana's hand, “You're in need of help, I'm told?”

“Yes, sir,” I said, “We've come to the conclusion that there's a cult operating in this city, and tomorrow they intend to use the finals of the joust to stage a mass sacrifice by burning the arena down.”

Ricard and Mariska looked stunned and shared a glance. Gogol didn't seem to care, as usual. “You're sure of this?” Mariska asked, “You've gathered evidence, confirmed your suspicions?”

“Let's call it a theory based on the evidence available,” I said, handing the ledgers and journal we look from Lord Gauthi over. “Unfortunately, we can't go to the authorities about this, as we did technically break the law when we reclaimed these....”

I launched into my explanation of why we stormed Lord Gauthi's manor, and about how the hobgoblins had come after us. I kept it short and snappy, leaving out mentions of Enna or Calliope. Extraneous details would only bog things down.

“So, what is it that you're asking?” Mariska inquired, flipping through one of the books idly.

“Sir Ricard, would it possible to bring us four with you as you compete tomorrow, so that we can have access to the interior parts of the arena and keep an eye out for evildoers?”

Ricard had a chuckle at that. “Thank you, but no, I was eliminated a few days ago. No finals for me... but the Abbess here is delivering the blessings to open the tourney that day, aren't you?”

Mariska smiled. “Oh, yes, an excellent idea. I will take you, Gogol and Theodore and his party as an honour guard of sorts. Then you can keep an eye out for cultists while I conduct the ceremony.”

I smiled back. “That would be perfect. Thank you, Abbess!”

Everything was coming together nicely.

After that, we went to our own private dining room, where Enna and Calliope were waiting for us.

Calliope looked hopeful. “Did she fall for it?”

“Hook and line,” Voss said with a chortle, “You were right, Theodore. She would have some excuse for being on the arena floor.”

I nodded, but still put a quieting finger on my mouth. I looked to Bekker. “Please, could you go outside and make sure that nobody is listening?”

He nodded, and slipped outside.

“Okay, so here's the plan,” I began, “Mariska is obviously the mistress of this cult, and will probably be conducting some kind of ritual for which she needs the sacrifice.”

“But how do you know for sure that she's the mistress?” Ashryn asked, obviously uncomfortable.

“It all fits,” I said, “Her and her party camped outside the ruins where we found the cipher. She's a cleric so she is capable of raising the dead to protect it. She didn't know that we would find Ricard's ring in the ruins, so of course she wouldn't protest Ricard hiring us. And then, when she asked us to find and arrest Enna, it was to cover her tracks concerning the arson.”

“So, what's the arson about, then?” Enna asked glumly.

I shrugged. “At a guess? Someone wanted to raise one of their burnt offerings. If that had happened, the person raised would be able to contact the authorities. So, they took care of the problem the only way they knew how- with fire. The point is, she didn't know that we would actually like and talk with Enna. Hell, her ideal result would be that Enna resists arrest and we kill her. Fortunately that's not what happened. This is why Enna is one of our trump cards, now. As far as Mariska knows, the person who delivered her deadly package is still rotting in a cell somewhere.

“Anyway, so after that, we have our little day off where Voss and I run into Calliope. We confront the potter over his pottery, and that man runs off and gets the hobgoblins to confront us. We fight our way back to the Lazy Ox, meet up with Ashryn and Katriana again. Then, on our way out to escort Calliope to her work, I clearly recall her and her party sitting by the front window and saluting us. I'd be willing to bet she was signalling someone to prepare the ambush.

“The ambush fails, then storm Lord Gauthi's manor. Today was the first time that Mariska finds out about us attack Lord Gauthi, so she invites us to come with her tomorrow. Finish the job that the hobgoblins weren't able to do before the ritual. She thinks that we're a fly in the ointment, too close to the truth, and pretends to deal with us when we're in range tomorrow. What she doesn't realize is that we know it's her, and we're expecting her to betray us. We intercept the firestarters before they can get in place, we interrupt the ritual, and we see that Mariska comes to justice.”

“You realize there are holes you can drive a wagon through in that explanation of your, right?” Calliope asked bitterly, “For example, why did she send Ashryn with you?”

“She knew that we'd have a better chance if we had an extra pair of hands and a skilled healer,” I explained, “And Ashryn isn't part of the cult, so to Mariska she would be expendable. That's also how I know she's not going to betray us.”

Ashryn brightened at that, and Katriana gave her a smile and a pat on the arm.

“So, here's the plan,” I explained, “We know that the cult is probably using the catacombs to get around- that's how the hobgoblins managed to catch us so quickly, and how they managed to set up their ambush with the apes. We also know that they're using the catacombs to hide the bodies of their dead, so Calliope and Enna are going to locate the arena from the catacombs, get inside, and set up an ambush there for the cultist firestarters. Calliope, you summon your fog, and Enna can take them out one by one with the cover.”

“Right, you can count on us!” Enna said decisively.

“The rest of us are with Mariska on the floor of the arena. I don't know how much we can trust Gogol and Ricard, so that's why it's important to be visible to the crowd and wait until she starts her ritual. Once she's obviously trying something, the arena guards and knights on the field should pitch in and help us out.”

“Assuming they're not cultists,” Calliope countered.

“Assuming that, yes,” I allowed, but then, “If we wait for all the answers and a perfect plan, we're going to be here a long time. What's important is that we stop the cult. Any questions?”

There were none. I nodded grimly. “Then, let's eat and get ready for tomorrow. Little wine and an early night for everyone. This will be our biggest challenge yet.”

\-------------------------------------------

Character Name: Theodore Esche  
Race: Human   
Class: Transmuter  
Level (XP): 2 (3146/5000)  
Hit Points: 4/5

Ability Scores  
Strength 11  
Dexterity 17  
Constitution 8  
Intelligence 17  
Wisdom 13  
Charisma 14

Weapon Proficiencies: Darts

Nonweapon Proficiencies: Direction Sense, Etiquette, Reading/Writing, Swimming

Spells Per Day:  
1st Level- 3

Spellbook:  
(1st Level): Armor, Burning Hands, Detect Undead, Enlarge, Featherfall, Magic Missile, Mending, Read Magic, Sleep, Tenser's Floating Disc

Spells Prepared:  
(1st Level): Burning Hands, Reduce, Sleep

Equipment: Backpack, Bag of Fine Sand, Belt, Belt Pouch (Large, 3), Belt Pouch (Small, 4), Boots, Darts (43), Hand Mirror, Hat, Hooded Lantern, Pearl (worth 100gp), Robes (3), Signet Ring, Small Tent

Money: 100 gp

Languages: Common, Elven, Dwarven, Orc, Goblin, Draconic, 1 additional.

Companions: Katriana (Level 2 Fighter, fiancee), Ashryn (Level 2 Cleric, fiancee), Calliope (Level 1 Invoker, fiancee), Voss (Level 2 Fighter), Smokey Enna (Level 4 Fighter/Level 4 Thief), Bekker (Butler)

Sexual Partners: 3

Storage Chest: Runed Greatsword, Alchemical Steel Broadsword, Alchemical Steel Bastard Sword, Magic Arrows (13), Oil of Acid Resistance, lavender potion, mint green potion, Potion of Rainbow Hues, 299 pp, 4187 gp, 4 ep, 15 sp, 50 cp


	37. Isekai Life & Climax Wait

Our meal was fairly solemn after that. We sent Bekker to get the usual, stew with fresh bread and butter, which he supplemented with an unasked-for plate of cheese, olives and pickles. The extra food was welcome- I've always had an extra stomach for olives, a trait I shared with previous!Theodore- and everyone was able to eat their fill. 

When we were getting up to head off to bed, Bekker lingered, and as I was about to leave, tugged my sleeve.

“Your grace, may I trouble you a moment?”

“Of course,” I said as I turned to regard him.

He offered me a bow. “Thank you, your grace. By your leave, I'd like to attend Lady Calliope and Lady Enna tomorrow. I know my way around a shortsword, your grace, and they could use an extra pair of eyes.”

I regarded Bekker carefully. He mentioned adventuring with Lord Gauthi, could he have actual class levels? Still... I shook my head. “No, Bekker. If everything goes poorly tomorrow, you have the most important job of all.”

“As you wish, your grace,” he said, accepting immediately, but with a hint of disappointment in his eyes, “What would you ask of me?”

I nodded towards the door. “If everything goes completely haywire, you must have Katriana raised, if possible, and see that Ashryn's remains are returned to her order in case they're willing to raise her on their own volition. Following that, prioritize Voss, Calliope and Enna before me. I've always been sickly and weak, and there's no guarantee that I'll be able to raise successfully, so don't rush to help me. I can wait while the party gets back on it's feet.”

Bekker looked down for a moment, then met my eyes again. “I understand. Of course, your grace, you can count on me.”

I clapped him on the shoulder, and lead the way out.

I bid him goodnight on the second floor landing, and he headed up to the room he shared with Voss and Enna on the third. He might have been on the old side, but the stairs certainly didn't slow him down. He must have been pretty hale before the old age penalties started piling up. He had to be, what, -3 strength, -1 dex, -2 con for being sixty-one?

Either way, I headed back to the room I shared with my fiancees... seems like an odd thing to say, but there it was. Calliope was setting up a blanket and pillow on the couch while explaining her decision to Katriana.

“No, it's fine, I was intimate with him earlier today,” she said, not noticing my entrance, “You and Ashryn can get all cuddly. I was so sweaty with all the body heat between him and Ashryn I woke up soaked.”

“Sleeping arrangements, is it?” I asked, closing the door quietly behind me.

“Calliope and Katriana are actually fighting over who doesn't want to sleep with you,” Ashryn said with a giggle, “Clearly you should be spending more of your time with me.”

“I just wanted to make sure our wizards get the best sleep possible,” replied Katriana with an annoyed tone, “But, if she wants to wake up with a back ache, fine by me.”

Even though she was clearly joking, I still went to Ashryn and took her gently by the hand. “I'm sorry they sold your painting today.”

Ashryn giggled again. “Oh, don't worry about it! I told them to take it. Can you imagine carting a huge painting like that through all our adventures? No, I think it's much better that we have the coin. You can buy me all kinds of pretty paintings when you have a castle to put them in.”

My hand froze, just as it was drawing out her gift. I guess it could wait, and Calliope could enjoy being the only one with a gift a little while longer.

“I guess there's no point in playing around, then?” Ashryn asked, tentatively.

“Not tonight,” I said, secretly hating myself a little for it. But, my cock was aching already after the little bit I did with Calliope earlier, so maybe a break to prevent chafing was in order. “When this is all over, we'll have another night of fun all together, if you want.”

Ashryn nodded and smiled. And with that, we got ready for bed and hit the sack without much further ado.

It was a peaceful night all things considered, not that any of us got a lot of sleep. There were so many unknown factors, so many things we didn't know about the day ahead. Katriana, Ashryn and I tossed and turned a lot, and I doubt Calliope got a super restful sleep on the couch.

It was almost a relief when dawn came. Bekker knocked on our door, and woke us. Calliope spent some time studying her spellbook by lantern light- turns out she had cast Detect Magic yesterday morning to confirm that none of things Voss and Enna had sold were magical- and soon Enna arrived with a meal of dried fruit and jerky for the two of them. It was the first time I've seen Enna in her armour, a suit of simple studded leathers. She carried no shield, but had the crowbill and her shortsword on her belt. I hoped her THAC0 was decent enough to make up for the dual-wielding penalties....

I shook Enna's hand and gave Calliope a kiss on the cheek (which made her blush) before they left. “Good luck, you two,” I said, “Be safe, and if you have to choose between life and success, I'd rather you be alive.”

“No kiss for me?” Enna mocked gently, “And tis' nice of you to put our lives before the hundreds of people we would save, but I'm gonna aim for alive and victorious if it's all the same to you.”

Calliope squeezed my hand. “You be careful, too,” she said, before heading out.

“Ah, wait one moment,” I said as I unlocked the big chest and fished around for the bag of potions. I handed the lavender one to Calliope, and the mint green one to Katriana. “I don't know exactly what these do, except they both have to do with healing. Keep them in case of an emergency.”

Calliope nodded, bit her lip, then threw her arms around me one last time before she and Enna went out the door.

Then it was just the four of us. I had three people to help bolt on platemail for (Ashryn complained that her old armour was prettier, which I couldn't help but agree with). But once that was done and everyone had selected their weaponry, we were ready. Voss had plate, shield, spear and longsword, Ashryn had plate, shield and mace, Katriana had plate, shield, longsword and shortbow, with the magical arrows hanging in a quiver on her belt where her mace would customarily sit.

I had my darts, twenty-one of them, secreted about my person, and my spells. Ashryn had her spells, also, mostly healing with a dash of the good old Protection from Evil.

Soon enough, we marched out to meet with Mariska, Ricard and Gogol downstairs.

We sat with them, breaking our fast on oatmeal and bread. It was odd, sitting down to eat with people (or , at least, a person) you'd be fighting later that day. Ricard seemed in good cheer, Mariska had her usual humouring look on her face, and Gogol greeted us only with a grunt. I evaluated their arms and armour carefully- Gogol had a number of axes on him, both of the battle and the throwing variety, while Ricard had a longsword and shield. Both wore field plate, one step better than our merely platemail, but Mariska wore only her holy regalia and headdress. Maybe she had some elven chainmail underneath, but otherwise she was not all that protected.

“Well, now, let's see if your theory is correct, Theodore,” Mariska said, with that expression and tone that now seemed mocking instead of peaceful.

I nodded, and we departed.

There wasn't a lot of talk. I really hoped we weren't tipping off our intentions with our silence, but at the same time, I was nervous about saying something that would give the plan away. I'm sure my companions would say the same.

The staff entrance to the arena was a small, unmarked door on one side. An anxious looking porter let us in, and we went through a tunnel of sorts, underneath the bleachers, to a sitting room attached to the stable where many of the finalists' horses were kept. I'd guessed there was a similar stable on the other side, so that opponents facing one another wouldn't have to sit together.

For an hour we sat in awkward silence. Knights in variously coloured armour with different heraldry came and sat with us. Voss managed to break the tension by greeting some of the ones he recognized from our day in the stands, and spent a little time talking shop. That finally got people in our party to relax. Ricard started entertaining Katriana and Ashryn with the story of how his tournament experience went, and I was able to drift off and nap in my seat.

Katriana shook me awake when it was time to go. “Come, little brother, it's time.”

I took her hand, looked her in the eyes. “I love you, sister. Be safe.”

She smiled, bravely, even though her eyes watered. “You, too, Theodore.”

I stood, and Ashryn briefly put her arms around me. “I love you, too,” she whispered in my ear, “We can do this.”

I could only mutely nod, hugging her close.

Last was Voss. He clasped Katriana's hand, then mine. “It's been an honour. I'm hoping for the best, but in case of the worst....”

“Yeah, I get it,” I said, nodding, “Let's do this thing, then tell each other how silly we were being, getting so emotional over it while we sip wine and eat great food.”

Voss chuckled. “Sounds like a plan, friend.”

We headed out on the heels of Mariska, Gogol and Ricard, the latter looking wary, but the other two seemingly uncaring about the possible dangers ahead.

The arena was sandy, and the list was already in place, with the judge's stand cleared of seats so that Mariska could deliver the blessing. Opposite the judge's stand was the VIP box, where the lord of the city sat with his family and functionaries. All around the rim of the arena were the various boxes for noble lords and ladies, religious leaders, merchants and the like, and then beyond that on all sides were the stands for hundreds of cheering onlookers.

Mariska went to the judge's stand, while we hung back and lingered in the tunnel. Gogol and Ricard were at the mouth, with Katriana, Ashryn, Voss and I further back. I tried not to think of all the flammable material packed under the stands and boxes above us, and fretted about how Calliope and Enna were doing. I was surprised when a knight, all in full plate with a purple shield bearing a silver fox as his sigil, leading a horse and his weapon-laden squires came up behind us. Of course, I reminded myself, they'd be getting ready for the joust to take place immediately after.

Mariska gestured for silence, and the crowd piped down. Nobody wanted to upset the gods by talking over the blessing.

“Too often we forget,” Mariska began, intoning in a voice as clear as a bell, “Where our forefathers come from, what hands built the homes we now live in. Listen now, children, and I will tell you a great secret about how the city of Tresens came to be, and the bloody work of the forefathers of the man you now called Lord Paramount.”

There was a brief and excited stirring in the audience. My hands went to the darts secreted in my sleeve, and immediately in front of me I could see Katriana loosen her sword in her scabbard.

“This city was built, hundreds of years ago, by refugees, people fleeing religious persecution at the hands of those who refused to understand their ways,” the elven cleric continued, “It was they who built the clifftop tombs that surround this place, they who first opened the mines for precious gems, and raised temples to their God that now have been taken as palaces and fortifications! And it was their prosecutors who came over the mountains, with sword and zealotry and blood, and purged these people for their beliefs and their way of life. But some few managed to escape, and keep the flame of their faith alive.

“But now, we are back, your lordship,” she said, her eyes dropping to the lord's box, “Our god is a mighty one, and he hungers for ashes and blood. Come, Malgarath the Destroyer!”

She gestured, and a column of flames, so hellishly hot that the wave of heat hit us over a hundred yards away, appeared in the lord's box, centered right on the lord paramount's seat.

And then the world became chaos.

\-------------------------------------------

Character Name: Theodore Esche  
Race: Human  
Class: Transmuter  
Level (XP): 2 (3146/5000)  
Hit Points: 4/5

Ability Scores  
Strength 11  
Dexterity 17  
Constitution 8  
Intelligence 17  
Wisdom 13  
Charisma 14

Weapon Proficiencies: Darts  
Nonweapon Proficiencies: Direction Sense, Etiquette, Reading/Writing, Swimming

Spells Per Day:  
1st Level- 2

Spellbook:  
(1st Level): Armor, Burning Hands, Detect Undead, Enlarge, Featherfall, Magic Missile, Mending, Read Magic, Sleep, Tenser's Floating Disc

Spells Prepared:  
(1st Level): Burning Hands, Reduce, Sleep

Equipment: Backpack, Bag of Fine Sand, Belt, Belt Pouch (Large, 3), Belt Pouch (Small, 4), Boots, Darts (43), Hand Mirror, Hat, Hooded Lantern, Pearl (worth 100gp), Robes (3), Signet Ring, Small Tent

Money: 100 gp

Languages: Common, Elven, Dwarven, Orc, Goblin, Draconic, 1 additional.

Companions: Katriana (Level 2 Fighter, fiancee), Ashryn (Level 2 Cleric, fiancee), Calliope (Level 1 Invoker, fiancee), Voss (Level 2 Fighter), Smokey Enna (Level 4 Fighter/Level 4 Thief), Bekker (Butler)

Sexual Partners: 3

Storage Chest: Runed Greatsword, Alchemical Steel Broadsword, Alchemical Steel Bastard Sword, Magic Arrows (13), Oil of Acid Resistance, lavender potion, mint green potion, Potion of Rainbow Hues, 299 pp, 4187 gp, 4 ep, 15 sp, 50 cp


	38. Isekai Life & Fiery Death

The arena was filled with screams and shouts as the crowd panicked, trying to escape the flames. The fire spread quickly from the VIPs' stand, catching the hidden fuel under the stands, but fortunately the Flamestrike seemed to be the only source of fire.

Flamestrike... a fifth level Priest spell, often referred to as the “Cleric's fireball”. Deals 6d8 damage in a 10'x30' upright cylinder, save for half. Even if I successfully saved, I'd have to be extraordinarily lucky to survive outright. Hell, it was probably a death sentence for my entire party. So, Mariska's level had to be at least 9 in order to cast that... and elven clerics had a maximum possible level of 12. Good to know.

Ahead of me, Gogol drew a pair of battleaxes, turn and sank them into Ricard Parett's gut, almost to the handle. The human warrior coughed blood, looked at his (former) party member and asked, “Why...?”

“You always were a fool, Ricard,” Gogol replied in a gruff voice, “Mariska's cult might be weird, but they sure pay- aaaargh!”

Katriana was ready for the dwarf's perfidy, and thrust her longsword hard into the dwarf's side, between the plates of his armour, and the tip was red when she drew it out. Voss also struck, his spear uselessly caroming off Gogol's helmet, while Ashryn darted forward and prayed a healing spell over Ricard.

I didn't have the space to hit Gogol without risking hitting my own party, and I didn't have the range to hit Mariska, so instead I rounded on the silver fox knight and his two squires.

“That elf,” I said, pointing at the judge's stand, “Just assassinated the lord paramount and is trying to sacrifice the crowd to the God of Destruction.” I lowered my hand, “That dwarf is working for her.”

The knight gave me an a considering look, then nodded. “Say no more, friend,” he said, and that's when I noticed- his plate mail was inlaid with runes of copper, and when he turned to his squires, he ordered, “Give me Foxfang.” One of the boys reverently held out a bejewelled hilt sheathed in scaly leather, and the knight drew a longsword that was the faintly tinted red of dragonsteel, inlaid with runes of silver.

Probably the greatest Charisma check of my life, to be honest.

I turned, encanting magic as I went, and gestured at Gogol, reducing the dwarf by about half a foot. Ricard and the fox knight I could take or leave, but if he goes for Katriana or Ashryn, they would need the 20% reduction in his damage. Oh, Voss, too, I suppose, but I was a little more concerned about the mechanics of raising a pregnant woman.

Shockingly, I could see over the melee that the lord paramount was somehow still alive, and struggling forward out of the flames. His skin was black and sloughing off, and I wasn't even convinced he could see. He stumbled into the the still burning railing, when Mariska gestured and a band of light shot from her hands and bound him in place. Hold Person, I guess, keeping him in the fire where she wanted him.

Meanwhile, Ricard roared wordlessly, drew steel and slashed Gogol savagely in the face. Katriana and Voss maneuvered, keeping the dwarf hemmed in with their blades, and circled around to get more room.  
The dwarf still only had eyes for his old friend, which was smart- my allies certainly weren't of a high enough level to seriously threaten him- and hacking viciously at Ricard, blood flying. Yet the older adventurer still didn't back down.

The fox knight brushed past me, sword flashing red in his hand, and he cleaved straight through Gogol's pauldron and bit deep into the dwarf's shoulder. Meanwhile, Ashryn hung back, in a protective stance beside me, biding her time.

I was stuck in this tunnel, with the angry-yet-shrunken mohawked dwarf berserker fighting my allies. I couldn't get anywhere as long as he was in the way- not without risking getting in my allies' way and maybe getting an axe in the teeth for my trouble.

With a great effort, Ricard managed to lash out one last time, striking true and raising a spray of blood. Gogol roared in defiance, and sank one of his axes deep into his former ally's skull. Next, he rounded on the fox knight, slashing out with a backhanded, almost casual blow that caught the knight in the gut.

He wasn't done, though, and the dragonsteel sword bit true once again. Then, surprisingly, one of the squires leapt forward, shouting, and took Ricard's place in the melee, his shortsword slipping between the dwarf's armour plates.

Meanwhile, there was another blossom of flame from the arena. The opponent knight, with a shield of midnight blue faced with a grey hammer, charged from the opposite tunnel, and struck Mariska with a glancing blow from his lance. Mariska, having been dashed to the ground by the force of the blow, stood, dusted sand off her hands, and gestured, Flamestriking the brave knight. The horse and knight alike screamed, and blindly charged into the side of the arena, both mount and rider sinking to the ground to die.

So, correction, Mariska was at least level ten.

Gogol lifted both of his axes, slamming them downwards into the fox knight, hacking open his chest in a spray of gore. The two-handed, powerful blow was enough of a distraction, however, for Katriana to come from behind and run the dwarf through with her blade.

Voss barked a laugh and turned to face Mariska, but I yelled, “Wait! We don't know how many more of those fire attacks she has!”

Grimacing, he stopped, and even backed further into the shelter of the tunnel. Though, I noted grimly, it wouldn't be a shelter for long with the way the fire was spreading through the stands. The crowds were stampeding on their way out, I could see, several of them leaping off the back just the get away from the consuming flames.

And yet, it was only spreading from the original Flamestrike. Either Mariska's plan was dumber than we originally assumed, or Calliope and Enna were successful in their ambush. 

The fox knight's squires, meanwhile, had retrieved Foxfang and were in the middle of dragging the poor, dying knight back into the tunnel. Hopefully the fire wouldn't spread so far that the knight ended up cremated, after all that. I kind of liked the guy.

And at least he had a cool sword.

Guards began streaming into the arena from the tunnel where the hammer knight had ridden forth from, just basic city guardsmen armed with spears. Mariska wasn't having any of that, however, and gestured with a laugh, Flamestriking them and setting the stands on fire around the tunnel entrance. So much for reinforcements, I thought grimly, but also noted that Mariska was on her third Flamestrike. Level eleven, then. And she was allowed to use a 6th-level spell slot for a 5th level spell, I noted. 

We waited, cowering in the tunnel, while Mariska turned to where the lord paramount was twitching and burning in the VIP box, and almost offhandedly she cast Flamestrike a fourth time, vapourizing him with a laugh. “I condemn your soul to Malgarath, heathen!” she cried, lifting her hands victoriously in the smoke-filled air.

Level twelve, maximum level for a elven cleric. “Alright, she's done,” I said, “Let's go!”

We charged out into the open, but it was my fatal error. I was so focused on Mariska's ability to annihilate us with fire, I didn't even consider that she had other tricks up her sleeve. 

She noticed us immediately, and gestured, catching Voss and Katriana, who was in the middle of unlimbering her shortbow on the run, with bands of force, holding them in place.

My eyes immediately went wide, and I pushed Ashryn away. “Scatter!” I cried, and Ashryn went stumbling way in the arena sand, but Mariska was able to catch her, too, with another Hold Person spell. 

My mind scrambled, reaching for anything I could hope to do to counter Mariska. Reduce was used up, and even if I hadn't used it it wouldn't do anything to stop her. Sleep was doubly useless- even if Mariska didn't have her elven immunity to the spell, she was of far too high a level for me to be able to affect her. Burning Hands didn't have the range to reach her... I settled on flinging three of my darts towards her, but it was an act of useless defiance. She was well out of range, and the darts fell to the floor well short of her position.

She cackled again and gestured, entrapping me in another Hold Person. I guess she memorized it so many times in order to stop fleeing stragglers. My momentum carried me forward and I fell in the sand not far from where the hammer knight's corpse quietly burned. My eyes lighted momentarily on where his longsword had landed, not far from the corpse, where an inch or so of blade glittered darkly in the firelight. Alchemical steel. Well, that was something.

Mariska closed the distance at a leisurely pace. At her level, the Hold Person spell would last for nearly half an hour, giving her plenty of time to gloat over us.

There had to be something I could, some way of getting us out of this situation.

“How does it feel, Theodore, to know that an adventurer is always just someone else's pawn?” she asked coyly, “I have to admit, your last-minute resistance was fairly admirable. A shame what happened to poor Gogol though, he was proving to be a very useful tool. Lord Malgarath isn't in the business of resurrection, more's the pity.”

Of course, the Hold Person spell prevented me from responding at all.

“Poor you,” she said to Voss as she turned to the rest of the party, “You had no idea how outclassed you would be, getting wrapped up in all this. At least you managed to last longer than your lord paramount. I feel bad, to be honest. I'll make sure your death is quick, don't you worry.”

That's when I noticed the ground shaking. I saw it before I felt it. Sand began flowing like water, falling from the many small dunes that formed the floor of the arena, occasionally jumping like water on a hot griddle. 

“Sorry, Ashryn,” Mariska continued, “But the Ysiphine are just as pointless as all the rest of the gods. None of them will provide you with true power. You're doomed to always play a supporting figure to wizards and knights who get all the accolades and attention. Well, if you were to live longer, that is. Thanks for helping them take care of that messy business with the thief girl, by the way. I had Gogol use a potion to disguise his appearance, but one can never be too careful, when resurrecting dark gods.”

“And you,” Mariska said as she turned to Katriana, “I hate people like you most of all. Another simpering fool of a warrior, just like that pitiful Ricard. Well, some good your steel and your chivalry has done you now, hmm? I look forward to feeding you to the Firelord, idiot girl.”

The rumbling deep with in the earth finally reached a crescendo. Above the city, I could barely see through the haze of smoke on the periphery of my vision, one of the peaks exploded with a bang, showering molten rock into the air and sending up a great plume of ash. A bright, winged shape rose into the air, becoming larger as it headed towards Tresens. 

I became dimly aware of Mariska cackling madly over the rumbling.

“Behold and despair, for you look upon Magarath the Firelord, God of Destruction!”

\-------------------------------------------

Character Name: Theodore Esche  
Race: Human   
Class: Transmuter  
Level (XP): 2 (3458/5000)  
Hit Points: 4/5

Ability Scores  
Strength 11  
Dexterity 17  
Constitution 8  
Intelligence 17  
Wisdom 13  
Charisma 14

Weapon Proficiencies: Darts  
Nonweapon Proficiencies: Direction Sense, Etiquette, Reading/Writing, Swimming

Spells Per Day:  
1st Level- 3

Spellbook:  
(1st Level): Armor, Burning Hands, Detect Undead, Enlarge, Featherfall, Magic Missile, Mending, Read Magic, Sleep, Tenser's Floating Disc

Spells Prepared:  
(1st Level): Burning Hands, Reduce, Sleep

Equipment: Backpack, Bag of Fine Sand, Belt, Belt Pouch (Large, 3), Belt Pouch (Small, 4), Boots, Darts (42), Hand Mirror, Hat, Hooded Lantern, Pearl (worth 100gp), Robes (3), Signet Ring, Small Tent

Money: 100 gp

Languages: Common, Elven, Dwarven, Orc, Goblin, Draconic, 1 additional.

Companions: Katriana (Level 2 Fighter, fiancee), Ashryn (Level 2 Cleric, fiancee), Calliope (Level 1 Invoker, fiancee), Voss (Level 2 Fighter), Smokey Enna (Level 4 Fighter/Level 4 Thief), Bekker (Butler)

Sexual Partners: 3

Storage Chest: Runed Greatsword, Alchemical Steel Broadsword, Alchemical Steel Bastard Sword, Magic Arrows (13), Oil of Acid Resistance, mint green potion, Potion of Rainbow Hues, 299 pp, 4187 gp, 4 ep, 15 sp, 50 cp


	39. Isekai Life & Divine Intervention

So, to recap, while I reflect on how massively fucked I was.

Katriana, Ashryn, Voss and I were lying on the floor of the arena, bound by Hold Person spells (or whatever stupid name that spell had in this universe). We were all still alive, but for how much longer was anyone's guess.

The only other person still alive in the arena was Mariska, who had taken a hard right into mad religious nutcase territory and never looked back, cackling and capering with joy now that she had managed to unseal Malgarath the Firelord from the mountain he was imprisoned under for centuries or even millennia. I was a little hasty on the specifics there.

Enna and Calliope were... somewhere. Probably dead, if they hadn't shown up yet. They managed to keep the entire arena from burning all at once, for whatever good that did us. If they were lucky, they were fleeing.

All the allies we had hoped would pitch in- the arena guards, the competing knights, Ricard- were dead around us, having been burned or hacked to pieces by Gogol, Mariska's mercenary companion who was more than happy to murder people on her behalf. Some party they turned out to be. At least Gogol was dead, too, having fallen victim to Ricard, Katriana and one of the dead knights.

Hell, casting a wider net, the only other three people who even liked me in this city were a guard captain who was way over by the docks, a jeweller, and a sullen innkeeper.

So yeah, we were fucked. Except maybe Enna and Calliope, if they survived.

Corgiel, I'd like to have a word with you, please!

Malgarath himself lighted, if something so large could even be said to “light” somewhere, on the unburnt part of the arena. He (it?) appeared to be a red dragon sculpted from flame, massive enough that the wood groaned, but all the same he appeared... wan and indistinct, somehow. Most of his body was a suggestion, a distortion in the air, while the rest was made up mostly of pale orange flame. His core was bright red, but even that was faded compared to what you'd expect from a literal god of destruction.

But, still... did we manage to have an impact, somehow? In spite of everything? And, he chose the unburned section of arena to sit on....

However, it seemed there was nothing to do so long as we remained bound. We were completely powerless, without a prayer to hope for survival.

MARISKA, his voice boomed inside our heads. It was something felt rather than heard, a psychic blast rather than a physical voice. YOU FOOL, he continued, SOMEONE WHO STILL CARRIES THE BLOOD OF THE DRAGONSLAYER YET LIVES.

The blood of the who now!? Did he mean the lord paramount's family?

“That's impossible, great Firelord!” Mariska pleaded, kneeled before the dragon, “The lord's family was all in their box! I burned them all myself!”

SILENCE YOU WORM! That time the voice boomed loud enough to make me wince. YOU SLAUGHTERED ENOUGH TO WEAKEN THE SEAL SO I COULD ESCAPE, AND THAT IS WORTHY OF SOME COMMENDATION. BUT THE BLOODLINE OF THE DRAGONSLAYER STILL LIVES, AND YOU FAILED TO OFFER ENOUGH SOULS FOR ME TO ATTAIN MY FORMER POWER!

“Forgive me, my lord!” Mariska gestured back towards us, “Your servants have failed you, but I have brought those ultimately responsible to be the first sacrifices to your true greatness! You can sup on their souls and grow stronger!”

Wait.

Wait.

Perhaps... I did have a prayer, after all?

Oh Malgarath, the Firelord, God of Destruction whose true name I am unworthy of knowing, hear my prayer!

Though your so-called servant, Mariska, appears to be merely incompetent, hear me! She intends to betray you, and use your weakness and the existence of the Dragonslayer's line to maintain her control of you!

We were the adventurers her unknowing friend, Ricard Parett, hired to retrieve his ring from the same ruin she and your other servant, Lord Gauthi, were using as a dead drop for coded messages. She did so with the intention that we would intercept the messages, decode them, and use that information to stop your cult's plans.

She also sent us Ashryn Milaneth, servant of the Ysiphene, to help protect us and heal our wounds. We would have died many times over in our quest were it not for her blessings.

Mariska also sent us to find Enna of Shafttown, who Mariska had hired earlier, and who just so happened to have exactly the knowledge we needed to invade Lord Gauthi's manor later, slaughtering more of your servants and discovering the plans for the Purification ceremony, as well as the means to how your servants travelled about the city. Using this knowledge we could intercept them and disrupt the ceremony, denying you souls.

When our lives were in her hands, Mariska choose to dispatch her servants in small groups to ambush us, allowing us to overcome your mortal pawns piecemeal whereas one large ambush would have destroyed us utterly.

She knew where we slept, could have easily spied upon us or assassinated us and yet she did nothing, as we unravelled your plans just enough that you appear on this plane in a weakened state, with your great enemy still alive to threaten you.

She also allowed us here, with her, to be perfectly positioned to affect your ritual. She even brought along her much more skilled and experienced friend, Ricard, to join us when she had every excuse to deny us?

Did she not summon you to this place, the very arena where the Dragonslayers honour the gods by training knights to fight?

I ask of you, great Firelord, Mariska may have offered you her soul, but how do you know she does not secretly serve the Ysiphine in her heart? 

How does this string of failures affect her?

Is this truly incompetence and foolishness, or is it a carefully measured grab for power?

Give me but a moment to prove my worth, and I will take her place as your high priest. I will deliver to you the Dragonslayer without fail, and many souls more beside. Only give me the chance.

This I ask of you, o great Firelord! No, this I beg!

The head of the great dragon swung towards me and examined me carefully as I prayed. Mariska was still pleading, professing her love and devotion to the Firelord even as she detailed her plans for making up for her failures. I hoped it had some kind of empathy or telepathy to sense how desperate I was that he believed me. 

This was my only chance.

Suddenly, as I finished the prayer, the head swung back towards Mariska.

WHAT TREACHERY IS THIS, MARISKA!? He (psychically) roared, DO YOU THINK ME SO FOOLISH THAT I WOULD ALLOW THIS PERFIDY!?

“Wh-what treachery, o great Firelord?” she said ins a panic, lowering her head to the ground, “I have done nothing but be your loyal servant!”

WORM! MEANINGLESS MORTAL! I WILL DINE ON YOUR SOUL FIRST!

Gouts of flame jetted forth from Malgarath's mouth... or at least where the mouth would be on a normal dragon. Mariska screamed as the flame consumed her, that scream dying off as her lungs ruptured.

No, I take it back- this was the greatest Charisma check of my life.

With a wave of one fiery hand, Malgarath dismissed the spell placed on us, freeing us from the Hold Person.

I rose, unsteadily to my feet, while my companions looked around, confused.

STEP FORWARD, THEODORE OF ESCHE. I WOULD DUB YOU MY NEW HIGH PRIEST.

“Yes, o great Firelord,” I said as I limped backwards, grabbed the hammer knight's longsword, and used it as a walking stick to help me move toward the God of Destruction. Not the kind of thing I would normally want to get closer to, but still.

As I went by, I could see my companions' expressions. Voss seemed in a daze. Ashryn had a betrayed, hurt look that made my heart break a little. I could see Katriana mouth at me, silently, “What are you thinking?”

I gave her a wan smile, and turned back towards Malgarath, who had lowered himself from the stands onto the sand, since I couldn't step on the smouldering judge's stand. I hesitated a moment. “Oh great Firelord, I have but one humble request. I will gladly serve, but please, spare these two women. They are my lovers, and I would keep them so.”

YOU MAY KEEP THE WHO WITH HAIR OF FLAME, he replied, BUT THE ELF IS A SERVANT OF OUR ENEMY GODS AND MUST BE SACRIFICED

“But great lord,” I said as I drew closer, squinting at the heat of his body, “Her body pleases me greatly, and I believe she may already carry my child. Surely, she does not need a tongue to serve me as a slave and bear more servants for your greatness? That would prevent her from channeling many of the powers of the hated Ysiphine.”

I heard Ashryn gasp behind me.

VERY WELL, the great dragon allowed, BUT YOU MUST SACRIFICE THE MAN AND THIS MORTAL NAMED ENNA TO ME, AND REMOVE HER TONGUE YOURSELF TO PROVE YOURSELF TO ME

“Consider it already done, great Firelord.”

I had drawn up close to his body, my eyes watering at the extreme heat. The metal of the sword made my hands sweat, and I could feel the sweat evaporating on my brow.

THEN KNEEL, THEODORE OF ESCHE, AND RECEIVE MY BLESSING

I took a deep breath. This was it.

“Kings never kneel.”

I drew the blade of black steel and in one smooth movement, struck.

\-------------------------------------------

haracter Name: Theodore Esche  
Race: Human   
Class: Transmuter  
Level (XP): 2 (3458/5000)  
Hit Points: 4/5

Ability Scores  
Strength 11  
Dexterity 17  
Constitution 8  
Intelligence 17  
Wisdom 13  
Charisma 14

Weapon Proficiencies: Darts  
Nonweapon Proficiencies: Direction Sense, Etiquette, Reading/Writing, Swimming

Spells Per Day:  
1st Level- 2

Spellbook:  
(1st Level): Armor, Burning Hands, Detect Undead, Enlarge, Featherfall, Magic Missile, Mending, Read Magic, Sleep, Tenser's Floating Disc

Spells Prepared:  
(1st Level): Burning Hands, Reduce, Sleep

Equipment: Backpack, Bag of Fine Sand, Belt, Belt Pouch (Large, 3), Belt Pouch (Small, 4), Boots, Darts (43), Hand Mirror, Hat, Hooded Lantern, Pearl (worth 100gp), Robes (3), Signet Ring, Small Tent

Money: 100 gp

Languages: Common, Elven, Dwarven, Orc, Goblin, Draconic, 1 additional.

Companions: Katriana (Level 2 Fighter, fiancee), Ashryn (Level 2 Cleric, fiancee), Calliope (Level 1 Invoker, fiancee), Voss (Level 2 Fighter), Smokey Enna (Level 4 Fighter/Level 4 Thief), Bekker (Butler)

Sexual Partners: 3

Storage Chest: Runed Greatsword, Alchemical Steel Broadsword, Alchemical Steel Bastard Sword, Magic Arrows (13), Oil of Acid Resistance, mint green potion, Potion of Rainbow Hues, 299 pp, 4187 gp, 4 ep, 15 sp, 50 cp


	40. Isekai Life & Old Man Theodore

What had been on my mind since Malgarath first ripped his way, kaiju-style, out of a mountain and decided to show up to wreck my shit was the tale of Old Man Henderson.

It is a tale that made it's way around 4chan back in the day, about some asshole who decided to take his aggression out on an (allegedly) shitty GM by power-gaming and manipulating the GM to letting Old Man Henderson, a character that was dreamed up to specifically wreck the shit of the Call of Cthulhu game he was in, with a 350-page backstory so mind-numbingly long that nobody could read the whole thing to call said player out on his bullshit.

Either the story is fake or the GM had to be in on this at some point because, really, in a modern game setting it's not all that hard to kill someone. “The sniper you didn't detect from over a kilometer away puts a bullet in your skull and you die.” I guess the GM could have also been stupid, but who knows?

Hey, I really only play D&D and Pathfinder, games that are designed for people to powergame in, to a certain extent. While I don't particularly like roleplay-heavy horror games like CoC, I wouldn't show up at a CoC game and wreck the whole thing out of spite. Cthulhu players are masochists who are there largely to see their characters die or go mad in brutal yet interesting ways. If they get to dynamite some shoggoths, that's icing on the cake. I wouldn't want to take away their fun.

Besides, there are much more satisfying system to wreck in that way, anyway. Like Shadowrun.

Fucking cyberpunk nerds.

Anyway, to make a long story short, Old Man Henderson wound up “winning” Call of Cthulhu by wiring an entire stadium up with dynamite, summoning Hastur, and then killing a god by blowing the stadium with Hastur inside when we was still vulnerable, post-summoning. I was wondering if Malgarath was the same way- could he have been summoned in such a weak state that it was possible to kill him?

I wanted to find out.

The black alchemical blade passed through the flames and became searing hot in an instant- so hot I let it go, afraid that it would be like a “Heat Metal” spell and burn me. Oh well, not my sword anyway.

TREACHERY! The psychic voice boomed, YOUR SOUL IS MINE, THEODORE OF ESCHE!

“Spread out!” I yelled to my allies, “We don't have much time before he breathes fire again!”

I stayed in close to the god, though, spread my fingers and conjuring fire at the thing. I don't know how well that did for damage, but it seemed to piss him off more. Red dragons are normally immune to all forms of fire, but if I was correct, this guy wasn't- which is why he moved to the other side of the arena.

Still, our situation was only slightly improved from before. He had to have a minimum AC of 0, meaning depending on the person we'd be rolling 18s and 19s to even scratch the thing. To whit, Katriana fired one of her magical arrows, only to have it be deflected by nothing at all.

Absolute worse case scenario, it was impossible to hit for us.

Voss charged forward with his spear, coming up beside me with a roar and stabbed deep into the heat/fire dragon god thing. He immediately yelped and dropped his spear- I could see the wooden handle smouldering all over, and the tip of glowing a dull red. Still, he must have managed to hurt it because Malgarath cried out in fury and scarmbled at Voss with it's claws, Voss' skin blistering with the heat. Eventually, it reached down, grabbed Voss with it's “mouth”, and launched him sideways with a chilling scream.

I could see Ashryn chanting and gesturing at me, probably giving me her Protection from Evil spell. Dog knows I would need it if this thing was capable of defeating Voss in one round.

I dashed to circle around to it's back, tossing darts (probably uselessly) as I went. Now the bulk of the thing was between me and Katriana, and hopefully it would be sufficiently pissed that it would come for me instead. I must have gotten my wish, because it breathed fire to a spot just behind me, and tried to “walk” the flames over me. I could feel the flesh of my back blister and bubble, and my robe caught fire. I went spinning to the ground desperate to put it out, but landing on my back in the sand was purest agony.

Well, it was a good run. At least I'm not dying, bound by a stupid Hold Person spell with that bitch Mariska standing over me and gloating.

Fuck, are there valkryies in this world? I could swear I heard war horns....

Ah, there she is, I thought as I saw a shadow rise up on the stands behind Malgarath, come to take me back to Corgiel....

Instead, she leapt from the the stands and with two hands slammed a dwarven war pick into Malgarath's back, then screamed and bounced back, dropping the weapon so she could shake her hands.

I saw a dart of light burst against Malgarath's head, and it turns back to where Katriana was, roaring in defiance, only to have an arrow strike true and rip straight through it's body, disappearing into ash on the other side.

Enna came back into view, patting on the fires on my robe and gently lifting me off the sand.

“Hey there, valkryie,” I said in a pained voice that didn't seem like my own.

“Ooh, you're in a bad way, Theo,” she said with concern in her voice, “'Ow bout we get you someplace same an' let Captain 'Awkins and 'is boys finish up the mean old dragon god, yeah?”

“I thought you were dead,” I sighed as she picked me up over her shoulder, fireman-style.

Enna snorted a laugh. “Against those buncha pricks? I went through 'em like a hot knife through butter. One managed to sneak up on Calliope, though. She ain't in much better state than you, but insisted on coming because she 'ad a spell still up her sleeve.”

Was that the magic missile I saw? I snorted a laugh. She disobeyed me and didn't keep Shield memorized. Oh, well.

“Come on, then, Katriana wouldn't let me 'ear the end of it if we 'ad to raise you.”

“Sure, sure.”

She carried me to the shelter of the opposite tunnel, the one the hammer knight had ridden out of. Gently, she laid me against the wall, which made me hiss with pain. “Sorry, princey, but I don't think it's wise to lay an injured man on his front where he might end up drownin' in sand if it was shoved in his face.”

“Sounds good,” I said weakly, “Fuckin' dragons.”

Enna barked a laugh. “Listen, I'm gonna go back out there, make sure that your girlfriends are okay, alright?”

“Yeah,” I said, “Take care of yourself, too, okay? You're one of my precious knights, Enna. There are only three of you, after all.”

She laughed again. “You've got strange priorities, m'lord.”

And, she was gone.

It was actually pretty boring, sitting out the rest of the fight. Contrary to what people would tell you, you can't pass out from pain. Sitting there gave me a thorough education in that fact.

All the same, I was fading in and out, exhausted. Dragon fire sucks the life out of you in a way that a sword blow doesn't. Occasionally I would startle back into awareness from Malgarath roaring or the heat of him unleashing his fiery breath, which of course introduced a fresh stab of pain in my back, but for the most part I just drifted in a grey fog.

Eventually I felt a gentle hand on my shoulder, and a soothing, cool tingling sensation all over my body.

“He's okay, he just passed out,” I heard a sweet voice say, “He'll be alright, it's been a hard day for all of us.”

I forced my eyes open to see Ashryn kneeling in front of me, and Katriana and Calliope standing above. Katriana looked like she had been crying.

Ashryn smiled at me. “See? There he is.”

I swallowed, hard. “Does anyone have some water?”

Katriana cried out, kneeling next to me and wrapping her arms around me, giving me a very unsisterly kiss in the process. Soon, Ashryn was joining on the hug, and Calliope eventually joined in, too, with a characteristic roll of the eyes.

“Uh, this is nice and all,” I said after a moment, “But I'm still thirsty, and also it's really hot.”

“This is cozy. Mind if I interrupt?” A man's voice said from somewhere.

I looked up and saw Captain Hawkins standing off to one side, with a grinning Enna next to him. Both looked fairly scratched up and soot-stained, but whole and healthy. My girls helped me up, and Hawkins came forward and shook my hand.

“You all did a great service for this city,” he said, moving to shake Katriana's and the rest, “Enna explained to me what was going on and what you did to prevent the loss of more life. This was a tragedy, to be sure, if if not your your intervention it could have been much worse.”

I gave him a sly look. “The new lord paramount of Tresens, I presume?”

He looked surprised. “How did you figure that one out?”

I couldn't say “Oh, well, you're the only NPC still alive that doesn't work for me.” So, I just shrugged and replied, “Lucky guess.”

“Well, I've still got to figure out things here. We're only just getting the bucket brigade moving,” he said anxiously, “Please, allow me to host you and yours at the palace. We'll send your man Voss over as soon as we have him back on his feet.”

So Voss did buy the farm. I sighed, “Sure.” I know he's tough enough that he'll probably pass the Resurrection Chance roll no problem, but I still felt sad. He was the first knight to die in my service, and while I'm sure with the lord paramount's word he would absolutely be coming back, we can't just rely on Raise Dead. With a -1 Constitution drop per raise, eventually we'll all get so weak we die out.

Besides, we wouldn't always have the lord of a city telling clerics that we deserved to be raised.

One of the city guards escorted us out of the arena, and onto a waiting wagon. There were other wagons, for the dead and the injured. Our wagon was just for us, though.

This whole time, Katriana refused to leave my side. “I thought you had died, Theodore,” she said, resting her head on my shoulder in the wagon.

“Well, I didn't,” I said simply, “And you didn't either, and, well, I'm just going to happy for that, for now.”

We rode in a little bit of silence. Calliope looked sour- I had Ashryn on one side and Katriana on the other, and, well, I only had so many shoulders.

I cleared my throat. “So, what did I miss, Calliope? What happened with you?”

“Well, first, after we left the inn, we didn't go straight to the arena. Enna insisted on going to the Docks first, and speaking to Captain Hawkins,” she shrugged, “Obviously that was the right move, but at the time I thought it was dangerous waste of time. After all, Enna was basically going to admit to breaking the terms of her bail.”

“Thankfully, 'Awkins was on board,” Enna explained, “He knew I wouldn't come and put myself out like 'at for nothin', so he paid careful attention to what I was sayin', and got 'is guards together to come 'elp when it looked like you were in a pickle.”

“A pickle” is probably the mildest way you could ever put what just happened, but okay.

“We then headed to the catacombs, found where they opened up under the arena, dodged some carrion crawlers, and got up top where we could wait in safety. There was even a ladder,” Calliope continued, “There were only eight cultists. I summoned the mist like you said, and Enna took them out. One managed to climb out and stabbed me in the arm before I could kill him. Ashryn healed me, of course, but it was pretty ugly.” She looked a little sheepish. “By the way... I don't know what got it into your head that that purple potion had a healing effect, because it didn't do a thing for me.”

Well, I guess the sampling method of potion identification had some flaws.

“We stayed down there for awhile, thinkin' there might be another wave of 'em or somethin'. When we 'eard the fightin' up 'ere, we came runnin',” Enna continued, “By the time we 'ad eyes on the situation, you were in a rough patch with Mariska there, and so I send Calliope to get the guard while I got into position.”

I started at that. “Wait, how long were you up there waiting to help?”

She started counting off her fingers. “I saw you captured, I saw Malgarath suddenly decide to roast 'is priestess, an' I 'eard you tell a fuckin' god that you don't kneel like your balls were made of solid adamantine!” She cackled, “Yeah, at that point, I 'ad zero regrets about gettin' knighted by you. No reservations, my lord, I'm your lady forever!”

Calliope gave me a wondering look. Ashryn looked agape. “Is that what you said?” she asked, wonderingly.

Katriana just punched me in the shoulder. “Are you stupid!? You're lucky you still have a soul, nevermind your own skin! Damn it, Theodore!”

Calliope put up a hand. “If you're mad at him, can I have a turn?”

Enna cracked up laughing again. I even managed to shuck my grim mood and crack a smile.

“So what happened after you got me away from the battle?” I asked.

Katriana was settling down after swapping spots with Calliope, and replied, “Well, Hawkins came in with about two dozen halberdiers and another dozen crossbowmen, so I broke off to try and find what happened to you. A dragon god is pretty bad, but I guess we had weakened him enough that Hawkins and the halberds didn't take long to finish him off. Malgarath tried to fly off, and the crossbows brought him down so Hawkins could finish him off with some magic sword.”

Well, that was a little disappointing, after all we when through. I suppose it's better for us, in the end, but I'd like some recognition.

I guess I'd just have to settle for the love and admiration of three beautiful women.

Character Name: Theodore Esche  
Race: Human   
Class: Transmuter  
Level (XP): 2 (4608/5000)  
Hit Points: 5

Ability Scores  
Strength 11  
Dexterity 17  
Constitution 8  
Intelligence 17  
Wisdom 13  
Charisma 14

Weapon Proficiencies: Darts  
Nonweapon Proficiencies: Direction Sense, Etiquette, Reading/Writing, Swimming

Spells Per Day:  
1st Level- 2

Spellbook:  
(1st Level): Armor, Burning Hands, Detect Undead, Enlarge, Featherfall, Magic Missile, Mending, Read Magic, Sleep, Tenser's Floating Disc

Spells Prepared:  
(1st Level): Burning Hands, Reduce, Sleep

Equipment: Backpack, Bag of Fine Sand, Belt, Belt Pouch (Large, 3), Belt Pouch (Small, 4), Boots, Darts (43), Hand Mirror, Hat, Hooded Lantern, Pearl (worth 100gp), Robes (3), Signet Ring, Small Tent

Money: 100 gp

Languages: Common, Elven, Dwarven, Orc, Goblin, Draconic, 1 additional.

Companions: Katriana (Level 3 Fighter, fiancee), Ashryn (Level 3 Cleric, fiancee), Calliope (Level 1 Invoker, fiancee), Voss (Level 3 Fighter), Smokey Enna (Level 4 Fighter/Level 4 Thief), Bekker (Butler)

Sexual Partners: 3

Storage Chest: Runed Greatsword, Alchemical Steel Broadsword, Alchemical Steel Bastard Sword, Magic Arrows (12), Oil of Acid Resistance, mint green potion, Potion of Rainbow Hues, 299 pp, 4187 gp, 4 ep, 15 sp, 50 cp


	41. Isekai Life & New Life

We were taken to the palace of the lord paramount in Tresens, which was a fortified estate. If what Mariska said was to be believed, it was also a former temple to Malgarath himself. The thought set a shiver up my spine. I don't know what will happen to Malgarath now... Ashryn's little myth seemed to imply that the gods are totally unkillable by mortal hands, but who knows if she's accurate. I mean, that sounds like something a god would totally tell a cleric to say.

Well, I could at least hope that he was out of the way for now.

The wagon rolled through the gates and to the front of the main building. Ashryn and Katriana were helping me to the ground when some servants came out to greet us. The wagon driver delivered the instructions, “These are the honoured guests of Lord Paramount Harelmaine, they are to be given a suite of rooms to themselves and their every need seen to.”

Fairly innocuous instructions, but there were audible gasps and one of the older maids fainted when “Lord Paramount Harlemaine” was mentioned. I guess work of the previous lord paramount's death hadn't reached here until now.

Also, more to the point- Hawkins' first name was Harlemaine? Poor bastard.

Either way, once they collected themselves and the fainted maid was taken away to recover, we were taken into the manor, and whisked away to our rooms. It was a small courtyard, partly covered with a canopy, around which there was a portico with eight bedrooms branching off of it. The canopied part of the courtyard was a comfortable looking seating area with a stone firepit, while the uncovered bit was was a small garden.

One of the maids curtsied as we took this all in. “Will there anything be else, sir and madams?”

“Well, actually, I-” I began, when Calliope gently took me by shoulder and lead me away. Katriana took my place, and continued without missing a beat, asked for Bekker and our belonging to be retrieved from the Lazy Ox.

Calliope, leading me to one of the chairs, sat me down and said, “Sorry, but I know how some men react to a maid in uniform, and, well....”

“Well?” I asked.

“I don't want to have to share you with... some maid,” she said, “I agree with Katriana's point of view, where we have to make sure that you only lay with... quality people. So, don't mind us if we screen some of the women you interact, okay?”

Apparently a conspiracy was afoot with my lovers. I had to tread carefully if I was to continue with my harem plan.

“Yes, well, that's fine and all,” I said thoughtfully, even though it kind of wasn't, “But all I wanted was some water, which none of you have bothered to get me since I asked for it back at the arena.”

She at least had the grace to wince visibly. “I'll, um, look for some water for you,” she replied, and scurried off to look in one of the bedrooms.

We were left there for most of the day, and while I did get a drink, it was only when the servants dropped off platters of fruit, cold cuts and cheeses, along with pitchers of wine and sweet tea for us to enjoy.

The immediate lack of comforts, it turns out, probably had to do with the fact that we were a relatively large party of unexpected guests. The beds in each of the rooms were unmade, bare mattresses that maids showed up later that day to make up with fresh sheets. Everything was well kept, but unlike the inn, it seem this space was on standby until guests were expected.

The bedrooms were a little disappointing to me. They were little rooms, comfortable for one person but crowded for two, with a writing desk, double bed, and space for a chest. Maybe we could squeeze three of us into one, but it would have been like the one night the four of us slept in the larger bed at the inn- crowded and uncomfortable. While the courtyard with it's sitting area and all was very nice, the individual rooms were very lacking compared to what I had gotten used to.

Bekker eventually arrived, along with a pair of stablehands carrying my chest and a line of other servants bringing in our various packs, bags and other accoutrements we left at the inn. Immediately, he took a look around, taking everything and began delivering orders to the lord paramount's own staff like he had been our butler for years instead of a couple days. He found everything unacceptable- the fact that we hadn't been offered baths to wash off the soot, the fact that we we hadn't been offered bread and salt- some kind of hospitality rule, I suppose- he even found parts of the bedrooms that were insufficiently dusted. Needless to say, the lord paramount's servants snapped to and soon we were served even more food, told that we could expect a bath shortly, and even asked what our preferences for dinner would be.

To be totally fair to the staff at the palace, they had just found out their lord had died and maybe had his soul devoured by a dark god.

It was a long afternoon, and much of it was spent filling in Bekker on everything that had happened. Only Enna was really in good cheer, and she had walked out to explore the palace pretty early on. The rest of us had gotten cleaned up, rested and were enjoying our little fire over some wine. Every time I saw Ashryn or Katriana drinking more, I winced, but what could I say that wouldn't be breaking the rules?

As the night wore on, my first instinct was to take Ashryn to bed and make a snarky remark about leaving Calliope and Katriana needing to discuss keeping me away from women. But... if I wanted a harem, that involved putting in the work. That is, keeping in mind the emotions of the girls. I couldn't just act like an asshole because it was cathartic. 

Instead, maybe they deserved a little subtle reminder?

I cleared my throat. “Um, Ashryn, where does Calliope fit into your prophecy?”

“Oh!” Ashryn seemed excited for the topic of conversation to fall on one of her specialities, “I think she's the Maiden of Battles. After all, she was a maiden when you met her, and got ambushed directly after, right?”

“Yeah, but we were all virgins,” Katriana said, blushing a little, “And we've all seen battle. I thought you said you were going to be certain about this prophecy thing.”

“Well, I am,” Ashryn said nervously, “At least, I was about you and Theo. And me, too, I suppose.”

“In Ashryn's defence, divination is a very touch-and-go thing,” Calliope said slowly, “It could be that I don't qualify yet, for whatever reason. Why don't you tell me the whole body of your prophecy, and we can try and figure it out.”

So Ashryn gave up the whole prophecy again, from the top, for Calliope (and, I guess, Bekker, who was standing over us, waiting on our wish).

“On the first day that is not the first day, the Uncrowned King awakens,” she began, “He will bear the book of power in his left hand, and the sword of wisdom in his right, and the ground will quake at his passing. He is the ruiner of ways, the breaker of kingdoms. The ethereal prince who will master the world and build an empire that is both old and new.

“Seven will be the trials he much pass to earn his crown. Fire and Storm, Sea and Ice. Light, Shadow and Doom Itself will scatter before him, to make his way to the comet-shattered throne. Twelve will be his Queens. At his right hand, the Sword of Blood. At his left, the Speaker of the Stars.”

“That's me and Ashryn,” Katriana added, “I'm the Sword of Blood and she's the Speaker of the Stars.”

“Fox Princess,” Ashryn continued, “Dragon's Daughter, and The Queen of Twilight will bow before him. Behind him shall stand the Maiden of Battles, the Black Huntress, and Silence's Song. At his side, the Crimson Tiger, Laughing Flower, the Bride Veiled in Steel and the Herald of Dead Kingdoms.” She sighed. “Well, that's the end of the relevant part for his wives.”

“I would like you to finish the prophecy, if that's okay,” Calliope said thoughtfully, “It might be important.”

“Okay, well,” Ashryn continued, “Neither the crown nor the twelfth bridal bed shall end his journey. The wheel shall turn, and the raven will fall from heaven. The Eternal King shall die, and the All-Father's Eye will be put out. He will guard the Last Flame, and ignite the new age.”

I never really appreciated how Dark Souls-y that last bit was until now. Also, putting out a god's eye seems a lot less metaphorical now.

“Okay, so, if I'm getting this right,” Calliope said consideringly, “There are going to be twelve of us? I mean... that's more than I thought. Sure, you have a lot of affection to share, but that's a lot of ways to split your attention. What happens when one of us needs you, and you're off with someone else?”

“Well, that's where the rest of us come in, honestly,” Katriana replied. “You're thinking too linearly. We're not three women with a one way relationship with Theodore. If you have a problem, if you need support, and Theodore is busy with Ashryn or whoever else ends up in this strange little prophecy-family, come to me. Or Ashryn is it's the opposite situation.”

“We can make this work. We will make it work,” Ashryn said, smiling, “We just defeated Malgarath the Firelord, after all.”

“Well,” I allowed, “With just a little bit of help.”

We all had a little laugh at that.

“Well, its a lot to take in,” Calliope said, “But that was almost certainly this 'trial of fire'.”

“Yes, it was,” Ashryn confirmed.

“Well, I don't think we should go looking for the other trials,” Calliope continued, “They'll find us soon enough and if the actual, for real, God of Destruction was the first one I shudder to think what might follow. And, well, aside from me not being ready for more wives yet, finding people and expecting Theodore to fall in love with them if just silly. Theodore will tell us when he's found someone.” She frowned, suddenly, “You both also ignored another pertinent part of the prophecy, which is fine, I get it, it's easy to miss for all the lurid details of wives and trials, but we definitely need to keep an eye out for this book of power and sword of wisdom. And if we can figure them out, go for them.”

“That makes sense. So what is our next move, in your interpretation?” Katriana asked.

Calliope considered the question. “The one thing we can control, right now,” she said, eventually, “We need to get married.”

Katriana chuckled. Ashryn smiled at her. “You did say you wanted to be first.”

“Well,” she said as she glanced at me and smiled, “I'll go dress shopping the first chance I get.”

I yawned. “I'll try to find something nice, too,” I replied, “But I think I just want to sleep right now.”

“Who do you want tonight, Theodore?” Katrina asked.

“Nobody,” I said simply, “I don't think I have it in me. But... I guess I wouldn't mind it if Ashryn wants to cuddle.”

Ashryn giggled and rose from her seat. “Goodnight, you two, I'll see the prince to bed.”

Life, for a little while, at least, was going to be good.

Character Name: Theodore Esche  
Race: Human   
Class: Transmuter  
Level (XP): 2 (4608/5000)  
Hit Points: 5

Ability Scores  
Strength 11  
Dexterity 17  
Constitution 8  
Intelligence 17  
Wisdom 13  
Charisma 14

Weapon Proficiencies: Darts  
Nonweapon Proficiencies: Direction Sense, Etiquette, Reading/Writing, Swimming

Spells Per Day:  
1st Level- 3

Spellbook:  
(1st Level): Armor, Burning Hands, Detect Undead, Enlarge, Featherfall, Magic Missile, Mending, Read Magic, Sleep, Tenser's Floating Disc

Spells Prepared:  
(1st Level): none

Equipment: Backpack, Bag of Fine Sand, Belt, Belt Pouch (Large, 3), Belt Pouch (Small, 4), Boots, Darts (43), Hand Mirror, Hat, Hooded Lantern, Pearl (worth 100gp), Robes (3), Signet Ring, Small Tent

Money: 100 gp

Languages: Common, Elven, Dwarven, Orc, Goblin, Draconic, 1 additional.

Companions: Katriana (Level 3 Fighter, sister & fiancee), Ashryn (Level 3 Cleric, fiancee), Calliope (Level 1 Invoker, fiancee), Voss (Level 3 Fighter), Smokey Enna (Level 4 Fighter/Level 4 Thief), Bekker (Butler)

Sexual Partners: 3

Storage Chest: Runed Greatsword, Alchemical Steel Broadsword, Alchemical Steel Bastard Sword, Magic Arrows (12), Oil of Acid Resistance, mint green potion, Potion of Rainbow Hues, 299 pp, 4187 gp, 4 ep, 15 sp, 50 cp


	42. Isekai Life & Marking Territory

I woke up early for once. I was turned toward Ashryn, spooning her. I felt a little bad for poo-pooing the rooms here- the mattress was soft enough that you sank three inches into it, the sheets were silk, and whatever the pillows were stuffed with, they were just stiff enough to provide the right amount of support, as if they had been carefully calibrated that way.

Ashryn was still sound asleep, her silver hair arrayed around her head like a halo. Most of the time, she seemed to have that elvish agelessness about her, where she could have been a mature-looking teen or a young-looking grandmother or anything in between. But when she was asleep, she looked as fresh and sweet as a spring flower.

I slipped out of bed, careful not to disturb my elven fiancee. As quietly as possible, I rifled through my backpack and drew out my spellbook. I only had an hour or so every morning to memorize spells, else I had to do without, and Malgarath's dragon fire probably ripped through what was left of my Armor spell like it was cheap toilet paper.

So I sat and studied or a bit, and then intoned the magic words for my Armor. I glowed briefly, as the enchantment settled on me like a comforting (but unfelt) security blanket. Thankfully, my robe wasn't a spell component- fully luxuriating in my newfound privacy, I slept without underclothes and didn't bother getting dressed right away.

That finally got Ashryn to stir, so, as carefully as I could, I retrieved my key, unlocked the storage chest, and hunted out the component I would need to a different kind of spell.

“Theo?” Ashryn said sleepily, “Where you saying something?”

“Yes, just a spell, silverheart,” I said, sitting on the edge of the bed. She rolled over to look at me, idly running a hand over my lower back.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

“Just touching you,” she replied, softly, then, “Why did you call me silverheart?”

I reached over and tugged a lock of her hair where she could see it. “Your hair is so beautiful,” I said quietly, “I half expected it to melt when I touched it, like ice.”

She giggled. “I'm not that cold.”

“No, you're very warm,” I said, reaching up to stroke her cheek, “Just a passing thought. I don't have to called you silverheart if you don't want.”

Ashryn giggled again. “Be careful. I'm sure Katriana wouldn't mind be called fireheart, but I don't think Calliope would appreciate...”

“You don't have to say it,” I said, wincing.

“...Barkheart,” she finished, then gave me a confused look. “What did you think I was going to say?”

“Don't worry about it,” I said, shaking my head at my own foolishness, “I bought you a gift. It was to make up for the loss of your painting, before I knew you weren't upset about that.”

I opened my hand and revealed her present. It was a choker, much like Calliope's, black satin with designed worked in gold, this time a pattern of leaf-like designs. The stone set in the centre was a violet garnet, which I had hoped would match her eyes, but it was just a shade or two too red. So much for working from memory.

She exclaimed over it all the same, taking it from me delicately, and examining it before clutching it to her chest. “It's beautiful,” she said with awe, “I was a bit jealous of Calliope... but you bought one for me, too.”

“So you like it?”

“I love it, Theodore,” she said gently, batting her eyes at me, “Thank you.”

She immediately sat up in bed, turn to put her back towards me, and handed me the choker over one shoulder. I took the choker and gently fastened it on, the small clasp slipping a little in my grip.

After, my hands drifted down her shoulders, then eased forward to take hold of each of her breasts. Ashryn giggled as my hands explored, leaning back into me. The soft flesh overflowed my hands, and when my fingers took hold of her nipples, her giggling turn to sighs.

“I used to think they were too big,” she said, as I played with her nipples, feeling them get hard, “I thought they were vulgar and lewd....”

“Mmm, well,” I said, “Let me show you how much I like them....”

I took her gently by the shoulders and laid her down on the bed. I crawled over her, lifting her legs, and just rubbed my hardening cock against he pussy lips. Ashryn moaned a little in anticipation, but I had other plans for now. I lowered myself to one of her nipples, and licked it, circling my tongue around her areola before nibbling lightly on the tip. 

I used her pussy on my cock as an indication of how well I was doing. The more I played my tongue and mouth over her nipples, the more she writhed and rubbed against my rod, silently begging for my cock. But I was relentless, teasing, nibbling, licking. You had to be rougher with larger breasts, or so I had heard, but all the same I played the elf priestess like a finely tuned instrument until the subtlest little touch or twitch had her moaning. Her puffy, moist lips thrust out against my cock with urgency, but still I wouldn't let up.

“Oh, Theodore, please!” she gasped after awhile, “Why aren't you...?”

“Why aren't I... what?” I said before taking a lick again.

“Oh, Theodore....”

“Come on, tell me what a dirty girl the elven priestess really is....”

“I need that thing inside me....”

I let a hand drift down between us. “Something like... this?”

I reached between us and pinched her clit, now a rock hard little nub, and she came like a rocket, moaning loudly and clutching my head to her breast. She thrust her hips against my hand like a wild animal, humping me until I honestly wished that my hand wasn't in the way.

When she was done climaxing, and lay there, panting, I moved up her body, until I was straddling her torso with my iron-hard cock between her breasts. “Theo, what're you...?” she asked, still recovering, when I pushed her big boobs together and started pistoning my cock between them.

I had been dreaming of doing this ever since Ashryn starting throwing herself on me, and titfucking a beautiful priestess seemed the least reward that the gods owed me.

The feeling was heavenly- her skin between them was soft and tender, and the pillowy flesh of her tits provided the right amount of resistance. While I was enjoying myself, I still played with Ashryn's nipples a little more with my thumbs, causing her to coo and moan a little, but her attention was focused on two things- my face, and the head of my cock popping out of the top of her cleavage.

Playing so much with Ashryn earlier had me going at full steam, though, and soon I was thrusting as fast and hard as I could. I was being a little rough, but Ashryn didn't complain, and soon I was wrapped up in my own orgasm, jets of semen shooting out over her pretty elven face and neck. Ashryn squeaked her surprise, but smiled sweetly.

I was feeling like being a little rough, though. Maybe it was the fact that she had such a virginal little smile while her face was covered in my semen. Maybe it was that thought that I was taking my reward from the gods out of their priestess (regardless of the fact that she was perfectly willing). Maybe it was just the feeling of her tender breasts on my cock.

I wiped the top of my cock off on her tit, then moved back down between her legs, spreading them apart with my hands.

She gave me an odd look, and said, “It's alright, Theo, we both already- oh!”

I penetrated her, even though I wasn't quite back at 100% hardness yet. “It's okay, silverheart,” I said, gently, “I'm just not done with you yet.”

She bit her lip a bit nervously and nodded. “Please, use me until you're satisfied,” she said quietly, “I'll take every drop of your cum you want to put inside me, no matter where you want to put it.”

That was enough to get me started again. Her pussy was still hot and moist from her orgasm, and I had the visual of her semen-streaked face moaning, her cumstained tits bouncing with my every thrust. I used her body, again, like a brute, but that didn't stop her from having a moaning, shuddering, noisy orgasm right before I shot a second load of cum straight into her pussy.

This time I needed the recovery time. I rolled off Ashryn onto the bed, and panted, my heart thundering in my ears. When I had my breath back, I looked over at Ashryn, who was watching me with that little smile on her face.

“I'm sorry,” I said softly, “That was a little rough....”

“No, it's fine,” Ashryn said, reaching over to stroke my face, “I kind of liked it like that.” She settled back. “You felt like... I don't know. A beast. But all your attention was on me. You were using me, but it felt good to be used that way.”

I never thought of myself as much of a beast, but it did feel like that a little, I guess.

“It's time I go see how the troops are doing,” I said, getting up out of bed, “Enna wasn't back by the time I retired. Chances are she isn't in trouble, but I would like to know what happened to her....”

I glance at Ashryn, who was running a hand over her belly thoughtfully, looking down at herself.

“Are you okay?” I asked.

Ashryn startled out of some reverie, and looked back at me with a smile. “Yes, I'm okay. Just... thinking. You know, hoping.”

Part of me wanted to chuckle, but I couldn't give any sign that Ashryn's wish had already come true and she'd been carrying our child for the past five days. 

I started to wonder about Calliope, though. Was I shooting three for three? I didn't have sex with her until after I levelled up... and having three of would-be protectors and fellow adventurers pregnant at once would be a drastic decline in our ability to defend ourselves.

And beyond that... I didn't know how I felt about being a father. That seemed like a lot of responsibility for a heaven to put on me.

“Theodore?”

“Just thinking and hoping, too, silverheart.”

I just didn't know what I was hoping for.


	43. Isekai Life & Lord's Rewards

I pulled on my robe, thoughtfully left out by Bekker while we were sleeping, and headed out into the courtyard, where I was greeted with applause.

Enna was seated on one of the couches under the pavilion, grinning at me and clapping her hands. “Y'know, if I hear another performance like that, I'm going to be gettin' in line, m'lord!” 

I flushed, embarrassed. Everyone else was already up, Calliope giving me a cool look as she studied her spellbook under the pavilion, Katriana giving me a knowing smile from where she was shadowfighting in the garden with her longsword. There was a platter of fruit and bread on the table under the pavilion, and my stomach rumbled, reminding me how long it had been since dinner last night. Bekker came up to me, and gave me a slight bow. 

“Uh, good morning,” I said to no one in particular, then, to Bekker, “Uh, Lady Ashryn is going to need a bath first thing this morning.”

“Of course, your grace,” Bekker said, “The Lord Paramount asks that you and your entourage attend him at a private audience this afternoon.”

“Of course, tell him we'd be honoured,” I said, “Was there anything else? Princess Katriana wanted to do some shopping, as you may recall.”

“I did recall, your grace,” Bekker said, sounding a little affronted that I would imply he forgot something, “The Lord Paramount has bid that we are welcome to come and go as we please, and to forgive his inattention, but there are many issues concerning yesterday's incident to attend to, not to mention matters concerning his succession. He does ask that we not speak to anyone about what's occurred, especially people in the city who may be of noble blood.”

I paused at that last bit, but Katriana was on her way over. “Yes, you heard that right,” she said, longsword resting on one shoulder, “Lord Paramount Harlemaine wants all the credit for being the god-killing dragonslayer, probably because nobody wants to overthrow a hero, or at least nobody wants to be the one who overthrows a hero.”

My gut instinct was to be angry for having our part of the credit taken away, but I tamped that down. “Smart,” I said, “But that actually helps us. I want him to have a firm grasp on the city, so he can help us more. I'm also guessing that this audience is about offering us rewards, both for our heroism and to buy our peace,” I looked at Bekker, “Any word yet on when Voss is coming back.”

The butler went quiet, and looked nervous for the first time I've seen since we fished him out of that crazy old mansion. “No, your grace,” he said finally, “And, if rumour is to be believed... there are people from the incident who can't be raised. Anyone who died from dragonfire, and others. The servants seem to think that their souls were devoured by... that dragon, your grace.”

I frowned. Did Voss die from dragonfire? I looked to Katriana, but she just put a hand on my shoulder. “I'm sure Voss will be fine, or at least as fine as someone recovering from death can be,” she said, “It probably takes time.”

I nodded, and looked back to Bekker. “Please, Lady Ashryn will need that bath, and a clean robe to get her there.”

“At once, your grace,” he said, heading off.

I plopped myself before the feast left behind on the table and helped myself. The fruit was juicy and ripe, the bread fresh. It was good, and I had my fill.

While I was munching away, I nodded to Calliope. “You want another study session today?” I asked, between mouthfuls.

“Sure,” she said, “You have a couple others things I might find handy.”

So we spent most of the morning putting our heads together and teaching each other spells. This time, Detect Magic came to me easily, as did Wall of Fog- if Calliope was going to be whiny about taking spells with tactical use rather than spells that merely blasted folks with damage, I didn't mind taking up the slack. Besides, maybe she was right, and having her as a pure battle mage would come in handy. From her end, surprisingly, she wanted mainly handy little spells rather than anything else. Featherfall and Enlarge were the order of the day... perhaps she was beginning to see the use of handy little spells like that. Or maybe, like myself, she didn't think I was using them right.

Well, not that I'd used Featherfall at all. It was a pretty handy spell.

So that was how most of our first day passed. We spent time in our little courtyard, talking, enjoying being pampered, studying, and, well, waiting. Ashryn joined us after her bath, but after the noon bell rang, the rest of us took our own baths and we all got dressed in our finest. 

Ashryn and Calliope, both were wearing their chokers. Calliope was acting cool about it, but as usual Ashryn wasn't having any of that. She immediately bounced over to hug Calliope's arm, exclaiming, “Oh, Calli, you look so lovely in yours! Oh, and the shade perfectly matches your eyes! I guess because Theodore and you spent so much time looking at each other over tomes and textbooks, right? Ooh, I'm jealous of your school romance!”

The attention made Calliope blush, and immediately broke any bad feelings between them. Not for the first time, I was beginning to expect that, even though I was at the center of our little family, Ashryn would end up holding us all together.

Thus, we awaited the audience of the Lord Paramount.

When a servant finally came for us, we were lead to a large audience chamber in the main building of the estate. Large tapestries lined the hall, with scene of battle and tourney depicted in them, but I only had eyes for the men sitting in the small lines of chairs set up before the high seat.

“Voss!”

I went to greet my friend, who got up out of his chair on shaky legs to receive my hand with a hearty shake. He had hugs, also, for the women, but after that sat down heavily back in his chair. “Dying is hard work,” he huffed, “And coming back is harder. The priests said I should feel better in a day or so, though.”

In one of the other chairs was Ricard, his servant fussing over him, but he still got up to shake my hand. “Glad to see you all are still among the living,” he said, a little bitterly, “It's been a hard few days, but I'll be glad to get back to my wife and my vineyard. I'm done with adventuring for a certainty.”

The other two men were the silver fox knight and the grey hammer knight, Sir Mateo and Sir Sylvan respectively. I guess not everyone who died from fire was consumed, if Sir Sylvan was still around. Still, they were jovial, young and vibrant and glad to be alive.

Soon, though, our reunion was interrupted by the arrival of the Lord Paramount himself. The former Captain Hawkins came into the room, in the silver armour and circlet of his station. He sat calmly in the high seat, and sighed. “Well, at least this should be simple,” he announced to us, “I swear the high lords of this city can be more slippery than eels and more venomous than snakes. But, that is a matter for another day, now.” He gestured. “Enna of Shafttown, step forward.”

We shared surprised glances, but Enna stepped forward and uneasily went to one knee.

“Enna of Shafttown, you are a thief and criminal, who is still facing time locked away in Whitewater Tower,” the Lord-Paramount began, “But in the last day, you proved to have a courage and compassion that would normally be thought beyond a petty thief. So, you've earned yourself a second chance. I hereby pardon you for all crimes committed before this day within the City-State of Tresens, and admonish that you use your newfound freedom wisely.”

“Thanks, 'Awkins,” Enna said with a grin. The Lord-Paramount grinned back, and dismissed her with a wave.

“Calliope Brevins, step forward,” and she did.

“Miss Brevins, the City-State of Tresens owes you a great debt. Merely ask, and you shall receive a reward of your choosing.”

Calliope took a moment to think, then, tentatively, “Does your lordship keep a court wizard?”

“Yes, it so happens that I do, or at least my lord father had and I see no reason to get rid of the person who currently holds that position.”

Calliope nodded. “I'll take a copy of their primary spellbook, if you please.”

“Very well, it will be done.”

I resisted the urge to chuckle. I don't think Hawkins realized what he was saying, spellbooks took long enough to copy, never mind the cost at 50 gold a page. What Calliope just wished for was worth a small fortune. I could afford a new spellbook with the war chest, but there'd be little enough left over.

“Katriana Esche, step forward.”

Where Hawkins had gotten the name- perhaps servants with keen ears- I didn't know, but he ought to understand the meaning of that name, being as highly placed as he was.

“Your lordship, all I could ask for is a strong warhorse, with some good barding. Your city is known far and wide for it's jousting culture, and although you have little space for ranch land, I'm sure only steeds of the highest quality pass through your stables.”

Hawkins chuckled. “A wise decision. Consider it done.”

“Acolyte Ashryn Milaneth, step forward.”

“All that I could possibly ask, your lordship, is that you not hold anything against the Starlit Order for the actions of Abbess Mariska.”

“The thought of seeking some form of vengeance from your order did not even cross my mind. But, so it is known to all that the city of Tresens and it's Lord-Paramount does not have a grievance with the Starlit Order, I will make a donation of two thousand gold pieces, with special thanks to Acolyte Ashryn, to the Starlit Order.”

“Theodore Esche, step forward.”

This was it, show time. I stepped forward and offered a short bow, one of respect for his position but not of submission.

“I suspect that the Lord-Paramount understands where mine and my sister's last name means, and what that implies.”

“I have been recently made aware you you and your plight, yes. Have you come to ask me for help getting your kingdom back for you?”

“In part, yes,” I said, “I would never ask that you win a kingdom for me or on my behalf, however. All that I ask is that when I call, you come, and pay your debt to me with steel as part of my forces.”

There was a long silence. I suppose I was being insolent, just a little. But I was a prince, and if his family had been satisfied being lords for centuries without daring to crown themselves, then maybe I deserve to stand a little taller.

“So be it. When you give the word, we march, when and where you ask. Your throne will be won in part by Tresens knights, and thus will be born a great friendship between our two nations.”

I inclined my head again. “Thank you, Lord-Paramount.”

Hawkins seemed to breath something of a sigh after that, perhaps with the weight of what he had just promised upon him, but he quickly recovered and continued.

“Voss Durand, I'd ask you to step forward, but I know that coming back from the dead can be hard. So, please, tell me your wish, and it shall be granted.”

“Uh, well,” he said, thoughtfully, “I guess I could use a magic shield, if you have one. I wouldn't want to go through all that again, so....”

Hawkins barked a laugh. “I will have to check the treasury, but if we have such a thing, it will be granted.”

“Thank you, your lordship.”

That started a theme. Sir Sylvan asked for magical armour, and Sir Mateo for magical horse barding. Ho hum. I guess those sorts of things might be rare wherever they come from?

Ricard was the next one summoned up. He demurred on any sort of reward. “Being able to spend to see my dear wife again is reward enough, your lordship,” he replied, turning to face the rest of us “Although I suppose if I were to ask for anything, it would be for you all to join me at my vineyard sometime. My wife and I love hosting, and I don't she is going to believe my story otherwise.”

Well, I suppose that might settle the question of where we would end up going next.

\---------------------------

Character Name: Theodore Esche  
Race: Human   
Class: Transmuter  
Level (XP): 2 (4608/5000)  
Hit Points: 5

Ability Scores  
Strength 11  
Dexterity 17  
Constitution 8  
Intelligence 17  
Wisdom 13  
Charisma 14

Weapon Proficiencies: Darts  
Nonweapon Proficiencies: Direction Sense, Etiquette, Reading/Writing, Swimming

Spells Per Day:  
1st Level- 3

Spellbook:  
(1st Level): Armor, Burning Hands, Detect Magic, Detect Undead, Enlarge, Featherfall, Magic Missile, Mending, Read Magic, Sleep, Tenser's Floating Disc, Wall of Fog

Spells Prepared:  
(1st Level): Burning Hands, Sleep

Equipment: Backpack, Bag of Fine Sand, Belt, Belt Pouch (Large, 3), Belt Pouch (Small, 4), Boots, Darts (43), Hand Mirror, Hat, Hooded Lantern, Pearl (worth 100gp), Robes (3), Signet Ring, Small Tent

Money: 100 gp

Languages: Common, Elven, Dwarven, Orc, Goblin, Draconic, 1 additional.

Companions: Katriana (Level 3 Fighter, sister & fiancee), Ashryn (Level 3 Cleric, fiancee), Calliope (Level 1 Invoker, fiancee), Voss (Level 3 Fighter), Smokey Enna (Level 4 Fighter/Level 4 Thief), Bekker (Butler)

Sexual Partners: 3

Storage Chest: Runed Greatsword, Alchemical Steel Broadsword, Alchemical Steel Bastard Sword, Magic Arrows (12), Oil of Acid Resistance, mint green potion, Potion of Rainbow Hues, 299 pp, 4187 gp, 4 ep, 15 sp, 50 cp


	44. Isekai Life & Lewd Mark

Voss was glad to be back. He joined us leaving the audience hall, and we were glad to have him back. The Theodore Esche Royal Harem was a pretty exclusive club, and I got the sense that as much as Enna found all the debauchery amusing to watch from the outside, it would eventually drive a wedge between her and the rest of us if she was the only one left out. Voss being in the mix made us a team which happened to include the harem, rather than the harem plus Enna. 

Bekker not counting in this calculus as he was more or less mine and Katriana's personal servant, of course. I didn't forget him, he's just in a different situation.

Enna and Katriana had to support Voss coming back to our little courtyard, though. He got too tired to walking unassisted about two thirds of the way, and made jokes about how this was payback for Enna standing on his shoulders in the catacombs that one time. You wouldn't have known he was weak by the time dinner got served, though. We were served two roast chickens, steamed vegetables and fresh bread, and Voss ate most of a roast chicken just on his own. 

It turns out he didn't remember much of the actual dying. “One moment, I was flying through the air,” in his own words, “Then the next I woke up in the temple of the All-Father. Nothing in between that I can recall.” The priests and priestesses were kind enough in nursing him back to health, although he was able to confirm that nobody who had died by fire was able to be resurrected, including the Lord Paramount's family. I guess they weren't that close, if Hawkins didn't seem particularly troubled, but I suppose that Hawkins might have been hiding his emotional pain. I did know for sure that Sir Sylvan should thank his lucky stars that it was the impact that killed him and not the flamestrike.

Voss was also the first one to get his reward. Later that night, after he had gone to sleep, a servant came and dropped off a large shield, tinted dark green with a maroon hawk, wings outspread, emblazoned across it. Calliope did her thing, confirming that the shield was magical. Ashryn had a look, and said, “I don't recognize that combination and symbology. I think it was probably the personal heraldry of some adventurer, but whoever it was they're long forgotten.” 

I guess heraldry is useful when it comes to deciphering symbolism and omens.

That night, I asked Katriana to join me in bed, and we enjoyed a long, slow session of lovemaking together. Giving her the gift of her choker didn't go as planned, though. I had saved the present for after, when we were lying in bed cuddling in the afterglow of our sex.

Her collar was inlaid with a simple geometric pattern on the black satin, and set in the centre with a green peridot, to match her eyes like the others. But when Katriana saw it, as I dangled it over her chest, she sighed. “I was hoping you didn't have one for me.”

I blinked, shocked. “Uh... sorry? You don't want to same kind of gift I gave Ashryn and Calliope?”

She rolled onto her side and looked me in the eyes. “Think about it, Theodore. You've been introducing me as your sister. We've agreed that it's best to hide the fact that you took your sister as a lover, and eventually a wife. You've also given Calliope and Ashryn these collars, implying your ownership of them, and if I happen to wear a matching one....”

“...It implies that we have a sexual relationship, or at least I have a very un-brotherly ownership of you.” I nodded glumly, “Yes, I understand.”

She took the choker from me, sat up in bed, and used the room's small wall mirror to put it on. She looked at herself wearing the choker admiringly. “It's really too bad, because my prince has excellent taste.”

I allowed myself a smirk. “In women or in jewellery?”

“Yes,” was her only answer as she lifted her thigh to straddle me, starting up a second session.

The night started a pattern. Katriana chose to take control of my sex life, to a degree, and the following night sent Calliope to spend the night with me. I didn't really mind, of course- I had three beautiful women who loved me, and if Katriana wanted to take responsibility of choice from me, well, that kept me from showing to much favour or fomenting jealousy. And so, from there it continued for awhile in that Ashryn-Katriana-Calliope order. 

It wasn't always sex, either. Ashryn was insatiable- she was fine taking the “night off” if we were up too late or I was tired, but every night she was with me she wanted to have sex. Katriana was nearly as bad, but some night preferred to just lie in bed, dreaming together of our future together and discussing our plans of where to go next. Calliope liked having sex, sure, but she also liked discussion, talking about magic or catching up on what had happened to either of us since I left the Academy. She was interested in the history of our house, and actually had a suggestion regarding the choker situation.

I was talking... okay, I was complaining about what Katriana had said one night, as she sat in a nightgown, reading a book borrowed from the palace library, when she replied with, “Wizard's Mark.”

“Pardon?” I said.

“You clearly have some desire to mark us as your property,” she continued, a blush spreading on her face, “Which, I don't really mind... but rather than giving us chokers to show our allegiance, why not learn Wizard Mark, and put a sigil somewhere on our bodies in a discreet place?” She shifted a little, “It even seems naughtier that way, to me, as the Mark lasts a long time, and it's in a secret spot. We'll know we belong to you, but it'll be hidden from others.”

I gave what she said some thought. As a power gamer, Wizard's Mark always seemed idiotic- why would you waste a precious spell slot on a cosmetic vanity? But what she said did make sense, and it held a certain appeal. All I needed was a teacher.

But I'm getting ahead of myself.

The day after our audience with Hawkins, a servant came and dropped off three scrolls. One was the written royal pardon for Enna. The other was a signed and sealed missive absolving the Starlit Order of anything wrongdoing on Mariska's part. And the last was a treaty, promising military support to House Esche from “the Lord-Paramount of Tresens”, a bit of future-proofing on Hawkins' part that I appreciated.

For mine and Voss' part, our days were spent idly. Voss wasn't quite up for joining Katriana on her morning calisthenics and drilling, so we spent a lot of time hanging out, wandering around the city to help Voss build his strength. Of course, all of us made sure we only left the palace in pairs- after all, there was still an entire Thieves' Guild who were probably still cross with us, in spite of our being honoured guests of the Lord Paramount.

Everyone else though was fully engaged with wedding preparations. Evidently, Katriana shopping for a dress was an all-hand-on-deck activity that not only required all three of my fiancees, but Enna and Bekker as well. The only responsibility that had been offhandedly foisted onto me was gathering the rings, something which I already had well in hand.

Two days after receiving the treaty from Hawkins, Voss turned to me after dinner and said, “Hey, let's go out tonight. It's been awhile since I've been able to go out and enjoy myself, and I think you could use it, too.”

I shrugged. I didn't particularly not like being a guest of the Lord Paramount, although some days could get a little slow, but I didn't quite know what Voss meant. “I guess so, sure. At least, I shouldn't leave you alone.”

He grinned, then turned to Enna. “You're coming too, right? I bet you'd know all the best drinking spots.”

Enna smirked back. “Aye, I suppose you'd be needin' someone to babysit ya. Let's go.”

And so, we went. 

\---------------------------

Character Name: Theodore Esche  
Race: Human   
Class: Transmuter  
Level (XP): 2 (4608/5000)  
Hit Points: 5

Ability Scores  
Strength 11  
Dexterity 17  
Constitution 8  
Intelligence 17  
Wisdom 13  
Charisma 14

Weapon Proficiencies: Darts  
Nonweapon Proficiencies: Direction Sense, Etiquette, Reading/Writing, Swimming

Spells Per Day:  
1st Level- 3

Spellbook:  
(1st Level): Armor, Burning Hands, Detect Magic, Detect Undead, Enlarge, Featherfall, Magic Missile, Mending, Read Magic, Sleep, Tenser's Floating Disc, Wall of Fog

Spells Prepared:  
(1st Level): Burning Hands, Sleep, Tenser's Floating Disc

Equipment: Backpack, Bag of Fine Sand, Belt, Belt Pouch (Large, 3), Belt Pouch (Small, 4), Boots, Darts (43), Hand Mirror, Hat, Hooded Lantern, Pearl (worth 100gp), Robes (3), Signet Ring, Small Tent

Money: 100 gp

Languages: Common, Elven, Dwarven, Orc, Goblin, Draconic, 1 additional.

Companions: Katriana (Level 3 Fighter, sister & fiancee), Ashryn (Level 3 Cleric, fiancee), Calliope (Level 1 Invoker, fiancee), Voss (Level 3 Fighter), Smokey Enna (Level 4 Fighter/Level 4 Thief), Bekker (Butler)

Sexual Partners: 3

Storage Chest: Runed Greatsword, Alchemical Steel Broadsword, Alchemical Steel Bastard Sword, Magic Arrows (12), Oil of Acid Resistance, mint green potion, Potion of Rainbow Hues, 299 pp, 4187 gp, 4 ep, 15 sp, 50 cp


	45. Isekai Life & Wedding Night

We started our little drinking party at the Lazy Ox. The innkeeper there recognized us, though he was not ecstatic to greet us. I suppose the number of times we returned to his inn bloody, dirty, smelly, or what have you didn't endear us to him, despite our coin. Still, we were able to sit down, have some wine, and enjoy the music and revelry around us.

I was keeping my drinking light. I didn't really have any desire to go on some kind of huge bender like Voss was implying he wanted. I realize that, over my time in this new world, that I had changed in a few subtle ways. Being around people seemed less of an issue. I wasn't sure how much I enjoyed just going places and drinking with strangers, but Voss and Enna- two people who, in my previous life, I would have nothing but contempt for- were my two best friends. Well, at least the two best friends among people I wasn't sleeping with. 

But big booze-fueled pub crawls still weren't my cup of tea. Or, I suppose, mug of ale. I went along with it for awhile, as I was building a fine case of cabin fever over the last few days and just being out and about was refreshing. After the Lazy Ox, we went to a place called the Red Moon Tavern, an upscale establishment that featured glass mugs in place of the usual pewter tankards, and from there we visited the Blue Gryphon Inn, which was rancorously noisy because of a locally famous bard playing choice folk tunes in honour of the new Lord Paramount. 

I was when Enna and Voss started discussing where to go next that I feigned a yawn. “Well, it's been interesting, but I think I'm going to head back. I suppose I still tired pretty easily.”

Enna and Voss shared a significant glance. “Yeah, you probably should,” Voss allowed, “Here, we'll walk you back to make sure there's no trouble, before we head out again.”

Better safe than sorry, I suppose. What I was mildly surprised at was Bekker greeting us at the palace gates upon my return.

“Everything is prepared, Sir and Lady,” Bekker said with a bit of a bow when we approached, “My Prince, forgive my deception.”

“Deception...?” I replied with a bit of surprise, only to have Enna nudge me in the back towards the gates.

“We'll be out enjoyin' ourselves with my boy Bekker 'ere,” she said with a grin, “You go an' 'ave fun with your ladies.”

Apparently my servants and fiancees have been involved in some kind of conspiracy against me. But, if I was being deliberately left alone with my three girls, that was incentive enough to make me go along.

After my three non-harem servant waved goodbye and departed, I headed through the palace to our little courtyard, nodding at the guards as I went. They knew us for the Lord Paramount's guests pretty well at this point, and so I was able to make it through, unmolested. 

When I returned to our little courtyard, it was well past dusk. Dozens of candles littered every place where they could be made to stand, bathing the courtyard in a pale yellow glow. Ashryn stood at the centre, holding a book and a bell, her silvery holy robes glimmering in the light. Katriana and Calliope were nowhere in sight.

I approached Ashryn, who smiled brightly when she saw me. “Uh... what's all this?” I said when I was close enough to talk in a normal tone, “Hawkins might be upset to find out that you've stolen all his candles....”

Ashryn beamed a smile at me. “We didn't steal them, silly,” it wasn't clear whether or not my joke went over her head, “This... is a wedding. Your wedding, you know?”

I blinked, then gave an uncertain grin. “You know... there didn't need to be a surprise, Katriana and I were planning to get married soon anyway....”

“Well, she wanted to do a surprise wedding anyway,” Ashryn explained, “Don't question it, you're better off leaving us girls with our flights of fantasy.”

With that she rang the bell, which sound clear and bright in the otherwise quiet night. Right on cue, as if she was waiting for it, the door to Katriana's room slid open, and Calliope stepped out into the courtyard, wearing her finest robe. Smoothly she stepped aside, holding the door for Katriana.

It's strange how you can think a loved one is beautiful, but then they wear something special or even just out of the ordinary, and you learn all over again just how lovely they are. Katriana's pure white wedding dress was all one piece, a tight bodice that clung to the curves of her waist and chest and left her arms bare, ending at a high-low skirt that hung to her knees in the front and down to her ankles in the back. She carried a small bouquet of pink roses, and her dress dazzled with bits of crystal sewn into the embroidery.

I was stunned at how lucky I was to have such a woman, even my sister, willing to commit her entire life to me, even satisfying all my perverse desires. I know this is my “Heaven”, but for a person like me, having the attention of not just this girl, but two others who were just as lovely (and here to take part in the wedding!) was not my usual state. Before this, my usual response to smiling at a girl was for her to frown and walk away....

Katriana tapped me on the nose. “Are you with us, Theodore?” she said with a giggle. I abruptly realized that I was staring the entire time. I shook my head, realized what I was doing, then nodded instead. “Sorry, I'm here, I was just....”

“I think I have an idea of what you were doing...” she said, giving me a slow, shy smile. “I can't believe this is happening... I'm going to marry my sweet, gentle little brother, and be his queen....”

I swallowed hard. “You can't believe it? I can't believe that someone like me is going to marry the beautiful, incredible woman he's been crushing on for most of his life.”

Katriana giggled again. “Well, at least we agree that this is unbelievable.”

I shared an awkward laugh with her, while Calliope and Ashryn shared a smile at our general dorkiness.

“Ah, wait!” I said, suddenly. I reached into my sleeve, feeling for one of the hidden pockets that wizard's robes were always lined with. In it were a couple other things I happened to buy at the jeweler, what seemed like forever ago- two rings, one plain golden band for me, and a golden band set with a small red spinel for her. I slipped the ring onto Katriana's finger, and she gave me a smile in return, examining the ring closely as I slipped on my own.

“Alright, are we ready to begin?” Ashryn asked. Katriana bit her lip and nodded. I smiled and nodded as well, reached forward to wrap my hands around my sisters'.

The ceremony was relatively short. First Ashryn rang the bell again, shaking it while she circled Katriana and I, going three times around us. Probably to “scare off evil spirits” I guess, I was still a little fuzzy on a lot of religious lore of this world. I guess old!Theodore was similarly disinterested in gods and such.

When Ashryn returned to her original position, she intoned several prayers, asking the gods to bless our union and look kindly after our health, prosperity and fertility. Katriana blushed and fidgeted at that last part. Even Calliope had a part to play, in a sort of “witness” role, and having to circle around Katriana and I with a lit candle.

To be perfectly honest, I somewhat tuned out of a lot of the specifics. I only had eyes for my bride.

Soon enough, it was time for the vows. Katriana lead, looking me deep in the eyes as she spoke her vows.

“With all my heart, I, Katriana of House Esche, take you, Theodore to be my husband.  
I promise to be your lover, companion, and friend,  
Mother to your children,  
Your ally in conflict,  
Your supporter and comrade,  
Your comfort in sadness,  
Your strength in times of need.  
I will listen with understanding, and trust you completely, all the days of my life.”

I felt sort of lightheaded and tingly, hearing her say those words. I managed to get out my own vows without stammering, basically just a gender-reversed version of what Katriana had said, and with that it was done. 

Ashryn smiled brightly and said, “You may kiss your bride.”

And I did. I was going for a relatively chaste, usual sort of kiss, but Katriana was having none of that, and practically pounced on me, seizing me by the shoulders and mingling her tongue with my own.

Calliope took Ashryn by the wrist- the silver-haired elf was watching us kiss with a bit of a hungry look- and said, “Well, we won't get in the way of the bride and groom. Won't we, Ashryn?”

“No, I guess not,” Ashryn sounded a little disappointed, but left with Calliope, headed deeper into the manor.

“Um...” I wasn't sure what to say. This whole situation was new to me- new to all of us, I suppose. Goodbye, fellow harem girls, I promise I'll marry you both later? Ah, but already Katriana was tugging me towards my bedroom.

“I hope you're not expecting me to carry you over the threshold,” I quipped, suddenly nervous. She gave me a smile in return.

“Carry me? No, I want you to save your strength, my prince,” she said in a saucy tone, “I want you to take me in every way a man can have a woman. I want you to claim me completely. Tonight is all about us, and I don't know when we're going to have this level of privacy again, so I don't want to waste a single moment.”

Just as soon as my robe was off, she pushed me down onto the side of the bed and knelt in front of me. I was already hard, and she sent a naughty smile my way. “Excited already?”

“Well,” I replied, “That was the sluttiest thing I've ever heard you say, so....”

“Was it?” she said, teasingly, as she took my cock in one hand, licking along the shaft. “I wonder if I could top that, tonight...?”

I lowered myself back onto my elbows, so I was a little more comfortable and would watch Katriana a little better. “I mean, you could try... don't let me stop you.”

Katriana set her mouth to work in a different way, at first. She engulfed by rod with her soft, moist lips, bobbing her head and making me groan with the sensation of her tongue running up and down my shaft. For someone who was a virgin only a short while ago, she had gotten good at pleasuring me, fast.

Her blowjob was wet, sloppy, and luxurious, but unfortunately I didn't get to enjoy it for very long. I looked at her, somewhat confused, when she lifted her head off of me, strands of saliva connecting my cock and her lips.

“You've turned your sweet older sister into a dirty little tart for your pleasure, my prince,” she said softly as she pushed the bodice of her dress down, freeing the soft, ample flesh of her breasts. She leaned forward, taking my slick, wet cock into her cleavage, and began moving slowly up and down in a succulent titjob. “I've been so distracted lately, thinking of the next time I would get to see your magnificent cock. I don't even need to touch you myself. I love watching your expression while you get pleasured by Calliope or Ashryn. The other night I touched myself just thinking of watching you get pleasured by them licking and kissing your- oh!”

That was enough, the physical stimulation combined with what Katriana was saying to trigger in me a powerful orgasm. I gripped the sheet tightly as my cock twitched and spurted, sending hot jets of semen to splash on my wife's chin, neck, and chest. Some even dripped down onto her dress.

“Oh, I'm sorry,” I said, after I recovered a little bit, “I got your dress dirty....”

“We can't take it with us, my prince,” Katriana replied, idly stroking my softening cock, “It's a little sad, I guess, but at least you can do whatever you want to me, get the dress dirty, rip it, tear it off me, whatever you like. It makes no difference.”

She then bent down once more, taking my cock into her mouth. It only took a little bit of get attention to get me rigid again, but this time Katriana didn't stop or let me go. She bobbed her head over my lap, the warm wet sensation of her lips and tongue on my shaft causing me to sigh with pleasure. Even though I had already just cum, soon enough I had to seize her my the hair, and force her mouth up and down at the pace I wanted, using her mouth as a sex toy until my cock exploded. I filled her mouth and throat with my cum, as I shuddered uncontrollably with the strength of my orgasm.

After such hard work on her part, I finally let Katriana have a break, bidding her to come and lie back while I fucked her pussy. The sight of her, wedding gown dishevelled, spattered with semen, was erotic enough, but she kept pushing herself to say increasingly filthy things as I fucked her.

“Oh, yes, my prince! Please, fuck your dirty, lewd sister! Fill my womb with your seed, and make me your queen! Oh, yes, I love being so slutty for you, Theodore! I want my brother to cum inside me!”

We climaxed together, and I held her tight as I came for my third time, deep in her pussy. Of course, I barely came at all at this point, but what I lacked in volume, Katriana made up for in enthusiasm. It was her first orgasm of the night, after all.   
We lay in each other's arms for a time, and I just listened to Katriana's breathing.

She was the first to break our silence. “I can't believe we did it. I married my brother. I'm going to be a queen.”

“Well, we did it,” I said, “We're in it now. To hell with the rules, we're king and queen.”

Katriana chuckled, and stroked my hair. For a time we were silent, and I could feel myself drifting. 

“Thank you, Theodore, for choosing me,” was the last thing I heard before I faded completely.

\---------------------------

Character Name: Theodore Esche  
Race: Human   
Class: Transmuter  
Level (XP): 2 (4608/5000)  
Hit Points: 5

Ability Scores  
Strength 11  
Dexterity 17  
Constitution 8  
Intelligence 17  
Wisdom 13  
Charisma 14

Weapon Proficiencies: Darts  
Nonweapon Proficiencies: Direction Sense, Etiquette, Reading/Writing, Swimming

Spells Per Day:  
1st Level- 3

Spellbook:  
(1st Level): Armor, Burning Hands, Detect Magic, Detect Undead, Enlarge, Featherfall, Magic Missile, Mending, Read Magic, Sleep, Tenser's Floating Disc, Wall of Fog

Spells Prepared:  
(1st Level): Burning Hands, Sleep, Tenser's Floating Disc

Equipment: Backpack, Bag of Fine Sand, Belt, Belt Pouch (Large, 3), Belt Pouch (Small, 4), Boots, Darts (43), Hand Mirror, Hat, Hooded Lantern, Pearl (worth 100gp), Robes (3), Signet Ring, Golden Wedding Band, Small Tent

Money: 100 gp

Languages: Common, Elven, Dwarven, Orc, Goblin, Draconic, 1 additional.

Companions: Katriana (Level 3 Fighter, sister & wife), Ashryn (Level 3 Cleric, fiancee), Calliope (Level 1 Invoker, fiancee), Voss (Level 3 Fighter), Smokey Enna (Level 4 Fighter/Level 4 Thief), Bekker (Butler)

Sexual Partners: 3

Storage Chest: Runed Greatsword, Alchemical Steel Broadsword, Alchemical Steel Bastard Sword, Magic Arrows (12), Oil of Acid Resistance, mint green potion, Potion of Rainbow Hues, 299 pp, 4187 gp, 4 ep, 15 sp, 50 cp


	46. Afterword

Hello there, and thank you for reading this work. I know the inclusion of an afterword is somewhat unusual for online erotic fiction, but I'm quite proud of My Isekai Life in D&D and I am hoping that you'll indulge me just a little bit.

I began writing this series way back in the summer of 2018, inspired mainly by the glut of “isekai” anime that were (and still are) being published in large numbers. For those who don't know, the term “isekai” is Japanese, used to indicate stories that involve a person from our normal world being transported to another, often a fantasy world, and having adventures there. While the term is relatively new, the idea is not- for example, the Chronicles of Narnia could be described as a series of isekai stories.

In modern Japanese isekai, the fantasy worlds often take on attributes of JRPGs or MMORPGs even when they would otherwise be unexpected in the context of the setting (for example, That Time I Recincarnated As A Slime or Rising of the Shield Hero). Because of this, I had begun wondering what an isekai story might be like based on the pen and paper RPG systems of the past, particularly the more brutal, less consistent systems of the 80s, such as Tunnels and Trolls, the original edition of Shadowrun, RIFTs and, of course, AD&D.

This is how My Isekai Life in D&D was formed, with partial inspiration from modern anime and partial inspiration from the RPG games I would play as a teen. Even the fact that it's an erotic story is a reaction to the otherwise sexless nature of harem anime.

To address some of the questions that people have about My Isekai Life in D&D:

When I began writing, I know that staying true to the randomness of the system was going to be very important to the feeling of the story. To that end, I wanted to make sure that I resolved conflicts as much as possible using dice, as if this was an actual RPG campaign. While I have manipulated results on occasion in order to keep the story moving, many elements of Book 1 happened because of odd results changing my plans- everything from Theodore's initial hit point total, to Voss' continued survival, to Calliope sitting out the mansion infiltration, to the exceptionally generous treasure drops from various enemies are all the doing of the dice. 

I attempted to keep the fudging of dice to a minimum- as I recall, I saved Theodore from death at least twice (ironically, both times were after he advanced to level 2), and had rerolled his initial Intelligence because I knew I wanted him to be a Transmuter. But rest assured this sort of thing happens very infrequently.

So, if you find it unsatisfying that Theodore doesn't follow a traditional hero's journey, it probably has to do with the will of the dice.

The last three chapters of the story being somewhat slow and very short came from an attempt to chronicle Theodore's downtime between quests as a series of “Daily Life &” chapters that I have since renamed and republished as normal “Isekai Life &” chapters. I intend for the “Daily Life &” chapters to return at the end of Book 2, as a way of changing perspective to Theodore's companions, in order to get their reaction to the events of the story, catch up on what they're doing during downtime, and otherwise cleanse the palate before I begin Book 3. At this time I do not intend to retroactively add content of this type to Book 1.

The pregnancy mechanics, of course, were one thing not covered by the traditional AD&D rules, so to serve that end I used a set of rules for such a thing I found online, that were intended for AD&D in particular. However, after using them for a time, I noticed that the rules were heavily weighted in favour of conception occurring, and had a corresponding high chance of miscarriage- possibly because these rules were intended to be employed in the case of one or two characters in a usual adventuring party, so it's weighted towards more dramatic outcomes, but that's me trying to divine the creators' intentions and I have no proof of that. I felt that miscarriage was a little bit too dire of a story element to use- to say nothing of my ability to do such a sensitive topic justice- and I also didn't want the various female characters getting knocked up the second Theodore failed to pull out, so I did change the rules partway through My Isekai Life in D&D Book 1 to a system of my own creation. Sorry if changing the rules so suddenly troubles you.

If you're wondering precisely what version of “AD&D” I happen to be using, especially considering the somewhat messy history of TSR and the very early editions of Dungeons & Dragons, I am using the “black book” series of rulebooks that were published in the mid-90s. My Player's Handbook was printed in 1996, my Dungeon Master Guide and Monstrous Manual in 1995. I am adding to this a copious amount of material, both official and otherwise. In particular I'd like to thank the staff of the Sisterworlds website and Charles Plemons for publishing online so much otherwise unattainable information of obscure races from AD&D, and KismetRose for creating the first set of pregnancy mechanics used in the creation of this story.

Additionally, I'd like to thank Knives, Snapped, Cataphractoi, and TheSevenSins from the Bad Kitty Games community, and my friend Conash for following My Isekai Life in D&D from the beginning and encouraging me to continue with it after that first hiatus. Also I'd like to thank Conradca and E-man, as well as everyone else on Stories Online for helping out with my mistakes and typos, as well as Iterations and Karharot on Archive Of Our Own for being Isekai Life's first and most ardent fans on that platform.

I'd also like to thank my wife Nekochan for always being my greatest supporter and cheerleader with every project I choose to undertake. I am the luckiest man alive for having a beautiful, kind and loving partner who cheerfully goes along with all my perversity.

Finally, thank you for enjoying My Isekai Life in D&D. I hope you'll back in a few days to enjoy Book 2: Storm.

NoMoshing  
January 17th 2020


End file.
